'So when are you going to get married?'

[SouthernSunset]

It's the holidays, so you see friends and family you don't too often and this question alwaaaaaaayyys comes up. I'm sure it well intentioned, but it is so awkward and off putting, especially if they ask both me and my bf together! And though it's never done so between me and my bf, I've seen the question spark fights between friends before.

I've ranged all sorts of responses over the years, from the generic brush off trying to be polite to the purposfully shocking reply to get the rude or loud judgy wudgies off my back. I suppose it always depends on my mood and the context of the other person asking, I don't think I've ever give the exact same answer twice.

So how do all you other LIW tackle the question?

 

[MBKRH]

It depends on the situation, who's asking, and my mood that day.

Usually my (extended) family doesn't really ask. I think the last time the question came up (about three months ago), I basically threw a snotty "I don't know" in my great aunt's face. It also happened to be at my sister's baby shower, and as a childfree-by-choice woman I was also being bombarded with "Ohhhh you don't want kids? But whyyyyyyy" or "Oh, you'll change your mind, you're young yet!" (Um, I'm 31 and I've known since I was a tween that I never wanted kids). My mom's side of the family all come from a shallow gene pool, so they can't comprehend that there ARE some women out there that do not want children. Anyway, so it was obviously a very high pressure situation.

M's family (both close and extended) haven't thrown that ball in our court yet... I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.

For friends/acquaintences I may run into, I won't be as rude. I'll probably brush off their question or try to change the subject.

I'm feeling quite salty about it right now, so chances are no matter who asks, the response will most likely be aggressive.

 

[kalomeli]

I think the last time the question came up (about three months ago), I basically threw a snotty "I don't know" in my great aunt's face.

I think I have answered the same way a while back. People can be so inconsiderate! I think that if someone wants to discuss about their relationship (or baby plans or whatever) they will start the conversation themselves.

I'm not a LIW but I have a similar problem so please don't kill me for answering. We got engaged two years ago (NYE) and back then we both agreed that we should finish our Master's degrees before the getting married. So, for the last two years I've been answering "After graduation." which has been a decent answer for now.

But this year it's already general family knowledge that we'll both graduate within 4-8 months. I'm already dreading the holidays since we only have a list of no-no's for the wedding and have considered eloping because we don't want the whole "now I'm going to tell you how you should live your life" -circus that comes after the awkward questions in my doesn't-understand(/care)-social-cues kinda family.

So if someone knows how to tell "None of your damn business." in a nice way...

 

[pandabee]

Usually just an eye roll "I have no idea, he is full of secrets" which is pretty true. Except the past few months I've been doing some semi planning as we hope to elope next October! Still waiting on the official question though obviously. My manager at work usually just refers to SO as my husband/fiance/boyfriend because she can never keep it straight because she claims that we're pretty much married since we live together (small town here).

 

[SouthernSunset]

Glad I'm not the only lady(past or present) wanting to tell people to mind their own damn business!

This week was especially bad. Maybe something about the holidays makes strangers, friends and family extra nosey. I was asked seven, SEVEN, times last week.

Times like this I wish I was a guy, my bf has been asked a total of once in almost three years. And while I've lost count I'd say a conservative estimate is I've been asked close to a hundred times, at least eighty, the last two and a half years roughly(people get nosy early round here, after the first 4-6 months).

I expect to be bombed with perpetual rudeness through February. Sigh. If you brush them off politely they feel free to ask you over and over. If you cut them off rudely they start talking down to you like you're a desperate and hungry ring hunter. Its lose/lose.