Foster parenting?

[packrat]

It's something we've talked about off and on since our youngest was born. I've looked into it slightly a couple different times. It's not something we'd do right now, maybe in a year or two. Since JD's been in law enforcement it's really brought out to us the kids in the area that do end up needing someone, sometimes even for just a few days. When my cousin worked for DHS, I remember her having to transport a baby like 3 or 4 hours away b/c there wasn't anyone around here that could/would take her.

Anyone here a foster parent or have any experience w/foster parenting?

 

[MrsAkin]

I don't really have any information about the US foster parenting system but I wanted to say it takes a big heart to care for other children who are in need. It's wonderful that you are considering this! What could be a better feeling than doing something so selfless?

 

[bobbin]

There is a thread in Family, Home and Health called "I am not too old to learn" which is about one member's experience of fostering.

 

[Jennifer W]

Well, I've never fostered, and don't think I would, but I do have some experience of the system and some idea of the challenges and issues, from working for several years in a statutory child protection team which covered fostering.

I'm going to be brutally honest. Not to put you off, because heaven knows that good foster carers are worth their weight in diamonds, but to tell you what I do know of fostering, warts and all. There are so, so many negatives. Such difficulties. Very few people can do this well, and many people who try, with the best and most loving intentions, end up doing irreparable harm or being terribly hurt themselves. I say that not to be unkind, but because I've been shocked by how much damage I've seen done by well intentioned, kindly people who thought that a big heart and a selfless gesture was the bottom line. It isn't. You have to be made of different stuff to most people.

The bottom line is, when a child or a young person needs a foster carer, it's usually for one reason - a trauma in their life. It may be a life-changing one, such as the loss of a parent, or it may be the latest in a long line of damaging, painful situations in their life. Whatever their background, whoever their parents, the children you take responsibility for will be in a terrible place, more often than not.

Love is a great thing to give a child going through a traumatic time, but it's very rarely enough. You have to be able to give a lot more, and take a lot more than most people would accept in a million years. Let me share the worst, so that you can be aware of it, while hoping for the best. I've seen foster placements break down for the same child ten, fifteen times, because no family could cope with their behavioural disturbances. Particularly families with nice homes, possessions they valued and kids of their own. Because these things are all potentially at risk when you have to care for an emotionally disturbed child or young person. Physical and even sexual assault of the foster family's own children isn't unheard of, and neither is a wrecking spree, and in a couple of cases, fairly persistent arson. Imagine the worst, most dangerous behaviour you can, then add on the 'desperation' factor of a child or young person at the darkest, worst point in what may have been a hopelessly chaotic life. At some point, most (although not all) foster carers will see it. If you can't find a way to deal with behaviour that will hurt you, challenge, shock and distress you, and maintain the placement and keep loving that kid, you're going to be adding significantly to his or her problems.

Then you have to say goodbye - a foster placement rarely ends because the kid moves out, sets up their own home and lives happily ever after (not unheard of, but not the norm). Sometimes a foster parent takes a child, knowing they're on bail for an offence, and the placement may end in juvenile detention. Sometimes a birth parent will get out of jail / rehab / abusive relationship and take the child away to who knows what (I think this is something one of the folks here has dealt with recently, with two fostered girls). Sometimes they overdose on drugs or binge on alcohol, or engage in sexually risky (or worse, aggressive) behaviour, from an age that would shock you, and you cannot help them. Sometimes they are in a downwards spiral of mental health problems and behavioural disturbances that you cannot break into or cope with (these are all situations I am aware of from my previous job). The bottom line is, many foster children will have been bounced from one well meaning family to the next, with and will never have learned to cope with family life, to trust people who love them, or to fit into a household.

Ok, so there's some of the worst things I've seen, some of the most painful situations. That isn't to say that there aren't essentially lovely (if traumatised) children who need and receive foster care, because there are lots. Of course there are kids who need foster care and who don't have behavioural disturbances. There are children with disabilities whose families need respite fostering for them, there are babies and tiny children who may need care for all sorts of reasons - just be aware that there are other, harder situations and children with very challenging needs. Sometimes it isn't immediately obvious (placements that were going well for a few weeks or even months can go to hell all of a sudden, often when, perversely, the child feels more secure).

So, for all of that, if you think you can do it, DO IT! Please. Because from what I know of you and your husband here and off-line, I really do think you'd be excellent candidates for fostering. If you go into it with open eyes and a genuine understanding of the role (generally, crisis intervention) I think you could be awesome at it. You could give some kids a chance they wouldn't otherwise get. That matters, it really does. But do go into it with your eyes wide open.

 

[kmarla]

Hi Packrat,
First, please forgive the novel! It it’s too much, just skip to the last paragraph .

I have never foster-parented myself, but I met my best friend many years ago at a workshop for parents of autistic children and she was a foster parent for many years, so I have seen the rewards and the challenges first hand. First let me tell you that what Jennifer posted above is spot on. She’s not exaggerating and has shared some incredibly valuable information. What she says has been my experience from what I have seen, and trust me it’s hard to imagine until you see it firsthand.

A little background here. My best friend and her husband, and my husband and I both adopted a child as a toddler, and both of our children turned out to be autistic. Our children are absolutely amazing and we love them more than life itself, but we have not been able to love all the challenges away. Giving stability, good role modelling through ourselves (parents) and our other children, meeting material needs etc, is not always enough. At times over the years, some of our children’s challenges have been destructive both to the family unit and the bricks and mortar of our homes. Do we have any regrets? Never! Do we get exhausted and discouraged at times? Yes! But the difference is that these are our children, and we know that they are ours to love and cherish, always and forever. When the difficult periods pass, we still have the joy of embracing them and knowing that we don’t have to ever worry about losing them.

My best friend and her husband went into foster care with the view to adoption. They had four different foster children over the years and loved those children as if they were their own. Their foster children were always around 3-4 years old when they arrived, and believe me they already came with a lot of challenges. Those little angels had never had stability or loving parenting and it showed. None of them had developmental issues, but all of them had behavioral issues due to neglect, abuse etc that were very evident even at that young age. All of them had parents who were substance abusers and were in and out of jail for various crimes. The last little child my friend fostered was with them for 4 years, and they were going through the final adoption process and deeply loved that child. All the other foster children had eventually been returned to parents or other family members. The birth mother had given up her rights, and the birth father, who knew about this child, had never been engaged in the child’s life from birth, either physically, emotionally or monetarily. Somehow, while he was in jail for drug trafficking, he found out that this child was going to be adopted. As soon as he got out of jail he applied for custody, not to make up for his neglect, but to receive the child support payment (welfare). He had a very low threshold to pass in order to regain custody. Basically being a biological parent out trumps anything else. The adoption fell through for my friend, he took the child who was a complete stranger to him, and a few months later left the child in another jurisdiction with his mother who had had no interest in the child for all those years, not even to visit. The sad truth is that this little child was a cash commodity to the bio family. So I had to watch my friend grieve terribly. She had the reward of loving this little child unconditionally for all those years, but then the terrible pain of losing that child, and knowing the bad situation that child was in. She asked to be able to visit but was denied by the birth family so that was it!

Fostering a child is an amazing selfless act, or should be. You are doing a remarkable service for a child in need, but remember that they don’t need to be grateful or say thank you, and neither do their bio families! Have a good look at yourself, take the time to reflect, and ask yourself whether you can let that child go eventually to a situation that you don’t approve of but can’t control. Are you able to put boundaries in place to protect yourself, your feelings and emotions? Can your other family members? Do you have the patience and ability to work through (potentially severe) behavioral or developmental challenges? Do you have a good support network in place? Are you able to help that child build a relationship with a broken family and work towards unification with their birth family? Can you park your judgmental feelings aside and do your best to love and nurture? If you think you can manage all this then I think that fostering is perfect for you! And remember that you don’t have to be perfect to foster, just be invested in that child! And you’re very special for even thinking about fostering. That alone is a huge step!
Karen

 

[MichelleCarmen]

There is a family who fosters and we invited their biological son over two times to play. He wasn't a close friend of my son's but I like to encourage socialization so we invite other kids than the good buddies. I didn't know the family of that kid had foster children till the boy came over. I can say he was the ONLY kid who played through two play dates w/out actually playing with my son. I told him that he seems very independent and he said it's because he's use to playing by himself and he cannot play with the foster kids. I felt bad for him. That doesn't seem like a good environment for the child who's house that is. Fostering seems best if the foster parents can put all their effort in helping the foster kid w/out neglecting or drastically altering the life of their own kids... And can that be done???

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

Sometimes we so want to help, particularly children, that we don't give enough thought to the committment that is involved.

When I was 31 yrs, a single mom of a 12 yr old, I was approached by a church friend , to take a child from a residential treatment center for one weekend a month in my home. I talked it over with my son and he agreed. We knew the child would be black, but I thought this would be a wonderful cultural experience for my child. They would sleep in the same room, go to sunday school together, and go out to play. My friend told me the boy was so excited, he did a dry run to my house, to make sure he could do it without getting lost.

Jeffrey, aged 14, arrived and the first couple of weekends went very well. I gave him $1.00 when he left my home on Sun. evenings and he cried, saying no-one had ever given him anything. Soon Jeffrey and my son began to have spats, and Jeffrey wanted to stay home with me all the time. He didn't leave my side. I was in school at the time and needed to study on Sunday(My schedule). Jeffrey sat beside me the whole time. My son disliked him more and more and Jeffrey wouldn't make a move without me.

I spoke to my friend and she said there would no problem discontinuing the visits. Jeffrey accepted and really was still grateful for the time he spent with us. My son was glad he left. I felt guilty that I was feeling emotionally drained by Jeffrey.

Two yrs passed and I received a call from my friend at the residential treatment center saying Jeffrey had run away and they were afraid he was coming to rob and rape me. It was hard for me to believe, but I called a friend to come over and wait with me. He never came, and never went back to the treatment center either. He was really a nice boy. I still feel guilty I wasn't able to cope better with him. I wonder about him sometimes.

The committment is hugh. I have a tendency to think I can handle something, and then find I can't. Now that I'm older, I think a lot when I committ to something.

Annette

 

[packrat]

Thanks for the replies everyone! I'll go look for that thread in FHH, I know I've seen it there, just never read it.

There aren't too many kids that stay in foster care around here for very long, seems like. I don't know if it's b/c it's a small town or what. And obviously I know nothing about the system here, or how it works. Just the ones I know about, the kids have basically gone to random people who know them until they could get family notified to come get them or family could get to town if they live farther away, to get them.

There's been a lot of DHS calls on little kids the past few weeks, and that's what brought it up again for us. We'd talked about it a few other times before, but the kids were younger and it didn't seem like such a good idea when they were so little. With looking into it now, Trapper would be 7 or 8 before we did it, London would be 10 or 11. I don't know if you can be selective about ages or not..like calling you up and saying "Oh we have a 17 year old male, he's 6 ft tall, over 200#, there was sexual and physical abuse, and we're bringing him right now" And then JD would be out working overnights or something, and I'm alone w/my little kids and this 17 year old. Not that that child doesn't need care, just that it wouldn't be something I would be comfortable with.

The only kids around here that I know about that have been in foster care were little kids/babies. Something else we'll need to consider, is that JD and I both work full time. We couldn't easily take in a child younger than school-age during the school year. And our own kids, we need to think how it would affect them also, like MC brought up. Some of the difficulties, not that they would be easy to deal with by any means, but they wouldn't be something I'd never dealt with at least, such as autism, and non verbal children. One of the most exciting things this past school year, my first year working in preschool as a para, in the special education room, was seeing the progress of our kids. JD knew I was going to get attached to those kids, and he was right. One of the girls at the beginning of the year would talk super duper whisper quiet, just one word yes/no answers, maybe nod her head a little bit. She'd say some numbers/abc's that kind of stuff. Imagine my surprise before Christmas I heard a little pixie voice say "Miss Missi, I can't open the door, will you open it for me please?" I looked around, saw her, kept looking around, knowing full well it was just the two of us in the room but just couldn't grasp it, and looked back at her again "Did you just say that, honey?" Nods her head "Yes, will you open this for me?" And after that, that kid was 100 miles an hour talking-it was just wonderful. One of the little boys doesn't talk well and couldn't count past 5..until the day at lunch he used my cherry blossom tattoos to count the petals-to 16.

We would talk w/the counselor at the elementary, if that was going to be around the ages of the kids that we would be caring for. And the principal as well. JD has dealt w/the DHS case workers, and we would want to talk with them, and even w/the other officers. They've seen a lot as well.

JD said yesterday that he hated to say it, but in some ways it seems like it would be a great thing to do, to be there for kids that need someone, but in some ways it seems like a hassle/disruption to our own lives. I agree..but yet..I said what if *everyone* said that? Who would try to take care of the kids that need someone?

I definitely like to hear the experiences, and appreciate it very much. I read them and think damn, maybe we *can't* do this. Or maybe we *shouldn't* do this. And then I think well shoot, what if we can and we should? I think we would do a lot of research and talk to a lot of people, before doing it, for sure. We'd not just wake up and decide to do it. It takes me 10 minutes of smelling before I can decide on what kind of Febreeze spray I want to get for heaven's sakes, it will take us a while for this, lots of thinking and talking before commitment to anything.

The brutal honesty is needed and appreciated.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Haven't read all the posts, but I am very much in agreement with Jennifer. I'd almost recommend fostering to people whose children are grown due to all the potential problems.

I did not foster, but I was a guardian ad litem who represented the child in court. All I can tell you is I have seen the heartbreak of families who fostered sweet young children for a couple of YEARS and then had to send them back to a bad home. And I have seen some of those children end back in foster care, too. You could limit it to very young children who might not be a danger to your children, but your children still might have the heartbreak of a child staying a long time and then having them leave. I personally wouldn't do it with my own children at home. Then there are the kids with behavioral issues that Jennifer has already mentioned.

What I did instead was quit being a guardian ad litem in a broken system, and we just went to another country and adopted a child who needed a home. That way we could make a difference, and we could control the future to the extent that she was and is permanently, legally ours.

There are many ways to help needy children. Just be sure you go into something like fostering without the rose colored glasses.

 

[iLander]

Packrat,

You're one of the nicest people on PS that I know.

You'll make a wonderful foster mom.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Missi - maybe spend a second year as a paraeducator and see how things go. It sounds like it's a very rewarding job for you and you may find it's the perfect way to help out kids.

One other consideration is if you bring in another child (or two), if one gets sick, you'll have to miss work and it could impact your work schedule.

It is really nice to take in kids and help them, but it could be super stressful, too. You may be more laid back than me, though...My two boys totally overwhelm me and we've lucked out in finding good friends that make it EASIER when they are over vs. creating more work. If I knew a child needed foster care and would get along great w/my kids, I'd absolutely do it, but we've had some kids that are just way too much work to where we can't have them over and there is no way to know until the child is in your house.

There is that book The Language of Flowers...did you read that? A couple of us here read it and it's interesting. It's fictional and about a girl in foster care. It's by Vanessa Diffenbaugh.

 

[packrat]

Wow, Joe's thread was incredible. I'll have JD read it too. There really is so much to think about..Even during the school year, if we had school age foster kids and they were sick, one of us would have to take a day off work, unless JD was already off that day. Normally I'd call my mom and ask if she'd run in and get Thing 1 or Thing 2, and I've had my aunt run up and get Thing 2 until mom could get to town to pick him up. That's not really something we could do if we had foster kids..like Joe said in his thread, we're the ones that signed up for it, not my parents. (and to be honest, my parents aren't always thrilled to pieces to be asked to watch our kids, even a few times a YEAR, so I can't imagine how they'd react if I called and asked them to watch a sick foster child) I think it's something that, for us, would only make sense to do during the summer when I'm home.

I do love my job, more than I ever thought I would. That's a good point, MC, b/c I do feel like I'm helping the kids sometimes. There's only a couple in our class that I "worry" about, most of them do have good parents/home lives. A couple of them, the parents and grandparents will tell us how happy they are that so and so is talking so much more at home, or that they're listening better, or whatever. JD knows that the couple that I worry about, I just want to bring them home and show them what it *should* be like for them at home. And even at school, we run into problems with the "system"-which I was never aware of until I started there. One of our kids had been there the year before, so it was his 2nd year there, but my first year. I'd never encountered a child like him before and started really questioning my lead teacher about him. I felt there was more to his problems than just being "slow" or not being able to speak well. At first I felt like I was overstepping, since I'd only been working there for a few weeks..but once we got the autism spectrum sheet out and started going down the list it was like, yes, yes, yes, yep that one too, yes, yes, this one fits exactly, yes. So, we asked for evaluations before Christmas..it didn't happen for a few months. We asked for a one on one para to be w/him all day b/c he has behaviors (running away, throwing himself on the floor, flinging himself around etc) that require he have extra help. They STILL don't have anyone hired for him. So, legally, we were working for a few months over ratio b/c we needed an extra adult in the room and they refused to give us one--what if he would've hurt himself or one of the other kids? And if we're holding his hand and he flings himself to the ground, how many times have we wrenched our shoulders, put our backs out, fallen to the floor trying to grab him before he flings himself into the corner of the marble wall...and ooooohhh you've never seen adults run so fast as when he would get the gate open (we can't have a locking gate) and run toward the street. But we just hear "You've been doing fine so far w/out anyone, you can handle it". They aren't much for finding subs for us either, if we're sick or gone, so we end up working short and over ratio. It's frustrating, but at the end of the day, I can go home and not deal with it until I go back to work.

But then none of that is what Joe experienced w/the system, his frustrations were a thousand-fold more than what I have to deal w/.

iLander, thank you, that is very kind of you to say!

MC, no, I've not read that book. Wasn't it one of the readings for the book club last year? I totally slacked and didn't get it.

DS, we have talked in the past about adoption as well..that was when Trapper was younger and we realized that we just couldn't have anymore kids on our own. (and before I started working at the preschool which worked wonders at giving me the "kid" time I crave, and totally put the kibosh on wanting a baby) I don't know that we could start over from scratch now tho, we're both going to be ( ) 40 next year.

ETA-We talked before I got pg w/London, about adoption if we couldn't have kids for whatever reason, and I was hesitant b/c I wasn't sure if I could love someone else's child. That sounds completely horrid, and it made me feel like a bad person, but I just didn't know, and didn't want to go thru the process and then find out that I was right, how bad that would be for the child. When we talked about fostering the other day, I said that I'm quite certain after spending the school year w/our kiddos, that I most certainly *can* love someone else's child..I can love a whole room full of them. I saw one of our kids at a play the other night and almost cried when I got huge wrap the legs around my waist, arms squeezed around my neck hugs, and saw two others tonight and it just thrilled me to pieces. Hearts are stretchy things.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Yes, it was one of the book club readings. Three of us read it .

Sounds like you a lot to consider and that you do like working with kids, so I'd think that a great option would be adopting another child. One of the sad parts about foster kids is they don't have a legal family after turning 18. It would make an amazing difference in a kid's life to become a part of your family and continue to be so as an adult plus your kids would see the child as a sibling. I see that as the best harmony for everyone vs. having kids come and go.

I haven't read Joe's thread... I will ck it out.

 

[monarch64]

I've read this entire thread, and Packrat, I think you have a giant heart made of pure gold. That said, have you thought about "just" mentoring a child? Something as simple as having a school-age child over once a week to help you with your gardening (I remember previous threads where you posted pics of your beautiful landscaping and gardens), or taking the child out with you to the grocery and teaching them about healthy shopping? Just thinking aloud here. I feel like fostering is so challenging, and your husband is PD and probably needs you and all your mental/emotional energy, plus you guys' kids need you that way, too! It's just so much to take on. I know you have a strong foundation. From what I know about you from PS, I'd say of course you could handle it, but I don't know your immediate family! I remember being so attached to my Mom, even when she'd host other kids' birthday parties at our house I'd be envious. Not a flattering thing to think about of myself, but there it is. I craved my mother's attention, always. I don't think I could've stood having an outsider (basically, sorry.) taking up her time and attention. I am just being honest. And I'm 36 years old with my own family now! It would still kill me!

But your kids might be more open to it and less selfish than I was. Only you can know what's right for your family, but I think it's very smart of you to post this topic and kind of feel things out and listen to others' experiences before you and your husband and kids make a decision. I wish you strength and peace.

And thank you for posting...what an interesting and emotional thread. Everyone's stories are amazing.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Oh, I really wasn't suggesting you adopt. That was my own solution. I was just saying that there are such pitfalls to foster care unless your kids are much older and you are a stay-at-home mom that you might want to reconsider. There are many ways to help children and I think the job you are in does exactly that! You have the chance to treat children with love and kindness all day long! So adding foster care children to a life with a fulltime job and your own kids and marriage, I think something (someone) would suffer.

 

[packrat]

I saw you bumped it in the book club, MC, thanks! I'll call the library and see if they have it there.

Monnie, that's a good idea, thank you. I wonder if there is a mentoring type program around here, like a Big Sister thing. I know they have a program in the city, about an hour away, but not sure here. There's been a couple times that London has had a friend over or wanted to have someone over, and JD's been hesitant b/c of the family. We talked about that at the time-he's highly protective, even more so than I, possibly, and I feel like I'm on full crazy non trusting barbarian ninja mom alert all the time. But basically I just said that if she is friends w/someone w/a not so great home life, what if we could be the stable part? When I was a teenager, I didn't have the best relationship w/my parents, and it was nice to go to friends' homes who had more understanding, "cooler" parents. One time the friend JD was hesitant about was over and I called her "sugar". "Didja hear that London, your mom called me sugar. How come she called me sugar? My name isn't sugar" London said "That means she likes you. Mom calls me all kinds of names, sugar, honeybunch, sweetie pie, babycakes, baby girl.." the girl said "Really? My mom just calls me XX" And that made me feel sad for her. And we talked about when we were young, having an adult to talk to when we couldn't talk to our parents was really helpful. I had a friend, and I called her parents Mom and Dad for the longest time. And an Aunt/Uncle, my cousin and I are super close, I called them Mom and Dad for years, and even if my cousin was at work, I would just drive into town and hang out w/my aunt/uncle for hours and we literally talked about everything-sex, drinking, drugs, all of it. To be able to be a grounding force for someone who needed it would be wonderful.

Now you've got me thinking..

DS, I knew you didn't mean for us to run out and adopt, I just get to blathering on about stuff and then I can't shut up.

The school would know if there is a mentoring program..once we get a little more situated so I don't feel like we're drowning in projects here, I'll check into that.

(Pssst, Monnie, there will be new yard pictures coming in a week or so I hope!!)

 

[kmarla]

Just to answer a couple of your questions. Yes, you can choose short-term (emergency) fostering, long-term (open-ended), fostering with view to adoption (children likely to become ward of the state), sibling group fostering etc. You can select for gender, age etc (not recommended to have children older than your oldest). There are some practical issues to consider as well. You and your family will undergo a screening process to determine if you are suitable for fostering. Where I live you must provide a foster child with their own bedroom, no sharing. Your foster child will likely have more than average doctor appts, specialist appts (psychiatrist, psychologist, and others) etc, at least initially. Hope this helps.

 

[kmarla]

Diamondseeker
We adopted as well, locally though and our child is an amazing gift to us. I seriously thought about fostering but I'm way too much of a softie and don't think I would have been able to put boundaries in place to protect myself emotionally.

Packrat,
I taught elementary school and worked with many children with special needs. I also taught in the autism unit from time to time. You really do celebrate the small steps and sometimes the huge steps these precious children make. I wanted to do more, so I volunteered as an instructor in the community teaching social skills to children. I also volunteered with different special needs groups. Maybe this would be a way for you to share your heart and your experience before deciding if you're suited to fostering

 

[hay joe]

Packrat,

Some of the greatest, most joyful and happest moments of my life have happened while fostering other people's children. Some of the saddest and most hurtful have happened then also. A foster parent can be very helpful to a needy child and a troubled parent. Being a foster parent can be very rewarding. I owe the children we have fostered a great deal. They have given me such great joy and happiness. I owe "the system" nothing.

Good luck,
Joe

 

[Bella_mezzo]

I have a lot of thoughts on this, but not enough time to get into it at work I'll try to post more later. I have not fostered, but am very familiar with it and know several families who have fostered. DH and I seriously considered it and realized this was not the right time for us (we both work, our son is 4, he joined our family through adoption and we think he wouldn't quite understand how foster kids leave but he stays, etc.)

Briefly:

1. Fostercare varies very much from state to state (and county to county)
2. You should do a lot of reading about parenting children from complex backgrounds, challenges of fostercare in particular, and really consider what your family can take (you can absolutely set limits as to age, gender, situation that you are open to but should do it at the home study stage so that you are not in the position of having to refuse placement requests from a foster agency)
3. It will be hard on your kids

Here are a few blogs you could check out (there are tons, these are ones that I follow):
http://fosterhood.tumblr.com/
http://www.millionsofmiles.com/
http://mamamem.blogspot.com/2013/05/learning-from-foster-adoptive-families.html
http://fosterwee.wordpress.com/

 

[packrat]

kmarla, isn't it something, how much a person feels for the kids?

Joe, your thread really was an eye opener, so I'm glad you started it. I spent my time alternating between being excited and being teary while reading it.

Thanks Bella. It being hard on the kids is what is really giving me pause.