How Did You Make It Work?

[mogster]

I am getting married in less than a month and am so, so far from being ready to have a child. I'm definitely a planner and I think part of what terrifies me is not knowing what the logistics are like and not being able to envision what daily life is like with a child. At the risk of being nosy, what is the day-to-day like after one gives birth? How long after do women usually go back to work? How do they breastfeed during this time? Who watches the child while she is away? Does the baby go to daycare and, if so, how does one find a reputable daycare? Who drops off and picks up the baby from daycare?

 

[FrekeChild]

I am getting married in less than a month and am so, so far from being ready to have a child. I'm definitely a planner and I think part of what terrifies me is not knowing what the logistics are like and not being able to envision what daily life is like with a child.
Don't rush. And you're going to have to get over it.
I am a huge planner too, so I feel ya! I get terrible anxiety about all kinds of things when I don't know what happens next. But this is something that even if you plan to the gills, like I tried to, you're going to be disappointed. But you really don't know what it's going to be like until you do it.


It's going to be different for everyone. This is kind of how it went for me.

What is the day-to-day like after one gives birth?
For the first little few weeks it was just about recovery. Get up in the morning, change her, give her a bottle, try to eat something, change her, let her sleep, change her, feed her, change her, let her sleep, eat something, change her, etc. She started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks, because she caught a cold. Before that, it was really more like sleep 3 hours, wake up for an hour, drink a bottle, hang out for an hour, go back to sleep for another couple hours. We watched a lot of Arrested Development. I don't remember any of it because I was on serious pain meds and sleep deprived, but I remember laughing a lot.

At first, my morning routine (after going back to work):
Get up
Make bottle
get her up
change her diaper
feed her
pump
clean parts
Get ready for work
Go to work
Come home
pump
clean parts
take care of bambino, try to sleep & eat
Rinse repeat

How long after do women usually go back to work?
I went back at 2.5 weeks. My biggest regret in life to date.

How do they breastfeed during this time?
I stopped breast feeding a couple weeks in, and started pumping until 2.5 months when I quit because they stopped producing milk.

Who watches the child while she is away?
My husband was a graduate student and luckily we had her right before finals so he was able to teach for a couple hours each day and then take care of her full time after that during winter break.

Does the baby go to daycare and, if so, how does one find a reputable daycare? Who drops off and picks up the baby from daycare?
No daycare for us, so I'm no help there.

 

[Haven]

This is going to be a great thread! We're expecting in December, and while I'm not fretting over what it will be like when the baby comes, it's definitely been on my mind.

Freke--Your very detailed response is awesome, thank you for taking the time to share all of that.

Mogster--As someone who is sort of in an in-between position, I hope you don't mind me replying. The first thing I want to say is that even though I'm pregnant I still feel terrified about having a child much of the time! I'm also excited, of course, but still terrified. So, I'm not sure that's something that really goes away for everyone.

BUT, this is what I keep telling myself: When I was a kid, I remember looking at my parents and wondering how I'd ever be responsible enough to have a job. And then one day in my teens, I got a job and I kept it, and I did really well! Around age 16 I remember looking at my parents and wondering how I would ever be responsible enough to pay my own bills, and then I went to college and they cut the cord, and lo and behold, I did it! I paid my rent, and bought groceries (meager as they were,) and managed. (I had the same feelings about owning a home and being married, so you can imagine how this story goes on.) SO, the thing I keep telling myself is that I've managed all the other things that looked impossible from the other side, so I must be capable of doing this parenting thing, too!

As for your questions, these are the answers I have as of right now:
How long after do women usually go back to work?
I'm a professor in a community college, and since our kiddo is due during winter break I'll be taking maternity leave for the entire spring semester. I no longer teach summer school (paid my dues doing that for nine years!) so that means I'll go back to work the August after the baby comes, so when he or she is around 8 months old.

Who watches the child while she is away?
We have a very good family friend who is going to watch the baby while DH and I are both at work. She was my babysitter way back when, and her kids are in high school. She called "dibs" on our babies before we were even married, but I honestly never thought she was SERIOUS about watching them. I feel very lucky, and I hope it works out! We've talked about it quite a bit, but you still never know. August 2013 is a while away.

Who drops off and picks up the baby from daycare?
My schedule changes every semester, and DH's varies because he sees clients all day, so whichever one of us starts work later will drop off, and whoever finishes first will pick up.

 

[choro72]

Hope you don't mind a newbie mom butting in.

what is the day-to-day like after one gives birth?
Unfortunately for us planners, this depends on the baby. At the very beginning, day-to-day life consists of getting know this new person and recovering. You might have a baby that likes the crib. You might have a baby that likes to be held upside down. You might have a baby that sleeps on the sofa.
We have a baby that screams unless I hold him at a very specific angle with both hands. He screams in the bouncer, swing, stroller, car, and crib. He will scream if I sit down. He will scream if he is on his back. He will scream if I hold him with one hand. This means that my day to day life consists of holding the baby, feeding the baby, and occasionally letting him scream while I used the bathroom. He's finally getting used to the carrier so I can do most housework, but I still can't cook.

How long after do women usually go back to work?
Depends on the work. I teach part time at community colleges, so I have no benefits. Luckily my scheming worked so that our son was born on the first week of summer break. I will have 10 weeks off when I start teaching again.

How do they breastfeed during this time?
Hopefully pumped breastmilk. If I can't stock enough he will be supplemented with formula.

Who watches the child while she is away?
My IL will come during the days I teach.

Does the baby go to daycare and, if so, how does one find a reputable daycare?
Our baby won't go to daycare, but I looked for one while I was pregnant. I went to the city website and they listed all registered day care, including those who accept infants. Most places that accept infants are accredited women who opens a daycare center at their homes.
I suggest you ask your neighbors for reputation.

 

[katamari]

I'm only at the 8-month pregnant mark, so we are still working on making it work in some of these aspects. However, I will say that, for us, the absolutely most important thing in making it work is having an equal partnership where both of us gives 100% to our family. Your original post makes it seem like you expect a lot of the burden to fall on one partner. That is not a good set-up for making it work. Some things might fall on one partner, but the other then needs to take other responsibilities to balance it out.

Also, according to my baby books, newborns are able to establish a schedule between 4- to 6- months. It takes that long for the baby's stomach to grow to a point that it doesn't need constant feeding to sustain itself. I am sure some experienced moms might weigh in on this, but the best I can gather is you just make it work as best as possible early on until they can establish a schedule.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

I am getting married in less than a month and am so, so far from being ready to have a child. I'm definitely a planner and I think part of what terrifies me is not knowing what the logistics are like and not being able to envision what daily life is like with a child. At the risk of being nosy, what is the day-to-day like after one gives birth? How long after do women usually go back to work? How do they breastfeed during this time? Who watches the child while she is away? Does the baby go to daycare and, if so, how does one find a reputable daycare? Who drops off and picks up the baby from daycare?

We got married at 28 and 30 and waited 5 years until we had kids. I guess that in some parts of the country that makes us old parents, but here in our area, we’re pretty average.

What is the day-to-day like after one gives birth? Immediately after, it’s all about recovery and getting used to life being turned upside down. I don’t want to scare you, but I actually had stitches come loose and heal improperly. It’s a long story, but my son had to be rehospitalized the day after we were discharged and I ended up doing a lot of walking around the hospital and parking garage, which ended up making some stitches come loose and I was in severe pain for many weeks after. Knowing that, if I were to give birth again, I would definitely take it easy and keep physical activity to a minimum. I had no idea what people meant when they said exhaustion sets in- I mean, I knew intellectually, but had no idea until I was actually living through it. Daily life was about feeding, diaper changing, napping, and more changing. There were days I’d change him, come downstairs, and literally have to turn right around and change him again b/c in the 30 seconds it took to come downstairs, he’d have pooped again. Between myself and two in diapers, I felt like I was wiping someone’s butt the entire day.

How long after do women usually go back to work? This totally varies with how much maternity leave you get (if you get any at all) and your own preference. My first child was adopted and I spent 3 months at home with her, then my husband spent another 3 months home. We both work for the federal government and get no maternity leave, so we saved up our vacation and sick leave. My second is biological and b/c he arrived only a year after my first, we didn’t have enough accrued leave to have a paid leave. So, I took 5 months off, mostly leave without pay, and my husband then took one month off (paid). I would make sure you leave enough of a cushion because babies go to the dr. a lot in the first year just for well-checks, never mind sick visits, especially once they’re in daycare.

How do they breastfeed during this time? My son is tongue-tied and couldn’t latch, so I ended up exclusively pumping for a year. But I think most women who are able to nurse pump during the day and then continue nursing at home, though there are some women who don’t respond well to a pump and therefore send formula to daycare and nurse at home.

Who watches the child while she is away? Does the baby go to daycare and, if so, how does one find a reputable daycare? My kids go to daycare. Some people look for an NAEYC-accredited center, but there are plenty out there that are not NAEYC-accredited but still wonderful. You need to decide on whether you want an in-home daycare or a center. You can find the low-down on each place you consider through your state’s department of social services or whichever department handles childcare oversight. You’ll also need to consider if you want daycare near your house or your work (if you have a significant commute). Our commute is an hour, and we chose daycare near our house. Yes, it stinks when we get called to pick up a sick child, but our pediatrician is near our house and we don’t want to spend a horrible commute with two children. Driving isn’t an option, so it would have to be public transportation. The other thing is that if we’re sick, we don’t have to get the kids downtown for daycare- easier to have them near our house. And the last plus for us keeping our kids near us is that their friends all live in our area, making playdates much easier. If they were downtown, they’d have friends from all over the DC area, which is great, but we’d probably never see them outside of daycare due to the distance.

Who drops off and picks up the baby from daycare? This has changed over the years for us and continues to evolve. Right now, I telework 3 days a pay period and on those days, I do both drop-off and pick-up on those days. On days when DH teleworks and when we’re both in the office, he does both duties. I come home and start dinner, b/c I’m a faster cook. My oldest is going to kindergarten next year and it’ll be more challenging with them in two separate places. My work has agreed to let me do 70 hours a pay period rather than 80, which should allow me to pick my daughter up from school and not have to send her to aftercare (she’ll still have to do before-care though). We’ll see how all that plays out! You’ll get into a routine once you start doing it. I remember being so stressed out about it all, but now it seems like second nature.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I am getting married in less than a month and am so, so far from being ready to have a child. I'm definitely a planner and I think part of what terrifies me is not knowing what the logistics are like and not being able to envision what daily life is like with a child.

Well, get on some good brith control and see how things progress. I guess from your questions that none of your friends have kids yet. So wait until everyone you know starts popping them out, it'll get less scary.

What is the day-to-day like after one gives birth?

With my first son my husband took 6 weeks parental leave and my mom was with us for about 10 days. They looked after the house and I basically breastfed. If you BF it usually means waking every 2 hours around the clock to nurse for the first month. So its more than a full time job. Baby slept on my chest, so he was with me all the time. Someone would hold him so I could shower and put some clothing on. We went for slow walks. I had a tail bone injury from delivery and my physical recovery with my first kid was pretty long! I basically hung out in sweats and wandered around the house. Watched lots of TV. Tried to sleep and relax as much as possible. Because my husband was home too, we look back on those weeks as a really special time, though we were pretty anxious about things a lot of the time. Our midwife made home visits the first two weeks, too, so we didn't even have to go in for those! It was nice.

With our second DH took two weeks off and my mom was with us for a week. Our older son kept going to daycare. Otherwise it was basically the same routing, but DH looked after our older son about 90% of the time. My physical recovery was easier and I had no anxiety about the new baby. Breastfeeding was simple to establish. It would be nice if peopel could be as laid back and confident with their first child as they are with their second, but that's impossible.


How long after do women usually go back to work?

I live in Canada. I took 10 months off with both my kids. Older son stayed in pre-school though, because we wanted to keep our spot and because I cannot imagine how to look after a 3 year old and a newborn

How do they breastfeed during this time?

This doesn't really apply to me, since I was able to take 10 months off. But I did drive to see my son at lunch for two months to nurse him. I never pumped, I hate it. He weaned around 12 months.

Who watches the child while she is away?

Imagine this -- YOUR HUSBAND! hahaa... he will have to learn to be a father and you will have to learn to let him parent. While at work, baby goes to daycare.

Does the baby go to daycare and, if so, how does one find a reputable daycare? Who drops off and picks up the baby from daycare?

Reputable daycare. We used a local referral service and toured. We pay a lot for daycare, and its worth it. We chose a group center. My husband usually drops the kids off and we both pick them up. DH works from home and I often do too. We like to get out of the house.

 

[lliang_chi]

---------------- What is the day-to-day like after one gives birth? ----------------
Day-to-day after birth is basically baby care, and recovery. I had a pretty easy recovery with the c-section, so it was establishing BFing (my son wasn't latching int he beginning), bottle feeding (expressed milk), pumping, diaper changes. It's a pretty monotonous day, with not a whole lot of variation. Making dinner and housework all fell to the wayside during the first 4-6 wks. My sister came by a few times and mde food and helped pick up. Friends dropped dinners off. That was a big help since I'm the primary dinner-maker at home.

---------------- How long after do women usually go back to work? ----------------
It all depends on your company's maternity policy, but the "standard" time off with pay (short term disability) in the US is typically 6wks for vaginal birth, 8 wks for c-section. Some companies will give you additional time off with pay as a maternity leave policy. TBH my company was very vague and it wasn't until I was IN my mat leave that I found out that I *only* get the STD paid time off, and nothing else. My advice is to ask in no uncertain terms: What is your maternity leave policy? And get it in writing.

---------------- How do they breastfeed during this time? ----------------
Breast feeding, especially for a first time mother can be a challenge to establish. If it's important to you, keep faith and continue to try. Typically by 6 wks, the baby and mother will eventually "get it." It took my son all the way till 5 wks to "get it" with the aid of a nipple shield. Then another 2 wks (7wks old) to get it au-naturale.
Now that I'm back at work, I'll typically nurse DS 1st thing in the morning, pump at work (1 session during lunch, started as 2 sessions during the work day), nurse for any of his feedings in the evening, with the exception of 1 bottle session for Daddy bonding time. At day care DS typically takes 3-4 bottles of pumped breast milk.

---------------- Who watches the child while she is away? ----------------
While we're at work, DS goes to day care. After hours or on weekends, if I want to go out, my husband watches him. A few times we've both gone out, date night or running errands, we had my sister watch him. I also have the name & # of baby sitters from friends' recommendations.

---------------- Does the baby go to daycare and, if so, how does one find a reputable daycare? ----------------
DS goes to daycare. I looked for day cares around our home (google, yelp, care.com, neighbor recommendations, and just walking/driving around the city. We took a day and toured all of them before DS was born. Made a list of pros and cons and picked from there.

---------------- Who drops off and picks up the baby from daycare? ----------------
Before DS was born we had agreed that I'd do drop off and DH would do pick up. But when it came time for me to go back to work, DH couldn't establish a routine where he'd leave on time, so now he's doing drop off and I'm doing pick up. TBH, it'd be a million times easier for everyone if I didnt have to do pick up, but it's not quite a battle worth waging right now.

---------------- Additional tip ----------------
When you have your baby, choose your battles and limit them to only what's *important* to you. Example, we cloth diaper, so we have to launder the diapers. During leave I did all the diaper laundry. After some explanation DH started picking up diaper laundry duties as well. But he doesn't do it EXACTLY how I do, uses a lower water level and probably puts too much detergent. But, whatever, he's *doing it* and that means I don't have to. So I'm not going to nit pick. However, when it comes to DS's sleeping habit, I tell DH straight off, "Stop giving him bottles in the middle of the night, I don't want it to become a habit for him to wake up for a snack."

 

[peasypeas]

well... this may not be what you are looking for but
I am a stay at home mom. so instead of a nice fat nurses paycheck I stay home, but it's worth it for me/us.

after giving birth- nurse, sleep, eat, change diapers, rock baby, walk baby, nurse, sleep, eat... take a shower when you can, learn to eat while you nurse. heat freezer meals you made when you were nesting like crazy . DH would bring them to me at night to nurse (they were in the same room as us), I'd nurse, he'd put them to bed after changing them- if he wasn't flying or deployed, if he was it was all me. No family, no help. But you get in a rhythm, you meet everyone's needs.
we had family visit, but with our first the rule was we get a whole week with her alone, then ppl came. his parents for about two weeks, then mine for two weeks
with my other two we had them there to watch the other little/s while I gave birth
that survival mode doesn't last long, babies get into a routine and become fairly predictable. or at least mine did. so then during naps I'd get a lot done.


I nursed all my babies, I couldn't pump for squat even with my Pump in style... but I exclusively nursed. I tried fenugreek, oatmeal, BF cookies, mother's milk tea. nothing got me to where I needed to be to pump enough.

I also used cloth diapers so laundry, yeah. but it could be cost efficient, though it wasn't for me since I loved artisan wool and diapers.
maybe it was since all three girls used the diapers it was cost efficient I dunno.
making their food was easy and I think cost effective
babies don't need a whole lot, I think if you're in the US as I am, there's so much "stuff" ppl say you "need" but you don't carseat, a place for baby to sleep, diapers, and a way to feed. so it can be expensive yes, but it's not astronomical in cost to have a baby.

 

[pancake]

What is the day-to-day like after one gives birth?

I assume you mean the first weeks post-partum? There are so many variables involved that I don't think any two answers will be alike!

In my case, I had a VB with episiotomy, and my physical recovery was not a problem - totally uneventful. After my milk came in on day 5, my bub was feeding about 3 hourly around the clock initially, and then after a few weeks (I think) stretched to 3-4 hours. During the day she would usually sleep a couple of hours between feeds, sometimes a little longer, and at night time she fairly rapidly (by maybe a month?) moved to only waking once overnight for a feed, so there would be a late evening feed between 10 and midnight, then a night feed around 2 or 3, and then the early morning feed around 6 or 7.

She would have an unsettled period most evenings between about 9pm and 11pm, during which she'd often be unable to get to sleep between feeds, and then she would fall asleep following the next feed (which I would often give around 2 hours rather than 3, to help her settle).

Even with a very chilled baby it was still a difficult transition initially and I was very very tired for the first month and a bit. I used to have a nap in the late afternoon while she slept, and my mother often came around at that time to help keep her settled if she grizzled between feeds.

We were very lucky in that establishing BFing was very easy. Feeds initially took about 30-40 minutes and got shorter over time.

Early on there never seemed to be enough hours in the day - it was a mad rush to try and get all the washing done (esp as we use cloth nappies), and I would find myself cooking dinner at 9am if I had time then - had to capitalise! My mother also helped a lot with grocery shopping and cooking, and MIL used to cook us meals and bring them over. Actually, I still cook dinner during S's morning nap, even now!

How long after do women usually go back to work?

S is 6 months old tomorrow and I haven't gone back yet. In Australia (where I live) it is common for people to take up to a year of maternity leave. Initially I intended to go back part-time at 6 months, but due to lots of different reasons I postponed that, initially to Sept/Oct this year, and now I've put it off until January 2013.

How do they breastfeed during this time?

Many women pump whilst at work, and some who have childcare on-site will go and feed their babies in the middle of the day. By the time I go back I would anticipate that S will only be having 3 BFs per day (she'll be 11 months) and so my plan is to pump in the middle of the day... if that is too hard I will probably wean, although I am dreading that! I love BFing!

Who watches the child while she is away?

On the weekends - my husband! During the week, my mum or my MIL watches S if I need to go out.

Does the baby go to daycare and, if so, how does one find a reputable daycare? Who drops off and picks up the baby from daycare?

S will probably go into daycare one day a week next year. I waitlisted her at a couple of places when I was 37 weeks pregnant and even that was late! Ways to find reputable daycare - go for tours, talk to the staff, find out about their turnover, etc. Here we also have well baby checks with a maternal and child health nurse quite frequently in the first year, and they are a font of information about these things. Otherwise, word of mouth from friends with babies.

I think the worries you're describing are very common. In my case, I felt totally "ready" to have a baby and I still had loads of "OMGWTF" moments where I would just freak out about not knowing how things were going to change. It's normal

 

[NewEnglandLady]

You've already gotten great advice, just adding my experiences. I am also a crazy planner and found myself saying "how am I going to do this?" hundreds of times before trying to have a baby...and even while pregnant. D and I have long commutes and demanding jobs, but we make it work and it's been great.

What is the day-to-day like after one gives birth?

I prepared to be emotionally and physically exhausted in those first weeks. I was really expecting the worst, so maybe that's one of the reasons the first six weeks were better than expected for me. I also had an easy baby, which helped. Her nighttime routine in the first several weeks was to go to sleep at 10pm, then wake at 1am, 4am and finally 7am before starting her daytime eat/sleep routine. I didn't feel it was that unmanageable.

During the day, I wore her quite a bit while getting things done around the house. My husband took a couple of weeks off of work, but I didn't need his help. I sent him out for food or to walk the dogs and that was helpful, but I didn't need his help taking care of K or keeping up on chores.

For me, breastfeeding was the biggest challenge. I was nursing and trying to pump as often as possible in order to increase my supply. That was the most physically and emotionally exhausting part of having a newborn. At the time, I thought I could handle it, but looking back I sometimes don't know how I did it. I do think you go into a frame of mind where you just do what you need to do and don't think twice about it.

How long after do women usually go back to work?

I went back after 14 weeks. In the U.S., FMLA covers 12 weeks and I took an extra two weeks. The anticipation of going back to work gave me some anxiety, but I've been back for nearly 3 months now and I can genuinely say that I enjoy work. When I'm at work, I focus on work, but at home, I'm completley in "mom" mode. And I negotiated part-time for 2 months and then 32 hours/week indefinitely. That really helped with MY transition.

How do they breastfeed during this time?

I ended up exclusively pumping when K was 10 weeks or so (she had acid reflux, so I had to pump and add rice cereal). Since I was so used to pumping, I was fine with pumping at work. The bigger issue for me was that I could only pump 2x per day at work. Which meand it was only feasible for me to pump 4x per day. I gradually decreased my pumping sessions, but in the end, my supply dried up. I barely had any supply to begin with, so I think it was too much. But my case is rare!

Who watches the child while she is away?

We have a babysitter who watches K. We love her. My in-laws would have liked to watch K, but D and I agreed that everybody would be happier if we had an objective babysitter. I'm very bossy when it comes to K and my in-laws have "differing" views. I didn't want that kind of tension with them. And our babysitter's thoughts align with ours, so it's a good fit for everybody.

Does the baby go to daycare and, if so, how does one find a reputable daycare? Who drops off and picks up the baby from daycare?

Yep, K goes to daycare. The babysitter watches 2 other children (she watches 2 toddlers and one baby--K is the baby). Finding a reputable babysitter was a process, but I didn't mind. I started by downloading a list of in-home daycares, center-based daycares and nannies in our general vicinity. Then I narrowed it down from there via recommendations and interviews. I had a hard time choosing between a nanny and in-home care.In the end, I really wanted for K to be exposed to other children since we plan to have more down the road.

I drop off and my husband picks up. So I go into work a little later (drop her off at 8, get to work at 9) and D has to leave early (leaves at 4:30 to pick up at 5:30). So far it's worked well--the only issue is that we sometimes have to get some work done after she goes to bed, but that's fine.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I have to say that I spent a lot of time worrying about our life with a child. But it's worked out really well and I am smitten. K now has a regular bedtime (around 7pm), so it gives my husband and I the entire evening to talk and connect. I was worried our whole life would be about our child...and it is...but we still have quite a bit of "us" time, too. And I cherish that.

 

[PetitiePoire]

what is the day-to-day like after one gives birth?

We get asked this question a lot… or something similar about the difficulties of being new parents. Our answer is always the same. It hasn’t really changed. A few days after our daughter’s birth we both commented that it felt like she had always been with us. We were in the middle of a big move, so we had to continue running errands, taking trips, etc with a 4 day, 6 day, 1 week, etc old baby. Our lives were busy her first 4-5 weeks. We are now coming on 6 weeks and just now settling down.

She sleeps a lot of the time and only cries when she is hungry, so I feed her- even in public.

We have no set schedule and I do things as I need to. I’m slowed down quite a bit more than I was though. I can’t just jump in the car and run off. I now I have to pack the diaper bag, change a diaper, and feed the baby before leaving. It’s slower, but I just add more time and get things done. She sleeps in the car and I feed her wherever.

At home, she wakes, eats, sleeps- same things as listed above.

Our only “routine” is that we change her diaper before each feeding, DH changes her before the MOTN feedings, and she has a bath around 8pm.

How long after do women usually go back to work?

I’m a SAHM. I had planned to return to work 6-8 weeks post partum, but once I had her I knew I didn’t want anyone else besides DH or myself to experience her firsts. I might return next year when she is 1. We’ll see.

How do they breastfeed during this time?

I’m a SAHM, but I imagine they pump.

Who watches the child while she is away?

I have only ventured out for 10-20 minutes at a time without baby, because I exclusively breastfeed. DH watches her and we have a little bit of back up breast milk in the freezer should he need it.

Does the baby go to daycare and, if so, how does one find a reputable daycare?

Haven’t crossed this bridge yet.

Who drops off and picks up the baby from daycare?

Haven’t crossed this bridge either, but I imagine it will be whoever’s schedule permits them to do it the easiest with baby being in daycare the shortest time possible.


I will add that I planned and worried about the birth and life with a baby and sometimes cried worrying about the changes it would cause, however, it has been the most rewarding and happiest time of my life. It's not like anything I could have planned for or imagined. Good luck!

 

[Skippy123]

what is the day-to-day like after one gives birth?

My life was on a 3 hour clock. I have twin boys so I am sure twins are waaaay different then having a singleton. My boys fed every 3 hours for 20 mins each, so then I changed diapers and burped. They slept too. You don't want them to stay awake for more than 2 hours because then they are overstimulated.

I kept a schedule because I have twins. if I only had one not sure if I would have a schedule or not?


How long after do women usually go back to work?

My husband and I planned for me to stay home with my boys till they go to school.

How do they breastfeed during this time?

My boys were born too early so I pumped. We tried to get them to bf, and had an LC and they didn't want to bf since they were use to being fed with bottles so I pumped as long as I could. I didn't have the best supply either (not sure if it was stress, etc).

Who watches the child while she is away?
My husband or my parents watched my kids. I now drop them off at daycare every once in awhile to get a break and run errands and they have fun socializing with other little ones. Actually getting selected to do jury duty forced me to find a daycare.

Does the baby go to daycare and, if so, how does one find a reputable daycare?

Well I looked around and talked to other moms I knew in my city and that is how we found our daycare.

Who drops off and picks up the baby from daycare?

It depends, I usually do but during jury duty my husband did.

I think the most helpful thing was being part of the PS newborn to 12 month thread. I think at 6-9 months things got a lot easier. Oh and I love BabyCenter, if I was ever unsure I use to use BabyCenter as a good resource.

Congrats!!!

 

[mogster]

While I didn't ask explicitly about the father, I certainly did not mean to exclude him nor do I expect the burden of childrearing to fall exclusively on the mother. DF's thread in Hangout last week about whether folks regretted having children got me wondering about parenting. I agree that it's not something that one can truly plan or prepare for, and I appreciate everyone who took time out to share what it's like when the little one first arrives.

 

[MustangGal]

What is the day-to-day like after one gives birth?
Right after the birth is basically survival mode for a while, whatever it takes to keep you and the baby going. I'm a planner too, but the first month or so is not something you can really plan for.

How long after do women usually go back to work?
I took 8 weeks off (c-section), but would have preferred to do 12 weeks if I hadn't been new at my job.

How do they breastfeed during this time?
I only lasted 5 weeks of breastfeeding, but if I had made it longer I would have pumped at work and brought the milk home. then you give it to the care provider for the next day.

Who watches the child while she is away? Does the baby go to daycare and, if so, how does one find a reputable daycare?
This is one that will depend on your situation and what you feel comfortable with (and what you can afford). A nanny in your own home is likely the most expensive, day care centers and nanny shares a little less, and in my area a home-based day care is the least expensive. I went with a home-based care when my son was 9 weeks old to 3 years. My mom did home day care when I was growing up, so it was familiar to me, and I liked the idea of my little baby in a home and not an institution-like center. I found my lady through care.com, it has reviews, background checks and bios on the care givers. I interviewed several places before deciding what was the right fit. When I switched my son to a day care center at 3 years I toured the ones in my area, and looked up reviews on yelp and checked their inspection records through the state.

Who drops off and picks up the baby from daycare?
This will also depend on your situation and work schedule. We chose care providers close to our home, so that either parent can drop off and pick up. My husband works 5am-2pm, while I work 7am-4pm,. so I do drop-off and he picks-up.



You sound pretty young, kids are something you don't need to rush into, give it time and enjoy being married for a while first, and take the next step down the road when you're both ready. We waited over 6 years until trying for kids, and I'm really happy we did.

 

[blackberry16]

Hi Mogster,
I worried about many of the same things. As others have said you can plan all you want but it will never turn out exactly how you plan. As the mother of an eight month old, here is what we do:

What is the day-to-day like after one gives birth?
DH works and my family is in another state so I did have a hard time being alone with DS for 12 hours a day while I was on leave. Once I got into a routine life pretty much revolved around naps and bedtime. When DS got the rest he needed I could do pretty much anything (lunch, shopping etc). I also learned to nap when he was napping or I was too tired!

Now that I'm back at work my day looks like this:

2-3 AM: DS wakes up to eat
5 AM: I get up and get ready for work
6 AM: Feed DS (if he wakes up) or pump
6:20 AM: Make bottles and pack daycare bag
6:30 AM-4:00 PM Work
4:30 PM: Pick up DS
5:30 PM: Home, Dinner, Bath
6:45 PM: DS bedtime
7:00-9:00 PM: Chores, Grading etc
9:00 PM Bedtime


How long after do women usually go back to work?
I am a teacher in a year-round school so part of my maternity leave was already scheduled vacation time. I saved my leave and money for over a year before I even got pregnant so that I could take all the leave that FLMA allows. All in all I took 16 weeks off with my little one.

How do they breastfeed during this time?
The pumping part of nursing has been the hardest adjustment for me.
I nursed DS until I went back to work when he was 4 months. When I started back to work I began to pump. I have really struggled to continue pumping since teachers are not given time or a place to pump.I go to work extra early so I can I spend 20 minutes of my morning prep time pumping, I pump on my lunch break and after school. There is no place for me to pump besides my classroom so I have to wait until I have no students in my room and lock my door. I have had a fair amount of people with keys unlocking my door and coming in (even though it seems I have told everyone in the school what I am doing). I am not able to pump enough milk for DS while I am at work so I supplement with formula.

Who watches the child while she is away? Does the baby go to daycare and, if so, how does one find a reputable daycare?
We are lucky in the daycare department. My brother-in-law's aunt runs an in home daycare and we love her. She only keeps 3 kids (including DS) and sometimes DS is there by himself. Our daycare provider doesn't work on Fridays so finding a place for him on Fridays was hard. Daycares don't seem to want infants and they absolutely don't want part time infants. We decided to bring in a nanny on Fridays. She is a college student that I used to babysit when she was little. The downside is we pay her more than our daycare provider and she doesn't have a car so I drive a total of 3 hours on Fridays picking her up and taking her home. Its worth it though to have DS with someone we trust.

Who drops off and picks up the baby from daycare?
Our daycare happens to be about a 5 minute drive from DH's office so he takes DS Monday-Thursday. DH has class on Monday and Wednesday nights so I pick DS up those nights and DH picks him up Tuesday and Thursday. Like I said before on Fridays we have a nanny. I leave the house at 6 AM so that I can get her back to our house by 7. Then I get home about 4 and take her home.

 

[orbaya]

I am getting married in less than a month and am so, so far from being ready to have a child. I'm definitely a planner and I think part of what terrifies me is not knowing what the logistics are like and not being able to envision what daily life is like with a child. At the risk of being nosy, what is the day-to-day like after one gives birth? How long after do women usually go back to work? How do they breastfeed during this time? Who watches the child while she is away? Does the baby go to daycare and, if so, how does one find a reputable daycare? Who drops off and picks up the baby from daycare?

I know that this an older post but I wanted to respond.

I am getting married in less than a month and am so, so far from being ready to have a child.

There is no rush to have a child (assuming you have several child-bearing years ahead of you....not very close to menopause). If you're not ready, that's fine. DH and I were married 11 years before we decided we were ready for a baby. I like to plan things as well, but with a child, you're going to have to be flexible, and accept the unknowns. Each child is different, so daily life will depend partly on what their specific wants/needs are...more so when they are a bit older.

At the risk of being nosy, what is the day-to-day like after one gives birth?

For me, I had physical recovery so spent a lot of time on the couch. DH was so awesome that I did not have to change a single diaper until he went back to work (2 weeks after birth). Once it was DS and I alone during the day, it was all about diapers, feeding, sleeping, and me looking at the most beautiful baby ever born! Oh, and when DS fell asleep on me or on the boppy beside me on the couch, there was a lot of Judge Judy watching!

How long after do women usually go back to work? How do they breastfeed during this time? Who watches the child while she is away? Does the baby go to daycare and, if so, how does one find a reputable daycare? Who drops off and picks up the baby from daycare?

For us, we realized that we were lucky in that I could be a SAHM, so finding other childcare was not an issue. For breastfeeding, I tried and tried but it turned out DS had tongue-tie so we couldn't get a good latch, so I ended up pumping. For finding reputable daycare, I've heard that word-of-mouth referrals from people you know, visiting several daycares to see what you feel would be a good match. DS is 2.5 years old so I've enrolled him in a daycare/preschool setting for two mornings a week. I am lucky in that the woman who owns the place is someone I went to high school with and so felt comfortable with everything, so I didn't bother looking around at other options.

Please don't stress yourself about this stuff yet. If you aren't ready for a baby soon, that's cool....just make sure that your future DH is on the same page as you. You will have to be prepared for the unknowns once you have a baby because things can change at the drop of a dime.

I hope this doesn't scare you, but this is accurate from my experience, which may be different from another parent. Having a child is amazing and I would not change a thing at all, BUT you will have to accept that you will have to "go with the flow" depending on the needs of your baby.