Wedding Gift Frustration

[mogster]

I have an acquaintance. The kind whose company you absolutely don't care for but are polite to anyway because they are in your social circle. Said acquaintance asked repeatedly on at least two occasions if she was invited to our wedding. (Yes.) Now said acquaintance is unable to attend our wedding due to travel. Before she left, she gifted us with a large framed drawing that she had created prior to meeting us. I immensely dislike this drawing. FI doesn't care for it either, but thinks we should hang it up when she comes over. I have always felt lukewarm towards her, but have always been polite, and I resent that this gift just perpetuates that sentiment. While I acknowledge that the gift is well-intentioned, I am upset that it's presumptuous and puts us in a position where we feel obliged to display it.

Practically speaking, I think it's ours and we can do whatever we want with it. I want to throw it away. My friend thinks that if the drawing might mean anything to her, that I should offer it back. I have other friends who think that I should hide it away and forget about it. What would you do?

ETA: For me, the issue isn't the gift itself (it's the thought that counts, right?), but that it's a giant, honking reminder of the nature of our relationship -- which is that she's presumptuous and I can't be anything but polite back.

 

[Rhea]

We were gifted a painting by my artist flatmate when we married. I think it's unique and pretty, but not us. DH, who wasn't a huge fan of the flatmate, he thought she was selfish, wanted to throw it away. When questioned we said something about not agreeing on the best spot to suit it or something similar. It was true, he thought it was best in the trash, I disagreed.

It was hidden away for a couple of years so that gets my vote.

 

[Gypsy]

A very good friend of mine once gave me an atrocious wall hanging thing. There were no words. No place to put it. I did put it up a few times when she came over. Then I said it fell and broke in a small earthquake (the one benefit of earthquakes) and broke. Now I ADORE this friend. And it was a small item. And if nothing else, a conversation piece. But if I didn't love her-- that puppy would have immediately gone into the trash.

 

[mogster]

Thank you for sharing your experiences. During the height of my emotions this morning, I thought about displaying the piece at the wedding and the possibility of it getting lost in the chaos afterward. One the one hand, it's nefarious. On the other, I just don't believe that I should have to accept everything anyone ever gives me. I feel so conflicted.

 

[4ever]

If she's not that great a friend, just be honest and move on. Do what you like with it and if she asks about it say you appreciate the sentiment but it just wasn't really your thing.

Lies are easier at first but they have a habit of on occasion getting bigger and more complicated - not worth it.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

If she's not that great a friend, just be honest and move on. Do what you like with it and if she asks about it say you appreciate the sentiment but it just wasn't really your thing.

Lies are easier at first but they have a habit of on occasion getting bigger and more complicated - not worth it.

Agreed. She may have loved that thing and will want it back if you don't like it. Man...I REALLY want to see this thing lol

 

[Dee*Jay]

Depending on what it is and how much of a PITA it might be to swap it with something else when that person comes over, I might *consider* it. But you don't sound that close to the person; will they be in your home often?

Funny story: My mother and stepfather were once gifted a piece of abstract art from someone. Out of courtesy they would take it out of the closet and hang it in place of something else whenever the giver was coming over. In the course of a falling out after several years, the giver, said, "And BTW, you've that that thing hung upside down." My mom and stepdad promtply took it off the wall and handed it to the giver on his way out the front door. Ha!

 

[PintoBean]

LIE!

Assuming your home is already decorated, I would say something along the lines of how you do appreciate the gift, but the current decor has certain FAMILIAL sentimental importance, and you would not want to upset your parents or in-laws by removing something to make room for her picture. You want the piece to be loved, and appreciated publicly, so you insist that she do so in her own home. You'll visit often to say "hello" to her picture.

I'm already contending with some unwanted wedding shower gifts that were NOT from our registry. Luckily, they're from people we never entertain at home, so I'm hoping that I can unload anything I can't return onto the next unsuspecting engaged couple>

hee hee hee...

 

[Haven]

Whenever people give me things that are meant to be displayed I always tell them I displayed the piece in my office. Nobody ever sees my office, so it's a perfect story IMO.

The one time I had to be honest was when a good friend gave me a HUGE framed poster of Audrey Hepburn. By HUGE I mean it was like 2 feet by 4 feet or something like that. Now, I love Audrey Hepburn, she's my favorite. But . . . I don't exactly hang up framed posters of actors in my house. Maybe back in college, but now, not so much. She kept on asking me where her picture was and I couldn't lie, so I had to tell her that I just didn't have the right place for such a huge piece.

I know we should be grateful for all gifts, but I never give someone something that needs to be displayed unless I know them VERY well, and I'm absolutely sure they'll love it.

If I were you I wouldn't hang up the piece. I'd tell her it was up in my office.

 

[PintoBean]

Whenever people give me things that are meant to be displayed I always tell them I displayed the piece in my office. Nobody ever sees my office, so it's a perfect story IMO.

The one time I had to be honest was when a good friend gave me a HUGE framed poster of Audrey Hepburn. By HUGE I mean it was like 2 feet by 4 feet or something like that. Now, I love Audrey Hepburn, she's my favorite. But . . . I don't exactly hang up framed posters of actors in my house. Maybe back in college, but now, not so much. She kept on asking me where her picture was and I couldn't lie, so I had to tell her that I just didn't have the right place for such a huge piece.

I know we should be grateful for all gifts, but I never give someone something that needs to be displayed unless I know them VERY well, and I'm absolutely sure they'll love it.

If I were you I wouldn't hang up the piece. I'd tell her it was up in my office.

Oh Haven! Your reply made me chuckle a bit as I had a flashback to college - walls covered with Tori Amos posters and Kurt Cobain. hahaha...

I LOVE the office response. "Oh, the lovely _________? It's too crazy in the apartment with the furbabies. I love it so much that I decided to display it in a safe HAVEN - my OFFICE!"

hahahahaa!!!
(Now hopefully, I don't know any of you IRL, or else I'm busted! )

 

[decodelighted]

I guess I need to stop giving people rolls of wallpaper, huh?

 

[PintoBean]

I guess I need to stop giving people rolls of wallpaper, huh?

with Justin Bieber's face tiled all over the wallpaper?

Hahahahaha!

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

She is not that good of a friend, so I doubt she'd part with something that was special to her. Therefore, I don't think you should offer it back to her. That sort of honesty is only reserved for very close friends or family. In this case, I would rather just keep it in a closet somewhere - your tastes may change - or give it to someone else who might actually enjoy it. If neither of those options work out, or you simply don't have the attic space, then sell it on craigslist or donate it to goodwill and consider the tax receipt your gift.


Also, is the frame nice? If so, you should reuse that frame because frames are expensive!

 

[missy]

I think you should just accept the gift and write a thank you note when you are ready to and let that be that. You do not owe her any explanation for not hanging the drawing nor do you need to feel guilty in any way. It is the thought that counts and the fact that she is not a good friend (not really even a friend but acquaintance) means that you owe her nothing (besides a thank you note) and she owes you nothing. It was nice (though I agree presumptuous to gift such a specific taste object to you) that she thought of you at all and I would just accept with grace and thanks. That's it.

 

[mogster]

Thank you for the advice. The drawing is currently in a recess of our garage that is only accessible by ladder, so out of sight and out of mind for now. I will dispose of it at a later date. Also, I will be writing her a thank you letter.

I don't feel comfortable posting a picture, but for those who are curious, the drawing is of hands that are about to touch (in a Chicken Soup for the Volunteer's Soul type of way), done in either pencil or charcoal and placed in an 18" x 24" frame. The drawing was completed as a high school art class assignment. I will refrain from editorializing, but you may infer the quality of the piece from my description.

What raised my ire was the overblown sense of self-importance with which the gift was presented. She said that her art was very important and meaningful to her, that she didn't give away very many pieces, and then proceeded to list past recipients and where they displayed theirs.

 

[gem_anemone]

My aunt does the same thing with Christmas gifts and more recently my wedding gift. Basically she gives me some junk and makes up a story about how cool it is in order to try to make up for how lame it is. I always thank her, but I eventually end up throwing away everything she gives me. She never comes over to my house asking what I did with her gifts. I figure if you are not so close with this girl then she would never know what you did or did not do with the art work either.

 

[Phdecorate]

A gift should be a gift for the receiver to do with as she or he wishes. You should not feel obligated to do anything with the picture that you don't want to do, especially considering you are not at all close with the giver. It sounds like the giver has caused you enough grief already, don't let her cause you any more stress!

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Thank you for the advice. The drawing is currently in a recess of our garage that is only accessible by ladder, so out of sight and out of mind for now. I will dispose of it at a later date. Also, I will be writing her a thank you letter.

I don't feel comfortable posting a picture, but for those who are curious, the drawing is of hands that are about to touch (in a Chicken Soup for the Volunteer's Soul type of way), done in either pencil or charcoal and placed in an 18" x 24" frame. The drawing was completed as a high school art class assignment. I will refrain from editorializing, but you may infer the quality of the piece from my description.

What raised my ire was the overblown sense of self-importance with which the gift was presented. She said that her art was very important and meaningful to her, that she didn't give away very many pieces, and then proceeded to list past recipients and where they displayed theirs.

 

[Gypsy]

What raised my ire was the overblown sense of self-importance with which the gift was presented. She said that her art was very important and meaningful to her, that she didn't give away very many pieces, and then proceeded to list past recipients and where they displayed theirs.

That would have ticked me off too. And I wouldn't display and displace it at the wedding. You know why? It will have been SO meaningful for you that she'll feel like she MUST (back of hand to forehead) replace it for you. Bigger. And harder to lose.

You could, however, place it in the bathroom above the toilet and take bets on whether or not she'll get the message if she ever comes over.

 

[Laughinggravy0]

Deco you made me laugh aloud, not great with a mouth full of gazpacho.
I think it is arrogant on her part, its intrusive. Haven, as ever has a great idea. But as get older I'm beginning to think more and more that honesty is, usually, the best policy. I'd shelve it as you have done. If she asks, I'd say was a kind idea, but not your type of pic (your description is really fabulous - oh boyyy) Go for transparency, it makes stuff so much easier, usually. (Two ''usually'' s because there are always exceptions)

Anyone see the episode of Frasier, where Marty buys the toreador painting? Tight red pants over a very prominent butt and aggressive bull in the background. Ah dear me. Try and track it down, it was hysterical.

Happy happy wedding