Thoughts on short engagements?

[gemshow]

Does anyone have any thoughts or regrets about having a very short (3-month) vs longer (approximately 1-year or more) engagement?

Thank you.

 

[gem_anemone]

I did not have either a short or a long engagement, but I can say that I think it depends on what kind of wedding you want. Unless you have unlimited funds I think it would be very hard to plan and execute a decent size wedding in three months. If you want all your important people to be there they need time to plan to be available that date. Also there are things to think about like if you have your heart set on a certain dress it could take months to come in after you order it!

I will have been engaged just shy of a year when we get married in July and it was more than enough time for the planning and the saving. I'm getting anxious though. I almost wish we would have done it earlier in the summer. I think we could have pulled it off in maybe 8 or 9 months rather than waiting 11 although it's nice that I've had plenty of time to get everything done.

 

[mogster]

I've been engaged for over a year now and will have been engaged for a year-and-a-half by the time I get married. I would have gotten married sooner, but I wanted at least a year to plan AND I have a crippling grass pollen allergy so spring and summer were ruled out. I don't have any regrets about having to wait so long, but I am starting to feel impatient and want to get it over with (wedding planning doesn't excite me). We've already purchased a house together and have been living together for two years now, and so the wedding is just really a symbolic marker of the commencement of our marriage.

 

[onedrop]

I had a short engagement (4 months) and I don't have regrets. I'd decided early on that I wanted a destination wedding and had told friends and family that this is what DH and I were planning to do well before we were actually engaged, so they had early notice that they'd have to travel to attend our wedding. There was definitely some stress in trying to plan in a compressed time, but not over the top stress. Even in the short time frame I really enjoyed the wedding planning and celebration of our engagement. So for me, a short engagement was perfect.

 

[vintagelover229]

We also had a short engagement-but we are an international couple and wanted to get started on the immigration process asap. We dated "longer" and I already had ideas/wedding stuff pre-planned so it was just a matter of picking the date and putting down deposits. He bought the ring 3 months after we started dating and held onto it for over a year before proposing (which was fine lol). We got engaged at the end of July (last year) and married early Dec. so we had about a 4 month engagement before getting married. It worked out well for us since his brother had gotten engaged (after 6 yrs of dating) the Dec before that July and was having a 1.5 engagement and a large wedding and we kept it low key (20 guests including ourselves) and are having a BBQ reception in July for everyone else to attend. We ended up making an offer on a house a month after our wedding and found out we were expecting 2 months after our wedding (got pregnant 5 weeks after the wedding) so the timing really worked out quite well for us

His brother and his fiance had a buck and doe (party fundraiser for the wedding) just last weekend and their wedding is in Aug. and so had we waited until the summer we would have been running into scheduling conflicts with guests and people wanting to be invited since it was summer and we could have done something larger and so a shorter engagement with a winter wedding really worked out well for us.

Just do whatever is right for you and your SO (discuss it with family of course) but the final decision should be what YOU guys want-not what other people want.

An engagement is intent to get married-so if you intend to get married it doesn't matter WHEN-although you might surprise people with a shorter engagement since by the time some people find out your engaged you're already married! LOL! Or in our case-married-with a house and a baby on the way

 

[diamondringlover]

I am all for short engagements, I got engaged on Christmas Eve and married on May 12.....so it was just a little over 4 months I had a triple wedding (me and my sisters) 250+ at the wedding and 300+ at the reception, we were jumping to get it all done...but it worked out just fine

 

[Mikla]

Congratulations on your engagement!

About your question, how long have you two dated? I'm more concerned about you making sure you've had enough time with your fiance to be sure you are right for each other, than the actual wedding. My husband and I dated for four and a half years and were engaged for nine months. We were sure. If you haven't dated that long, maybe you should consider a longer engagement period. But if you've been together forever and are anxious to get on with it, then there's nothing wrong with a short engagement. Wishing you two the best!

Mikla

 

[rosetta]

I've got no problem with short engagements if you've already been in a relationship for years, or you live together etc etc.

As long as you know each other well.

Just don't do what my SIL thinks is a good idea: meet a college drop out and marry him within 6 months of clapping eyes on him

I can't convince myself that this is a very intelligent way to behave.

 

[gammygam]

Add me to the short engagement list!

We've known each other for over 4 years though but officially dated 1 1/2 years and have only lived together for 3 months.

My grandmother picked out our date (very important in my culture) and its 4 months away!

We found a venue, a beautiful old country club but, a sponsor would save us $750. Any ideas on how to find one?

Also, any thoughts on a Sunday wedding with brunch?

 

[vintagelover229]

We did a Sunday wedding at 4pm (18 guests so very small) and considered brunch.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and I think Sunday brunch weddings are very intimate and have a bit more of a relaxed celebration feel than a p.a.r.t.y. feel (booze-dancing late into the night etc). We played music and no one danced although had thru chose to no one would have minded.

Champagne and other nice drinks during brunch can still be served-a nice white wine or blush (or like my DH and I-red pretty much whenever lol).


I'd love to see venue pictures

 

[KA]

I like short engagements. We got engaged in September, got married in November in the court, in December in India and in May in the US. The indian wedding was planned and executed by my parents, and it is not uncommon in India to plan weddings in 3 months, so it wasn't insane for them. I planned the wedding in the US and I really think that you don't need the 8 months that I had. I did most of the prep in the last 3 months. The only problem is that vendors get booked up for Saturdays. But our wedding was on Sunday, so it wasn't an issue to book the places and people we wanted. I think 8 months was too long to wait and towards the end, I couldn't wait to get it over with.

 

[zoebartlett]

We had a longer engagement. We got married a little over a year after getting engaged. I couldn't have planned a wedding in a few short months' time. That would have been too stressful, and I liked the intermittent spurts of planning we did mixed with the lulls of just enjoying time together.

Having said that, for other people, I guess I look at how long they've been dating (and maybe how old they are). If a couple has only been dating for a short amount of time (and/or if they're very young), I say what's the rush? Take your time and get to know each other more. If a couple has been together for a long time and just want to make things official quicker, I don't really raise an eyebrow.

 

[purselover]

DH and I had a 6 month engagement which was definitely long enough for us to get everything done. Personally I think shorter can be better because you have less time to procrastinate and you become more efficient. I've seen all my friends with longer engagements obsess over every little detail and it completely takes over their lives for over a year.

 

[PintoBean]

Short engagements seem so romantic! Also, the shorter the engagement, the less time spent agonizing over wedding plans while trying to gently rebuff the "suggestions" of the parents on both sides.

 

[aviastar]

I am another 'engaged on Christmas Eve, married in May'. We only had about 30 people and venue wasn't an issue (it was my parent's house)- well, I correct that: booking the venue wasn't the issue, landscaping the venue became a major project and the wildflowers I planted came in beautifully four weeks after the wedding

But, I heard from a few dress vendors that five months was considered a rush order and I was encouraged to find something that fit in the samples and BUY IT TODAY OR YOU WILL NEVER GET IT IN TIME! It felt very contrived to me, so I said no thanks, found a tailor and had my dress custom made instead.

I wouldn't have done it any other way, personally. A) I didn't move in until we were married, we'd dated for 2.5 years, but we were ready to be together every day and didn't want to wait any longer than we had too; and B) I can't imagine this one event taking over my life for any longer than that- I have a business to run and a house to restore, the wedding needed to not consume a year or more of my life for my own sanity!