When did you know?

[Mico]

When did you know that your DB would be your FF... that you would want to spend the rest of your life with him?

As horrible as this sounds... I knew when "the one that got away" attempted to re-contact me, and I realized he couldn't hold a flame to what I already had. I knew I had it great with FF before that, but it wasn't till I was met with something I thought I had wanted years earlier handed to me with a bow, that I realized I didn't want anything or anyone else but him.

Your turn

 

[madelise]

He told me, lol! 3 months after meeting, he told me he was going to marry me. I was thinking "uh.. Okay?! Crazy!!"

My grandma always asked if he treated me well, and around this same 3months mark, she asked if I was sure that I didn't want to be with my ex. My ex was Chinese, so my grandparents were more comfortable communicating with him. Like you, Mico, when I did a comparison.. I was blown away. SO takes really good care of me, and pushes me to be a better person. He makes me a better me in all aspects of my life: my work life, my school life, my physical and mental health.. And my family life. I've been a much better employee, student and granddaughter in the past 2.5 years.

There was no magical "omg he's my soulmate" moment. It just made sense after he said it, and it sunk in.



But lol, truly, any guy is better than my track record. None of them could hold a job, or had a car. They were all college drop outs that barely grazed by for their HS degrees.. And spent way too much time playing video games, boozing, hanging around doing nothing with friends.. Etc. And they all brought drama and baggage to the table with their exes, friends, drugs, drinking, lying about whereabouts, clubbing and barhopping too much..... The works. I apparently have wonderful taste in men, lmao!!

 

[missy]

Such a good question Mico.

My answer will probably be different than most- I didn't know. I had never planned on getting married and thought I was quite happy remaining single but in a committed relationship with my bf (now dh). But subconsciously I think I realized I wanted to be with him forever when I started missing him terribly after he left on Sunday nights. We would always spend the weekends together and then on Sunday nights he would leave for the week and when I started to feel a heaviness in my heart when it was time for him to go I think I sort of realized I didn't want to be without him in my life.

It took a few years to reach that point though- I am slower than most when it comes to love and relationships and was always very cautious that way. Anyway, when we became engaged I *still* wasn't sure because I was so marriage phobic. But my dad gave me some great advice (about how life is worth nothing without risks) and in looking back I truly realize that hindsight is 20/20. I cannot believe I waited so long and was so hesitant and I have never made as good a decision as I did the day I married my dh. But I didn't come to that realization till *after* the marriage. Before that I *thought* it was the best decision I could make at the time but being married to him was the true realization that he is my soulmate and how marrying him was the best thing I have ever done. I love him more today than ever and I think he feels the same about me. But it didn't take him as long as it did me to realize that fact. I am a very cautious person and to my detriment at times.

So no, there was no aha moment, no sudden realization that he was the *one*. It took time for love and trust and the desire to spend our lives together to take hold but it has served us well through life's ups and downs and has made for a very strong and lasting foundation.

 

[Ravenne]

I think it was when we had our first real fight. We'd had disagreements before, but when we had our first "I don't like this" "Well, tough cookie" argument, it really hit home..

Up to that point, with my exes I would weigh my options. "Would it be easier for me to stay and figure this out with him or cut my losses? Which would make me happier?" Every time it was cut my losses. This time, I realized that leaving wasn't really an option. I knew I'd be miserable if I did. So while I wasn't necessarily pleased withe situation and the compromise we came to (neither was he. Sign of a good compromise, yes?), I still had him, and that was enough. And I knew that it would take a pretty big fight to top that one too, because it was always one of my "deal breakers." I knew if I was willing to compromise that one so I could keep him, there wasn't much I wasn't willing to work around with him.

I'm a stubborn and slightly spoiled only child. I like having my way. So that realization kinda threw me for a curve, but I'm so glad it did. He makes me a better person and I do everything I can to return the favor.

 

[audball]

I knew before we were even dating that someone exactly.like.him was what I was looking for. Unfortunately, i was in the middle of many fights and problems in my then relationship to think much about him more than "if I weren't in this crappy relationship, I could be with someone just.like.him".

I met him through my exBF. I tried to set him up with my best friend because I enjoyed spending time with him. They went on one date and it didn't work out. They were too much alike (which is probably why I like them both so much! WE mesh together well, but they were too similar to work!).

When things started getting really bad/worse in my then relationship, I found myself talking to him (as a friend) for comfort. He was so encouraging, supportive. Great listener. He was amazing. And I would just talk to him generally about all the things that were wrong with my relationship and about how I wished things were. Turns out we pretty much agreed on everything and how a relationship should be. We were exactly what each other was looking for, but I was attached to the jerk exBF and he was slated to be roommates with him next year...

After several weeks/months of talking (while my other relationship was clearly on it's way OUT), we both fell. Hard. Even if I couldn't be with HIM, at this point I had in my head that anything less than someone who is just.like.him with the same qualities/values/etc that meshed with mine that well, wasn't good enough. It was what I needed to know that there was someone out there that WAS right for me, and my then BF, wasn't it.

ExBF and I eventually broke up. He found out that Andrew liked me and refused to live with him (which turned out to be a good thing). Andrew stayed at his current apartment (no real harm done). About a month after my exBF and I broke up, we went on our first official date. We are approaching our 1 year anniversary in 3 short weeks and I couldn't be happier. Ring has been purchased and this is IT.

Even further than that, though, AFTER we started dating it became more and more clear that he was the perfect guy for me. Being with him was EASY. I found myself wanting to spend more time with him. We enjoy doing even the monotonous daily task type chores together because it's better when we're together. We have a strong foundation of shared core values to stand on and we have made it a priority to learn to communicate well with each other. I know with those we'll stand the test of time. I have no doubt in my mind.

 

[pandabee]

kinda like missy I found myself growing into our relationship. I'm not by any means shy or reluctant to get married, but I have had plenty of "wild" times when I was single and went on dates with other boys. as some of you may remember it did take me a while to come around to the idea of dating S because I was still pretty wrapped up and distraught over a previous guy. the more time we spent together though, the more I realized, like audball that it was just so easy to be with him and that even doing chores or watching tv with him was enjoyable and that I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him. if I had to pinpoint a date range, I think it was actually only a couple months after we *officially* started dating. but, similar to how our relationship started, it seems fit that it was also more gradual of a process for me to realize that this was it and that he is a great guy who treats me well and will do anything to make me happy.

 

[MBKRH]

I knew right away by the way he treated his mother. He adores her, looks up to her, and never says a bad thing about her. You know what they say: "How a man treats the women that are closest to him is generally a very good indicator of how he will treat you."

That isn't the deciding factor, of course. But it was a BIG deciding factor.
Ex bf was horrible to his mother- calling her derogatory names, talking back to her, ignoring her phone calls, etc.... yikes! I must have been blind not to notice that red flag.

But now, like madelise, my guy treats me well. He has a genuine interest in what I have to talk about. He asks about my day, he works, pays his bills, and we hold many common interests. He remembers a lot more than I give him credit for. I'll say something in passing, and he will reference it days later, when I have completely forgotten about it. It's amazing.
My family adores him, and his family thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread. My sister even said "I'm keeping him. This right here is my future BIL."

*edited for typo's*

 

[somedaysunday]

I knew last September, after we'd been dating for about 8 months. I had just moved into a new apartment - in BF's apartment complex, over Labor Day weekend (huge mistake, moving in on a holiday!). The carpets were freshly shampooed, still a little damp, and smelling fine when I moved in. It wasn't until *after* all my stuff was in the apartment that we all started to notice the ENTIRE place was covered in really gross pet stains. Really, really gross.

I was very upset and stressed out about the whole thing. My BF was incredibly supportive and helpful - and, sometimes, I'm not that easy to help. But the real moment I knew was when we went to go talk to the apartment management. He made it clear to me that he'd have no problem marching in there and reading them the riot act, but he was respectful enough to stand silently behind me as I spoke for myself. I knew the whole time that he was there for me, but that I didn't have to be worried he'd take over the whole situation. He was so perfect.

It was an unpleasant few weeks - the carpet eventually got completely replaced - but I think of it as when I found out he was a 'keeper!'

 

[Mico]

I knew last September, after we'd been dating for about 8 months. I had just moved into a new apartment - in BF's apartment complex, over Labor Day weekend (huge mistake, moving in on a holiday!). The carpets were freshly shampooed, still a little damp, and smelling fine when I moved in. It wasn't until *after* all my stuff was in the apartment that we all started to notice the ENTIRE place was covered in really gross pet stains. Really, really gross.

I was very upset and stressed out about the whole thing. My BF was incredibly supportive and helpful - and, sometimes, I'm not that easy to help. But the real moment I knew was when we went to go talk to the apartment management. He made it clear to me that he'd have no problem marching in there and reading them the riot act, but he was respectful enough to stand silently behind me as I spoke for myself. I knew the whole time that he was there for me, but that I didn't have to be worried he'd take over the whole situation. He was so perfect.

It was an unpleasant few weeks - the carpet eventually got completely replaced - but I think of it as when I found out he was a 'keeper!'

It took me a long time to figure out when it was that I knew... this reminds me of one of those times. It's like... a moment.

To be honest with you, I knew FF was different than any man I dated before we were ever official... it's too long of a story but it was a feeling of - warmth? - comfort? - i don't know, it's something that came over me when I saw him after a bad day at work that set it off.

 

[LoveLikeCrazy]

I knew after i met him (i know thats so cliche...), but really. He was different than any other person i had ever dated. I've been in long term relationships, short relationships and plenty of first dates and he blew all of them away. I felt like i was always meant to meet him...

I also realized this again after 4 months when he said he wanted to spend forever with me and wanted to look at rings and 5 months when we moved in together and looking back (we are a few weeks away from 1 year together now...) we were talking just the other day - we have seen each other EVERY.SINGLE.DAY since we met with the exception of a trip i took when we first started dating to see my brother. I am a person who likes alone time, and doesn't need to see my SO everyday, but with him i WANT TO. Thats another reason i knew he was the one. I will admit tho i like to kick him out of the bedroom so i can watch Say Yes to the Dress and Bridezillas and all my other girly shows. I have use of the DVR in the bedroom and he uses the one in the living room.

 

[pandabee]

I knew after i met him (i know thats so cliche...), but really. He was different than any other person i had ever dated. I've been in long term relationships, short relationships and plenty of first dates and he blew all of them away. I felt like i was always meant to meet him...

I also realized this again after 4 months when he said he wanted to spend forever with me and wanted to look at rings and 5 months when we moved in together and looking back (we are a few weeks away from 1 year together now...) we were talking just the other day - we have seen each other EVERY.SINGLE.DAY since we met with the exception of a trip i took when we first started dating to see my brother. I am a person who likes alone time, and doesn't need to see my SO everyday, but with him i WANT TO. Thats another reason i knew he was the one. I will admit tho i like to kick him out of the bedroom so i can watch Say Yes to the Dress and Bridezillas and all my other girly shows. I have use of the DVR in the bedroom and he uses the one in the living room.

aww that is so sweet. I asked S last night if he remembered when he wanted to "put up with me for the rest of his life" and he didn't remember. haha. but I was thinking about it the other day and I don't remember when it was I started spending every night at his place, not just a couple nights a week and I think it was probably around october when I said that our "official" anniversary is. I believe I drunkenly told him that I loved him on our first NYE but he doesn't remember that and then he went on spring break in Vegas with some friends for a week in March and it was the longest week ever without him and I knew when he came back that I didn't like being away from him. before him I was definitely a independent spirit, didn't depend on any of the guys I dated or was talking to, but I am perfectly happy just being with him and relaxing and watching tv or whatever boring thing there is, as long as we are hanging out. it's so great. similarly with us, he refuses to watch girly movies with me hehe so I have to get my fix with my friends.

 

[RebeccaMUA]

I think my parents knew even before I did! When we went out on our first date, he came inside to meet my parents. He shook my dad's hand and was very courteous and confident. That night when I came home my dad told me "I have a feeling this is going to be a long relationship" and I was like "what?!" my dad hated anyone else I went out with a generally wouldn't even say a word to them. So that was something. But I think on our 7th date when he took me to go see YoYo Ma at the Hollywood Bowl and the second half of the show was "fusion" classical and jazz that we decided to leave early and when we got to our car we could leave because we were blocked on all sides. So we were just content to sit in the car and stare at each other holding hands and just talk and about anything. He agreed that's when he knew he loved me and wanted to be together forever. Can't imagine being without him

 

[Chewbacca]

I think I'm another slow burn type!

From the very beginning I've felt relaxed and safe, and really really happy. We both have memories, which we call 'true love snapshots' (I think that is stolen from Tuesdays with Morrie), which are moments we remember being important and special.

I think I need a few more years for hindsight purposes, then I may be able to nail it down!