Has anyone told you that you're going to get divorce?

[Lottie]

Those sound like the remarks of a BITTER and JADED woman. Don't take them to heart. Easier said than done, but only a person who has had bad luck in love would be that pessimistic!!

This, definately. Don't waste anymore time thinking about her ridiculous comments, I bet she cannot even remember saying them.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Let's see... one of my brothers commented, "Why should I go to your wedding when you're going to get divorced anyways?"

He has a drug problem and pretty much pissed off everyone and said very nasty things to everyone but that one comment will stick with me forever. It was just... so hurtful and rude.

No one should say anything like that to ANYONE.

Mr. St. Clare's first name is Richard. My alcoholic father's toast at our wedding was "Ben Franklin knew what he was talking about--POOR RICHARD!".

The silence was deafening.

OP==the old lady is probably on the other side of dementia. I wouldn't let it bother me one bit.

 

[partgypsy]

Actually what VRBeauty said makes alot of sense to me
"Plus, this woman is probably not yet used to the connectiveness changes that have come about in the the blackberry (remember those?)/cel phone/smartphone revolution... I have to admit I'm don't quite understand it myself... and she when she was your age, many women were going to great lengths to assert and demonstrate their independence."

In her time she may have had to fight and work hard buck the trends to be independent and have a profession independent of her husband (judging by her age and has a profession (nurse). So she feels maybe all her good work is being undone if a younger, more progressive woman doesn't do, or doesn't have to do what she did, to have a job.

One of the most anti-unsympathetic female persons I knew was female. She said things like women who have babies don't pull their own weight at work, will quit their job after the baby is born, I could go on. In the area where she succeeded was male-oriented, and for her to survive she probably felt she had to out-male the males to show them she was not like that.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

On a similar but lighter note.

My sister had a lovely. very low key wedding. We were looking for a nice cake for dessert but she didn't like the traditional designs (or the fact that the good bakers had too many hoops to jump through to buy even the simplest of cakes). I suggested we visit my favourite French patisserie and just ask for a cake for 15. We went in, talked to the master baker, told him what we were looking for and he couldn't be more helpful. The cake was delicious as well (coconut with mango and pineapple).

Until he heard it was for a wedding. He turned to me and asked "how can you let your sister do that?". Cue me looking confused. He then went on a 10 minute lecture about how marriage kills relationships, how he knew a lot of couples that split up after getting married, etc. Note - he is married himself (I wonder what his wife thinks of this). It was surreal and both of us almost burst out laughing.

The cake was delicious and beautiful (decorated with tiny macaroons) so all was well.

 

[SweetAsscher]

What a WEIRD comment that woman made! No one has ever told me that, but the weird mailman at work has said things like "are you married? are you planning to get a divorce?" and when I say no he says things like "well, let me know if you do". Uh, Im pretty sure you'd be the last person I'd contact about that.

I had some skank from high school tell people that I was faking a marriage and that I even went out and bought real rings so I could continue on the charade. Uh, do you think if I wasn't that I would have deliberately picked THIS as my last name? Get a clue!

lol That's funny. Your last name isn't that bad. I used to work in escrow and one person's name was Johnson Woodcock....

 

[SweetAsscher]

Wow, how rude! I think it is totally normal to have skyped your husband with the type of traveling you do. I have been called a "newlywed" too though because my husband and I miss each other when one of us is gone for a week. Aren't you supposed to miss your spouse??

No one has said we were going to divorce but one of my husband's idiot neighbors when he grew up wrote something on our guest book (actually a signature photo mat). He wrote in really big letters write in the top center "I give it 2 years... haha jk" and signed his name. He wrote larger than anyone else and people I love didn't even have room to sign. I don't even know this person and I was beyond livid. I wanted to send him a letter or something on our second anniversary but it would not have been polite and my in laws still live near this guy. Makes me mad just thinking about it!

This happened to us too! except he wrote something like " you effed up" and it was one of my husbands closest friends....

 

[SweetAsscher]

Wow, how rude! I think it is totally normal to have skyped your husband with the type of traveling you do. I have been called a "newlywed" too though because my husband and I miss each other when one of us is gone for a week. Aren't you supposed to miss your spouse??

No one has said we were going to divorce but one of my husband's idiot neighbors when he grew up wrote something on our guest book (actually a signature photo mat). He wrote in really big letters write in the top center "I give it 2 years... haha jk" and signed his name. He wrote larger than anyone else and people I love didn't even have room to sign. I don't even know this person and I was beyond livid. I wanted to send him a letter or something on our second anniversary but it would not have been polite and my in laws still live near this guy. Makes me mad just thinking about it!

How rude! I take it you have this framed with a picture and have to look at it all the time?

DH and I have been married for almost 15 years, together for 20. We have had our ups and downs, sure...what marriage hasn't? But we are truly happily married and nobody has ever commented or questioned that. I think it very rude that a complete stranger would comment on such things.

Thanks Dana. I never put it up because it made me mad to look at it He wrote that large! I have thought about trying to cover it somehow but haven't looked into it that much. Congrats on 20 years together!

I cannot believe how rude people are to these mean comments!

White-out, then cover it with pressed flowers, like those sticker things they sell at craft stores for scrap-booking. and scatter a few more around so it looks like decoration, not covering something ya know?

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

When my ex found out (ex's sister is one of my closest friends) that SO and I were talking engagement/marriage, the ex said "I'm scared for her"..um, I'm not the one who has already been married once, cheated on my spouse with my best friends gf and left the marriage within 6 months. Other than that, people who are close to me tell me they've never seen me happier.

Then again, when at my cousin J's wedding, another cousin L and I said "I give it 5 years" b/c he treats her badly. We all judge, although I do hope I'm worng in my assessment of my cousins marriage. We didn't come right out and say that to J though!

 

[jaysonsmom]

I admit I've thought that about certain couples (in my head) but never out loud!

Funnily enough the couples that I thought would never make it are still married, and the ones that I thought would never separate end up splitting up.

I think when people think you're wrong for each other, you strive harder to prove them wrong, and when you're a seemingly lovey-dovey happy couple, there may be underlying issues that you've learned to cover up really well, so people think you're happy together.

 

[Dandi]

Well, we all know that you're beautiful, incredibly talented and clever, with a career that many only dream of achieving, AND are happily married to a guy who adores you and who you adore... and she obviously can't wrap her tiny head around that... and feels she needs to take it upon herself to 'shoot you down' for being the blessed and wonderful person you are. Silly old haggis.

Nope, I've never been told that. Although my husband's aunt did warn me against marrying a member of DH's family because they're all crazy, stupid and useless (she was married to DH's uncle at the time, a really good man who gave her everything, and it wasn't enough for her). DH and I are blissfully married and she's divorced and miserable, trying desperately to get her ex-husband back who thinks she's quite mad. And let's face it, she is

If only people would mind their own business, really. Sheesh.

 

[pregcurious]

I thought of another comment in response to something like this. "Wow, I've never heard anyone tell me or someone else that they're going to get divorced. That's so...interesting. Most people take take those statements lightly."

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

So, so rude, but don't let it bug you too much. She was a clueless outsider (not that such comments are appropriate from informed insiders).

FWIW: My husband and I communicate all the time via phone, text and e-mail when we are apart. We talk so frequently because we're best friends and it makes us happy. Hell yes I am dependent on my husband and super attached to him- he's the love of my life and I'd be miserable if he was taken from me! So Skype away!! Strong communication is hardly a sign of trouble to come

 

[purselover]

That's so strange and rude, I'm sorry you had to deal with that!

This is what happened to me last night.....DH and I had a few of our closest friends over for takeout and we were discussing our thoughts on what constitutes fair alimony (DH and I happen to disagree on this topic) and when DH went upstairs his best friend (and one of mine) turned to me and said "I don't know how you can be okay with this since you know you're going to get divorced in a few years". Needless to say I am not thrilled with him at the moment. People really are just plain obnoxious sometimes.

 

[allycat0303]

Oh my gosh! The stories on this thread!!

I did't feel bad per say about the words. I was more trying to understand the mindset of why people feel they have the right to say that. It's weird to me. I don't know if they constitute it has being helpful information. The reality is, even if you know the person well, they are MARRIED. So predicting divorce makes no sense to me....like it will happen if it happens, nothing the couple will do in the immediate situation will change that. I feel like it's kind of only expressing ill will for the couple.

Some people say "I'm blunt," or "I'm only being honest" but I think that this crosses a line into rudeness. Especially when the information was unsolicited.

 

[monarch64]

Oh my gosh! The stories on this thread!!

I did't feel bad per say about the words. I was more trying to understand the mindset of why people feel they have the right to say that. It's weird to me. I don't know if they constitute it has being helpful information. The reality is, even if you know the person well, they are MARRIED. So predicting divorce makes no sense to me....like it will happen if it happens, nothing the couple will do in the immediate situation will change that. I feel like it's kind of only expressing ill will for the couple.

Some people say "I'm blunt," or "I'm only being honest" but I think that this crosses a line into rudeness. Especially when the information was unsolicited.

They're called Debbie Downers, Alley. They're people who derive pleasure from bringing you down a bit, or letting you know that there's no possible way your situation will work out because they are oh-so-wise about these things. Not very productive people in life, and it is healthier avoiding them. (I understand not being able to avoid your co-workers, though.) I have a friend who just unfriended someone on her FB and blocked them because the "friend" constantly made Debbie Downer comments on the positive things she would post on her wall.

I am really forward, and if someone told me that my marriage wasn't going to work out I would point blank ask her "why would you say that? Who says that?" I typically dislike confrontation, but if someone says anything snide about my marriage or my family there will be a discussion right then and there.

 

[Amys Bling]

I think people feel they are entitled to voice their opinion no matter how rude or inappropriate.

 

[allycat0303]

monarch64: A little random, but I just deactivated my Facebook account....I know it's not the same as unfriending someone, but I do feel as though social networking can let people a little bold. i.e, you can make rude comments, which are visible to EVERYONE. Yet you can always hide behind misinterpretation, while avoiding actual human confrontation.

 

[Black Jade]

Yes, about twenty years ago, my mother and father broke up, my sister got divorced and my half sister got divorced. then my niece got married and then divorced within six months. This was all within a two year time period.
they all started telling me constantly that i was naive to think that me and my husband could possible stay together becuase 'everybody' gets divorced.
It was annoying but all too totally clear where they were coming from.
I decided that they were not prophets and didn't know our future but basing things on their own experiences, so I ignored it, and you should too.
However, me and my husbnad did take a lesson not to be complacent and we do a lot to make our marriage keep working; we go to marriage enrichment seminars, we went to counselling after a rough patch and we take care to spend time with each other no matter what.
We are at 29 years and doing just fine--more than just fine, things are great.

 

[monarch64]

monarch64: A little random, but I just deactivated my Facebook account....I know it's not the same as unfriending someone, but I do feel as though social networking can let people a little bold. i.e, you can make rude comments, which are visible to EVERYONE. Yet you can always hide behind misinterpretation, while avoiding actual human confrontation.

So true.

 

[HollyS]

No one would dare tell us that we might divorce. We spent 12 years together before becoming engaged, and everybody was flabbergasted by that. People who know us would think we were nuts if we didn't work out . . . considering there is nothing we don't know about each other and nothing we haven't been through together. I doubt anyone who knows us would ever say such a thing.

As for strangers saying it - - the proper response is "Bite me."

 

[AGBF]

No one would dare tell us that we might divorce. We spent 12 years together before becoming engaged, and everybody was flabbergasted by that. People who know us would think we were nuts if we didn't work out . . . considering there is nothing we don't know about each other and nothing we haven't been through together. I doubt anyone who knows us would ever say such a thing.

As for strangers saying it - - the proper response is "Bite me."

I love you, Holly. And I am sure that no one would dare to tell you that you might divorce!

Deb

 

[MichelleCarmen]

This is a bit random but I'm curious to see the results.

I was flying with this nurse who I had just met (we had known each other for 10 hours). She's an older lady, maybe in her 70's. Upon meeting me, she remarked my ring and asked me if I was engaged. I said no, married. Later, in front if the patient (totally unprofessional) she said, "Dear, you must be a newly wed because there's no way this marriage is going to work out." I responded that this wasn't the place or time to discuss my relationship. Later she told me that she noticed I skyped my husband upon arriving at the airport, and I was obviously wouldn't work long term because I was too attached to him.

Then this weekend, my sister and I were discussing divorce and I said to her, "I don't think I'm getting divorced". She starts going on and on about how you never know, and she listed a couple that she knew who had been together for 15 years and had gotten divorced so NO ONE WAS SAFE. I mean my sister I get. She did get divorced and right now, she's single, and in a bad place, but the other woman, I just don't get. I'm actually happy married. The path to getting married was rocky, but for the last 2.5 years, I can honestly say that my husband is the best part about my life. If you had asked me before our marriage, I would have said my career.

So does this happen to any of you? Strangers predicting your marriage will fail? I kind of wonder what goes on in their minds. I think it's kind of rude. And tactless. Especially if you don't know the person.

She does sound weird but also out-of-touch w/reality because she may not be familiar with skyeing.

My experience: after DH and I got engaged (at a young age), one gal in my pottery class, who I barely knew, kept trying to get me to go to Christian Singles meetings with her. I had a diamond ring on my finger but she wouldn't take it seriously.