Adoption Thread

[princesss]

Lots of prayers going to you and your family, IG.

 

[AGBF]

IG-

I do not think Whitney's birthmother signed the consent form to give her up for adoption immediately. I was protected from the consequences of that to some extent, however, since I had never seen the baby in the flesh and if I did not get this baby, I would get the next one. All I had seen was a photo. (I just wanted to add that to what Dreamer said about post-partum reactions.)

I also wanted to post a link to an old discussion about adoption on Pricescope. Logan Sapphire and I both took part in it in the middle of a political debate. I searched for it because I thought that somewhere on Pricescope I had once recounted the story (told to my daughter many times) about how she got her freckles. She never tired of hearing it and and wanted to hear it again and again when she was little. I thought of it today because its basic premise is the one that some of us believe: that you get the baby you are meant to get. If you are in the mood to read it, it is in the thread to which I am posting a link.

[URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/2004-politics-thread-are-you-going-to-vote.16745/page-4#post-265274#p265274']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/2004-politics-thread-are-you-going-to-vote.16745/page-4#post-265274#p265274[/URL]

Good luck and stay strong!

Hugs,
Deb

 

[bee*]

I feel sick for you IG. Praying that the birth mum signs the adoption papers. Sending bucketloads of hugs and dust.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

IG-

I do not think Whitney's birthmother signed the consent form to give her up for adoption immediately. I was protected from the consequences of that to some extent, however, since I had never seen the baby in the flesh and if I did not get this baby, I would get the next one. All I had seen was a photo. (I just wanted to add that to what Dreamer said about post-partum reactions.)

I also wanted to post a link to an old discussion about adoption on Pricescope. Logan Sapphire and I both took part in it in the middle of a political debate. I searched for it because I thought that somewhere on Pricescope I had once recounted the story (told to my daughter many times) about how she got her freckles. She never tired of hearing it and and wanted to hear it again and again when she was little. I thought of it today because its basic premise is the one that some of us believe: that you get the baby you are meant to get. If you are in the mood to read it, it is in the thread to which I am posting a link.

[URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/2004-politics-thread-are-you-going-to-vote.16745/page-4#post-265274#p265274']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/2004-politics-thread-are-you-going-to-vote.16745/page-4#post-265274#p265274[/URL]

Good luck and stay strong!

Hugs,
Deb

Oh, I remember this. As I said, my one and only foray into political discussions! As an aside, when I wrote that I had no idea concerning the circumstances of my adoption. A few years later, during my trip to Korea to pick up my daughter, I was given full access to my birth file, and sure enough...birth mom wanted an abortion. Why she didn't, I don't know...

 

[NewEnglandLady]

IG, I've tried typing a response at least five times, but everything I type sounds like such an understatement. I can't tell you how sorry I am, how badly I want for this to work out for you. I feel awful that this journey has been so long and rocky for you, I am hoping and praying that this works out.

 

[monkeyprincess]

IG, more thoughts and prayers coming your way that Avery's birth mother makes the right decision for Avery. I really hope you will get to keep her, but if not, I trust that your child is still out there.

 

[lili]

IG--
*hugs* Sending prayers and hoping for the best.

 

[ImperfectGirl]

I wanted to reply really quickly and thank you all for your comments and responses. It's been comforting to read especially given the fact that a family member actually said to me "Well, it's not like anybody died, IG." I mean, really? I promptly hung up the phone.

Anyway, there is no news right now. I contacted the agency who is handling her counseling today. They only confirmed everything I already knew and said that they attempted to reach out to birth mom today but had to leave a voicemail. They promised to call us when a decision is made. At this point, any news would be a relief so I'm hoping we'll know either way today or tomorrow. I'm growing weary of being in limbo.

Promise to respond to each of you personally soon.

 

[JGator]

IG, I am praying for you and the birth mom. I really hope she makes the right decision soon and you can take Avery home with you. Sending hugs your way.

 

[ImperfectGirl]

Well guys, unfortunatley for us, we are dressing the sweetest baby girl to take her back to her mom. I am crushed, raw, hurt, and sad. My heart hurts so much.

I guess if there is a bright side, a young woman took a responsible look at her circumstances and decided that she was able to parent her baby. That's always a good thing, right?

I'm sure we'll fly home tomorrow and I'll check in when I can. Thank you all so much for your support.

 

[bee*]

I'm so sorry IG. What crushing news.

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

I am so, so sorry, IG

 

[AGBF]

I wanted to reply really quickly and thank you all for your comments and responses. It's been comforting to read especially given the fact that a family member actually said to me "Well, it's not like anybody died, IG."

It used to be my greatest fear. Long before I ever knew I'd be adopting, my mother told me a story about a child who had been adopted then taken from the only parents he knew and returned to some biological parents, kicking and screaming for his parents to come rescue him from those abductors. It scarred me for life. I vowed never to let biology blind me to the bonds of love. That principle affected how I testified in the custody case of a friend and what happened with our friendship afterwards. In my opinion, biology never determines who a child comes to love.

Deb/AGBF

 

[AGBF]

Well guys, unfortunatley for us, we are dressing the sweetest baby girl to take her back to her mom. I am crushed, raw, hurt, and sad. My heart hurts so much.

I guess if there is a bright side, a young woman took a responsible look at her circumstances and decided that she was able to parent her baby. That's always a good thing, right?

I'm sure we'll fly home tomorrow and I'll check in when I can. Thank you all so much for your support.

I'm sorry, IG. I was writing while you posted the above. That is devastating news. All I can say is that you nurtured a very lucky and lovely baby for a few days. It will certainly do her good! Now you have to heal...and you deserve to heal. And you do have a future. And there is hope. And there is a baby for you. And he or she is still waiting for you and needs you. I hope you are right and that Avery now does not need you and has a mother. But your baby still needs a mother. That's you. You're his angel .

Love,
Deb

 

[Logan Sapphire]

IG, I'm crying for you right now. Again you have responded to gracefully and graciously. Prayers for you...

 

[Dreamer_D]

IG there really are no words. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope things work out well for Avery, and I hope you heal and find comfort where you can. You will be a wonderful mother when youfind your forever child.

 

[fieryred33143]

Oh IG. Life can seriously suck. I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. You are an amazing woman for having loved this sweet little girl. Big hugs.

 

[charbie]

The fact that you have found a positive, optimistic thought through this astounds, inspires, and amazes me.

With all of the raw emotion you're dealing with right now, im sure seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is near impossible, but you will get there and of course we are here to just lean on, as I know sometimes typing things out is easier than saying it out loud to people who don't know what to say and make harsh remarks in the process.

I must say, though, that after following your story over the past few months, if anyone has the grace, maturity, and poise to be a mother, it is you. For you not to pass the traits you possess on to a needing child would be a waste, and I hope as time moves forward, you will find the strength to attempt this process again.

 

[FrekeChild]

IG,

I don't know how much it would help, but here is how I felt and feel about being adopted.

My adoption was closed. I was taken home from the hospital by my adoptive parents. There is ONE piece of paper that is in my possession that has my bio-mom's name on it--her signature. I have never looked at it. I do not know her, I do not even know that much about her. I know that she was in her very early twenties. I know that she was single and my bio-dad had nothing to do with the adoption. I know that she wanted my adoptive parents to be middle class, older--mid thirties and up. I know that I was supposed to have another set of parents, but they somehow pissed her off before signing all of the finalizing documents, and she didn't want her daughter to be raised by them, so she took me away from them a month before I was born.

I know that she loved me enough to give me a better life than she could give me.

I know that my parents tried for about 4 years to have a biological child. My father had 3 bio-sons from his first marriage and as a result, one has to assume that the reproductive problem was my mom's. My parents were 37 and 44. My mom was the youngest of ten. All of her siblings had children (some had MANY children) and every couple years they would have a family reunion. My mom was always the single one. Then after she got married, she was always the childless one.

One day, my dad's family law connections paid off. He and my mom had started to look into adoption and explore their options. One of his friends was involved in my bio-mom's adoption (mediation I believe) and my dad had mentioned to her that they were starting to think about adoption for themselves. Being that my dad's friend knew that my parents fit bio-mom's criteria to a T, she had a lightbulb moment. After that, the story kind of tells itself.

I was brought home at 2 days old by my parents. My dad tells me about the first family reunion where my mom was no longer the childless one...how happy she was to be able to share her child with her family.

IG, my mom loved me more than anything. She wanted me more than anything. I cannot imagine having a more wonderful mother. Your child will know that. I cannot even put into words how much I know my mom loved me, but I can say that everything she did in life was to make my life better. She gave me everything she had and sometimes more.

I hope that Avery grows up knowing that she has a mom that loves her, but that somewhere out there, you love her too. You wanted her too, but you couldn't hold onto her.

My mom is gone now, and every single day I wish I could call her up and tell her that I love her one more time, tell her what I've been up to and how much I miss her. How glad I was that she was my mom. Your baby is out there. They probably aren't ready for the world yet, but one day, they will be ready and waiting for you. And they will love you just as much as I love my mom. And you will love them so so so much. More than you ever dreamed possible.

Hugs.

 

[Skippy123]

IG, I am so sorry; my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine how you are feeling right now. I am sending lots of love to you right now, giant (((((hugs))))).

 

[iheartscience]

I'm so sorry, IG. I'll keep you and your husband in my thoughts, and I hope you'll be matched with a baby you get to take home very, very soon.

 

[Pandora II]

IG, I am so very sorry. I can't imagine how you must feel right now. It is incredible how you can be so gracious about the whole situation. I truly hope that you and your child find each other soon.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I am deeply sorry. I wish things had turned out differently. My thoughts are with you and your DH during this difficult time.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Oh, IG!!! Tears run down my cheeks as I read your posts. I am heartbroken for you. I know this won't help now, but God planned your family before the foundation of the world, and I have to believe there is a child or children out there waiting for you because He has given you that desire. Mourn for the loss of this little one, but do not lose hope! {{{{hugs}}}}

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Freke!!!

 

[AGBF]

IG,

I don't know how much it would help, but here is how I felt and feel about being adopted.

My adoption was closed. I was taken home from the hospital by my adoptive parents. There is ONE piece of paper that is in my possession that has my bio-mom's name on it--her signature. I have never looked at it. I do not know her, I do not even know that much about her. I know that she was in her very early twenties. I know that she was single and my bio-dad had nothing to do with the adoption. I know that she wanted my adoptive parents to be middle class, older--mid thirties and up. I know that I was supposed to have another set of parents, but they somehow pissed her off before signing all of the finalizing documents, and she didn't want her daughter to be raised by them, so she took me away from them a month before I was born.

I know that she loved me enough to give me a better life than she could give me.

I know that my parents tried for about 4 years to have a biological child. My father had 3 bio-sons from his first marriage and as a result, one has to assume that the reproductive problem was my mom's. My parents were 37 and 44. My mom was the youngest of ten. All of her siblings had children (some had MANY children) and every couple years they would have a family reunion. My mom was always the single one. Then after she got married, she was always the childless one.

One day, my dad's family law connections paid off. He and my mom had started to look into adoption and explore their options. One of his friends was involved in my bio-mom's adoption (mediation I believe) and my dad had mentioned to her that they were starting to think about adoption for themselves. Being that my dad's friend knew that my parents fit bio-mom's criteria to a T, she had a lightbulb moment. After that, the story kind of tells itself.

I was brought home at 2 days old by my parents. My dad tells me about the first family reunion where my mom was no longer the childless one...how happy she was to be able to share her child with her family.

IG, my mom loved me more than anything. She wanted me more than anything. I cannot imagine having a more wonderful mother. Your child will know that. I cannot even put into words how much I know my mom loved me, but I can say that everything she did in life was to make my life better. She gave me everything she had and sometimes more.

I hope that Avery grows up knowing that she has a mom that loves her, but that somewhere out there, you love her too. You wanted her too, but you couldn't hold onto her.

My mom is gone now, and every single day I wish I could call her up and tell her that I love her one more time, tell her what I've been up to and how much I miss her. How glad I was that she was my mom. Your baby is out there. They probably aren't ready for the world yet, but one day, they will be ready and waiting for you. And they will love you just as much as I love my mom. And you will love them so so so much. More than you ever dreamed possible.

Hugs.

Oh, Freke. You made me cry, too. I think all of us adoptive moms wish we could be the kind of mom your mother was to you. God bless her and you. God bless her for making you into the kind of woman who can love so deeply!

Hugs,
Deb

 

[stephbolt]

IG, I am so sorry. You and your husband are in my thoughts, I admire the grace you are showing in the face of such a heartbreaking situation. I dearly hope that you two will have the opportunity to parent the child who is exactly right for your family, and that the wait for that child is not long. Take care of yourself.

 

[jas]

IG, reading this broke my heart. I am so sorry how this all turned out. Hugs to you.

 

[icekid]

IG- I truly feel devastated and heart-broken for you. But like the others, I know your baby is out there! Tons of hugs to you and your DH.

 

[Echidna]

IG, I'm so sorry you are in such a heart-breaking position. I'm in tears reading this thread. Wishing you all the healing dust in the world to you and your DH.