Mother JEALOUS of my ring...?

[AmeliaG]

So my mother came over the other day and said that my ring looks a lot better now that it has been resized. I and walked away.

Clearly, the issue was not the ring itself, but something else. I've not asked her about it (nor do I care to at this point because it's not worth rehashing), but she has kind of "apologized" by repeatedly bringing me food offerings. I still think she was petty and her behavior inexcusable, and am debating hard about how to incorporate her in my wedding planning, if at all.

Thanks again everyone for the great advice. I really do wish that she could have been happy for me at such an otherwise joyous time in my life.

If you're not going to address it with her, the best thing you can do is let it go. I don't mean you should let her in on your wedding planning - you know she's controlling and your steps to prevent her controlling your wedding are not only justified - they're self-protection.

What I mean is let go of the resentment that she's not happy for you and your choices because if you're not going to address it with her, the only person who will be hurt by your resentment is yourself and you've got a wonderful wedding and a whole new life ahead of you.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Oh, I feel your pain. I lived on my own, in Manhattan when I became engaged. We planned a "family" engagement party when my parents came up from Florida midway so we both had to travel. And my mom decided that it would be the PERFECT time to have her engagement ring reset so she could show everyone. What she showed everyone was how small and petty she was.

It was my second wedding and no way was I wearing white. I found a dress in Town and Country--Chanel--and found a seamstress who made it for me--mid knee length, blouson on top, subtle lilac and white print. Throughout the whole reception I kept hearing from her "Is Amber pregnant?"

finally when I became pregnant she pulled something to egregious we had to just cut them off entirely. We can't even see them in the rear view mirror anymore.

What I learned is that some mothers aren't mothers. They see their daughters as competitors and cannot be joyful or happy for them. You either accept it or you don't. While I'm sure you aren't at that juncture, you may, at some time in your married life have to shut her down to maintain your mental health.

PS Your ring is stunning.

 

[mogster]

If you're not going to address it with her, the best thing you can do is let it go. I don't mean you should let her in on your wedding planning - you know she's controlling and your steps to prevent her controlling your wedding are not only justified - they're self-protection.

What I mean is let go of the resentment that she's not happy for you and your choices because if you're not going to address it with her, the only person who will be hurt by your resentment is yourself and you've got a wonderful wedding and a whole new life ahead of you.

Yes, this is very wise and I agree. I don't feel resentful in any way (thankfully, I take after my father in this regard) and accept the fact that she's my mother and has chosen to be this way (I think I feel more sorry for her that she has chosen to be so unhappy and I imagine it must be very difficult to be her). This is not the first time that she's been petty (so no surprise there) and probably won't be the last, but I just didn't expect her to be so disparaging about my engagement ring of all things because it's supposed to be a happy time.

FI and I are hoping to buy a house after we get married and this whole experience has opened my eyes to the possible repercussions/grief of accepting a financial gift from my parents. I won't want my mother to hold it over me in any way and dampen what is supposed to be another exciting time in my life.

 

[AmeliaG]

I know; it's a shame. Weddings bring out the crazies in people somehow. You know they have problems but they just seem worse around this time.

I totally understand your reluctance to accept a 'gift' from her to finance your house. It certainly looks like this 'gift' will come with strings attached.