He won't propose !

[mojojojo]

I am 25 and I have been with my bf for 7years. We mutually agreed to get married next year, and we are looking for a ring together. But the problem is he doesn''t want to propose. I have given him hints many times, and finally I ask if he will propose. He says he won''t because he thinks it is just like a wedding, is to show the others. He doesn''t understand it is something a girl always dream of.

He is not the romantic type so I am very sure he is not going to suprise me. Even if he does, because I ask him to do so, I am not going to be happy about it. But if he doesn''t, I will be sad whenever I think about it too.

Does any of you got married without having the guy propose to you? How did you feel at that time and how do you feel now when you think about it?

 

[Momoftwo]

My husband wasn''t very romantic when we were dating, but, he got more so over the years. Now he''s a huge romantic. He kind of proprosed to me. He didn''t actually ask me, but he did present the ring and said something about loving me and me spending my life with him. He didn''t actually aske me to marry him. He regrets it now.

Your only choices are take the ring when you get it and accept his nonproposal, or refuse to accept the ring until he actually proposes. The question is, will that make him mad?

 

[Hest88]

Well, we talked about marriage from almost the beginning, bought the rings together, planned the wedding etc., so I never got a formal proposal either. If it''s important to you, though, I think it would be a sweet gesture for him to make the effort, but if otherwise things are great you shouldn''t let one incident like a proposal keep you from a lifetime of happiness.

 

[sxn675]

I never got a formal proposal either, but he did talk to my father once we started being serious about marriage (which was very important to me). I don''t think the proposal itself is all that important. But, I do think that it''s too bad that he won''t do it even though you said that it would make you happy.

 

[mojojojo]

Thanks for your support and suggestion. I will need to wait and see what happen until I get the ring. I would be happy even if he only says something sweet. Wish me luck.

 

[JimDiamond]

I know this is easier said than done, but you have to try to let him know how important this is to you. Sit him down and say something like, "Honey, I know how you feel about proposals and weddings and I appreciate that, but can you understand how much I love you and want to hear you ask me to marry you? Can you understand how much it would mean to me to have you think about it and choose a nice moment to propose? You know his feelings about it. He should know yours. Do it in a non-threatening way. Concentrate on how YOU feel, not on what he should or shouldn''t do. The better he realizes how important it is to you, the more likely he will give you the proposal you are hoping for. You can also point out that although arguments can definitely be made about weddings being more for the families and friends than for the couples, proposals are for only two people. They do not have to be public, nor do either of you ever have to share the details with anyone else. So the proposal you''re hoping for is not for anyone other than the two of you! It seems reasonable to me (a guy) that he should understand your feelings on this and be willing to do it. You''ll have plenty of stuff to argue about when it comes to the wedding later. I think the proposal issue should be the easy one.

 

[sciencegeek]

I will be getting engaged soon and I''m 99.99% sure that there will be no big formal proposal. My boyfriend and I decided together that we wanted to get married, and once the decision was made it seemed silly and redundant for him to ask me if I wanted to marry him. He also didn''t want the pressure of coming up with the most romantic perfect proposal ever, and I''m not high maintenance so that''s fine. Instead we''re going to have Engagement Day- we''re both calling in sick to work and spending the whole day together doing fun, romantic activities

When I think about it, that''s really more our style anyways. We''re not overwhelmingly traditional, and we are equal partners in our relationship. He was ready for marriage before I was (he''s a few years older than I am) and if he''d asked me too soon I would have said yes but not felt as certain and overjoyed as I am now.

You seem to have a different attitude than I, and the proposal really is important to you. Maybe your bf is similar to mine and is afraid of not living up to your expectations of the perfect proposal. Maybe you could tell him that you really want him to propose, and it doesn''t have to be fancy or long and drawn out, you just want a sweet heartfelt surprise. I do think talking to him is really important, it''s not fair to expect him to know what you want then be sad when he doesn''t know. In my experience, guys are not the best at picking up hints and divining what you want

And telling your BF that you want to be surprised shouldn''t diminish your happiness- if you ask him to do something and he obliges because he loves you, that means he cares and wants to make you happy.

 

[JimDiamond]

A good proposal doesn't have to involve sky writers and expensive details. It could, but it doesn't have to. Let him know the important part of the proposal is how it makes you feel (yes and him too). You want to be feeling happy and close to him when the moment of the proposal comes. Mostly that involves words, actions, memories, etc. not lumps of cash. You get the "lumps of cash" when you get the ring anyway (Hee hee!). Too many guys get caught up on the ostentatious details and forget that it's emotions that matter the most. Just let your guy know that you just want to share a special moment with him. It doesn't have to be a big production.