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Wedding Wishing Well

amc80

Ideal_Rock
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Jun 18, 2010
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5,765
A coworker of mine is getting married. They aren't registering and want to make it known that cash is the preferred gift. She wants to use this poem and include it with the invitation:

"If you were thinking of giving a gift, to help us on our way. A gift of cash towards our house, would really make our day. However, if you prefer to purchase a gift, feel free to surprise us in your own way."

Then she found out about wedding wishing wells. Basically, there's a prop well where people put cards/money...
http://www.premierweddingwishingwells.com.au/

As anyone ever heard of this? I'm trying to figure out a nice way to tell her it's SO tacky to mention the registry with the invitation, let alone tell people you want money.
 

Autumnovember

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
4,384
amc80|1302635963|2894273 said:
A coworker of mine is getting married. They aren't registering and want to make it known that cash is the preferred gift. She wants to use this poem and include it with the invitation:

"If you were thinking of giving a gift, to help us on our way. A gift of cash towards our house, would really make our day. However, if you prefer to purchase a gift, feel free to surprise us in your own way."

Then she found out about wedding wishing wells. Basically, there's a prop well where people put cards/money...
http://www.premierweddingwishingwells.com.au/

As anyone ever heard of this? I'm trying to figure out a nice way to tell her it's SO tacky to mention the registry with the invitation, let alone tell people you want money.



Eh...I never minded people putting where they are registered on invites...and I never cared if the couple made it clear that they wanted cash, either. I know every couple is different so for me it was always a "whatever floats their boat" kind of thing....if they want money, they want money, they want a gift....then a gift it will be from me. Thats just always been my own personal thinking...none of it is particularly tacky to me.
 
Joined
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401
I have heard of this, but only in old-school shotgun weddings (I'm thinking like my parents circa 1979) where the bride is pregnant and its apparent the couple needs money to finance their new addition. Haven't heard of anyone doing this lately, but I s'pose she can do what she wants and run the risk of looking tacky.
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
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Messages
5,765
Autumnovember|1302636698|2894288 said:
Eh...I never minded people putting where they are registered on invites...and I never cared if the couple made it clear that they wanted cash, either. I know every couple is different so for me it was always a "whatever floats their boat" kind of thing....if they want money, they want money, they want a gift....then a gift it will be from me. Thats just always been my own personal thinking...none of it is particularly tacky to me.

It's just weird to me. I don't care if people register. I personally hate giving money to people as gifts, unless it is someone way younger than I am. I just think it's weird to give someone money who is my age. And isn't cash usually a preferred gift? I can't imagine someone not wanting money as a present. It just seems like the obvious choice ("hey, I don't know what to get them, maybe I'll just write a check"), especially for people who don't have a registry.

Also, if there isn't registry info in the invitation, it's pretty easy to just email/call/ask them in person where they are registered. I'd hope that if I'm close enough to get an invite that I wouldn't feel weird contacting the couple (or the couple's parents, etc) to find out.

But, I know this is just one of those topics that everyone has an opinion on, and one opinion isn't necessarily more correct than any other. I had never heard of a wishing well though so I didn't know if it was regional or what. That particular company is in Australia, so maybe it's something done regularly there?
 

Autumnovember

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
4,384
amc80|1302637347|2894300 said:
Autumnovember|1302636698|2894288 said:
Eh...I never minded people putting where they are registered on invites...and I never cared if the couple made it clear that they wanted cash, either. I know every couple is different so for me it was always a "whatever floats their boat" kind of thing....if they want money, they want money, they want a gift....then a gift it will be from me. Thats just always been my own personal thinking...none of it is particularly tacky to me.

It's just weird to me. I don't care if people register. I personally hate giving money to people as gifts, unless it is someone way younger than I am. I just think it's weird to give someone money who is my age. And isn't cash usually a preferred gift? I can't imagine someone not wanting money as a present. It just seems like the obvious choice ("hey, I don't know what to get them, maybe I'll just write a check"), especially for people who don't have a registry.

Also, if there isn't registry info in the invitation, it's pretty easy to just email/call/ask them in person where they are registered. I'd hope that if I'm close enough to get an invite that I wouldn't feel weird contacting the couple (or the couple's parents, etc) to find out.

But, I know this is just one of those topics that everyone has an opinion on, and one opinion isn't necessarily more correct than any other. I had never heard of a wishing well though so I didn't know if it was regional or what. That particular company is in Australia, so maybe it's something done regularly there?

I'm confused. What is weird, the wishing well or that she is putting down where she is registered on invites?

I've seen registries put on invites, wedding websites, etc. I *personally* have never thought twice about the placement of where the registry info is.

I have seen a "variety" or wishing wells including "mail boxes" and "bird cages"

What I've realized with weddings is that I could probably find you one person out of every wedding that will find something that they think is "tacky." I feel like this is one of those things that is just a matter of personal opinion (as you stated). Everyone risks being "tacky" to SOMEONE along the line...can't please everyone.

Also, you said she is your coworker. Are you really close with her? If not, I would honestly keep my opinion to myself.
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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5,765
Autumnovember|1302638780|2894326 said:
I'm confused. What is weird, the wishing well or that she is putting down where she is registered on invites?

I've seen registries put on invites, wedding websites, etc. I *personally* have never thought twice about the placement of where the registry info is.

I have seen a "variety" or wishing wells including "mail boxes" and "bird cages"

What I've realized with weddings is that I could probably find you one person out of every wedding that will find something that they think is "tacky." I feel like this is one of those things that is just a matter of personal opinion (as you stated). Everyone risks being "tacky" to SOMEONE along the line...can't please everyone.

Also, you said she is your coworker. Are you really close with her? If not, I would honestly keep my opinion to myself.

What is weird, to me, is specifically asking for money.

She is my coworker and friend. I have helped her a lot in her wedding planning. I designed her invitations for her with photoshop. She regularly asks my advice/opinion. So not just a coworker. I'm not going to say anything to her anyway...mainly because just because I don't agree with something doesn't mean she can't do it. I've been to many weddings that have had various breaches of traditional etiquette...some minor, some huge. But the thing about etiquette is the "rules" are made by people. Yes, they evolve over time and become part of what's generally accepted in society, but it's not like they are law. I had just never heard of a wishing well. Birdcages and mailboxes, yes...but those seem to just be more of places to put a card on and not a specific, pre-wedding request for cash.
 

Autumnovember

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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amc80|1302644945|2894417 said:
Autumnovember|1302638780|2894326 said:
I'm confused. What is weird, the wishing well or that she is putting down where she is registered on invites?

I've seen registries put on invites, wedding websites, etc. I *personally* have never thought twice about the placement of where the registry info is.

I have seen a "variety" or wishing wells including "mail boxes" and "bird cages"

What I've realized with weddings is that I could probably find you one person out of every wedding that will find something that they think is "tacky." I feel like this is one of those things that is just a matter of personal opinion (as you stated). Everyone risks being "tacky" to SOMEONE along the line...can't please everyone.

Also, you said she is your coworker. Are you really close with her? If not, I would honestly keep my opinion to myself.

What is weird, to me, is specifically asking for money.

She is my coworker and friend. I have helped her a lot in her wedding planning. I designed her invitations for her with photoshop. She regularly asks my advice/opinion. So not just a coworker. I'm not going to say anything to her anyway...mainly because just because I don't agree with something doesn't mean she can't do it. I've been to many weddings that have had various breaches of traditional etiquette...some minor, some huge. But the thing about etiquette is the "rules" are made by people. Yes, they evolve over time and become part of what's generally accepted in society, but it's not like they are law. I had just never heard of a wishing well. Birdcages and mailboxes, yes...but those seem to just be more of places to put a card on and not a specific, pre-wedding request for cash.

Ahh ok, makes sense.

And I couldn't agree more about everything you said in terms of etiquette...means so many different things to different people.

I googled the wishing well thing and found some really interesting stuff...google it, let me know what you think/if it changes your opinion, lots of stuff on the net about it.

I liked these poems a bit more for some reason:

http://mag.weddingcentral.com.au/weddings/wishing_wells/index.htm
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
5,765
Ah, I see. It looks like a traditional wishing well is basically a place for people to put cards...but the link I looked at (which looks like it leads to the same site as the one you referenced) talked about including a poem to tell people you want cash...which is the part I don't like.

Like this...it just rubs me the wrong way:

"We really would appreciate a little money of our own,
instead of a little gift for our new home!
We know you want to find something nice
But it's such a hassle to find the right price
So come and enjoy the day all sunny
We really would appreciate a little money."
 

Autumnovember

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
4,384
amc80|1302651466|2894508 said:
Ah, I see. It looks like a traditional wishing well is basically a place for people to put cards...but the link I looked at (which looks like it leads to the same site as the one you referenced) talked about including a poem to tell people you want cash...which is the part I don't like.

Like this...it just rubs me the wrong way:

"We really would appreciate a little money of our own,
instead of a little gift for our new home!
We know you want to find something nice
But it's such a hassle to find the right price
So come and enjoy the day all sunny
We really would appreciate a little money."



Yeaaaaah....that one is.... :-o

I think instead of tacky, it might be -cheesy- unless those two words mean the same to you?

I personally would rather have cash but instead I'm not including anything about gifts on the invites which is bothersome for some people too.
 

sillyberry

Brilliant_Rock
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If you're close to the bride, which it sounds like you are, I would tell her that a lot of her guests might not take kindly to being told on the invitation about presents, much less a directive to give cash. It's totally appropriate for the bridal party or parents to provide that information if asked though. Alternatively, if they have a website, it would not be terrible to put something like "All we want is for you to come celebrate with us, but just in case you're wondering if we already have a blender - we do! While we will love anything you give us, what we would love most is for help funding our upcoming house purchase!"
 

Echidna

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
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Messages
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amc80, I'm not sure if wishing wells are Australian in particular but they are relatively popular here (Eastern states at least). Saying you're having a wishing well is basically short-hand for "we want cash" (no poem required!). My sister did this for her wedding and put a note worded similarly to what Sillyberry suggested in the invite.

Personally, I don't like the wishing well thing. We have registered and we have put separate registry cards in our invites. I appreciate that both of these are a breach of etiquette but it seems to be the "norm".
 

OUpearlgirl

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Jun 26, 2007
Messages
3,081
I often have to delicately word this situation to customers all of the time. If they ask about it I will ask them "How traditional and by the book do you want to be? Are you inviting some older people to the wedding?" If they reply yes then I will tell them that if they are wanting to follow through with proper etiquette then do not mention registry or gifts on the invitation, in the invitation, NEAR the invitation! When they ask why I will say some people view it as gift grabby. Usually this results in them find another way to let their guests know what their preferred gifts are. Like, good old fashioned word of mouth!

Could you say something similar to her? If she says she doesn't care about following etiquette then drop it.
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
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Messages
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OUpeargirl|1302701712|2894883 said:
Could you say something similar to her? If she says she doesn't care about following etiquette then drop it.

This is the tricky part...she says she cares and is aware of etiquette, but obviously not enough to follow it. I think part of her problem is that her fiance's family are from a different socio-economic background...putting this delicately...let's just say there are family members with gold front teeth. So she's probably assuming they don't know the intricacies of wedding etiquette.

The wedding website was one of my suggestions, but they aren't doing one. If she asks again I'm going to say something, but it will be gentle...like "are you sure any of the older crowd won't be offended?" or something like that. At the end of the day, it's her wedding and her decision.
 

slg47

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9,667
yeah, I think there are different 'standards' or 'norms' for etiquette. Some people think response cards are offensive, some people think NOT having response cards is offensive, some people think putting registry info in the invite is extremely tacky, others see it as 'normal'...I would just let her do what she wants.
 
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