Anxiety. What is normal?

[Gypsy]

Okay so. This is going to seem weird. But how far in advance do you worry about things? And what percentage of your time does that worrying take up mentally? Does it interfere with your daily life? And to what extent?

Also, I know when I am around children my attention is very focused on the immediate and the future is not on my mind. So, I guess what I am saying is... this question is more geared toward folks who don't have live in children.

Thank you!

 

[TooPatient]

I'm having 2 wisdom teeth out on December 23. I've thought about it from the time I made the appointment (before Thanksgiving) and as I get closer I think about it more and more.


In general, it depends on what I'm worried about. Anxiety over getting a flu during finals week is mostly a passing thought a couple of weeks before. Anxiety over something big (purchase of house) starts to get me early (weeks to months depending) and takes up more and more of my thoughts as the event gets closer.

If you mean something bad (like a death) that you know will happen someday but you don't really know when, that one is bad for me. I worry LOTS.


ETA: How it affects my daily life depends on what I'm anxious about. Smaller worries I can usually just push aside when I have to work. I'll still talk about them (or post here) but I can pretty much go on with life. Big anxieties I just can't push my mind past so I really don't accomplish anything at work and cooking doesn't go well (burned food, missing ingredients, cut fingers...).

 

[somethingshiny]

I stopped worrying after some really bad stuff went down and I realized that the worrying had not prevented it and in fact had just been a waste of time. (that was before kids) Prior to that, my worrying did interfere with daily life and at times was all consuming. I would worry for 3 days before buying a purse! Looking back now, I should have seen a doctor. Luckily I was able to take hold of it with both hands and rectify the situation.

Worry and guilt are the two worst feelings in the world.

 

[Steel]

You need to ask a Dr. as to what is normal.

But I know I have high anxiety. For me I think it is about control. I don't want to be in a negative situation without preparation, so I think about things and how I would handle a negative situation should it arise. I tend to be very prepared. But I am also pessimistic. One is a good thing, the other not so much.

Why do you ask?

ETA: As to the interference with daily life. I think my anxiety causes me to self-handicap. I see the negative outcomes clearly and if the odds look poor; I simply won't bother to try. I try to convince myself it is a logical numbers move - but it isn't, not really.

 

[Circe]

I'm a worrier, by nature. I didn't realize quite how unusual that was until I got together with my husband, who is pretty much worry-free: when we made our first move together, at first I thought he wasn't taking it seriously because he wasn't worrying WITH me. Then I realized it was just a fundamental difference ....

I do wish I could worry less, but I think it might just be how some of us are wired. It's annoying, though: all that energy going into some kind of preemptive concern that doesn't have any tangible benefit!

Just to be sure we're on the same page: I don't mean stuff like worrying about, like, being struck by lightning. (I mean, if I was, I'd be the last one to worry, about anything, really.) But things like ... what if TSA hassles me on my next flight? What if we can't find a better apartment when it's time to move? What if, what if, what if! Blah.

 

[Jessie702]

I am a worrier by nature, and so is my SO...but if the anxiety is taking over your life, you might want to get help. I would know because i had a panic attack last year, felt like i was having a heart attack. When i got to the hospital they told me it was a panic attack, and gave me a prescription for Xanex, that i take when i feel like im going to relapse. Sometimes just knowing you have an issue is the first step, so i would say go to the Psychologist to get some help, and i say Psychologist, because your medical doctor may know about panic attacks and Anxiety, but they are not "trained" in a way to really help you, you might need to go through some Psychothearpy, and learn to uncover the root of some of the worries.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I have a kid but I am going to answer anyways. Hope that doesn't give you anxiety!

I am a master projector. I have ALWAYS been a worrier to the point of analysis paralysis. I get anxiety over pretty mundane things. Am I normal? Probably not. I have learned to deal with it. I concentrate only on today (or at least try to). That is not to say I don't make plans for the future, but I keep my obsessive thinking in check. I try to keep my head where my feet are. When I catch my anxiety building up, I examine how important the issue really is in my life. Will it be important a week from now? A month? A year?

 

[JewelFreak]

For most of my life I worried about many things: would I screw up my job; what would happen to my pets if I got run over by a bus; would we be able to buy a house we liked & what if the bank denied a mortgage...on & on. I did as Circe does (still fight it), saw the negative side of an idea & gave up, convinced it would never work.

But I realized that 95% of the stuff I woke up at night & tossed about, NEVER happened. And what did wasn't nearly as bad as I feared, just handled it & moved on. We can't control the future -- we don't even know if we'll live past tonight. So why, I finally decided, get all worked up over milk that isn't spilled? I try to be smart about preventing bad stuff -- like getting the chimney cleaned annually -- but when starting to obsess, ask myself: Do you have any control over that? Can you change it now? If the answer is no, I cut off my thoughts right then. Takes a tad of discipline but I'm much less tense than I used to be. (Yoga every morning helps too.)

--- Laurie

 

[fieryred33143]

I knew my anxiety wasn't normal when I couldn't intelligently analyze situations. I would come up with the most ridiculous worst case scenarios and convinced myself that was going to happen. Also, when it interfered with my normal routine so much that I couldn't focus on anything. I remember when I saw a psychiatrist for it. He asked me to subtract 7 from 100 and continue subtracting 7. I couldn't at all and math is my strong suit.

 

[Gypsy]

Thank you guys for posting your experiences.

I am under the medical care and do take medication. But for the last couple of months (even though my doctor has adjusted stuff) it's gotten to the point that I feel like I get so overwhelmed by stress that I am reaching for a pill to pop all the time. And it scares me as I'm afraid of becoming an addict. Not dependant on medications that have long term effects. But an actual addict to valium, xanax or similar stuff. The short term acting happy pills that don't do much for me at all anymore unless they are in increasing high doses. And I'm not a drinker at all. But recently (last month or so) alcohol has become more attractive as it mellows me out. Which terrifies me and I resist it.

I am seeing my doctor and have made him aware of the issue (including the desire to drink) and we are working to decrease my need for these things. But... I think lifestyle and thought process changes are in order too (and yes, I have a therapist as well). I'm just a mess of stress.

TMI. But... I need help. And even though I am getting it medically and theraputically (and both of these providers are the best, trust me... it isn't them) I think I have to take more ownership of it.

So I thought doing a pulse check to see what others thoughts are might help me figure out how to help me, help myself. Because I think at this point, I have the support I need externally. And that it is an inner thing. I have to kick my own butt out of this cycle. No one can do it for me.

 

[elrohwen]

Honestly, not much. I will worry about an event if it just happened, or if I'm about to do something that makes me nervous (like swimming in the ocean, for whatever reason), but I don't really stress about stuff before it's imminent. I think I'm just good at compartmentalizing and only dealing with what I want to deal with until it's right upon me. I do find as I get older that I worry a lot more than I used to, but I still don't worry unless I'm actually in the situation.

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time I don't think I can really offer any advice beyond what you're doing, since I don't have experience in this area, but I think it's great that you're looking at it so objectively and working to get healthy again.

 

[fieryred33143]

Gypsy-first, huge hugs. I think you are right on the money in knowing that looking within is key. When I went through my period of anxiety, I was in a very dark place. For a long time, I thought it was mommy stuff because I channeled all of my anxiety on her. For ex., I would get a panic attack and then believed her too snug socks were going to cause her heart to stop (hence the ridiculous worst case scenarios).

I went to a therapist and psych who *did* help me. But what was key was really identifying what was bothering me and causing the anxiety and addressing that issue. It was a lot of soul searching and (unfortunately) something I never did before. It helped, a lot to a point where I got off the meds and can handle the anxiety on my own now. Lots of quiet moments and taking some time off work helped me figure things out.

Hope you start feeling better asap. Mental health is so important and it's great you are taking these steps to figure things out.

 

[meresal]

Gypsy,

I think you have taken a very big step admitting this. Hugs.

In life, we are usually the LAST to admit/see that we ourselves have a problem, and if you are seeing this now, then I think you should get help now. Obviously the help you have isn't working, so a stronger program might be in order.

Have others around you commented on the pills or the drinking? Do you think that other people can see it?

ETA: My advice is based on this not really being a anxiety thing anymore... but it is turning into a serious addiction. It has been months.

 

[Gypsy]

Hi guys, thought I'd clarify. Drinking only happened one night, and it scared the crap out of me-- and hasn't happened again. It's not that I am giving in to the urges every time. I reach for things. But I don't take them. But the fact that I feel I *need* them, or (if I let myself, which I don't) that I can justify them scares me. I was up to 4 of one very addictive medication a day a month ago and now I'm off it, and using a less addictive medication maybe 4 a week. So it's better. It's just... the anxiety is like drowning. There's these waves and I can feel them tugging me under. And sometimes I've drowning without air before I know it.

Panic attacks yes. But they are more like episodes that can take hours. Wave after wave after wave.

It's just... there. Anyway. Yeah. Admitting it is hard. But that's why I posted. I felt like I had to. To see it in print and expose it. Because hiding it was just going to enable it.

Fiery ((HUGS)) and Meresal thank you. And Elrohwen, I appreciate the encouragement.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I worry too much, my parents used to tell me when I was 5 I worried too much!

I have always had some difficulty with social skills, and that caught up with me in the adolescent years and a lot of anxiety stemmed from that. In college things got better when I made friends who really helped me out. Things got bad in residency when some of the attendings were treating me in a very similar way as the high school students were treating me. The biggest problem is that it interferes with my sleep. Drinking usually lowers my emotional threshold and makes things worse for me, so it is rarely something I want to do when I am upset or worried.

It has been over a year since I have been out of residency, and I have not fully recovered from the experience. But where I live, access to mental health is really hard to get. Oh yeah, in my clinic one of my good friends is the counselor....so that option is out (although she has a great way of steering me in a different direction when I am saying something wrong). So I see someone every 2 months in my husbands city. And she really has some good ideas for me, but they have been hard to execute because of the distance.

I know exercise and yoga have helped me, my husband has been a great support. He witnessed 9/11 and he tells me after that experience, things just come into prospective and he quit worrying about the small stuff. But of course I home something like that never happens again, and don't recommend witnessing that kind of event!!! It would be nice to gain that kind of prospective without a tragedy attached to it. A little anxiety is actually healthy, it keeps us motivated and productive. Too much can be debilitating though.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step to helping yourself. So I think you have taken a very big step here.

 

[Kaleigh]

Layla
HUGS. Hoping you figure this out. Praying for you and sending you the strength to do so.

 

[violet3]

Oh goodness - i feel badly for you. I personally have extreme levels of anxiety. I've been financially overwhelmed for going on 4 years now. It has really hindered me emotionally -- I have had to be medicated for about a year and a half. Prior to that, I was managing it ok, but it got really overwhelming and i take an anti-anxiety drug every day. I hope that I won't have to be on them forever, but for now, I must and I've learned to accept that. I even had to up my dose to get where i needed to be emotionally.

I still have REALLY bad days, but they are farther and fewer between. I can understand your worry about the "special" pills and the drinking. I don't take xanax or others like that because i do have the same fears as you. my husband and i both drink pretty regularly, and to some extent it does take the edge off a little bit...i can understand where that is a slippery slope though.

Have you asked your doctor about hypnotherapy? i am exploring this as well, and it worked well for my sister. I personally have physical manifestations of the anxiety, such as shaking and on occasion, vomiting. I am hopeful that if i end up going to a hypnotherapist, it will help.

Keep me posted on your progress -- i am so sorry you are going through this.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Do you mean normal as in, normative. Or normal as in mentally healthy?

 

[Dreamer_D]

OK, I just read more.

If you are on medication and going to therapy regularly and it is still feling overwhelming, then your treatment is not working. I suggest seeking a second opinion and getting a different therapist to see if another approach works. I think often people opt for a therapist who makes them feel comfortable, when real change does not happen when you are comfortable. Real change happens when someone pushes you to try things and think in ways that are different than you normally do. And people who are anxious often do not like this, because anxiety often goes hand-in-hand with major control issues.

I have a friend who reacher her breaking point with anxiety. It was so bad she was having dissociative episodes. You know what it took to help her get a handle on it? Therapy 5 days a week for 6 months. Yup, it was that intensive. And it worked. Changed her life. No medication required.

Anyways, if you were seeing a doctor to treat a major illness, say heart disease, and it kept getting worse you would seek a second opinion. Same goes for mental health. Seek another opinion and keep seeking until you find the therapeutic program that allows you to live a balanced life.

 

[Imdanny]

I worry a lot and it's hard for instance like in politics you can see people agreeing to stupid things that you know will have consequences, when you see the consequences so clearly in your mind, but it feels like nobody's listening, or things are just corrupt, and everything is getting worse all the time.

I know it's stupid but I worry about asteroids hitting the earth. Yes, I know the chances of that are not much at all but they're not nothing, and asteroids terrify me.

I worry about getting old, no, not what I'm going to look like or anything like that, but what's going to happen to me, where am I going to live when I'm old and can't work.

Having said all that my level of anxiety is not normal. I'm sure it's probably excessive.

And, no, I don't have kids. I'd be a nervous wreck worrying about the bad things that can and do happen to them, like when my brother was 16 and got into a serious car accident.

Gypsy, my advice for anti-anxiety medication (and I take it) is stay on schedule (and I should talk because last month I was so worried about my ankle that I didn't, and I caused a scene, I mean I was pleasant and patient, but my doctor, my doctor's nurse, the pharmacy, and the insurance company were on the phone with each other for 1 1/2 hrs trying to get things right, and they did, my pharmacy was able to give me a week's worth of medication (generic ativan) while they wait for the doctor to do some pre-authorization paperwork for the insurance company). I've never admitted that on PS but your post gave me courage. I don't drink (thankfully I can't tolerate it, ever since I was in my late 20's). It helped me to discuss my medication with my doctor and when it wasn't working anymore after two years, she raised the dose, but it's still half of what they can give you and it helped). Thanks for sharing your story and best wishes to you. Hugs.

 

[monarch64]

I don't know what's normal. I come from a family with a paternal history of (for lack of a better term) nervous disorders, and I fear that I have inherited some of those.

I have steered clear of medication since the realization that I maybe had inherited some anxiety disorder hit me in my mid-to-late twenties. I tried Paxil ONCE and a. it didn't do anything for me, and b. I just didn't want to medicate myself. I admittedly have and continue to use alcohol in social settings to alleviate some of my anxiety, but I am fully aware that it's really unhealthy, and I have talked extensively with my FI about this. Alcohol is a slippery slope, and I have felt myself recently and in years past, sliding down that slope unwillingly.

I've had panic attacks, and I've spoken to another person close to my age who has also experienced them and gone through cognitive behavioral therapy. She suggested some very effective exercises (they happen to me when I'm driving or am a passenger in a vehicle, whether it be a plane or a car), and I have used them and found them to be absolutely fantastic. I'm happy to share with anyone here which exercises have given me good results should anyone be interested. I am finally able to get in a car with someone again, or drive myself places and have less worry/anxiety about it.

Gypsy, you are so brave to come here and talk about your issues/fears. I applaud you for your courage.

 

[Natylad]

Gypsy <<HUGS>> dear...

I worry all the time...about, well, almost everything...My husband knows that and he has been trying for the last five years to help me but in general i don't see me changing any time soon...I have always been like that but things got extremely worse after my divorce with my first husband, nine years ago. I had to fight for my sanity, for my daughter's custody...in general i felt that i had to fight with evil itself and that's when i realized that i'd stay up the entire night worrying that he will find a way to take my daughter away from me, that he would tell her lies in order to make her hate me, that he would find ways to ruin the rest of my life and never leave me alone to find somebody else and start over, etc...People who have experienced all this with me, like my family, my husband and my dear friends, have all admitted that if i wasn't such an extremely strong person i wouldn't have survived this.
Nevertheless, that experience has aggravated permanently my anxiety problem. Now i worry about things that you can't even imagine...Like the wind which might reverse my balcony closet while i'm at work and damage things, my food getting burnt while i'm cooking, my child getting sick, me getting sick for whatever reason and dying before i see my babies grow up and before i have enough time with my DH, losing an important case in court, etc...
I also worry a lot every time the phone rings. I mean, i really HATE phones...Even when i know that it is my DH calling to talk about something very pleasant, i get extremely upset and anxious by the phone's ringing I also worry about money and whether we'll be able in the future to support our family...even though i have a great job and i come from a family which is financially secure...Not to mention that i worry to death about my country (Greece), after all the latest developments...
I know that i have a problem but i haven't visited a doctor and i haven't taken any medication. I like to believe that i can make it on my own. Actually, this thought is helping a lot in my fight with my anxiety...the thought that i can beat it without medicine...So far i can perform very well at work, at home, etc, but yeah, i know for a fact that all the trivial things that never worry other people are giving ME a very hard time in my everyday life and this has an impact on all the people who surround me...
Gypsy...you're not alone, trust me...

 

[CNOS128]

...I know exercise and yoga have helped me, my husband has been a great support. He witnessed 9/11 and he tells me after that experience, things just come into prospective and he quit worrying about the small stuff. But of course I home something like that never happens again, and don't recommend witnessing that kind of event!!! It would be nice to gain that kind of prospective without a tragedy attached to it. A little anxiety is actually healthy, it keeps us motivated and productive. Too much can be debilitating though.
. . .

That's interesting to me, LF, because while I wasn't at the WTC, I was living in Brooklyn on 9/11 and my anxiety (already quite high) was much worse after that day. For at least a year afterward, every single time a plane flew overhead my heart would start pounding and my breathing would become fast and shallow, and I'd get a lump in my throat and sometimes physically tremble. I didn't walk around that entire year thinking about 'What if terrorists attack again?' but the sound/sight of airplanes flying over the city definitely triggered some sort of anxiety response. I'm okay with airplanes now, but really loud noises like cars backfiring and unexpected fireworks still engender the same reaction.

As I mentioned though, I had pretty high anxiety before that -- and I still do. I was actually having this conversation yesterday with some friends. I've had more than one therapist tell me to have a glass or two of wine to deal with social anxiety and general end-of-day stress. But, this is ONLY because I do not have any sort of addiction/dependency issues. My husband helps a lot, too. I could ditto Circe's whole post -- I used to think my husband wasn't taking things seriously if he wasn't worrying about them, but it's really just that he doesn't see the point in worrying about something until it happens. That's the mindset I aim to have someday. I force myself to think about the positive outcomes that could occur instead of the negative ones that I can imagine more easily. I also force myself just to BE in uncomfortable situations, because each time I survive them, I think I lose a little bit of the anxiety that surrounded them. My biggest motivation is NOT wanting to miss out on experiences in life because of my anxiety.

Good luck Gypsy. I really hope you find the peace that you deserve.

 

[blueiris]

Gypsy, thank you for sharing. You are very brave as this is hard to think about, let alone talk about. Your courage has enabled others (including me) to come forward and speak a little, too. I think I can understand (to an extent, since everyone experiences things in their own way) what you're going through and I know how awful it is and how desperate you can feel.

I am an extremely anxious person, though I wasn't always like this. I often think how much I'd like to get back to my previous "carefree" self but it seems impossible, and maybe unrealistic. I do think there is some kind of hormonal component to this (in my case), but I also think events can and do shape (and nurture?) the tendency to be anxious and to panic. The things that have occurred in my life are, in my mind at least, directly responsible for the nearly constant anxiety I feel, and there was nothing I could have done to control those events. I have never liked the feeling of not having control. It's a terribly scary feeling to think - to know, to acknowledge this truth - that we really don't have control. I think it's human nature to rail against that feeling.

I am not a good medication taker because of my worries about becoming addicted. So I'm always looking for other ways to learn to really relax and stop worrying. I've tried structured breathing exercises and I think that over time, that might help, but I never seem to find (or make) the time to be really consistent. I just invested in a biofeedback system that I hope may help. I have yet to try it - for some reason it makes me nervous! Talk about a Catch-22. But even before I read this thread, I got up this morning and told myself that I'm going to start working with the system today.

I've had panic attacks, and I've spoken to another person close to my age who has also experienced them and gone through cognitive behavioral therapy. She suggested some very effective exercises (they happen to me when I'm driving or am a passenger in a vehicle, whether it be a plane or a car), and I have used them and found them to be absolutely fantastic. I'm happy to share with anyone here which exercises have given me good results should anyone be interested. I am finally able to get in a car with someone again, or drive myself places and have less worry/anxiety about it.

Monarch, please share here! I've read some about cognitive behavioral therapy helping, and I would really like to hear about the exercises that have given you good results. Thank you!

 

[rhbgirl24]

I'm a worrier, by nature. I didn't realize quite how unusual that was until I got together with my husband, who is pretty much worry-free: when we made our first move together, at first I thought he wasn't taking it seriously because he wasn't worrying WITH me. Then I realized it was just a fundamental difference ....

I do wish I could worry less, but I think it might just be how some of us are wired. It's annoying, though: all that energy going into some kind of preemptive concern that doesn't have any tangible benefit!

Just to be sure we're on the same page: I don't mean stuff like worrying about, like, being struck by lightning. (I mean, if I was, I'd be the last one to worry, about anything, really.) But things like ... what if TSA hassles me on my next flight? What if we can't find a better apartment when it's time to move? What if, what if, what if! Blah.

I could have written this post, right down to the husband!!! I worry constantly and its lead to many sleepless nights and borderline ulcers. My DH says I just need to relax that everything will be fine and I dont have to be prepared for every single outcome. However thats easier said than done, right?

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Hey, Gypsy, I don't have experience with debilitating anxiety, but my husband does.

My husband has been diagnosed with moderate OCD. He's a brilliant man, but essentially his brain is constantly in overdrive and he used to spend a great deal of his time constantly worrying. He would obsess over bad things happening, then had various compulsions in order to try to keep those bad things at bay. Not to say that you have OCD by any means, it's just that his OCD was very closely tied to anxiety.

My husband tried many various types of medications and, as you probably know, SSRIs are very strong since they literally alter the way your brain works, and thus he always had issues with side effects. He started seeing a behavioral therapist about ten years ago as an alternative to medication for his anxiety/OCD.

My husband's therapist taught him several breathing exercises in order to naturally calm his brain. He also suggested that he do yoga 1 - 2x per week as well as exercise for at least 30 minutes per day, 6 days per week.

Long story short, improvement didn't happen overnight, but it definitely happened. I would not call my husband the yoga or meditating type, but channeling his anxiety in a way where he could manage it made such a difference. When he would start to feel panicked with anxiety, I could see him coping by using the breathing exercises. The regular exercise also really helped to "quiet" his brain and he's been an avid runner for the past decade. For him, it's a way to relieve stress and anxiety physically...in fact, one of the reasons he loves mountain climbing is because it pushing him physically to the point where he can't worry anymore. When you're physically exhausting yourself, you only focus on the now, which keeps his anxiety at bay.

I just wanted to share his experience because while it's not the same as pure anxiety, I do think it is very similar. And it's something he'll always need to manage--he still has anxiety in his everyday life (especially around kids, he gets really worried about hurting them), but he can completely manage it on his own now and wasn't on medication for about 9 years. He's recenly started taking an SSRI again, however it's due to a concussion he suffered earlier this year, unfortunately.

Sorry for my long post, I do understand how frustrated you must feel because I watched D go through it for a very long time. I wish you tons of luck!

 

[Blackpaw]

Im sorry you're going through this Gypsy

i think Dreamer's advice is good, if you're doing all this to help your anxiety and its not working, then its time to try something(one) else...

Im starting to have a fair bit of anxiety...it started this year really, and is all about the future, my fear of being 'trapped' etc. And then my SO was diagnosed with kidney disease and its worsened, because now the future really is shaky, we have no idea when he'll need a transplant, only that he will need one relatively soon. Im hoping that 2011 will be a better year.

For what its worth, yoga is starting to help me a lot. Besides feeling great physically, im starting to take on board some of the tenets of it, and they help me a little, sometimes just to step back away from things and concentrate on just being.

hope things get better, Gypsy.

 

[Steel]

Sh1t Gypsy, I am very sorry to read that you are struggling at the moment. I really hope you can get a handle on it to a point where you are comfortable again.

Not for a second am I asking you to share, but I assume there is a core issue or issues as to why you have such high anxiety. Is there any reason that those strings have been pulled recently to hype you up. Can those triggers be lessened for you so you can cope better in general?

No need to be specific.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Okay so. This is going to seem weird. But how far in advance do you worry about things? And what percentage of your time does that worrying take up mentally? Does it interfere with your daily life? And to what extent?

Also, I know when I am around children my attention is very focused on the immediate and the future is not on my mind. So, I guess what I am saying is... this question is more geared toward folks who don't have live in children.

Thank you!

I have no help for you in this, but wanted to say that when you have live in children you have just as much anxiety, but a lot of it is focused on their wellbeing. I know what you mean though, I still experience that with other people's kids. Talking with little people always makes me very mindful and centered in the here and now, but I don't get that with my kids. I know that's not the topic, but had to add that lol

 

[geckodani]

Most of the time I don't worry all that much. And sometimes I worry about things to the point of insanity. For example, we're looking for a house. I'm worried we will never find one. This crosses my mind maybe once a day, or every other day. This I consider a normal amount of worry.

On the other hand, I've got a root canal next Friday. I'm worried about it. A LOT. Even though I am going to the happy dentist that knocks me out and I sleep through the whole thing, I'm still worried. Worried it won't work. Worried I'll be taking painkillers around the clock like I am now forever (think ice pick with a heartbeat lodged in my mouth). So on, so forth, etc. ad naseum. To the point that I had a panic attack the other night. Which hasn't happened in YEARS.

Moving on to the history of panic attacks. DH still remembers when we were dating, and I would get horrible, shaking panic attacks at least once a week. Not good. Why? Well, looking back, my life was so crazy and uncertain and I was pushing my own boundaries etc. Lots of history and things went into that state of mind. Doesn't happen so much anymore, but my life is pretty stable at the moment.

I also get what we refer to in the Gecko household as, "my brain is too full." This condition occurs when life just throws too much at you, and there's no more room.

DH has an anxiety disorder. I believe he once tried to explain the way his brain worries about things by mentioning that when he lit a match to light a candle he wondered where the wood came from and if by lighting said candle he had contributed to the extinction of a rare species of bird somehwere...

He is ALWAYS worrying about something. And I do mean always. It used to be the big stuff. Now that he's passed the bar and has a job, he has to come up with things to worry about. Which can be annoying and sometimes funny. I believe I fake smacked him across the head the other day and told him to stop coming up with things to worry about.

I often tell him to, "pull the bubble in." Referring to the things he is worried about as a huge bubble. I try to get him to make it smaller, to worry more about the things that are immediate and less about the matches and rare bird species...

I think that your life has been very stressful, and very uncertain lately. I think that you are handling it the best way you know how. You've gotten lots of advice already, and I just wanted to add that at some point, remember that you are entitled to a little bit of worry. And this too shall pass. Life goes on. The sun rises every day (well, unless you live in Alsaska). And you have people that care about you.

Hang in there lady.