Need Opinions Please

[wonka27]

Hi all...need some advice.

As I have stated in previous posts, I''m trying to give my girlfriend not only an engagement ring, but also a pair of stud earrings and a stud pendant for our engagement. Part of my reason for doing this, is because she has a really junky super small set of studs (maybe .25-.30 cttw) that is heavily included and no pendant....

...until I found out she does have a pendant. It is a .25 ct. "teardrop" shaped pendant with a fair diamond in it. Her and I began dating in January, and this is the first time she put it on. I was so bummed out, because she said her parents bought it for her for Christmas.

My question is...by giving her a pendant of bigger size (not much, but .30-.33 ct.) and much better quality, would I be undercutting her parents gift from this past Christmas. I''d honestly let it go and wait awhile, but the other issue is Jon @ GOG has been hard at work the past two days getting me information and we have two incredibly nice stones for me to pick from?

Any opinions as to what I should do? Thanks for your help!

 

[pearcrazy]

I think I would hold off on the pendant. Why do you want to give her all the diamonds for an engagement? Why not wait and give her the set as a wedding gift? Or Christmas or birthday? That way you can perhaps get a little more input on what she would like to have or you can fund a more expensive diamond wedding band. To me the ring should stand alone as an engagement gift.

 

[reena]

Hm. What style is the pendant you're considering purchasing? Is it different in any way than the one her parents got her, aside from size and quality of the stone? If not, I might reconsider, or get her something of a totally different shape/style so that she can get use out of both.

If I were her? I'd prefer that you put the additional $$ toward a fabulous stone for the e-ring, since that's going to be the real focus on the night you give it to her, not to mention what she's going to wear on her hand every single day for years and years!!!

Just my unsolicited two cents. Good luck!

 

[wonka27]

Thank you for your opinions.

Still not sure what I want to do...

Her pendant is a teardrop shape thing with the diamond in a bezel type setting at the bottom. The one I am getting her will be just a solitare.

I understand the thinking behind the ering. I did already buy a stone for that. I had a budget that would have gotten me an I-J color 1ct. from GOG, but decided to go with .8 ct. and use the leftover money to get her studs and pendant. I knew her studs were crap and the pendant didn't exist as far as I knew. My honest feeling was I could give her 3 pieces of jewelery that would be stunning by sacrificing .20 ct. in the ring which equates to 1/2 mm. I think she'll still love the idea, I just don't want to step on any toes.

 

[msbennie]

I agree with the other posters....the main focus of your engagement should be the e-ring. I would have gone with the 1ct I-J diamond for the e-ring with no other pieces. If you haven't had the diamond set, there is still time to get it upgraded especially if you got it at GOG. If I received three pieces of jewelry from my fiance, I would definitely "zero in" on the e-ring and probably glance at the others. This is just one girl's opinion!

 

[Carmel]

Well, I have two schools of thought here. First off, I kind of go along with pearcrazy’s rationale that the engagement ring should stand alone. I really believe it should be the symbolic recipient of all the focus and emotion wrapped around the proposal and engagement. I get that you want to shower your betrothed with diamonds, but if you use a little restraint and calculate this thing out, you can create two memorable events for her. You’re probably going to get enough fireworks with the engagement ring, and you can stay one step ahead of the game by saving the earrings and pendant for the next big celebration (again, pearcrazy’s thought for a wedding gift ~ or maybe a first year anniversary).

Now, secondly, when you wed, the two of you are supposed to be number one in each other’s view. That billing is not shared with the parents! There is no room here for worrying about “overshadowing” the parents ~ that’s not really what you would be doing so don’t think about the pendant issue in that way. I’m sure your beloved’s parents want their daughter to be well taken care of in many different respects. What if one day you buy your wife a really stylish car with all the proper safety features? It’s probably going to be a much better car than the one her parents bought her in high school, eh? Are you going to lose sleep over that? Of course not! All I’m saying is, that’s the chain of events that occur when you move into this stage of your life ~ you know that!

So to summarize, my vote is to save the earrings/pendant for a later date and put all of your energy into the e-ring matters. Be proud that you found someone who deserves being gifted with diamonds and p~a~c~e this thing out. You already have a lot on your plate ~ taking a wife and all the responsibilities therein ~ so try to keep unnecessary pressure out of the mix with the “I feel bad” mindset if you decide not to purchase the earrings/pendant right now. Vendors face indecision and reverse-decisions from their customers all the time, they can deal with it, I’m sure. Just bring yourself back to center here, and take one thing at a time (good advice I recently received myself!).

 

[wonka27]

Thank you for the good advise Carmel.

Maybe I'll still get everything, but save the pendant/earrings for Xmas or our anniversary or some other event I can see along the way.

I just thought the super gift at engagement would totally blow her mind. She has said before no one has ever taken the care to buy her a really nice gift. I just wanted to knock her socks off!

 

[msbennie]

Actually, you can save the earrings and pendant for your wedding gift to her. Brides and grooms usually exchange wedding gifts and I think this would be most appropriate!

 

[quaeritur]

Well, I may be in a minority here, but I like the idea of the whole set. Still, since you found out about the pendant, I also really like the idea of giving her the pendant and studs as a wedding gift. That would be lovely.

 

[reena]

this is my suggestion; i think it might be the best of both worlds because it will allow you do follow through with your idea while still allowing the ring and your proposal to stand on their own:

propose to her and give her the ring only. enjoy the night, let her call her parents and friends, gush about/enjoy the ring for a while. then, maybe the next day in the morning when she's getting ready and talking about how much she loves the ring etc, say, im glad that you love it honey, and in fact, i thought that maybe you could use something beautiful to wear alongside it. and then present her with the earrings and pendant.

whaddya think?

 

[chialea]

I don't see anything wrong with giving her all three things, but you might want to just go for earrings, and save the necklace for a wedding present, or see if she wears the necklace she already has once she has earrings... perhaps a nice sapphire or concave-facted coloured stone would be nice.

If you want to present them all at the same time, I'd try to find a presentation box with spots for everything, so it kinda ties them together as a whole. I think it would be lovely

 

[wonka27]

I'd like to thank everyone for their advise. I feel bad though, because today's events have completely changed the plan.

To make a long story short, after finding out about this "other" pendant, I was really bummed last night. She knew I wasn't myself, and her probing me lead to a bit of an argument. Well, today rolled around and she was still upset, saying she thought I wanted to break up with her because I was so distant yesterday when we went to visit my brother. I carefully tried to explain that my stress yesterday was due to a "gift" I wanted to give her. One question led to another, and she decided she wanted to know what the gift was. She was certain, so I brought her over to the computer and showed her the specs on the diamonds. She had no idea what it was, but figured it out. I then explained it to her, and needless to say she was just completely overjoyed. So much conversation went on that eventually she got out of me that I have her ering diamond too. Again she was overjoyed.

So, the suprise is ruined to a degree. She knows its coming, but I don't think she completely understands the absolute beauty of an ideal cut diamond (not to mention four of them). Lets face it, most people on earth walk around with less than spectacular stones. So when she sees them, even though she knows, her breath will be taken away! In place of suprise, she will now have time to enjoy the anticipation of getting the ering (I will probably just give her the earrings and pendants now - she knows they are basically her Xmas present in advance).

Things never seem to go to plan, but I think this is going to work out wonderfully in the end. She was stunned I wanted to do something so wonderful for her. Never has a man done this, so I think she will be happy for a very long time

Again, thank you all for your input. I'm sorry I couldn't think about them and come up with a plan based on the good advise here. Sometimes I guess, the best plan is to have no plan at all. You never know where today will lead you!

 

[Carmel]

I don’t know quite where to go with this, but you shouldn’t be apologizing to anyone on this forum. We all know that interpersonal dynamics can cause us to veer off the original path we had our mind set on - it’s just life - and every one of us have been through it before and will go through it again!

So now the cat’s out of the bag…and you just have to recalibrate a bit. Keep me posted if you want. And, I don’t think there is any reason to give up on you proposal idea. Actually, I think it’s nice that you have a little something for her now – it may turn out for the better that way. What a neat way to remember the summer!