Annoyed/Mad/Sad

[merilenda]

I can understand how you feel. I''ve been there, and it does hurt when it feels like you even have to use up all your energy in trying to convince them to make the commitment. I also just want to say that the mom thing is not fun either...I''ve been there, too! However, I don''t think it''s necessarily fair to say you should leave because his mom has issues. I have a very strained relationship with my mom, but it''s not my fault or something that I have complete control over. I definitely wouldn''t want an SO to break up with me because of my mom.

 

[Autumnovember]

I agree..I would never leave my SO because of his mothers bad behavior.

 

[slg47]

engagement chicken? I think I made that recipe for my BF once!

anyway I hope he asks you soon.

 

[mousey]

OK- I am coming at this from a weird angle (my own angle), so feel free to totally ignore-
My BF also has a ring. Also has had for 7 months. To be honest I did think that he would propose soon after getting the ring, and after about 2 months I asked him outright if there was something wrong. His reply made sense to me, and so I am passing it on. He said- ''you were so involved in picking the ring, which i was happy about because I didn''t want to spend that kind of money on something less than perfect for you, but it kind of took control over the whole process away from me. I want it to be my present to you, and I want the proposal to be my gesture to you, I want to control it and make it special for you. I have a plan. It will take a while, but that is part of it- I want to wait until your excitement over the whole ring process has abated a bit and you aren''t expecting it''.
I am not worried now- even though its been AGES, and it still might be ages. I know he loves me. He has put him money where his mouth is, and has made a commitment to get engaged. Its his thing now! I didn''t read ALL the posts in this thread, but only you know if you can trust him- whether he has his own reasons for waiting, that may be causing you pain, but you can understand and respect them, or it is more sinister than this....
My suggestion is stop obsessing (I know easier said than done), get a hobby, etc. If august comes and goes you may have to reassess the situation. And try to leave him to his own devices, so he doesn''t feel forced into it.
As I said, this may be totally the wrong advice, but our situations are somewhat similar, so thought I d share.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

I'' sorry, but you are making way too many excuses for his behavior...he''s either ready to commit or he''s not. My gut is telling me that, from what I''ve read, he''s not.

The next move should be up to you.........

 

[Maisie]

I don''t agree that he doesn''t like commitment. They are living together and he has been paying her bills while she was a student. That doesn''t shout fear of commitment to me. They are sharing their lives together and the only thing missing is a piece of paper saying they are married.

I understand you are excited to get engaged Autumn. The thought of that beautiful ring sitting there not being worn is awful! Men don''t think the same way we do. The don''t invest the time and energy on emotions like us. He probably doesn''t even think that much about the ring or proposal. I know thats probably not what you want to hear, but thats the way it is. He is probably spending more time missing his beloved car! My advice to you is to try and put the ring and proposal out of your head. Not easy I know. But if you can do that you will give yourself a lot more peace than you have now. He has told you he will propose. Now you have to hang on till he sees fit to do it. Imagine yourself ten years from now. Happily married with children. You will look back on this time and think how you wish you hadn''t been so stressed out. In terms of your life together this is a small part. Let yourself relax and when it happens you will be surprised and thrilled. Just as you should be

(of course its easy for me to be this sensible. I am not waiting to be proposed to!)

 

[dragonfly411]

OT

Maisie - I love your new Avatar and I''m happy to see you

 

[Maisie]

Date: 5/21/2010 4:53:34 PM
Author: dragonfly411
OT

Maisie - I love your new Avatar and I''m happy to see you

Aww thank you! (((hugs)))

 

[havernell]

Personally, I wouldn't WANT to get engaged until your boyfriend has started seeing a therapist and working out some of his issues. Why would you want to bound your life to someone who is seemingly very confused on a lot of levels? Let him get himself straight, continue to date, and when he is in a healthier mental state in a year or two you can re-visit the idea of getting engaged.

ETA: Okay, maybe that was a bit harsh. I think what I'm trying to say is, you seem to be so worried about WHEN he's going to propose that you might not be stopping to think about whether this is even a good time for him to be proposing at all. Sounds like you two hadn't really talked marriage much at all before he bought a ring on impulse seven months ago. Just because he bought a ring on impulse doesn't mean that you two should get engaged now. It might not be the right time yet in terms of your boyfriend and his emotions, state of mental health, issues with family, issues with marriage itself, etc... I just think I would encourage him to get himself straight before bugging him about taking a step the seems to frighten him.

It's certainly not fair to you that he bought a ring way before he was ready to get engaged. But, I don't think pushing him to get engaged just because he now owns a ring is smart either. Two wrongs don't make a right. They just make a bigger mess.

 

[Autumnovember]

Havernell--we talked about marriage ALOT. We talked about marriage before I moved in, almost two years ago and have continued to talked about our aspirations and hopes for our future since then.

This is a really serious matter, and I have thought very long about weather or not this is the right thing to be doing with him. After much thought, much advice, and overcoming many odds against us---I've come to the conclusion a long time ago that it IS the right choice for me. I have many issues of my own that may or may not be as serious as some of the issues that he has. Therapy can take years and years and years for him until he is able to resolve those problems. I think its unreasonable for me to wait until he completes therapy mainly because there is no way of saying how long its going to take for him to solve his problems. It could take months, it could take years. I don't really have years to waste without full commitment from someone. I'll stick by his side for sure if he does choose to go, and I've let him know this. I do agree, bugging him about it is just going to make this situation worse then what it is. I stopped talking about it and haven't brought it up since that night. I plan on not bringing it up at all again.

Maisie...Thank you for the sensible advice...I appreciate it completely.

 

[Maisie]

You are very welcome