I''m so frustrated - "Final" numbers

[Rock_of_Love]

Soooo...last week I had 4 guests that said they were coming back out.

I emailed my coordinator to let her know the guest count went from 40 to 36 and she emailed me back basically saying "too bad" and that the numbers were already finalized.

My coordinator had me send my "final" numbers 30 days out, but I told her I had some folks on the fence so it may be changing either way. At which point she informed me that if I went over 40, there would be additional decor/design costs, as well as catering/booze, as her contract is for up to 40 people. I said no worries and that I would let her know as soon as possible. I figured when I let her know last week that over 2 weeks out it would be enough time for the caterer to adjust quantities. She does not have to make any adjustments for decor/design work.

This is a difference of over $600, so not exactly chump change. And, the thing that is bugging me is that she was absolutely prepared to charge me for any increase in guest count.

I looked at the contract and it does not adress anywhere about changes to the guest count after the "final" numbers are given...also, it doesn''t say anything about what "final" means...or any repercussions, etc.

My last message to her just asked her to speak with the caterer and see if something could be done and she said she would, but that he is pretty strict. I just feel so helpless here. I already sent my final payment, so this would have to be a refund back to me...and, well, you know what position that puts me in.

So, any advice? Anyone else had guests back out but still had to pay? When did you have to send in your "final" numbers with NO changes. How would you not let this just eat at you?? How would you address it?? HELP!!!!

 

[rhbgirl24]

I had that happen with 3 guests. They couldn''t make it. One was in the hospital long term and the other two couldn''t make it due to family emergency. I just ate their cost. It happens.

 

[sonnyjane]

I would try to contact the caterer directly, rather than through your coordinator. Other than that, I'll just say to me, "final" means just that, final, and I don't think you can get too upset about it.

Good luck though, hopefully you can work something out.

 

[laine]

If you end up having to pay, I would totally ask for those 4 meals to be boxed up and given to you!

 

[choro72]

I would contact the caterer. 2 weeks shouldn''t be too much of a problem, and they should have enough experience to know that this kind of thing happen. We had guests added on the day before, and it was perfectly fine. The only reason our place had a final payment date was because they weren''t going to buy all the food and cook without being paid for it. Adjustments were made after our wedding.
We may have been an exception though, since the owner of the banquet hall was the chef+manager+baker.

 

[lucyandroger]

What does your contract with the caterer say about when the final count must be in? That''s what matters since you''re not talking about decor, coordination, etc.

 

[Rock_of_Love]

Yeah, I guess I would understand if the changes came "last minute" and I would feel okay about eating the cost, but I feel like > 2 weeks out should be sufficient for a couple adjustments here or there. And, it just bugs that they are quick to charge you for any increases, and make adjustments there no problem, but if the reverse happens, it is just too bad?!?!?

I''m really hoping they can work something out...

 

[sunnyd]

Usually, yes, it is too bad. Sucks, but that''s how it goes.

 

[elrohwen]

I don''t really have any advice, but that sucks! I was lucky that my venue was very easy going. I gave them numbers 30 days out, but they didn''t really ask for final numbers until a week before. They were flexible.

 

[caribqueen]

I''ve been warned by many others that there will be guests who say they will attend, but then back out and you''re almost always going to have a less number present then what you pay for. In your case, those people were considerate enough to alert you.

I think I would just try to contact the caterer directly to work it out. If that doesn''t work, can you think of anyone local to you that you could invite to the wedding? We know people who''ve done that. The bride''s family is local, but the groom''s family had to travel across country. It turned out that many of his peeps couldn''t make it, so the bride''s family invited last minute local friends. They understood and didn''t feel funny about it. I''m just trying to think of what may lessen the feeling of waste.

 

[Rock_of_Love]

Great news!! I think my coordinator may have worked out a partial (significant portion) refund!! I''m excited to hear back. I''ll keep you posted. Thanks for all the feedback so far...really makes me feel that I''m not alone.

 

[Rock_of_Love]

Date: 4/26/2010 4:59:14 PM
Author: caribqueen
I''ve been warned by many others that there will be guests who say they will attend, but then back out and you''re almost always going to have a less number present then what you pay for. In your case, those people were considerate enough to alert you.

I think I would just try to contact the caterer directly to work it out. If that doesn''t work, can you think of anyone local to you that you could invite to the wedding? We know people who''ve done that. The bride''s family is local, but the groom''s family had to travel across country. It turned out that many of his peeps couldn''t make it, so the bride''s family invited last minute local friends. They understood and didn''t feel funny about it. I''m just trying to think of what may lessen the feeling of waste.

This is defnitely something to keep in mind. I was tempted to give a lesser number on a hunch, but didn''t want to be deceitful or anything. But, now looking back, I think that is what I should have done...and good advice for any bride. You can always add, but you may not be able to subtract and get your money back...so estimate low!!

 

[wannaBMrsH]

ROL, I had a destination wedding as well and the resort asked for FINAL final number 30 days outside of the wedding, too.

Are you talking about only the cost of the wedding meal or are you talking about the cost of these 4 people''s trips? My coordinator asked us to set a final guarantee number about six months before the wedding. We paid advanced deposits for 30 airline seats, and 15 hotel rooms at double occupancy. Then everyone contacted them to pay for their own travel and once everyone was booked 30 days before traveling we paid the balance. We actually had more than we guaranteed, but we also paid for about 16 people total to travel with us to the wedding.

If you are talking about the cost of the meal, are you having your meal at your resort? or outside the hotel? If you are having your reception at an all-inclusive hotel, they should be much more willing to work with you since all meals are already included, wedding or not. If you are having your reception outside the hotel, you would have to look at your coordination contract and catering one as well and I would definitely contact the caterer and see if he would agree to let you spend that on something else (extra cocktails or hors d''oeuvres, etc.) if they won''t refund it.

Good Luck either way!

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 4/26/2010 5:28:40 PM
Author: Rock_of_Love

Date: 4/26/2010 4:59:14 PM
Author: caribqueen
I''ve been warned by many others that there will be guests who say they will attend, but then back out and you''re almost always going to have a less number present then what you pay for. In your case, those people were considerate enough to alert you.

I think I would just try to contact the caterer directly to work it out. If that doesn''t work, can you think of anyone local to you that you could invite to the wedding? We know people who''ve done that. The bride''s family is local, but the groom''s family had to travel across country. It turned out that many of his peeps couldn''t make it, so the bride''s family invited last minute local friends. They understood and didn''t feel funny about it. I''m just trying to think of what may lessen the feeling of waste.

This is defnitely something to keep in mind. I was tempted to give a lesser number on a hunch, but didn''t want to be deceitful or anything. But, now looking back, I think that is what I should have done...and good advice for any bride. You can always add, but you may not be able to subtract and get your money back...so estimate low!!

Um, I definitely would NOT do that. It''s a terrible thing to run out of food.

Happened at my wedding (I have no idea how

) and I was extremely embarassed even though it was clearly the caterer''s fault.

 

[Haven]

What good news that you were able to get a partial refund!

Our caterer was amazing, and he didn''t need final numbers until three days before the wedding. I thought that would be perfect, because how many people can back out with only three days left? We had four no-shows on the day of our wedding, it was a total bummer.

 

[PumpkinPie]

I''m glad you might get a partial refund - 600$ is a lot of money. If they won''t refund them all, I''d be tempted to ask for the extra meals to be boxed up as laine said

 

[kama_s]

I''m glad to hear you got a partial refund. I find it bizarre that she made such a fuss to give you a refund. Ingredients for the meal won''t be purchased until a mere few days before the wedding.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

I got stuck! Surprisingly (and DH and I were a bit upset about this afterwards)... we had about 20 people (including guests)- yes, 20- that said they were going to come, RSVPed yes & then did not show up to the wedding.

Only 4 of them told us prior to the day that they were not going to make it. The other 16 were MIA- no excuse, no word, nothing. We lost out on about $700 in food that we paid for them. Also, the ENTIRE bottom tier of our cake wasn''t even cut.

In all, it was a great night. We were just disappointed that people said they were coming and then didn''t show.

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 4/27/2010 10:17:53 AM
Author: Amanda.Rx
I got stuck! Surprisingly (and DH and I were a bit upset about this afterwards)... we had about 20 people (including guests)- yes, 20- that said they were going to come, RSVPed yes & then did not show up to the wedding.

Only 4 of them told us prior to the day that they were not going to make it. The other 16 were MIA- no excuse, no word, nothing. We lost out on about $700 in food that we paid for them. Also, the ENTIRE bottom tier of our cake wasn''t even cut.

In all, it was a great night. We were just disappointed that people said they were coming and then didn''t show.

Ok, I have to know .. did any of these people offer any type of explanation later? I think I''d be seriously PO''d at people who did this!

 

[Rock_of_Love]

Great news!!! I am getting a refund - yay!! I guess it was enough notice for the caterer...phew!!

Wow, Amanda.Rx, that is just awful!! Did you ever find out what the deal was with those guests??

 

[Rock_of_Love]

Date: 4/26/2010 6:11:19 PM
Author: sunnyd

Date: 4/26/2010 5:28:40 PM
Author: Rock_of_Love

Date: 4/26/2010 4:59:14 PM
Author: caribqueen
I''ve been warned by many others that there will be guests who say they will attend, but then back out and you''re almost always going to have a less number present then what you pay for. In your case, those people were considerate enough to alert you.

I think I would just try to contact the caterer directly to work it out. If that doesn''t work, can you think of anyone local to you that you could invite to the wedding? We know people who''ve done that. The bride''s family is local, but the groom''s family had to travel across country. It turned out that many of his peeps couldn''t make it, so the bride''s family invited last minute local friends. They understood and didn''t feel funny about it. I''m just trying to think of what may lessen the feeling of waste.

This is defnitely something to keep in mind. I was tempted to give a lesser number on a hunch, but didn''t want to be deceitful or anything. But, now looking back, I think that is what I should have done...and good advice for any bride. You can always add, but you may not be able to subtract and get your money back...so estimate low!!

Um, I definitely would NOT do that. It''s a terrible thing to run out of food.

Happened at my wedding (I have no idea how

) and I was extremely embarassed even though it was clearly the caterer''s fault.

Wow, sunnyd - that is really unfortunate!! I can''t imagine how that would feel...I hope I don''t ever find out! I would be mortified. So sorry that happened to you!

So, I guess to caveat the earlier suggestion, estimate low *initially* but not too low!! In my case the 4 people that cancelled, I actually had a hunch that they would not be attending. Since it is a destination wedding, I pretty much hear from everyone when they book their flights and/or hotels, and I hadn''t heard anything from them except that they were "planning" to make it. I should''ve gone with my gut and left them out of the count.

I would just say to all brides that if you have some guests you are thinking there is a big possibility that they won''t make it, just leave them off of your 30-day out numbers...then you have some time to firm up the guest list better and give an update a week to two weeks out.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

Date: 4/27/2010 10:43:58 PM
Author: Rock_of_Love
Great news!!! I am getting a refund - yay!! I guess it was enough notice for the caterer...phew!!


Wow, Amanda.Rx, that is just awful!! Did you ever find out what the deal was with those guests??

Unfortunately, we only got explanations from about 6 of them. In a lot of cases, the invited person would RSVP for their guest and then their guest would not come. There were only a few couples that just didn''t show at all and didn''t offer an explanation.

Of the excuses I got- 2 had to work last minute (minus 4 total), someone''s wife had a stomach virus, and someone''s girlfriend broke up with them the week of.

I was a bit POed... but... what are you gonna do?