Intro and question...

[NakedFinger]

Even though I post in here a lot, this is my first post as a bride-to be. I just got engaged 1/7 and 30 seconds after getting engaged I had people asking me when the wedding was! I plan weddings for a living, so I am debating whether I want plan a traditional wedding for myself, or do a destination wedding, and we are just currently weighing our options.

My question is for destination brides.....What did you pay for? I know that I can follow "etiquette", but I am wondering what real brides for real weddings have paid for at a destination wedding. The reason I ask is because part of what I like about a DW, is that it turns into "weekend" instead of just one night. Like welcome cocktails for early arrivals, spa day for girls/golf for guys, then the "rehearsal dinner", next day relaxing by beach together, then wedding, then breakfast together next morning, etc. Its just a good time. But when working out our budget, we are trying to decide if we would pay for golf/spa, and any other activities for everyone else why we are there? Or do we just pay for the wedding and everything else is on their own? What did you do? What do guests expect?

 

[dani2142]

Date: 1/15/2010 10:38:40 AM
Author:NakedFinger
Even though I post in here a lot, this is my first post as a bride-to be. I just got engaged 1/7 and 30 seconds after getting engaged I had people asking me when the wedding was! I plan weddings for a living, so I am debating whether I want plan a traditional wedding for myself, or do a destination wedding, and we are just currently weighing our options.

My question is for destination brides.....What did you pay for? I know that I can follow ''etiquette'', but I am wondering what real brides for real weddings have paid for at a destination wedding. The reason I ask is because part of what I like about a DW, is that it turns into ''weekend'' instead of just one night. Like welcome cocktails for early arrivals, spa day for girls/golf for guys, then the ''rehearsal dinner'', next day relaxing by beach together, then wedding, then breakfast together next morning, etc. Its just a good time. But when working out our budget, we are trying to decide if we would pay for golf/spa, and any other activities for everyone else why we are there? Or do we just pay for the wedding and everything else is on their own? What did you do? What do guests expect?

Welcome and Congrats to you!!! Maybe you should change your name now, huh? LOL jk We are getting married in Jamaica and have paid for everything on our own for ourselves. We have NOT paid for anyone else that is coming along. We figure if people can afford to come, sweet. If not, oh well really. Selfish... yeah, maybe...but it''s about my fiance'' and I and what WE want and no one else so we didn''t really care. Plus, why would we pay for anyone else''s vacation?

I''m not sure if our guests were really expecting us to provide anything for them because we said from the get go that whoever wants to come and can afford to come is more than welcome. This actually weaved out a lot of our family drama (we both have it on each side) so this was by far the best option for us.

Do what is best for you.

Good luck

 

[treefrog]

Congratulations NF!

I just got back from my DW in Key West so this is all still pretty fresh in my mind. There were a lot of replies to my post and pics and I don''t know if you saw it or not. If not, some of your questions may be answered in there. See Treefrog destination wedding

I believe Sara paid for her pastor and his wife''s airfare to KW. We paid for all wedding day stuff. We spent lots of time with our guests (not all at once) and we had a dinner the night before with about 10 guests. It wasn''t an official rehearsal dinner and we didn''t have a bridal party but everybody pitched in for the bill. The guests paid their way with most activities. I had a few people interested in going to a museum that I always love to go there when I''m in KW so I picked up the tab for that simply because I was happy to share that with them.

What guests expect, I''m not sure but we didn''t have any big dollar things and there were never any awkward moments over who was paying for what. We had people staying all over the island so there wasn''t a next morning breakfast get-together or anything. People had things they wanted to do by themselves so we didn''t formally plan anything.

Yes, I did love the fact that it was more of a wedding weekend and we got to spend time with guests, some of whom live on the West coast and we rarely get to see.

Treefrog

 

[Kellybell]

Congratulations on your engagement!

We hosted a destination wedding (in New England, but everyone had to travel.) We had welcome baskets in everyone''s rooms with itineraries/lists of things to do, invited everyone to the rehearsal dinner, and held a Sunday brunch the day after the wedding. I also paid for a spa visit for all of my bridesmaids the day before the wedding. Now that I think about it, I think my FIL also paid for the hotel rooms for his family - although this was not expected. I would have LOVED to have hosted an activity (like a welcome dinner the night before the rehearsal, or some sort of boating/fishing activity), but most people did not arrive until the day before our wedding.

I also just attended my friend''s destination wedding in Belize - they also had welcome baskets for everyone, hosted a snorkeling/catamaran trip for everyone two days before the wedding (which everyone really loved), invited everyone to the rehearsal, and then hosted the wedding.

I don''t think that anyone expects for the bride and groom to pay for their travel or hotel expenses at a destination wedding...IMO.

 

[idreamofcushions]

Congrats, NF! It''s nice to see ya over in BWW!

As to your question, I think paying for one or two smaller events (in addition to the wedding) is a nice gesture. But do I think you should pay for their whole vacation? No way. And I don''t think anyone would expect that either. Nix the golf and spa if it''s not in the budget.

Although my wedding will only be 4 hrs from my hometown, everyone (except FI''s immediately family) will be traveling. That means airfare and hotel stays. We''re doing a big rehearsal dinner with an open bar and we''ll include all our family plus close friends. Then we''re doing Sunday brunch the day after the wedding. Beyond that, everyone''s on their own. The white sand beaches are free, and most out-of-towners will probably want to spend most of their time there anyway!

So I''d say wedding +1 smallish thing (like brunch).

 

[Pushin40]

Congratulations NF!

We are having our destination wedding in Mexico, and have just begun the planning process, but I can share with you the ideas we have so far. (I literally just decided on the resort and put the deposit down to hold the date and time....this morning)

I found a TA/Weddigngplanner who helped narrow down our choices, and she will host a website where my invited guests can easily book their travel arrangemets though her (and she guarentees lower rates). I found this service doing an internet search, it''s totally free, and we (FI and I only) just have to book our travel through them. That''s all. The site is even set up so you can make monthly payments. Very cool.

Anywhoo....we''re having a small wedding, probably 20-25 guests, tops.

Everyone is paying their own way for air and accomodations, but we chose a fairly inexpensive all inclusive resort. Some are coming for the entire week, some just for 3-4 nights. We will offer to pay for a few key family members because they probably won''t come due to the cost, so we''ve budgeted for this. The way I look at it is I am savigng TONS of money already by not having a "real" wedding....

Now, since the resort is AI, we feel pretty strongly about doing something extra. We''ll add to the wedding package and get some a-la-cart things like a DJ and maybe some other reception related stuff (if we don''t it will just be a dinner at the resort like every other night).

We are thingking of maybe renting a catamaran and going on a sunset cruiss, or taking the entire group our for a night on the town earlier in the week. We want to do something to show our gratitute to everyone who attended, and try to be good hosts!

That''s our plan so far! Hope it helps!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Congrats NF!!! My best friend is getting married in march in a San Diego destination wedding. They are paying for the wedding and reception and maybe an informal dinner the night before. Other than that everyone is on their own.

It''s great if you can pay for more, but if not I wouldn''t stress...

If you want to bring your own pastor you may have more costs with that.

 

[marlie]

Congrats NF!!

I''m not a destination bride but I went to one of my best friend''s wedding in Playa del Carmen a year ago and had a great experience as a guest. Figured I''d share. We payed our own flight, hotel, cabs everything. The bride did make sure that the hotel was reasonably priced and it was an all inclusive so it made things easy. What they did that was nice was pay for a group salsa dancing lesson which was fun and a great ice breaker for everyone (there were about 40 guests). She coordinated (but didn''t pay for) a snorkeling excursion which if i remember was about $50pp. Those who wanted to pay and participate did, those who didn''t want to didn''t have to...but looking back i think everyone did. They organized a welcome dinner. They organized the travel to/from the wedding venue. And then the rest of the time was free for everyone to enjoy.

I guess the bottom line is that from a guests perspective, I didn''t mind paying for the travel expenses myself at all. I wanted to be there for my friend''s wedding and so I worked it out.

 

[dani2142]

Date: 1/15/2010 1:19:19 PM
Author: marlie
Congrats NF!!

I''m not a destination bride but I went to one of my best friend''s wedding in Playa del Carmen a year ago and had a great experience as a guest. Figured I''d share. We payed our own flight, hotel, cabs everything. The bride did make sure that the hotel was reasonably priced and it was an all inclusive so it made things easy. What they did that was nice was pay for a group salsa dancing lesson which was fun and a great ice breaker for everyone (there were about 40 guests). She coordinated (but didn''t pay for) a snorkeling excursion which if i remember was about $50pp. Those who wanted to pay and participate did, those who didn''t want to didn''t have to...but looking back i think everyone did. They organized a welcome dinner. They organized the travel to/from the wedding venue. And then the rest of the time was free for everyone to enjoy.

I guess the bottom line is that from a guests perspective, I didn''t mind paying for the travel expenses myself at all. I wanted to be there for my friend''s wedding and so I worked it out.

That was nice of them to do that for everyone. I guess my fiance'' and I are just selfish. LOL I don''t know. We only have the following people coming:

My best friend
Fiance''s best friend
My sister, her hubby and my niece who live in Germany
My fiance''s brother, his wife and his two nieces

Our friends are both rooming together and they are coming February 6th-9th and my sister is coming the 6th-9th, Brian''s brother and his family is coming February 5th-12th

The way we looked at things is that everyone is going to want to do their own thing so no one has anything planned except of our to attend our wedding. Everythinge else is just up in the air.

Negril has a really cool bar called Rick''s Cafe and we want everyone to go there together. It shouldn''t be a problem since we don''t have that many people coming in the first place. We were planning on picking up the tab there just to say thanks if everyone decides to go. If not, ah well. We are just kind of going with the flow of things I guess.

 

[nkarma]

Just started planning DW in Riviera Maya as well. We are helping pay for some accomodations for bridal party and family. We have decided to pay for 3 nights for family (immediate and a close uncle and aunt on both sides) and 1 night for the bridal party. Will also pay for hair for all the bridesmaids and mother. Everything else people will pay on their own. If we have money left over we may do a welcome or rehearsal dinner but we will have to see with that. Also we will have lose schedule of things to do that people can choose to participate in if they want but they will pay for it.

I have seen hosts pay for welcome dinner, brunch, excursions, nice welcome bags, etc...

 

[NakedFinger]

Thank you every one for their congrats and input thus far.

What I should point out that I forgot to mention (just in case it matters), the reason I ask this is because my FI''s family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) have a lot of money, so we are hearing that a lot more people would come than we thought (probably have 50 people there). Thats my only concern. If it was smaller I would pay for everyone''s spa, dinner, etc. But 50 people is a lot.

 

[panda08]

Congrats on your engagement!

I recently had a DW in Maui at a private estate, attended by 18 people. My oldest bro paid for the estate for the week and it was large enough to house all of the immediate family. We did not have a bridal party or a rehersal dinner. We paid for all the wedding related expenses, a welcome BBQ and DH''s mother''s expenses. We arranged for two optional excursions and everyone who went paid their own way. The estate was near a major town so our remaining guests (friends) had a wide range of accommodations to choose from.

I attended a DW as a guest once, in Northern California. The only thing provided was a OTT welcome gift. I was totally okay with that, as I had no expectation that the bride and groom would pay for anything for their guests, other than the wedding.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

NF-If they are financially set than I wouldn''t worry about it at all. It''s nice if you can help out a few close friends/family who you''d like to be there, but I wouldn''t think twice about not paying for more financially established guests.

For our non DW, but it was very very far away from DH''s family....we paid for flights and apparel for all his nieces and nephews and hotel for his entire family. They still had to pay for travel and non-wedding meals (which was a stretch for some of them) but we did what we could to help defray stress and cost b/c their financial situation wasn''t as strong. My extended family...on their own

They could easily afford it and we didn''t sweat about not being able to help them out with their costs.