What To Do?

[firstflight]

I have my diamond, having it set today, and it will be ready tomorrow. So, I am almost ready to propose right? I would like to ask her dad''s permission, but there is one problem. He is in another country, and I don''t speak the language. I remember bringing the subject up a long time ago, when we first began dating. She said that it was not a big deal, and he would understand that the guy didn''t speak the language. But, I kind of feel bad for not doing it....it just seems like the right thing to do. I don''t want it to seem like I am trying to get out of doing it, although I have a good excuse. Anyone speak Polish? Haha.

 

[sumi]

I wouldn't worry too much about it. A lot of people don't really care about that custom, and a lot of people think it's too old fashioned. I would have been upset if my husband asked my father first. My father would have thought it was strange too.

That said, I understand that there are many people out there who think this is a very important custom. Are you a college student? Maybe you can find faculty in the language department to help you out? Or, maybe you can try to construct a simple sentence yourself using a Polish dictionary? Even if you don't get it down perfectly, I'm sure the father would understand.

Ironically, my grandmother was from Poland and spoke the language fluently. Unfortunately, she passed away several years ago.

 

[winyan]

If worse comes to worse, go to one of the online language translators, type in what you want to say, and sound it out phonetically. I'm sure it will come across as sincere...just a thought.

win

 

[PaulaW]

I think it would win you huge points if you learned how to ask for his blessing in Polish. That is something the family would talk about for years to come... not to mention how romantic it is. One suggestion though, you may want to have a translator on the line with you to translate the other side of the conversation!

 

[Nicrez]

Yes, you score points, but NO it is not necessary. One suggestion is to write him a letter, and if possible, make it short and sweet, so if he got it translated, he could do so at his time frame and still have the kindness of your words there. Or, you could have something translated INTO Polish and send that.

My brother-in-law is Polish, and it's not like Spanish. That's a HECK of a language to try and speak for the first time. It's a nice effort, but IT'S HARD! The sounds are so foreign that it takes some time to learn them properly. I would write him a letter, and let him know that you are hoping to ask, you wanted to ensure that he will bless the marraige when you announce the news and of course promise him that you will take care of his daughter. That would be a wonderful gesture in any language!

Dobre szczêœcie!

(Good luck in Polish!)

 

[VAgal13]

Does your girlfriend have any siblings? If so, do they speak English? You could always talk to them and have them translate for you. Or arrange for them to read/translate your letter to their Dad.

 

[firstflight]

Yes, the language is quite challenging, as I have learned some basics. She does have a brother, but he speaks no English. As a matter of fact, none of her family does. I thought about the letter writing idea, and that would be cool, except I have no way of getting it to her parents. (I don't know the address, can't ask her, and can't Google it!)

 

[sumi]

Hmmm....your situation sounds challenging. Maybe you can write a letter with your GF after you propose. It sounds like you would really rather do this BEFORE the proposal, but this suggestion might be the second best thing.

Maybe after the proposal, your GF can teach you a simple sentence and you can call the father with your GF.

 

[firstflight]

Good Idea, that might be the best thing. Thanks for the thoughts.

 

[chialea]

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On 4/13/2004 11:22:39 PM sumi wrote:

I wouldn't worry too much about it. A lot of people don't really care about that custom, and a lot of people think it's too old fashioned. I would have been upset if my husband asked my father first. My father would have thought it was strange too.
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I can't emphasize the importance on making sure you know her feelings on this enough. If my intended were to do something like this, I would kick his ass and think twice about his suitability. (There are extra complications in there, as well, but I still don't like the basic idea.)

And really, I'm sure they more than understand that you have no way to get a hold of em, nor any way to communicate. How about this plan: after you propose and are accepted, get your finacee to teach you how to ask for their blessing or something of the sort. You get all the benefits of showing respect for the family and sincerity and such without the logistical/linguistic hurdles and without the risk of pissing her off royally (since you know she's fine with you NOT doing it, at the very least).

Lea