Proper price for wedding gifts?

[Nicrez]

I am going to be a bridesmaid for my very close friend, and so we had lunch today and discussed the whole how much do you have to pay for a wedding gift. It IS based on how you are financially set up, of course, and who it is, and how pricey the wedding is, but on average, what''s the running rate here?!

 

[Rand_alThor]

I was told it should be over the price of dinner plate per person

 

[sumi]

Rand, I've heard the same thing. My husband and I usually like to buy a gift that will at least cover the price of our dinners. Of course, if it's a good friend or a relative then we like to splurge.

 

[jenibear]

When my fiance and I go to weddings together (even before we were engaged) we give $200 as a couple. It doesn't matter if the wedding is in a shack or an elaborate affair. We think that is a fair amount. But I have to say we've never been to a wedding that was more than $100 a head.
And that goes for close friends and family to not so close friends.
We are as middle classs as they come. That's just the way I view gift-giving. Edited to add: I say this cause most people look in shock when I say how much I give for weddings. I don't think it's a lot, but I guess in my area and age range it is. Go figure.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

My husband and I are the cheap ones I guess as we spend $50 or less! Hope this doesn't get taken the wrong way, but at least half of the couples we've watched wed have since divorced

, so this has kind of made me leary of big purchases

lol

Usually I wait until the baby showers for bigger/more extravegant gifts and aside from the above issue, I find purchasing baby gifts to be a lot more fun than the utilitarian household items people generally register for. Little socks and cute outfits, newborn sized diapers, bubble bath sets, etc., are all so charming and remind me of all the fun a new mom has to look forward to (like endless sleepless nights and spit up all over EVERYTHING.)

Who knows what happened to the rolling pin we gave one couple we knew who've since split up. Hopefully she hit her ex over the head with it

(hahahaha - j/k)

Michelle

 

[heart prongs]

I'd feel guilty -- especially after planning a wedding -- giving less than $100. kl

 

[Mara]

Hah I want to know who gives $500 or more. Set me up!

I usually give something around $75 for a wedding gift. This is partially because usually I am also invited to the bridal shower and/or bach party so I end up giving 3 gifts rather than just one by the time the wedding rolls around. For bridal and bach I usually spend around $50-75 each.




Sometimes I am IN the wedding and therefore paying for the bridal shower and bach parties etc too. So sometimes the funds for stuff like that aren't as beefy as they could be. Sometimes if it is a good friend, I will splurge, or if I am IN the wedding...e.g. was maid of honor 3 years ago and went in with a friend and bought the couple a smashing new gas grill.

The whole price per head thing is funny because...really..who knows what the price per head IS? Does your friend tell you as you come in? 'Hey glad you could make it, price per head is $80'. I mean you really have to guess, and half the time if you aren't really close to the people getting married, you don't even know what type of wedding it's going to be. I have never used that price per head thing very seriously with any good results..hehe.




Anyway I guess because I think around $75 is okay, I expect our average gifts to be around that price. I have a few things on my registry that are $200-300 (china, pots, and silverware) and I am going to tell our parents to cough up the $$ for those! No one else will buy them!

 

[KittyTiger]

Well, I checked off $200 ~




It really depends though. I gave my one of my best girlfriend a wedding red pocket (cash) of $500 and a set of princess cut earrings tw of .60 that she's been wanting. But I guess that's different... Because this girl has changed my life! She's 8 years older than me, I met her when I was 16. And she's helped me so much in every aspect of my life. Whether it's with my parents, friends, boyfriends, work. So, I thought she deserve it.




But for most other weddings, I'll either bring a gift between $75-$100 or a red pocket of $100, and $150 if I bring a date.

 

[mike04456]

I guess I must be cheap.

I've spent as little as $20 for a cheap frame or over $100 for a set of crystal. It depends on who the recipient is.




I have heard of the "your wedding gift should equal the reception expenditures" idea and find it highly tasteless. A wedding gift is not a quid pro quo--it's not given to reimburse the happy couple for your dinner. It's given in celebration of their marriage and to help them set up their new life together.




Some people can afford to match or exceed what was spent per head; some cannot. No one should feel obligated to spend a certain amount.

 

[hoorray]

I agree with Lawgem 100%! A gift is a gift, not a payment. A gift is about the thought. I usualy try to find something that they will have for a long time that they can remember as being a wedding gift. The price range depends on the circumstances and what I find that fits the moment.

 

[Mara]

I used to give the same thing to every couple. A beautiful cherrywood memory box with an engraving of their names and the date on the top, from Bombay Company.




However, the first few couples I gave that to seemed to break up and/or get divorced so I nixed that after a few more weddings, and now I just use their registry. I figure...I hate it when people deviate and buy me stuff that I don't want or need (and probably just sell on eBay or re-gift) so I just buy them what I know they actually want.




A gift is a gift and is not required (except by closest friends and families...ehhe)..but if you are going to be gifting, at least be sure it's something you KNOW they want. A pair of fur-trimmed candlesticks do not a nice home make. Hehhe..

 

[MichelleCarmen]

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huh? What? Where? I want some. Those sound pretty cool

lol

Michelle

 

[mike04456]

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On 3/17/2004 7:21:00 PM Mara wrote:







A pair of fur-trimmed candlesticks do not a nice home make. Hehhe..

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The gifts that are the most fun are the ones you can't identify at all. We got a couple of those. The thank-you notes were a real challenge because we didn't know what to thank them for!

 

[sumi]

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On 3/17/2004 3:48:36 PM LawGem wrote:


I guess I must be cheap.

I have heard of the 'your wedding gift should equal the reception expenditures' idea and find it highly tasteless. A wedding gift is not a quid pro quo--it's not given to reimburse the happy couple for your dinner. It's given in celebration of their marriage and to help them set up their new life together.


Some people can afford to match or exceed what was spent per head; some cannot. No one should feel obligated to spend a certain amount.
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I usually follow that guideline, so I must be a "highly tasteless" person.

I don't follow the guideline with the intention of reimbursing the couple for our dinner. Instead, it's more of gratitude for inviting us to the celebration. I know that weddings can be very expensive and so I am always grateful that the couple thought of my husband and me and wanted to share that special moment with us.

I usually buy off the registry, and I haven't seen many items on my friends' registry that are less than $50 anyway.

 

[fire&ice]

Things have been changing; but, Southern weddings are much more toned down. No sit down dinners, etc. A more modest gift seems to go along with that as well. I ticked the under $50.00. Unless it is a relative or very close friend's daughter/son, I stick to this. I usually try to buy something off their registry. It was not unusal amoung my gifts to see a single bread & butter plate in my fine china as a gift. That was the norm. Some northern friends of my family gave considerably more.

 

[pulp_princess]

Possibly it's a culture thing too. My mom always said to give $100/per person attending (so if you go with a date then it's $200). I guess I added to this that there should be wedding gift money too so I ticked off the $250+ depending on how close you are to the couple. Later on, I attended a wedding of a couple from a different background and they said it was very generous and I was surprised. People have different expectations. The only rule is that there are no rules.

 

[BearMan]

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On 3/20/2004 11:39:44 AM fire&ice wrote:





Things have been changing; but, Southern weddings are much more toned down. No sit down dinners, etc. A more modest gift seems to go along with that as well. I ticked the under $50.00. Unless it is a relative or very close friend's daughter/son, I stick to this. I usually try to buy something off their registry. It was not unusal amoung my gifts to see a single bread & butter plate in my fine china as a gift. That was the norm. Some northern friends of my family gave considerably more.
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Usually $100 depending on who etc...

We are starting to plan our wedding reception(williamsburg winery in Colonial Williamsburg) and we are more then likely going to go the Hor s Dervs(sp?) and a Wine Service....any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

 

[fire&ice]

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On 3/20/2004 1:13:08 PM BearMan wrote:

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We are starting to plan our wedding reception(williamsburg winery in Colonial Williamsburg) and we are more then likely going to go the Hor s Dervs(sp?) and a Wine Service....any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

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What a lovely place for a wedding! I'm sure they would be more than happy to have a tasting (wine & food) for you when you make your arrangements.

 

[BearMan]

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On 3/20/2004 3:12:37 PM fire&ice wrote:

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On 3/20/2004 1:13:08 PM BearMan wrote:

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We are starting to plan our wedding reception(williamsburg winery in Colonial Williamsburg) and we are more then likely going to go the Hor s Dervs(sp?) and a Wine Service....any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

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LOVELY YES IT WILL BE LOVELY!!

they offer a WINE SERVICE(its mandatory with the rental)
Rental of the Room(seats 200+ comfortably) $1500
Wine SERVICE COST- $14/HEAD(we are gonna have 200 give or take)
so I guess we are looking at $4300 just for the rental of the facility(includes tables that seat 200 but only 100 chairs??)so we will have to rent the additional chairs.....they gave us a list of caters etc that can supply the food and service etc...

I am going to start to take my advil NOW!

but we are both so EXCITED!! she is thrilled I am so INTO IT!


What a lovely place for a wedding! I'm sure they would be more than happy to have a tasting (wine & food) for you when you make your arrangements.
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[strmrdr]

between a $10 and a $100 bill in a card depending on how well I like them.

I dont buy into the regestry stuff so in protest just give cash.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

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On 3/22/2004 10:17:42 AM strmrdr wrote:

between a $10 and a $100 bill in a card depending on how well I like them.

I dont buy into the regestry stuff so in protest just give cash.
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I don't mind registry as long as the couple is discret in their approach. One couple we knew was so obnoxious about being sure we knew exactly where to get their gift by including a note in their reception party invitation that stated Target as the place to go and this annoyed me enough that I didn't get them any gift at all! lol But, I have to say that I didn't like the bride and i don't even think she deserved $10

, regardless of the note or not.

Michelle

 

[sumi]

I don't mind registry as long as the couple is discret in their approach. One couple we knew was so obnoxious about being sure we knew exactly where to get their gift by including a note in their reception party invitation that stated Target as the place to go ...... Michelle----------------[/quote]



I thought this was fairly common. I didn't register for my wedding and I had a pretty unconventional wedding, so I'm not quite up to date with wedding trends. However, I've noticed that all the wedding invitations and even bridal shower invitations I've received include a note on where the couple is registered.


I don't mind buying off the registery for the wedding itself, but I do feel a little weird about buying off the registry for the bridal shower. I always thought the bridal shower gift was supposed to be something just for the bride. It's a little strange for me to see the bride-to-be with lots of kitchen gadget gifts at a bridal shower!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

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I thought this was fairly common. I didn't register for my wedding and I had a pretty unconventional wedding, so I'm not quite up to date with wedding trends. However, I've noticed that all the wedding invitations and even bridal shower invitations I've received include a note on where the couple is registered.

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I just did a quick search and found that the question of whether or not to include any sort of mention of a gift/money is often debated, but according to strict etiquette, you do not request anything of the gifty sort in a wedding/reception invitation. It's considered rude by many (I guess including me) but others think that this is just evidence of changing times. I think this act illuminates the hightened materialistic nature of our society!!!!

Ah, this will probably get me flamed. hahaha

If my best friend had done this, I would have blown off all etiquette (lol), but since this was a person I knew to be pushy and bossy that sent the gift request, I was especially annoyed

Michelle

 

[Mara]

I would have loved to have included a note! But it's not the proper etiquette. You are supposed to rely on your BM's, parents etc to get the word out if people ask.




However, people are just coming to ask ME too! So I should have just included a note I guess!




Some people would take that the wrong way, others would just be grateful I gave them a hint as to where to go. I prefer gifts from my registry because I am super picky with tastes. Don't give me a gift, I don't care. But please don't give me YOUR IDEA of home decor, or something else equally frightening. My entire social group is like this as well though, we all tend to just give each other gift certificates to favorite places for birthdays etc....it's people like the parents friends who want to be all creative and think you really would love that reindeer moose sculpture for your new house.

IMO stick to the registry unless you know the couple or people so well that you can reasonably estimate something they'd love apart from the registry. One of my best friend's gf's got me this amazingly awesome olive dish for our housewarming, I loved it. But my friend knows me well enough to know what I like, so deviating from the 'norm' was appreciated! However, some other random friend gave us some odd wine decanter, tree glass holder set thing that I am just going to stuff in the garage. When in doubt, a bottle of good wine works for any occasion (almost!).

 

[glitterata]

Having been guilty of several gifts that weren't the couple's taste, although I took a lot of time choosing them and considered them beautiful, I"m now grateful to have a registry to choose from.

 

[jenibear]

I have to agree with Mara on this one.

We took a lot of time to set up our registry in all dollar denominations in hopes it would help people who know us well, but don't know our tastes, to pick a gift we can use and enjoy.

I am picky, but not to the point of being a b**ch about it. What I hate is clutter and I hate gifts that serve no purpose - other than jewelry of course.

I would rather not get anything at all than get 10 candles or vases that will collect dust on a closet shelf - only to be tossed a month later - because they clash with our home.

I think this all comes from growing up with my mom the clutter queen, who will buy you ten of everything. I am more of a mimimalist.

I love buying from registries. But I am also the person who includes the receipt in every gift box. If you don't like it I WANT you to return it. I don't want my hard-earned money to go to waste.

 

[fire&ice]

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On 3/22/2004 4:22:20 PM Mara wrote:


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Well, my niece wanted a specific coach purse. I got her what *my* idea was of a great gift.

As you know, she wasn't disappointed.

But, I agree. Unless it is someone who I know *very* well, I give a gift from the registry.

And, I wish you could tell certain friends to just give me a bottle of wine for Birthdays, etc. What a great gift for *me*. I have too much crap that *they* thought I would LOVE. I love the wine idea. Heck, I'd love a speciality basket of food.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

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And, I wish you could tell certain friends to just give me a bottle of wine for Birthdays, etc. What a great gift for *me*. I have too much crap that *they* thought I would LOVE. I love the wine idea. Heck, I'd love a speciality basket of food.

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Me too! I'd love wine for my b-day.

We've started including extra yummy coffee and chocolates

along side the regular boring registry stuff just because this adds a bit of fun to the gift giving process. Giving steak knife sets, IMO, is boring, but knife sets and Godiva chocolates - whoo hoo

Michelle