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Would you be upset if your best friend is friends with your ex?

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cindygenit

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I should also mention that i introduced my best friend to my ex when we started going out. I dumped him when he cheated on me, but my bestie is still in constant contact with him.

She also started going out with my ex''s best friend soon after my ex and I got together. I think that''s why she''s being nice to him, so that there''s no awkwardness when she''s around their group of friends.

Still...she should be on MY side, dammit! My rant is silly, isn''t it?
 

tlh

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she''s dating his friend, so he is in her BF''s social circle, so this is differnt.

Yeah it sucks, and I''d just ask that she doesn''t talk about the cheater to me... EVER.

HOWEVER, if her and her BF break up - then your EX should be out of the picture... so it would be a different scenario then.

So in short.... No. I wouldn''t be mad. The situation sucks... but I wouldn''t be upset.
 

meresal

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Are you with someone else now?

I am still friends with my ex's best friend. We dated for 4 years, and he and I got along the entire time. Why woudln't we continue to be friends? I only see him about once or twice a year though.

However, if she is still hanging out with that group of people, then it is only assumed that she would be friendly.

I woulnd't be upset unless this was something very new. Like a month or two new... and we were still in college.
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cindygenit

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Date: 10/23/2009 1:57:08 PM
Author: meresal
Are you with someone else now?


I am still friends with my ex's best friend. We dated for 4 years, and he and I got along the entire time. Why woudln't we continue to be friends?


I only see him abou tonce or twice a year though. However, if she is still hanging out with that group of people, then it is only assumed that she would be friendly.

Ex and I dated three or four times over a three month period.

I understand that she needs to form some sort of rapor with their social circle. But she's now talking about him as if he's the nice guy of the group. Ehm... hello? Did u forget?
 

meresal

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Date: 10/23/2009 1:59:29 PM
Author: cindygenit


Date: 10/23/2009 1:57:08 PM
Author: meresal
Are you with someone else now?


I am still friends with my ex's best friend. We dated for 4 years, and he and I got along the entire time. Why woudln't we continue to be friends?


I only see him abou tonce or twice a year though. However, if she is still hanging out with that group of people, then it is only assumed that she would be friendly.

Ex and I dated three or four times over a three month period.

I understand that she needs to form some sort of rapor with their social circle. But she's now talking about him as if he's the nice guy of the group. Ehm... hello? Did u forget?
I don't understand? Was this recent? Does she come over talking about him?

EAT: Blatantly bringing it up in front of you and talking about him isn't cool. My friendship with my ex's best friend, has absolutely nothing to do with my ex, and I know that he doesn't go to my ex talking about me.
 

princesss

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Sweetie, it''s her life. She can be friends with him if she wants. Why should she have to take sides? You only dated for a few months, it''s not like she''s best friends with your ex husband who ran out on you, took all your money, and married somebody new three weeks later.
 

cindygenit

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Date: 10/23/2009 2:01:45 PM
Author: meresal
Date: 10/23/2009 1:59:29 PM

Author: cindygenit


Date: 10/23/2009 1:57:08 PM

Author: meresal

Are you with someone else now?



I am still friends with my ex''s best friend. We dated for 4 years, and he and I got along the entire time. Why woudln''t we continue to be friends?



I only see him abou tonce or twice a year though. However, if she is still hanging out with that group of people, then it is only assumed that she would be friendly.


Ex and I dated three or four times over a three month period.


I understand that she needs to form some sort of rapor with their social circle. But she''s now talking about him as if he''s the nice guy of the group. Ehm... hello? Did u forget?
I don''t understand? Was this recent? Does she come over talking about him?

Yeah its just recently that she''s talking like this. Whenever I come over to her house, she always share stories about her bf''s circle of friends, which includes my ex. Apparently, his nice side is coming out now. Yeay, better late than never right?

Before this, she actually went on road trips with my ex and his then gf(the one he cheated on me with! Irony is, he actually cheated on her too... my god, this guy just doesn''t stop
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). ALthough, she made it clear before that they weren''t really friends and she absolutely hated the both of them. I don''t know, maybe she was sparing my feelings.
 

cindygenit

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Date: 10/23/2009 2:04:07 PM
Author: princesss
Sweetie, it''s her life. She can be friends with him if she wants. Why should she have to take sides? You only dated for a few months, it''s not like she''s best friends with your ex husband who ran out on you, took all your money, and married somebody new three weeks later.

Very good point!
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Next time she brings him up, i''ll just tune her out.
 

Lauren8211

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Ha!

I had this same situation occur. She hated him while we were dating (5 years), and after we broke up (he was emotionally abusive and cheated) she friended him on FB and Myspace. Then she started inviting him to her birthday parties where me and DH were invited, even though they were barely friends.
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I didn''t mind their friendship, but I did mind that I felt like she was doing it to be mean and trying to rub it in my face. We aren''t friends anymore.
 

cindygenit

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Date: 10/23/2009 2:09:02 PM
Author: elledizzy5
Ha!


I had this same situation occur. She hated him while we were dating (5 years), and after we broke up (he was emotionally abusive and cheated) she friended him on FB and Myspace. Then she started inviting him to her birthday parties where me and DH were invited, even though they were barely friends.
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I didn''t mind their friendship, but I did mind that I felt like she was doing it to be mean and trying to rub it in my face. We aren''t friends anymore.

My bestie kinda flirted with him while we were dating. Not her fault though. She is naturally a flirty person, it just oozes out of her. I definitely don''t want to lose her friendship. I suppose I have to get over it.
 

princesss

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Date: 10/23/2009 2:07:42 PM
Author: cindygenit

Date: 10/23/2009 2:04:07 PM
Author: princesss
Sweetie, it''s her life. She can be friends with him if she wants. Why should she have to take sides? You only dated for a few months, it''s not like she''s best friends with your ex husband who ran out on you, took all your money, and married somebody new three weeks later.

Very good point!
9.gif


Next time she brings him up, i''ll just tune her out.
Definitely the best choice. One of my friends was friends with my ex...then ended up dating him. She asked my "permission" (I put it in quotes because I''m certain she would have dated him anyways, she just wanted to feel good about herself and like she was being respectful) and I said that if she wanted to date him knowing what he was like to me (emotionally abusive, manipulative, controlling, and a big fat cheater), then she should by all means go ahead. I had long since stopped caring what he did or who he did it with. It bugged me for a little while, but it''s so much easier to let these things go than to continue caring about them. By getting upset you''re the only person getting hurt, and you''re still giving him some power over you. It''s not worth it.
 

Thomperchik

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I had a so called best friend "de-friend" me because of this. Really? We are both adults. Move on.
emwink.gif
 
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I dunno, I see where you are coming from! With my female friends we sort of have a code--- we are friends with the females first, guys second ;-) guys get dropped as soon as they screw one of us over... but with that said, and your situation, it''s a little sticky with her dating your ex''s best friend. I mean, even with "the code" she still needs to be polite and nice around her current bf''s friends. Tough situation!!! I would say, as long as your ex didn''t do terrible things to you, I would just let it be.
 

musey

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Date: 10/23/2009 2:04:07 PM
Author: princesss
Sweetie, it's her life. She can be friends with him if she wants. Why should she have to take sides? You only dated for a few months, it's not like she's best friends with your ex husband who ran out on you, took all your money, and married somebody new three weeks later.
Yeah, big ditto here.

My parents are best friends with two of my ex-boyfriends' parents. So I hear about them all the time. It was awkward for awhile, but now it's been so long that they're just my parents' friends' kids - not my exes. Seems like that line of thinking may help you.

Also, btw, nice people cheat, too. He could still be the nice guy of the group after having cheated on someone. Besides, it doesn't sound like you were all that serious if it was "three or four times over a three month period," it's hard to even feel like the relationship is exclusive under those circumstances (though it's different with every couple and every relationship, of course).
 

KatyWI

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Nov 20, 2008
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755
Seriously?

About the time you got engaged to someone else, this kind of stuff should probably have stopped bothering you. :) She has to see him if she''s dating his best friend, and naturally she''d have stories to tell. If she is the kind of person who is rubbing it in your face to get a reaction, she''s probably not such a great friend.

Best of luck putting this all behind you!
 
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