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imintexas

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2009
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3
I''m not really sure where to post this.

I''m in the process of getting an engagement ring for my girlfriend. We''ve been talking about getting married next summer for a long time, and we''ve even got a date set, in spite of the fact that there''s been no formal proposal. We''ve also talked pretty extensively about what kind of ring she wants. I''ve been lurking around on Pricescope for months (maybe even a year) and I''m to the point now where I feel that I''m about as savvy of a consumer as I''m ever going to be. I also took her around to some jewelers in our area to look at different diamonds to get a feel for what she wanted in terms of the 4 c''s. When it came to actually buying the real thing, I drove to a different city about 3.5 hours away because I wanted to deal with a vendor that had things like ASET, Idealscope, H&A viewers, etc., so I could be sure I was getting something that was cut well.

Last week I bought a 1.5 ct, H-color, SI1 for about $11k, and when you look at it under an LED lamp, it leaves those little spots in your vision like you were staring at the sun. I was in the process of having a custom setting designed.

My girlfriend came by my office today so that I could help her figure out her dental insurance. While I was down the hall microwaving us up some lunch, she noticed some notes I had accidentally left on my desk that included the above-mentioned 1.5 carat diamond, along with its specifications.

When I got back, the first words out of her mouth were,"I hope you didn''t buy any of these, because they''re too small."

She''s having a bad day, but still. That hurt.
 

cushionlovelondon

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2009
Messages
13
I feel so bad for you - I can only imagine how shot down you feel.

Listen, I don''t want to judge your soon to be fiancee, because statements like these could be meant in humour etc. even if this does not seem like a nice thing to say.

I do feel that it''s important that a couple be on the same page in terms of expectations and finances though, and her comment makes me think that her expectations may be out of touch with the reality of your finances, which is important for your whole future life together rather than just for this one purchase. Do you have the same attitude to money? Does she know how much a larger stone would cost? Could you have paid more?

Assuming that you spent what is reasonable (and I am sure you did) and assuming that she understands the cost of a larger stone (to give her the benefit of the doubt, she might not) I would have a candid talk with her. The sooner a couple can deal with finances the better.

You have done something wonderful by learning so much and striving hard to get her the bets ring you could. A serious conversation is needed imo.

Good luck :)
 

cammy85

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 28, 2008
Messages
455
Not really any good advice for you, but I''m terribly sorry to hear your FF said something so hurtful. A lot of people think size=love, and I hope she isn''t one of those people. I understand her having a bad day, but she should realize how hurtful that really is - she should be thankful you''re looking at stones that size! Mine''s less than half that, and I love it as if it were the most expensive ring in the world, solely because my DH picked it out for me and designed it for me on his own. Best wishes on feeling better after such a hit, and hopefully she will realize that size isn''t everything.
 

decodelighted

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
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11,534
I''m sorry that happened. AWFUL!!! Are you just venting or are you looking for advice? What do you think would happen if you said flat out -- "By the way, I *did* buy one of those stones and your comment really hurt my feelings."

It would open the door for sure ... I know you may be concerned about "ruining the surprise" but I''m afraid she''s already put a kink in that plan. Sounds like a frank, adult conversation about finances & expectations is in order (if not overdue).

These things aren''t in movies and people don''t think of them as "romantic" -- but they are FAR more like "real life marriages" than you might expect from your vantage point. Hopefully your relationship will come through these conversations stronger and more grounded in reality than ever. So important BEFORE you walk down the aisle, right?
 

imintexas

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2009
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3
I''m just venting. I needed to say something somewhere, and this is the only forum I can think of.
 

agirlcalledchuck

Rough_Rock
Joined
Mar 30, 2009
Messages
17
wow. i'm in shock just reading about her reaction - most of the time when girls stumble upon evidence that their boyfriend has been looking at engagement rings, theyre ecstatic, regardless of size, setting, etc....

it sounds to me that you've been doing a lot of homework and trying to get her something spectacular! that in itself is so great, because a lot of times guys just walk into stores and buy the first thing they're talked into without considering what they are actually paying for - but you've gone pretty far into the process of buying her a great stone - a pretty sizable one at that - and are having a custom setting made? as far as i'm concerned, you're a girl's dream....

i can pretty much guarantee you that 99% of the women i know who are engaged and/or married don't own a ring that has a stone in it that big, of that quality, or at that cost - in fact, i doubt if you added the quality and monetary value of their engagement ring and wedding bands, it wouldn't even come close to equaling the quality and money that you've put into this ring for your girlfriend - I get that as women we do have ideas and dreams about what our "perfect" engagement ring would look like, but the truth is, not every guy is going to be able to put a 3 carat, flawless diamond on your hand in a perfect platinum setting. it's just not reality! an engagement ring isn't about status or money or size - it's about what it represents - love, a commitment, and a promise someone to spend every day for the rest of their lives with them. the fact that you've done so much research and made such an effort to get her something truly unique and wonderful speaks volumes about how you feel about her. she is lucky to have someone who has put so much effort into something, and not just walked into a store and purchased the first thing that looked "alright" -

unfortunately, i think her reaction speaks volumes about her values, and what might be most important to her......having a bad day is no excuse for saying something so hurtful and shallow to someone who obviously wants to give you everything he can.
 

MonkeyPie

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 23, 2008
Messages
6,059
imintexas, I am SO sorry she was that way with your incredibly well thought out gift. To be honest, I would have been more angry than hurt by such a comment - does she think you have endless funds to ply her with diamonds? Did you discuss it beforehand and decide on something much bigger, and you decided to go smaller with better clarity/color?
 

neatfreak

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2007
Messages
14,169
Date: 8/3/2009 5:35:54 PM
Author: decodelighted
I''m sorry that happened. AWFUL!!! Are you just venting or are you looking for advice? What do you think would happen if you said flat out -- ''By the way, I *did* buy one of those stones and your comment really hurt my feelings.''


It would open the door for sure ... I know you may be concerned about ''ruining the surprise'' but I''m afraid she''s already put a kink in that plan. Sounds like a frank, adult conversation about finances & expectations is in order (if not overdue).


These things aren''t in movies and people don''t think of them as ''romantic'' -- but they are FAR more like ''real life marriages'' than you might expect from your vantage point. Hopefully your relationship will come through these conversations stronger and more grounded in reality than ever. So important BEFORE you walk down the aisle, right?

Agreed. I really hope that she said that in jest...because if she didn''t you are in for a loooooooong marriage.
 

diamondseeker2006

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 11, 2006
Messages
58,547
I hate to condemn her without having more background knowledge. You say you have looked at rings and diamonds with her. Surely during this process she has stated some parameters of the stone she wants...shape, size, color, etc.???? If you haven''t discussed budget with her and what the choices are within that budget, you really need to do so. Would she rather have a 2 ct. J SI2 than a 1.5 H SI1? I definitely think you need to contact your vendor and make sure you are within your return period when you have this talk with her. I am just puzzled as to why you two could have talked about rings extensively without narrowing down what was going to be reality.
 

NeonPeon

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jun 17, 2009
Messages
36
You most likely know more about diamonds and their quality and worth than she does. She probably just is fixated on a number, and she certainly hasn''t covered herself in glory with her materialistic remark. That doesn''t necessarily mean her initial reaction upon seeing the gem wouldn''t be good however.
 

imintexas

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2009
Messages
3
Thanks for your support, everyone. We talked about it when I got home today. The good news is that everything is fine now. The bad news is that there''s not much of a surprise anymore, but oh well. I asked the moderators to take down my first post, but I want to thank everyone who took the time to respond.
 

EyeElle

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 24, 2008
Messages
251
I am glad things worked themselves out.

When a girl first thinks of an engagement ring ''most'' think of size right away. A number on a peice of paper is different when you see that size in diamond form on your finger.
I am sure when she sees it on her hand and you beside her, she will love it ... and the size.
 

Hudson_Hawk

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2006
Messages
10,541
imintexas, I''m really sorry about what happened and I really hope you do feel OK now that you''ve talked. Sometimes we girls say retarded things without thinking. Has she ever even seen a 1.5ct stone on her hand? 1.5cts give some NICE spread on the finger and is nothing to balk at!

Good luck, keep us in the loop with your proposal plans and if you have a camera, take some pics of the stone/ring before you propose!!!
 

treefrog

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 11, 2009
Messages
861
Guy to guy here... you did great! You really did. I feel bad it had to go down this way but it sounds like she is ok with it now. Honestly, had you put that ring on her finger and did NOT mention the size, I suspect she would be ecstatic. Unless funds are unlimited, it''s generally a quality versus quantity (size) thing. Maybe she was a quantity girl and maybe she just had no idea of the costs.

Forget the ring (figuratively)... I hope she knows how lucky she is and where the real gem is in the relationship.

Please keep us posted on the progress!

Treefrog
 
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