is it not so romantic when i''m in the ering process?

[pannini]

so i''ve always wanted to avoid being "that girl" who advises the bf "i want this kind, this setting, this carat, etc..."

but because i found PS, i suddenly became the most educated person of the two of us regarding diamonds and settings.

just found out to my surprise, that he bought the diamond i showed him! i can''t believe it! now, is it weird to continue with the whole custom design process? i feel like there''s no surprise, but we are already on the roll of things.... are there many other couples in the same boat?

 

[princesss]

It''s only weird if you think it''s weird.

Personally, I think it''s intimate and romantic. I''m also a control freak, and I think it''s romantic any time he knowingly lets me get all control freaky and weird about something. He *knows* I''m going to be a pain in the butt, but he also knows it means it''ll be absolutely PERFECT for me. If the two of you work together, you can make something you both love and that reflects both of you. Or something you absolutely adore and never ever ever want to change.

But if you feel that the romance will fade from the process if you''re involved, hand it off to him. No harm, no foul. You''ll still get an amazing ring that you absolutely love. You just won''t know every detail about it before it''s on your hand!

 

[brooklyngirl]

I think the romantic aspect of it depends on the couple. DH and I shopped for my ring together, and picked it out together (well he pointed it out first

). I ended up ordering the ring elsewhere, and making some modifications to it. It was a lot of fun to talk with DH about the ring, and made modification decisions together. I was involved up until he had to pay for the ring.

As far as your situation goes, I think it's wonderful that our BF put your wants/need in an e-ring first. As far as the design process goes, I don't believe it ruins the surprise for you. It's a completely different feeling seeing your actual ring in person, as opposed to seeing the cads, wax, and diamond separately.

 

[pannini]

Thanks Ladies! This makes me feel better, it''s hard to share my self-consciousness with some of my real life peers, because they aren''t in the same boat.

Cheers!

 

[fieryred33143]

We shopped together. He bought the ring I fell in love with on the spot, literally said that''s the one. But the proposal was still romantic. At the point of the proposal, it isn''t about the ring anymore. It''s about him asking you. You''ll be overcome with joy that you may even forget for a second (just a second) what the ring looks like

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 5/15/2009 5:22:30 PM
Author: fieryred33143
We shopped together. He bought the ring I fell in love with on the spot, literally said that''s the one. But the proposal was still romantic. At the point of the proposal, it isn''t about the ring anymore. It''s about him asking you. You''ll be overcome with joy that you may even forget for a second (just a second) what the ring looks like

same for me, but waiting on the proposal part. I know it will still be romantic becuase he''s starting to tell him friends, his parents, everyone but me

 

[musey]

You can find a lot of discussion on here about this.

Everyone is different. We made all decisions together, and I found it incredibly romantic - not to mention a wonderfully fitting metaphor for our relationship. Despite knowing all the ring's elements ahead of time (I didn't see the finished product, not that I think that would have mattered), I still felt incredibly surprised and touched by his proposal. I sincerely doubt it was any less special because of my involvement, but I suppose I'll never know because you can't have it both ways. In which case, why does it matter?

If it doesn't feel romantic to YOU, then take yourself out of the process now. Tell him you want the rest to be a surprise, and drop it.

 

[pannini]

I am actually fine with it, just not sure if this was normal for couples to be so involved with the process. In the traditional sense you see it''s always this big surprise. We just decided on the diamond last night and waiting for it patiently through FedEx!

 

[musey]

Date: 5/15/2009 7:37:33 PM
Author: pannini
I am actually fine with it, just not sure if this was normal for couples to be so involved with the process. In the traditional sense you see it''s always this big surprise. We just decided on the diamond last night and waiting for it patiently through FedEx!

"Normal" is a relative term - and a relatively meaningless one in my opinion

it doesn''t matter what other people do, just do what feels right for YOU.

 

[mrscushion]

I had VERY much input into my e-ring: shape, approx. carat weight, preferred l:w ratio, faceting & preferred sparkle (via GOG videos as a benchmark) of center stone, plus the inspiration for the setting (which ended up being custom-made with modifications, so I did not see the final result before the proposal).

I did not think this was weird at all and FI really appreciated the guidance.

In the end, the proposal was a COMPLETE surprise, more romantic than I'd ever dreamed of, and the ring much more beautiful than I'd imagined. And you know what, despite me having a lot of input, I honestly credit FI 100% with making the ring and the proposal as fantastic as it is/was. Because at the end of the day, he's in charge of it, it's his moment and his amazing gift to me.

 

[havernell]

I think it''s actually smart (and good practice for future big purchases you''ll make as a couple) for both of your to be involved in such a big financial decision (especially on an item that you''ll have for years).

Now, once the ring is finished, you boyfriend can fly solo- he can think up a romantic proposal so you have no idea where or when he''ll propose. That''s what we did- the ring was finished in November and then went into our safety deposit box in the bank. My then-boyfriend then proposed four months later in March and it was ultra romantic because I had no idea it was coming or how he was going to do it.

Have fun with the whole process!

 

[Gypsy]

I did the research on my engagement ring. I didn''t chose the actual stone but internet shopping wasn''t as prevalent, plus I wanted a fancy. But I did give him a list of specs, and jewelers, and even spoke to the jeweler who ended up sourcing my diamond on the phone myself. And I chose the setting style.

The ''lack of romance'' factor was outweighed by getting exactly what I wanted once the ring was on my hand. Plus there was the proposal, which I did nothing about planning. And it was fun going shopping together and deciding on styles we both liked.

I''m a control freak though, and my husband knows that. He would much rather pick something he knows I''m going to like than to take a chance on something I may not... on something as important as my engagement ring. It''s not him being lazy, it''s him knowing my personality. He does surprise me with presents, but not with the big stuff. It works for us. And that''s ultimately what matters.

If it''s not working for you. Stop giving input now. Have him chose the setting, the time and date and all the details of the proposal and go from there. It''s not too late.

 

[jaylex]

At first (before I knew ANYTHING about diamonds), I just told him that I wanted an RB.
Then I did some independent research and learned about the 4 cs and my eyes were opened! lol

We did every part of the ring buying process together and wouldn''t change it for a thing. The ring is going to be exactly what we both wanted. After all, I am the one who is going to be wearing and looking at the ring everyday. He wanted to make sure I''d love it. Every part of the ring "fits" our relationship.

And like you, I was more diamond educated when we first started the shopping process so he wanted to make sure I helped pick out the diamond.....
I don''t know anything about cars so I wouldn''t buy one without his input, right? ESPECIALLY if he was the one who would be driving it.

I don''t think it was any less romantic than it would have been had I not been involved. If anything, it was MORE romantic. We got to celebrate every step of the way! Buying the diamond, picking out what kind of setting we want, putting in the order to have it custom made...

Plus, once the setting is finished and the diamond is set, I won''t see it until he proposes so that way there is still some mystery.

But what''s right for one couple, may not be right for another. Look at all the options and do what''s right for you and your SO!

 

[Ashley21]

Alot of PSers are in the same situation. And it seems a popular trend is that the ring and diamond chosing is done together, and the proposal is the romantic surprise part. I''ve looked at rings with BF and might be involved in the ring buying process (it makes since when you know what you want and what is good), but I think BF is very traditional in that the guy does everything without the knowledge of the GF. It depends on each individual couple as to if being involved in the ring buying process ruins the romance and also if they are a more traditional couple. I think the most romantic part is definitely the proposal, and it makes it that much better that you get a ring you love

 

[stacy]

I think providing your SO with guidance on the ring is a great thing to do. That way, he knows for sure you will like the ring, and that takes pressure off of him. It takes pressure off of you too because you won''t have to be worried about whether you are going to like this ring you will be wearing the rest of your life (unless you upgrade down the road, of course). I really don''t think it''s weird for you to pick your ring AT ALL. I hope if my fiance ever decides to buy me a ring, he will let me pick. If not, I KNOW he will buy a round stone, and what I want is an emerald cut. I would be happy with anything he gave me, but I would love to some (or THE) say in the process as well!

 

[CharmyPoo]

I have the same worries. I am pratically doing it all myself and he doesn''t seem to care. I guess to his point - he did everything the first time around so it''s my turn. I guess it will be his turn again when he proposes!

I am not sure if this is romantic but it was pretty special when I found out he actually took the step to buy a diamond. We were in NYC and I dragged him to look at e-rings but he wasn''t into it. I got all mad and emotional and started crying. After a while, he was like .. don''t you see why I don''t want to look ... I already got something. He actually bought a diamond that morning.

 

[gryffindor]

I took FI's budget and selected the stone and custom design myself. I talked to him about my research and what I had learned about stones and asked him for input on the design. He really didn't have much to contribute although he thought the CAD designs of the setting were really cool and was impressed with what I had come up with. He admit I did a much better job than if he had gone out and done it himself. With the two of us living in different cities in an LDR, it was hard to go ring shopping together even if I wanted to. Visiting jewelery stores on the weekends for ideas really made my lonely weekends without him a lot of fun for me. I found myself really passionate about the whole process and it made being apart easier to swallow since I was so involved in the project.

After the ring was cast and the stone was set, I didn't see the final product and had the jeweler mail it to him so he could come up with the surprise proposal like many of the other posters above expected. He had never done anything like surprising someone on such a grand scale with such an expensive tiny thing before. What he ultimately did was wonderful but believe me, he needed LOTS and LOTS of coaching to get there.

 

[princessplease]

FI and I shopped together, too. Like princess, I need to have control, lol!! I wanted to get the best ring for the money, and while I love FI, I didn''t want him to go to a B&M store to buy a ring. I had no problem with helping, though. When I look at my ring, I know it''s something that we both worked on together, and that makes it even more special.

 

[CristinaRuns26.2]

I don''t think it''s a bad idea at all to be involved with the ring selection! Choosing the ring together is romantic

I''m not involved in the buying of my ring. After DBF asked me about what kind of engagement ring I wanted (cut, carat size, setting, etc.), we looked online and I showed him exactly what I wanted. He then promptly booted me out of the process

It''s his turn to make the rest happen. He''s the type of guy that likes things to be a surprise, and I''m all right with that.

 

[HollyS]

The process of choosing - together - a setting and the diamond/gemstone does not have to be unromantic.

DH and I look back on our ''that''s the one!'' moment very fondly. It''s a memory we cherish.

 

[Squirrly]

i agree that it is going to be as romantic as you two make the process, and how much you want to be involved is entirely up to you. it is going to live on your hand forever so you should like how it looks afterall!
for me personally i want the whole thing to be a complete surprise, so i just gave my boy a few suggestions and am letting him run with it. i''ll have my fun picking out his wedding band

although heaven help him if it''s pink cause i''ll make sure his ring is even pinker!

 

[AdiS]

We shopped together. We were visiting jewelry stores just so I could get an idea of what I wanted. Then in one of the stores I saw my ring. We said "What about this one?" at the same time.

He then went back without me knowing, bought it and had been hiding it for weeks before he proposed. It was one of the most romantic moments ever and the fact that he got exactly what I wanted without telling me only made it more romantic.

 

[lucyandroger]

It depends on YOUR definition of romantic. There is NO rule that surprise equals romantic and no surprise equals unromantic.