Overweight - Issues TTC.

[Loves2Laugh]

"I see marriage as VERY important though. I don''t know why. I realise it''s not neccessarily they right way in this day and age, but it is a value I hold dear. I would like a family in the traditional sense. I want us to all share his family name."


Hi Merry!! First and foremost, (((((HUGS!!!)))) to you! Sounds like you''re really going through a tough time with FI and more-so with yourself. As I sit here, I am also very much a plus size woman who happens to also be 38 weeks pregnant. I want you to know that it is possible to get pg as long as you''re reproductive system is healthy. Judging by your weight (although I''m not sure how tall you are) you should be still able to have a baby. You CAN be plus sized and get pregnant! By you missing cycles, there''s something else going on with your body beyond your weight. DH and I went though a few months of testing and once they figured out what was going on my next cycle they gave me fertility drug and poof! I am where I am now! I''ve had a great pregnancy. No high blood pressure, no GD and I''ve felt great! Now, I don''t want to tell you not to lose weight or try to aim for a healthier lifestyle. If YOU are ready and want to make those changes for yourself you have nothing to lose and everything to gain!

After reading your posts and especially the above statement, you should in no way dismiss what you hold near and dear to you and your expectations from a partner. Your wants are just as important as his. If he wants to put the cart before the horse and you''re not on the same page then the brakes need to be put on and the two of you need to work through that BEFORE a baby comes into the picture. I''m sure your FI loves you and he is trying to help (in his own way) so you''re more healthy. The change has to come from within you. I say you still should get into your OB/GYN to begin testing to find out why you''ve missed cycles. Don''t settle on them telling you it''s your weight. There''s more going on and there are doctors who are "fat-friendly" that will and WANT to help. In the meantime, everyone here is rooting for you and you have a great support team here that wants to help once you decide you''re ready. Best of luck!

 

[marcy]

Merry, I am glad to see you are doing this for yourself; that makes all the difference in the world. I am delighted to see you on the HLT; there are many people with a wealth of knowledge and advice. I started out about 20 - 30 pounds higher than where you are now so I know you''ve got a long road ahead of you; self will and determination will help with the bumps in the road. As Steph pointed out the key to my success was changing my lifestyle. My best recommendation to you is set small goals and completely avoid bad or tempting things until you can handle them. I didn''t deviate from my diet until I''d lost about 60 pounds because I was VERY afraid I''d never start it up again. What worked for me may not work for you but please, please don''t hesitate to ask me for advice or help because that is something I really want to do is help people realize if I can do this ANYONE can. I think you joined Sparkpeople and I get questions there all the time from people who have found my page and want help or suggestions. You can do this and we are here to help.

Loves2Laugh has some great points. I want to comment on doctors who won''t look past your weight. I used to say if I went in to the ER with a 2 x 4 stuck in the back of my head complaining that I had a horrible headache they would say it was because I was fat. Many doctors won''t look past your size and say all of your health issues are related to being obese. I agree with her that seeing an OBGYN to find out what is going on is very important. I had issues for years and it turned out to be endometriosis but they never looked past me being overweight. Because my ovaries were pretty much gone by the time they found it I had to have a complete hysterectomy so finding out what is wrong sooner than later is a good idea.

 

[steph72276]

Date: 1/1/2009 4:43:27 PM
Author: merrymunky

Date: 1/1/2009 4:24:09 PM

Author: steph72276

Date: 1/1/2009 4:13:10 PM

Author: marcyc

Merry, I wish you the best on your journey but I like many others have said I hope you are doing this for yourself.Hugs to you and good luck on your journey.

Marcy, I was about to mention that she join the HLT to get inspiration from your achievements....you did things the right way and lost it slow and steadily and totally changed your lifestyle.

Steph - I have been a regular poster in the HLT for a few months now. I somehow fell off the wagon lately though.


I have reclaimed my seat there now!

Oops, sorry! I have been away from that thread for a few months, but back now. See you over there!

 

[honey22]

Date: 1/1/2009 6:36:09 AM
Author: bee*
Sending hugs Merry! I agree with the other girls advice-getting healthy for you is a great thing, but I would be weary about having his baby. Obviously you know him better than we do but from reading your post, it does seem like he is trying to put off a wedding.

Honey-I didn''t know you lost that much-wow!! Any tips?

Bee* - I find that taping my mouth shut works well

Seriously though, I got an exercise bike, parked it in front of the telly and made myself get on it everynight, no excuses. I am back to that everyday thing now, my NY resolution, once I get going for a few days I get in a good habit and then I am back on track. I find I want to eat less and make better choices when I am exercising, it''s puts me in a positive mood.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 1/1/2009 5:55:34 PM
Author: marcyc

Loves2Laugh has some great points. I want to comment on doctors who won''t look past your weight. I used to say if I went in to the ER with a 2 x 4 stuck in the back of my head complaining that I had a horrible headache they would say it was because I was fat. Many doctors won''t look past your size and say all of your health issues are related to being obese. I agree with her that seeing an OBGYN to find out what is going on is very important. I had issues for years and it turned out to be endometriosis but they never looked past me being overweight. Because my ovaries were pretty much gone by the time they found it I had to have a complete hysterectomy so finding out what is wrong sooner than later is a good idea.

Erg, reading this and readying L2L''s post makes me so mad at the medical community!

Actually, our whole culture is so negative about weight. Certainly there are serious heath issues associated with being overweight and those health issues should be taken seriously, but it makes me so sick to hear *everything* being balmed on it! But I guess I shouldn''t be surprised

Merry I wish you all the best in your goal of losing weight, and I also hope you have doctors who will look at your reproductive health more seriously and help you get answers!

 

[Itgirl76]

Hi merrymunky! I am so sorry that you are feeling so down

Just my 2 cents
How you are being treated by your FI makes me so angry!

I have had weight issues since I was 8 years old at my largest I was 220 lbs about 16 stone (if I am doing the math correctly I know stone is a British term) I was at my largest a size 18 on a 5''4" frame is a little large. My ex-fiance said the same thing to me when I was engaged and I needed to fit into a certain dress size before we got married...we had this discussion a lot. We were engaged for 4 years and at the end I finally did it...and then one day I really thought to myself do I want to be with someone that only wants to marry me if I fit a size requirements? I decided NO and after being together for almost 9 years and being enaged for 4 of those years I called off my wedding 1 month before the wedding. It was the hardest thing I did but the best thing I did as well...I am not saying that this is the way for you but you need to ask yourself if this is how you want to be treated.

I finally got on the train to lose weight these are some of the thigs I did

-I quit smoking
-I became a veggie
-I worked out 7 days a week. I started out with only walking 1 mile a day on the treadmill and it was enogh for the first few months and then I worked my way up to power walk/running 10 miles and doing weights 4-5 times a week.
-No Soda, No Coffee
-No white breads or grains

It took me 1.5 years to get down to a size 10 where I currently sit. (a size 14 in the UK)

-Reccomendations:

1. make sure you see a doctor before you start any dieting routine
2. Start slow! Everythign in moderation...in eating habits and excercizing.
3. Find a friend to help you along. Having a buddy is always great
4. Do it for yourslef! Not for a baby not to get married, not to fit into a smaller dress do it to become a healthier person
5. Set reasonable goals for yourself!

You can do anything you can put your mind to! It just takes time

About your periods...I actually did the opposite...I had my period for 11-12 days really heavy...I had serious cramping and days where I felt so dizzy.
after I lost the weight it became more normal and I lost the really bad cramping and the dizziness

Good luck!!! and you can do it!!!

 

[qtiekiki]

Good for you to want a healthier lifestyle and for taking steps to lose weights. Best of luck to you.

IMO your fiance has commitment issue, and it needs to be worked out before you have a baby or get married.

 

[fieryred33143]

I''m not going to comment on the FI issue because I feel like I don''t know the whole story. I will say though that I understand the frustration of having a guy that will easily have a baby without getting married. My FI was asking for a baby before we ever even thought about marriage. The first time he ever brought up a child was two years into our relationship. We didn''t get engaged until 6.5 years after dating. The ''funny'' thing though is now that we are having a child and we aren''t married, he asks every day when are we going to get married. So if you do decide to continue on the relationship and do have a child before marriage, his opinion may or may not changed.

I wanted to stop through and offer my support and to say I''m very proud of you for recognizing the importance of staying healthy, especially before being a mom. I''m overweight and pregnant. I watch my calories and what I eat like a hawk. I''m in constant fear of getting diabetes because it becomes more of a risk in overweight women who are pregnant. I also find myself very tired and very weak all the time and I''m not even that far along. It isn''t easy so losing the weight and getting healthy before TTC is the best decision you can make for yourself and your baby.

Good luck!

 

[moremoremore]

"So during this conversation with FI tonight it comes out that he would rather have a child before we got married."
My response is UMMMM, NO.

I will hopefully not sound terribly harsh, but there is something going on here with him. Either he wants to get married or he doesn''t...a 5 year engagement sounds like he never wants to get married but wants a kid, maybe thinking that will satisfy and not want to get married? Why are you even considering this?

As for your health issue...Go see a Dr. stat. When you''re heavy your hormones are all messed up and you could also be borderline pcos.... While you say you''ve had "some degree of investigation" into this, that''s not enough. Endometrial cancer can (likely won''t) happen when you don''t get your period for a long time like this...They will put you on the pill.

Whatever you decide...best of luck....

 

[bee*]

Date: 1/1/2009 7:00:11 PM
Author: honey22

Date: 1/1/2009 6:36:09 AM

Author: bee*

Sending hugs Merry! I agree with the other girls advice-getting healthy for you is a great thing, but I would be weary about having his baby. Obviously you know him better than we do but from reading your post, it does seem like he is trying to put off a wedding.


Honey-I didn''t know you lost that much-wow!! Any tips?

Bee* - I find that taping my mouth shut works well

Seriously though, I got an exercise bike, parked it in front of the telly and made myself get on it everynight, no excuses. I am back to that everyday thing now, my NY resolution, once I get going for a few days I get in a good habit and then I am back on track. I find I want to eat less and make better choices when I am exercising, it''s puts me in a positive mood.

lol honey!! I wish I could tape my mouth shut!! Well done on losing so much weight with all that exercise!! I''m always the same in that when I exercise I don''t want to ruin it by eating rubbish!