How did your relationship fare after having children?

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/2/2008 6:26:27 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
TGal, I completely agree with you that by nature, because we are the ones who have the uterus and the boobs, parenting is unfair.

I know this sounds like a terrible question, but I''m just being very honest. Did any of you lovely moms ever feel resentful that it is unequal? I have this fear of waking up at 3 a.m. for a feeding, then looking at the other side of the bed at my husband who is content and asleep and resenting the fact that he is not as exhausted. I love that our relatoinship is equal in all ways (responsibility, financially, etc.) and I''m afraid that the inherent inequality of having a child is going to make me feel isolated or suffocated. Even when you know that he is an amazing father and is going above and beyond to help, do those first months still feel lonely?

I realize that this is just temporary and parenting takes on a new dynamic and in many ways gets easier, but I would be lying if I said it wasn''t scary. Not quite as scary as knowing that you are no longer the most important person in your life, but still scary, haha.

Oh yeah, I resented it. Not HIM per se, but yeah...it''s hard not to feel like you got the short end of the stick when it''s 2am and you''re feeding your kid with your eyes half open and DH is happy and toasty in bed. And yet, even through that, I really believe that I am the lucky one, if that makes any sense! I''m her mom...how lucky is that.

Now, when she starts to openly prefer her daddy when I''ve been busting my butt to get her all her needs...well then, there''ll be hell to pay!!

btw, in those middle of the night feedings, burps make up for it. When they burp, life is good. Hehe.

 

[divergrrl]

This is a good topic.

DH & I have had a few rows since having kids, (one of us needing to be understood etc) but our relationship is essentially the same as its always been.

The biggest differences are that I''m often tired & I have a less patience for him than I used to. But I try to be more patient & that helps. He also is great at making an effort to be supportive.

No one is perfect, but I think we are closer now than before the kids, but we do communicate about EVERYTHING, we are pretty much on the same page, and we hash our problems as they come up instead of letting them fester. But that''s how we were before kids.

I think having children really highlights the weaknesses in a partnership. It certainly did in ours. How you weather it depends on how you deal with conflict before kids. If you didn''t have good communication/conflict resolution skills before hand, well...its not going to get BETTER with kids.

Just my .02 cents.

 

[Miscka]

I have a question for you moms (even though I am probably quite a few years away from this)...

How do you feel about how long you were married before you had kids? I know a few of you touched on this, but do you think it would have affected your relationships more/less had you been married longer/not as long?

I find this all incredibly fascinating, thanks for starting it, TGal.

 

[Jas12]

Newenglandlady--hell yes, i felt resentful, i remember the first weeks when i had just endured 9 months of icky pregnancy, 20+ hours of hard labor, stitches, trying to nurse, getting up all thru the night, adjusting to being a mom, worrying about everything, feeling and looking like shit and thinking "buddy, why the hell did you get off so easy" ? Moms have it rough at first for sure. But we say it time and time again, it is WORTH it, and it gets easier every month and there is really no way around it. It''s part of the crazy parenthood deal.
(

MrsM--it bugs me when housework and childcare is viewed as ''mom work'' that dad just luckily helps with. We try not to fall ino that trap and i am fortunate, like i mentioned, to have a DH who is very liberal when it comes to gender roles, however, like Tgal said, when it comes right down to it i am Co''s mom and i have the final word (at least right now for the ''survival months''

) I anticipate that things will change when our kids can talk back (we''ll need to combine forces) but right now i am making most of the big decisions.

 

[Dancing Fire]

i've change more diapers than some of the moms here.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/2/2008 9:11:38 PM
Author: Miscka
I have a question for you moms (even though I am probably quite a few years away from this)...

How do you feel about how long you were married before you had kids? I know a few of you touched on this, but do you think it would have affected your relationships more/less had you been married longer/not as long?

I find this all incredibly fascinating, thanks for starting it, TGal.

Hmm good question.

We weren''t even married a year before I became pregnant. We got married Oct 2006 and I got pregnant July 4th, 2007.

When you get married older, age is definitely a factor. I still am so wonderfully thankful I got married "late". I thoroughly enjoyed my single life and then some, and most of my friends believed I would never marry.

Now that I have a kid, I can definitely see the benefit of marrying early, then having a few years to yourselves before having a kid. I could have definitely enjoyed 5 years with just TGuy and myself to travel, and just be totally selfish in our relationship in that we''d live for only ourselves. With the kid in the picture, of course I wish I had her earlier, if only because I''d be a younger mom by the time she gets to be an adult.

I do think things turned out exactly right in our case, despite what I said above. I was SO SO scared of being a mom. I didn''t like kids. Ever. I was good with them, don''t get me wrong, but I just didn''t love being with them. TGuy also showed no interest in children, and when we met, we both said we did not want kids. Then one day he changed his mind and said yes, in the past he didn''t want kids, but now he wanted children with me. However, we are both so inadequate in so many ways, I think I would have overthought this whole parenting thing and decided somewhere along the way it would be better for people like us not to have children. Fate sort of intervened and Amelia is a one shot wonder...pretty much almost a boo-boo in the sense we didn''t think it could happen the way it did.

I no longer worry that we''re going to be the worst parents in the world because she''s alive and kicking and not any worse off from our parentage. While I would have loved more time with TGuy, I love that I have her more, if that makes sense. I think having Amelia makes me a better wife because along the way, I learn more patience, restraint and kindness by being a mother to her.

I can speculate until the cows come home what we would be like right now, married over 2 years if we didn''t have a kid in sight. I have no idea. But I know we''ve become better people as a result of being parents so I can only assume we''re better off as a whole because of it. And our "whole" is being a family, not just being a couple and that''s a wonderful thing in my book.

If I were to get divorced tomorrow because our relationship didn''t work out because we had a kid, I wouldn''t regret having her. My life was full and fun before I had Amelia, but now it is truly joyous and meaningful.

 

[TravelingGal]

btw, I reread your question and realized my rambling didn''t really answer it. So to answer, I don''t think we would have been any better at this, and with each other if we had been married longer. I pretty much think an extra 2 or 3 years would have simply meant putting off what we are going through now. And as I said, if I had waited longer, there is a very good chance that we would not have had kids, period.

 

[puffy]

Date: 12/2/2008 9:11:38 PM
Author: Miscka
I have a question for you moms (even though I am probably quite a few years away from this)...


How do you feel about how long you were married before you had kids? I know a few of you touched on this, but do you think it would have affected your relationships more/less had you been married longer/not as long?


I find this all incredibly fascinating, thanks for starting it, TGal.

funny thing is that i actually got pregnant right before we got married. it was a combination of way too much tequilla and being in puerto vallarta! so we were married for 9 months, or just a little shy of 9 months when brady was born. i think that we didn''t get to enjoy being married, but then again we were together for almost 10 years now. but we did a ton of traveling before brady was born.
ultimately, i really don''t think that it would have changed the way i felt or anything. it is nice to be married for a bit and just enjoy each other before thinking about getting pregnant. but sometimes, you gotta deal with what you''re dealt. we were together for 8 years when we got married, and engaged for about 1.5 of those years, and lived together for about 5 of those years. so we definitely knew everything about each other and had enough time together to enjoy each other.
i don''t think it affected our relationship. the thing that i do think that affected the relationship more than anything was my not willing to accept help because i thought i could be supermom. clearly, i was/am not.
but if i had to do it all again, i would not change a thing. the timing for us was perfect and i could not be happier with our family.

 

[Dancing Fire]

IMO....better to have kids earlier in life.

 

[pennquaker09]

Date: 12/2/2008 9:11:38 PM
Author: Miscka
I have a question for you moms (even though I am probably quite a few years away from this)...


How do you feel about how long you were married before you had kids? I know a few of you touched on this, but do you think it would have affected your relationships more/less had you been married longer/not as long?


I find this all incredibly fascinating, thanks for starting it, TGal.

I think it depends on the relationship. I agree with Tgal, Nate and I could have waited, but I don''t think anything would have changed. I feel like we have a solid relationship, we''ve been together almost 6 years. Not a super long time, but in those 6 years, a lot of stuff has happened and we even did the long distance thing for about 5 months. And this was in the early part of our relationship.


Plus, I wanted to be a young parent. Like, it''s the buttcrack of dawn and I''m up, I don''t know if I would wanted to do that when I''m pushing 40.

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 12/2/2008 5:02:47 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I do wonder if there is a difference with SAHM''s and working moms. I have a friend that is a stay at home mom and takes it very seriously as her job. The issue comes up that her job, of course, doesn''t end at 5 pm and she doesn''t get weekends off. Still, she is happy because she feels fortunate because it''s the only job she wants to do at this point.

Vs. working moms who are tired after a long day but then go into their *second* job. Is there potential for more bitterness there when the man doesn''t help out?

Jas, I hear ya on the intimacy thing. I told a mom friend of mine (more of a work colleague than a close friend) that with our travel schedules, TGuy and I once went six WEEKS without sex. She laughed and said, ''Six weeks? Try six MONTHS.'' I was like -->

No way do I EVER want that to happen to me!

Now I can totally see that happening without any problems, and then some. Taking care of a baby is physical labor. While sex is very enjoyable, it also takes physical energy. TGuy and I both want to, but we''re so tired at the thought of it that we''d rather just sit, laugh, talk about current topics and have a glass of wine. So it''s not like there is no bonding, but it''s in the form of something more relaxing. And the kicker is neither of us mind it.

As I say this, I am sure lots of non-moms are thinking, uh, no thanks...I''ll keep our spicy relationship as is! And I don''t blame you. I''ll even say I envy you. I worry that when the kid gets older, even if we WANT to have sex, we''ll potentially have a kid who barges through doors, etc. When we buy a new house, we''ll put locks on our bedroom door!

I even understand to a degree why men cheat on their wives once kids are in the picture. Life becomes, in many ways mundane. As Jas says, our attention turns to cuddling and cooing over the kid and the hubby gets gipped a bit in that arena. So maybe they seek attention elsewhere. In our life, we are lucky that TGuy has about a dozen wonderful guy friends to hang out with - the wives joke that if any cheating happens, it will be our husbands with each other''s husbands! I encourage TGuy to get excitement by watching sports with them (his passion) and just hanging out.

All in all though, as cliche as it sounds, she is worth it. I do believe relationships evolve no matter if you have kids or not. It''s just when you have kids, it goes down a different path than if you did not.

Well, I stopped working outside the home when my son was born, and I think it definitely helped our relationship to have one of us delegated as "caretaker" and the other as "breadwinner." My husband is up at 5 am to go to work and frequently doesn''t get home until 7 pm, so he needs his sleep and I was always the one to get up with the baby. I never minded, though, because first of all, I was the one who could breastfeed, and once the baby just took formula, I knew that I could sleep in with the baby until 9 in the morning if we were up for a few hours during the night, while my husband has to be out the door by 5:30 am no matter what. I never felt resentful, because I know & respect that he works very hard to financially support the family, and he appreciates and respects my work taking care of our son & our home.

I think that if I had to work full-time (or even part-time) outside the home, I would definitely be resentful and notice everything he did or didn''t do around the house to help me out or with the baby. DH and I were both raised by SAHMs, so we just figured that this would be how things would go, at least until our son starts kindergarten, theh I may look at going back to work part-time. It is just easier for us having defined responsibilities, then no one is resentful of the other for not helping the other one out.

 

[Mara]

oooh what a great thread TG! I often think about this as we dont have kids yet but you hear so many diff ways of how kids affect the relationship you have built with your mate.

i just wanted to chime and say that i can relate to when the men don't really relate to babies because they don't have personalities of their own. it's probably different with your own child, but our good friends & neighbors have a 1 1/2 year old that i adore. for the first 5 months, he really was not that interesting to me. i'd even forget they had a child in the house because we'd come over at 7pm when he went down for bed and he was a great sleeper so sometimes i would forget they had a baby!

it wasn't until he started to be able to SEE me and would smile or want to interact with me that i really started to become interested in seeing him and now when he sees me he waves me or wants me to play with him or hold him and that's the amazing fun part. but some people i know just love babies and kids regardless of age or any interaction at all. i am not one of those people...i really love 'personalities'...! when portia was a pup, i couldn't wait for her to grow up and start showing some personality.

i would imagine it's diff, with your own child as a mother, but i could see how a dad who did not carry the child for 39-40 weeks might take longer to grow the bond.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/3/2008 6:18:05 PM
Author: Mara
oooh what a great thread TG! I often think about this as we dont have kids yet but you hear so many diff ways of how kids affect the relationship you have built with your mate.

i just wanted to chime and say that i can relate to when the men don''t really relate to babies because they don''t have personalities of their own. it''s probably different with your own child, but our good friends & neighbors have a 1 1/2 year old that i adore. for the first 5 months, he really was not that interesting to me. i''d even forget they had a child in the house because we''d come over at 7pm when he went down for bed and he was a great sleeper so sometimes i would forget they had a baby!

it wasn''t until he started to be able to SEE me and would smile or want to interact with me that i really started to become interested in seeing him and now when he sees me he waves me or wants me to play with him or hold him and that''s the amazing fun part. but some people i know just love babies and kids regardless of age or any interaction at all. i am not one of those people...i really love ''personalities''...! when portia was a pup, i couldn''t wait for her to grow up and start showing some personality.

i would imagine it''s diff, with your own child as a mother, but i could see how a dad who did not carry the child for 39-40 weeks might take longer to grow the bond.

OMG! She LIVES!!!!

 

[Miranda]

Date: 12/2/2008 6:26:27 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
TGal, I completely agree with you that by nature, because we are the ones who have the uterus and the boobs, parenting is unfair.

I know this sounds like a terrible question, but I''m just being very honest. Did any of you lovely moms ever feel resentful that it is unequal? I have this fear of waking up at 3 a.m. for a feeding, then looking at the other side of the bed at my husband who is content and asleep and resenting the fact that he is not as exhausted. I love that our relatoinship is equal in all ways (responsibility, financially, etc.) and I''m afraid that the inherent inequality of having a child is going to make me feel isolated or suffocated. Even when you know that he is an amazing father and is going above and beyond to help, do those first months still feel lonely?

I realize that this is just temporary and parenting takes on a new dynamic and in many ways gets easier, but I would be lying if I said it wasn''t scary. Not quite as scary as knowing that you are no longer the most important person in your life, but still scary, haha.

It''s not a terrible question NEL! I do think it is different for everyone. And for me, I have a many part answer. I''ve never felt suffocated by the responsibility that comes with kids. I tend to be a bit of a free spirit, but, for some reason it has never crossed over into resentment at the kids. I have felt suffocated by ''stuff'' before - if that makes sense. This house cost a pretty penny and sometimes I just hate it - I feel suffocated by it. I think that''s just the idea of debt (especially that much). I loathe it!

Yes, there were times when I was up for the third time that night nursing the baby and DH was sleeping like a damn log. I wanted to kick him, to be sure! I don''t think I was irritated by him. Just being tired. I''ve never felt like things are unequal. We *sort of* have defined roles. When he is at work I take care of the kids and the house. When he''s home he chips in, too. We both snuggle up with the little one at night and tell knock knock jokes. I have to admit that my hubby helps a ton. We both love doing things with/for the kids. Almost all nights he does the dishes. He says he appreciates the fantastic dinners I make for us every night and cleaning up is the least he can do. His attitude of appreation and respect for all the butt wiping, cooking, cleaning, etc. I''ve done for the past 14 1/2 years makes everything palatable.

My advice would be to not worry about things being equal. They won''t be. They cannot be. In our case, I stay home. I am so grateful I don''t have to deal with the high stress level he does all day long at least 5 days per week. On the flip side...He could be sittling at work feeling annoyed that I don''t have budgets to deal with and I don''t pull my weight monetarily, but, he doesn''t. Instead he wonders what kind of yummy dinner he can look forward to and he feels grateful he can count on me to do things *our right way*. From listening to my friends who work I can say that they are more resentful of the work they do at home than my GFs who don''t work. Though, my GFs who stay home are oftentimes more lonely than my working GFs!!! There''s no perfect answer.

How do you deal with taking care of your dog(s)? I don''t think you have the new baby yet, do you? Anyway, you probably take care of them together and love it. Kids will be no different...Just smaller...And less hairy...And you probably shouldn''t lock them in a cage when they''re naughty!

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Nel, your question about resentment is perfectly reasonable! I personally would be lying if I said there was none, but most of it related to pregnancy for me. Once Amelia was born,we worked very hard to ''neutralise'' the inequality. You''re right, of course there''s biological fact in there. TGal pointed it out too and she''s right - we carry and BF babies and there''s no getting away from it! Pregnancy? Nothing shared about it! No way round that, really. Plus, DH was working overseas for a chunk of my pregnancy, since we never thought I''d get pregnant so quickly! (Another one shot wonder LOL). I seriously resented him when I was sick, exhausted and having to look after a fairly big, slightly ramshackle old house and grounds, with livestock. I mean seriously, who wants to spend hours cutting grass and cleaning out hen runs when the effort of lifting head from pillow is overwhelming?

However, interestingly (I think!) it was BFing that helped our relationship as a couple and a family. In the early months, we sat down together for every feed, day and night. (Well, at night we sort of sat up in bed, dazed and exhausted, but you know what I mean!) That was when we talked, when we fine tuned our parenting approach, where we discussed anything and everything to do with the baby and to do with us. I never felt like it was just me feeding, if that makes any sense?

Now there''s a huge caveat to this, and it''s paternity leave. I live in a country where paternity leave is statutory and DH was at a place in his career where he could say he was taking leave of absence when his statutory leave ended, so we spent the first few months together. I recognise this is just not possible for everyone, but as I say, I can only describe my own experience.

At the moment, I don''t think I could say I was Amelia''s primary caregiver. For now, that is shared. I think Jas made a good point thought- that might all change when Amelia can talk back and hits those teenage years! I don''t think DH will relate to a teenage girl in the easy, natural way he related to a younger child. I may well have to take the lead at that point. Until then, we''re sharing and for us, it''s good for our relationship.

Wow, this thread has really made me think! I''m now wondering, what happens with baby number two??

Jen

 

[softly softly]

Wow, this thread has really made me think! I''m now wondering, what happens with baby number two??

Jen[/quote]

Interesting question Mrs Mitchell. In my experience I found that with our second baby my husband''s ability to bond was massively hampered by our older child who (quite understandably) wanted to monopolize daddy''s attention - not to mention that of his grandparents. For the first six months of her life our daughter was definitely MY baby in every sense. I was the one who held her the most, fed her exclusively, got up to her and changed the vast majority of her nappies, while every one else focused more on our son.

I actually did not mind this particularly - mostly I was grateful that my son was kept occupied and happy leaving me to give my full attention to my daughter when she needed it. My husband may have not been able to parent our daughter equally with me but we were partners because when he was home he bore the brunt of caring for our son.

Interestingly though, I found that the rest of the family seemed to be so concerned about my son feeling left out because of the new baby they almost overcompensated and my daughter was sort of left out of all that rapt new-born attention my son had gotten by virtue of being the first born.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I got preggo 5 months after we got married (though we had been together for 6 years at that point). We were ready and she was as planned as any baby could be. I thinks she has brought DH and I closer together. He loves me in a whole new way since I am the mother to his child and I feel the same about him. It is SOOO heart warming to see how he plays with her, bathes her, cuddles her...So I would say a baby brought us closer together. The first few months a rough b/c you are both tired and adjusting. But we now have this bond that is so strong. So I guess our relationship is better.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Tacori, your post made me smile! I''m glad that Tessa has been so good for you as a couple, that''s so great to hear. Oh, and there''s nothing quite like bath time with Daddy, is there? Most nights, I have to mop the floor when they''re done, but they both love it!

Softly Softly, that''s exactly what I''m wondering about. I mentioned over on the mommies thread, we''re thinking about whether or not to have another baby and this is a big consideration. It would be such a different experience second time round and I have to figure out how I feel about that. Thanks for posting this, it''s given me a lot to think about and to discuss with DH.

Jen

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Date: 12/2/2008 9:11:38 PM
Author: Miscka
I have a question for you moms (even though I am probably quite a few years away from this)...


How do you feel about how long you were married before you had kids? I know a few of you touched on this, but do you think it would have affected your relationships more/less had you been married longer/not as long?


I find this all incredibly fascinating, thanks for starting it, TGal.

I was married nearly 5 years when Amelia was born, but we lived together for about 3 years before we were married and been a couple for two years before that. (I''m slow!). We didn''t really want a baby any earlier. When we got married we concentrated on paying off our mortgage, getting free of debt, getting settled into careers, and saved enough money to let us take parental leave if we ever did decide to have a child. I''m very glad we did all that, given the economic climate now, but on the other hand, I think we prevaricated to the point that our ages now mitigate against us having another child. So it isn''t perfect. If we''d had our first baby earlier, I think we''d have found the decision to have another baby easier.

My BFF got married at 17 and had her three children straight away, a year between each. She has a fantastic marriage. She and her DH are now getting ready to do the things we did before we had our baby. We were talking about this today and she doesn''t regret having her first baby within a year of being married, but I do sort of regret that I waited so long.

Jen

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/4/2008 12:24:55 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell


I was married nearly 5 years when Amelia was born, but we lived together for about 3 years before we were married and been a couple for two years before that. (I''m slow!). We didn''t really want a baby any earlier. When we got married we concentrated on paying off our mortgage, getting free of debt, getting settled into careers, and saved enough money to let us take parental leave if we ever did decide to have a child. I''m very glad we did all that, given the economic climate now, but on the other hand, I think we prevaricated to the point that our ages now mitigate against us having another child. So it isn''t perfect. If we''d had our first baby earlier, I think we''d have found the decision to have another baby easier.

My BFF got married at 17 and had her three children straight away, a year between each. She has a fantastic marriage. She and her DH are now getting ready to do the things we did before we had our baby. We were talking about this today and she doesn''t regret having her first baby within a year of being married, but I do sort of regret that I waited so long.

Jen

I tell ya, if I were to have had a baby early, 17 sounds good to me. OK, I know it''s not an easy age to have a baby at all, but when I see TGuy''s parents (who had his sister when his mom was 17 and TGuy when she was 20), I totally envy them. TGuy''s sister is turning 40 in February and his parents are only 57 and 60! They have three grandchildren, and will mostly see their grandchildren get married and have children (the oldest is currently 10 years old). How awesome is that???

I look at my mom and she''s 69. She loves Amelia more every day but knows she won''t be around to see her really grow up and get married. That makes me so, so sad. And I know I will be a similar position when/if Amelia has children someday.

I loved my life before I had her and I am so blessed by what I''ve experienced in life. But there is no doubt when I had her I wanted to turn back the clock. I think that if I had her earlier, I''d have a longer life with her and probably a fuller later years with more kids and grandchildren. But then I remind myself that my life experience shaped who I am today, and I hope that it has a huge hand in how I raise her and will shape who Amelia is tomorrow.

 

[Miranda]

Date: 12/4/2008 12:37:54 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 12/4/2008 12:24:55 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell


I was married nearly 5 years when Amelia was born, but we lived together for about 3 years before we were married and been a couple for two years before that. (I''m slow!). We didn''t really want a baby any earlier. When we got married we concentrated on paying off our mortgage, getting free of debt, getting settled into careers, and saved enough money to let us take parental leave if we ever did decide to have a child. I''m very glad we did all that, given the economic climate now, but on the other hand, I think we prevaricated to the point that our ages now mitigate against us having another child. So it isn''t perfect. If we''d had our first baby earlier, I think we''d have found the decision to have another baby easier.

My BFF got married at 17 and had her three children straight away, a year between each. She has a fantastic marriage. She and her DH are now getting ready to do the things we did before we had our baby. We were talking about this today and she doesn''t regret having her first baby within a year of being married, but I do sort of regret that I waited so long.

Jen

I tell ya, if I were to have had a baby early, 17 sounds good to me. OK, I know it''s not an easy age to have a baby at all, but when I see TGuy''s parents (who had his sister when his mom was 17 and TGuy when she was 20), I totally envy them. TGuy''s sister is turning 40 in February and his parents are only 57 and 60! They have three grandchildren, and will mostly see their grandchildren get married and have children (the oldest is currently 10 years old). How awesome is that???

I look at my mom and she''s 69. She loves Amelia more every day but knows she won''t be around to see her really grow up and get married. That makes me so, so sad. And I know I will be a similar position when/if Amelia has children someday.

I loved my life before I had her and I am so blessed by what I''ve experienced in life. But there is no doubt when I had her I wanted to turn back the clock. I think that if I had her earlier, I''d have a longer life with her and probably a fuller later years with more kids and grandchildren. But then I remind myself that my life experience shaped who I am today, and I hope that it has a huge hand in how I raise her and will shape who Amelia is tomorrow.

So funny guys! I totally love being a young mom. We were 19 and 21 when we had our first and I love it! Of course there are the weird things that happen like when people mistake me for my 14 year old''s girlfriend. And our kids'' friends'' parents are 10 or 20 years older than us. I just think that I will be 37 when he graduates from high school and grin to myself!

I felt like an old lady when I had DD at 27. Now at 33 I don''t feel nearly as patient as I did at 23 when my boys were little. For me, having kids early was perfect.

 

[Jas12]

My mom always told me to have kids young and now i understand that. It takes so much engergy and, as Tgal mentioned, once you meet them, you really want to be around for everything--including seeing their kids grow up. I see the absolute joy my 88 year old grandmother gets from seeing her great grandson every week and i hope i get to experience that some day.
DH is pushing for kid #2 already (he asks every night to which i reply: "let me sleep on it"

--only a good night''s sleep makes me entertain the thought of having 2 back to back)
I''ll be 30 next month so i am smack in the middle of the childbearing years. No rush, or no reason to wait.

 

[Elmorton]

I''ve really enjoyed reading this thread. So much wisdom here!

The last turn the conversation has taken made me smile. I teach writing at a community college, and many of my students are young parents who are coming back to school or juggling being a teen/young parent and a full-time college student - so this is a narrative that they write about often. Their experiences are both beautiful and mind-boggling to me. I can''t imagine making the choices they have, because I consider 16, 17, 18 as being years in my childhood - I certainly wasn''t doing much that resembled adulthood. While I admire these students a great deal for what they are able to accomplish, it has also reinforced my (and DH''s) plan not to have children until we''re in our 30''s.

Another question for the conversation - DH and I once came across a stat that most divorces occur either within the first two years of marriage OR when the youngest child in the family is five years old - which is when DH''s parents got divorced. For those of you who have surpassed that mark, what is it that makes the marriage difficult (seems like a marital Bermuda triangle)? Or was it not that way for you?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

So I thought of this thread today when DH reminded me that we were bonded forever, thanked me for giving him his precious daughter (exact words) and said he was so glad we didn''t wait to have kids.

Guess he would say our relationship is better too!

 

[Miranda]

Date: 12/5/2008 7:16:37 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
So I thought of this thread today when DH reminded me that we were bonded forever, thanked me for giving him his precious daughter (exact words) and said he was so glad we didn''t wait to have kids.

Guess he would say our relationship is better too!

Awwwww...That is so sweet.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 12/5/2008 7:51:45 PM
Author: Miranda

Date: 12/5/2008 7:16:37 PM

Author: Tacori E-ring

So I thought of this thread today when DH reminded me that we were bonded forever, thanked me for giving him his precious daughter (exact words) and said he was so glad we didn''t wait to have kids.

Guess he would say our relationship is better too!

Awwwww...That is so sweet.

Once in awhile he''ll surprise me