shape
carat
color
clarity

Before Settling Down... What do you wish you could have done?

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.

Carrots

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
122
What do you wish you could do or have done before settling down?

My boyfriend and I decided, that before we settled down, we were going to see the world.

At first, our parents were like "why don''t you just settle down" and "when are we going to have grandchildren" ...blah blah blah. But, after several trips, they began siding with us. They thought that it was great that we were getting out there and getting it out of our system. Then, once we had the kid(s), that would be our sole focus in life... no regrets.

Anyhow, I don''t mean to bring up hurt feelings or whatnot. But, if you have any regrets about something that you wish that you could have done, maybe you could help someone out by posting your thoughts and having them learn from you.

btw: I don''t know if there''s already a thread out there with regards to this topic. Sorry, if there is.

Thanks,
C.
 

AprilBaby

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 17, 2008
Messages
13,234
TRAVELED!
 

jcrow

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
7,395
well, we are in the process of doing more before settling down (i.e. family). we''ve done more traveling then i would have thought possible for us in one year. and we''re loving it. say the word and we''re there. whether it''s big trips are little. no regrets, you know?
 

fieryred33143

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 18, 2008
Messages
6,689
I''m assuming that by settling down you mean married (I don''t believe in settling down...I fully intend on being a crazy great, great granny
3.gif
)

Not sure if there is anything I''ll regret not doing...except maybe own a house. My FI and I have been together for close to 7 years now so we''ve done a lot of traveling together and a lot of fun stuff. But it would be nice to be getting married and come home as husband/wife to our brand new house. Oh well.
 

Carrots

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
122
Date: 10/31/2008 3:18:48 PM
Author: jcrow
well, we are in the process of doing more before settling down (i.e. family). we''ve done more traveling then i would have thought possible for us in one year. and we''re loving it. say the word and we''re there. whether it''s big trips are little. no regrets, you know?

jcrow, for sure! we''re off to antarctica in 26hrs. it''ll be our 7 continents in 2 yrs. when and where''s you next trip?
 

Carrots

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
122
Date: 10/31/2008 3:32:42 PM
Author:
I''m assuming that by settling down you mean married (I don''t believe in settling down...I fully intend on being a crazy great, great granny
3.gif
)


Not sure if there is anything I''ll regret not doing...except maybe own a house. My FI and I have been together for close to 7 years now so we''ve done a lot of traveling together and a lot of fun stuff. But it would be nice to be getting married and come home as husband/wife to our brand new house. Oh well.

fieryred33143, is the market in your area good for buying right now?
 

fieryred33143

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 18, 2008
Messages
6,689
Date: 10/31/2008 3:50:16 PM
Author: Carrots

Date: 10/31/2008 3:32:42 PM
Author:
I''m assuming that by settling down you mean married (I don''t believe in settling down...I fully intend on being a crazy great, great granny
3.gif
)


Not sure if there is anything I''ll regret not doing...except maybe own a house. My FI and I have been together for close to 7 years now so we''ve done a lot of traveling together and a lot of fun stuff. But it would be nice to be getting married and come home as husband/wife to our brand new house. Oh well.

fieryred33143, is the market in your area good for buying right now?
Yes and no. We can get into a home fairly easily (as in we''ll be approved and can find something very affordable). Problem is that we also have a tiny condo (860 sqft) that we would have to sell and if we tried, we''ll be taking a HUGE loss. If we rent, we won''t be able to cover all the expenses (mortgage and maintenance). So we''re pretty much stuck until the market gets a little more balanced
7.gif
 

NewEnglandLady

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2007
Messages
6,299
We love to travel and have always loved it whether married or just dating (now we call every trip our honeymoon--this weekend we are going on honeymoon #14...you get the idea). Anyway, one thing I wish I would have done before getting married was to live abroad for 6 months or a year. I could easily see myself living in Paris temporarily and I thought about it, but never went for it. D is willing to live there for a year now (and my company has an office in Paris), but now we have the dog, are getting a second dog in January, etc. and it no longer makes sense.
 

Elmorton

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 5, 2007
Messages
3,998
I tell our families that when DH and I go off on our major european vacation, that's a sure sign that we're ready to start trying to have children. That's the only thing that DH and I have on our list of things to do before starting a family (which is our idea of settling down).

I think I got married at the perfect point in my life - I'd spent a lot of time focusing on myself (living alone, pursuing my education, traveling) and I was ready to enter into a partnership with my husband.

ETA: NEL, every time DH and I travel, I refer to it as our honeymoon, too - esp since we started the tradition for our first anniversary to take a little vacay (mini-moon to me). DH makes fun of me, but I in my head I just equate "romantic trip" with "honeymoon" and that's what comes out of my mouth.
 

Carrots

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
122
Date: 10/31/2008 3:53:37 PM
Author: fieryred33143
Yes and no. We can get into a home fairly easily (as in we''ll be approved and can find something very affordable). Problem is that we also have a tiny condo (860 sqft) that we would have to sell and if we tried, we''ll be taking a HUGE loss. If we rent, we won''t be able to cover all the expenses (mortgage and maintenance). So we''re pretty much stuck until the market gets a little more balanced
7.gif

Can you buy and rent the house for the cost of mortgage and/or tax and insurance? This way, you''d take advantage of the market''s state now. Then, when the market gets better for the condo, you can sell the condo and move into the house you''d have been renting.
 

Carrots

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
122
Date: 10/31/2008 3:59:50 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
We love to travel and have always loved it whether married or just dating (now we call every trip our honeymoon--this weekend we are going on honeymoon #14...you get the idea). Anyway, one thing I wish I would have done before getting married was to live abroad for 6 months or a year. I could easily see myself living in Paris temporarily and I thought about it, but never went for it. D is willing to live there for a year now (and my company has an office in Paris), but now we have the dog, are getting a second dog in January, etc. and it no longer makes sense.
A total cultural immersion, that''s a great idea!
 

oobiecoo

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 10, 2007
Messages
2,264
I''d like to have travelled but I realize that I''d feel MUCH more comfortable and safe travelling with DH than my parents or any friends.
 

LtlFirecracker

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 29, 2008
Messages
4,837
I really want to go to Europe before I settle down. Last year BF said no b/c he was worried about his job. This year he promosed to make it work because it is something I really want to do.
 

neatfreak

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2007
Messages
14,169
Hmmm...I can''t think of anything I regret not doing before I settled down. But I was lucky enough to have travelled extensively with my family when I was younger. I guess I just assumed I would drag my kids wherever I wanted to go anyway!
3.gif
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,169
Date: 10/31/2008 5:02:55 PM
Author: neatfreak
Hmmm...I can''t think of anything I regret not doing before I settled down. But I was lucky enough to have travelled extensively with my family when I was younger. I guess I just assumed I would drag my kids wherever I wanted to go anyway!
3.gif

I''m the same and D and I have travelled together and lived abroad for a few months also so there''s nothing I feel like I''ve missed out on.
 

Tuckins1

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 13, 2008
Messages
8,614
Nothing. I don''t think that being married means you have to stop doing the things that you want to do... Work and school does. (Not to mention kids. We don''t have any yet, but we do both work and go to school)
 

Carrots

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
122
Date: 10/31/2008 5:02:55 PM
Author: neatfreak
Hmmm...I can''t think of anything I regret not doing before I settled down. But I was lucky enough to have travelled extensively with my family when I was younger. I guess I just assumed I would drag my kids wherever I wanted to go anyway!
3.gif

Would you say that family travel is the same as traveling solo or as a couple? I''m worried we''ll being bounded to Disney Cruises to the Caribbean and visits to the grandparents abroad. I guess I''m just thinking... can we be running after a train in Fez or climbing K2 with dependents? ..You know, stuff you do when it was just the two of you.
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
Nope, I did everything I wanted to do (well, not everything, as there is always more, but I am content.) Did a lot of skiing, dived the Great Barrier Reef, backpacked around Europe on my own at 30, ran a couple of marathons, blah blah blah.

Now that I''m married with a kid, the ONLY thing I wish I had done in my 20''s was have a kid. I love my kid!
 

MishB

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 16, 2008
Messages
656
Lived and worked overseas for a few years. That''s a very Australian thing, just about all my friends did it, and my husband did too. I''ve travelled quite a bit but never lived overseas. I''ve worked a season in an Australian ski resort, but I would have loved to work in a US resort for a season or two.
 

Haven

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
13,166
Date: 10/31/2008 5:22:46 PM
Author: Tuckins1
Nothing. I don''t think that being married means you have to stop doing the things that you want to do... Work and school does. (Not to mention kids. We don''t have any yet, but we do both work and go to school)

I completely agree. I think if my perception of marriage was that it would mean "settling down" then I would have never wanted to marry in the first place.

Carrots--I don''t think you have to be bound to Disney vacations once you have a family! (In fact, I don''t plan on ever vacationing in Disney. I hate it.) We have many friends that go on really exciting trips with their kids; I think it''s all about your perspective.
 

MichelleCarmen

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 8, 2003
Messages
15,880
Knowing now how I spent the last eight years of my life, being at home w/my kids as a SAHM - knowing pretty much any degree I would have gotten would be outdated by now, I would have finished my bachelor''s in archaeology as I had planned, rather than studying accounting.
 

gwendolyn

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 4, 2007
Messages
6,770
Not sure if we''ll have kids or not, and I don''t really see much changing after we get married vs. before, so there isn''t anything I wish I''d done, except for maybe having my own apartment (not shared). If we do have kids, then I still want to keep traveling (never going to stop!) but it will be more difficult since offspring aren''t cheap.
1.gif


Carrots, I am so incredibly envious of your trip to Antarctica!!! That''s on my list of places to go before I die--can''t WAIT for my turn to go! Have an amazing time and tell us all about it (with pics too?) when you get back!!
36.gif
 

Upgradable

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 15, 2004
Messages
5,537
Date: 10/31/2008 5:30:46 PM
Author: Carrots

Would you say that family travel is the same as traveling solo or as a couple? I''m worried we''ll being bounded to Disney Cruises to the Caribbean and visits to the grandparents abroad. I guess I''m just thinking... can we be running after a train in Fez or climbing K2 with dependents? ..You know, stuff you do when it was just the two of you.
I''ve got to disagree with some others and say that it IS different traveling with a family. There are school schedules, kids don''t do well standing in line or climbing 500 stairs to the top of Notre Dame. You have to consider naptime and kids often have particular palates. Some other cultures don''t accept children as we Westerners do. Then there are the plain old budget issues: twice the travel costs, two rooms instead of one. I''m not saying it can''t be done or it isn''t fun, it''s just not the same as BC (before children).
 

allycat0303

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 19, 2004
Messages
3,450
I really wish I had seen europe, done the backbacking through europe thing that all my friends have done. I feel like I''ve missed out on what would have been a really great, rite of passage type of experience.
 

curiopotter

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 27, 2006
Messages
658
We don''t have children yet, but the only things we haven''t been able to do since we got married is travel to Europe. However, we''re planning on doing it regardless of if we have a child or not. We''ve traveled almost all of N. America on our motorcycles, we''ve been out of the country a few times (Bora Bora, Tahiti, Mexico, Puerto Rico), but we haven''t been able see Europe. DH''s best friend is from France and I have 2 girlfriends that live in Europe, so it''s bound to happen eventually. I also have family moving to France soon.


Lucky for us, DH''s job will allow us to travel around the world. Sheesh.. my aunt and uncle moved to Africa for a year with my (then) 2 month old cousin. She''s never regretted it and I have a distinct feeling I''m going to enjoy traveling with my children like she has.

Don''t worry about it, if you want to do something, it''ll get done. You have the rest of your lives to do it together! My parents are now 60 and they''re making plans to go to Italy (it''s taken them 30 years but at least they''re going!) They''re learning Italian together and now that I''m out of the house, it''s really rekindled their relationship. It''s fun to hear them giggling at each other in Italian.
 

nytemist

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 11, 2005
Messages
962
I wish that I had done what a lot of my friends did right out of high school- took a backpack and went to Europe or where ever. Partied with friends, lived alone longer, worked more towards establishing a career so that I could own property and build some equity. My life would probably be a completely different direction. I regret it now that I did decide to settle down a couple of years ago... I still feel much younger than I am and still want to really have fun in life; it''s hard to do now since I''ve moved to husband''s condo in a crap town with a cat that needs shots twice a day so now we can''t travel together anymore. That rate it''s going I might be on my own again so I can go back to pursuing a life.

Sorry I''m ranting... it was a bad weekend.
 

Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
9,613
Having waited till 36 to get married, I can''t think of anything I didn''t get out of my system before I settled down.

I lived and worked abroad in several countries, changed career multiple times, travelled most of the world, lived alone and with lots of other people and generally had a great time being single and having dodgy boyfriends before meeting DH.

Not that anything changes now - my parents brought me and my sister up on a tiny Pacific island and my mother travelled around the world solo with 3 kids under 7 at one point. Yes, things are more difficult, but your attitude defines how difficult!
 

Italiahaircolor

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
5,184
My best friend got married young, and was still attending college when she did...and now we always talk about how fun it would have been if we had lived together in down town Chicago after we finished our education--even if it were just for a year--before getting married to our respective spouses.

Of course, we adore our lives--and have no "regrets"...but its an opportunity to missed that could have been lots of fun.
 

IloveAsschers13

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 27, 2008
Messages
896
I''m not married yet and I won''t be till about 2012-2013, and I want to travel so bad. I want to go to every continent too and I''m starting in may- I''m going to the Netherlands for 3 weeks with study abroad, and then I am staying an extra week and traveling to Ireland and staying with my second cousin. WOO-HOO! I really want to go to Russia sometime too because it''s where my boyfriend was born and I was to visit there to feel what living there is like.

My dream is to live in London and go to Paris... ALL THE TIME. :)
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,169
Date: 11/3/2008 8:41:21 AM
Author: nytemist
I wish that I had done what a lot of my friends did right out of high school- took a backpack and went to Europe or where ever. Partied with friends, lived alone longer, worked more towards establishing a career so that I could own property and build some equity. My life would probably be a completely different direction. I regret it now that I did decide to settle down a couple of years ago... I still feel much younger than I am and still want to really have fun in life; it''s hard to do now since I''ve moved to husband''s condo in a crap town with a cat that needs shots twice a day so now we can''t travel together anymore. That rate it''s going I might be on my own again so I can go back to pursuing a life.


Sorry I''m ranting... it was a bad weekend.

Sorry to hear that you''re still having a bad time nytemist. I hope that you''re ok.
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
Be a part of the community Get 3 HCA Results
Top