What''s worse:

[SparklyLibra]

Being a LIW and KNOWING it''s coming, as in, you are certain, have discussed it in depth with dates etc...

Or.....

Being a LIW and not knowing when it will happen, you''ve discussed it lightly, know he''s the one for you and vice versa, but wondering what''s taking him so long to even bring it up???

I''m sitting here and feeling tortured by not knowing when or how he plans to pull it off, but knowing it will be before the year end, as we have some dates in mind already....

I''m dying here..... Anyone care to share what they feel is the most difficult form of waiting?

 

[galeteia]

If I was keen on marriage, I would feel worse not knowing if he was going to propose at all, rather than knowing it was coming in the next 6 months/2 years/whatever timeline.

I like to have a say in my life, and would never accept a proposal if it came out of the blue without a solid mutual agreement to marry.

 

[jcarlylew]

i would say the second thought it worse. After a certain age i want to know what the relationship holds and is in store.

 

[IloveAsschers13]

I think that those are two completely different situations-

It is awful not having discussed or knowing that the proposal is coming- if ever.

But on the other hand I think it is an awesome feeling knowing you will be surprised sometime soon and it is about to be an awesome time in your life... what''s so bad about that? I know the anxiety of waiting and the wanting of just being engaged, but there is also a build up of excitement for your relationship! Just why are you dying over there?

 

[wishful]

definitely not knowing when or even if the proposal is coming is worse.
I was in a relationship for three years where I was strung along "hoping" and it never happened. So this time around I''m much more pro active about being a part of the process and and being more up front about the reality of it on both our sides.

 

[SparklyLibra]

Date: 8/27/2008 3:11:53 PM
Author: IloveAsschers13
I think that those are two completely different situations-

It is awful not having discussed or knowing that the proposal is coming- if ever.

But on the other hand I think it is an awesome feeling knowing you will be surprised sometime soon and it is about to be an awesome time in your life... what''s so bad about that? I know the anxiety of waiting and the wanting of just being engaged, but there is also a build up of excitement for your relationship! Just why are you dying over there?

Yeah, I know what you mean about the excitement.... I guess it''s killing me to wait because we''ve been together for almost 5 years and we talked about marriage very early on in our relationship, and I waited, and waited, and waited for him to discuss it seriously... Now that we have, its a relief yes, but the wait is torturing me. I knew I wanted to marry him almost from the beginning.... Plus, he''s really good at keeping me guessing....

 

[KatM]

i think it''s harder not knowing if it''s going to happen. there''s a sense of insecurity there, not knowing if the two of you are thinking in the same terms (and being afraid to put yourself out there too much, in case he isn''t feeling the same way).

i think that not knowing when it''s going to happen is a nerve wracking experience in itself, to be sure, but it''s a fun excitement. it''s knowing what will happen and building up excitement for it.

 

[bubbly1126]

I think all aspects of waiting are pretty much equal on the which is worse scale. lol.

I know my proposal is coming no more than a year and a half from now... and it just kills me b/c time is just not my friend. Haha. I am not patient at all. The only thing keeping me sane is him telling me how worth it it''s going to be in the long run.

 

[trillionaire]

I think not knowing is worse if you have decided that you are ready to get married, he knows this, but appears to be taking no action. Up until a few months ago, I was fine with waiting and not knowing, etc.

It feels nice to have talked about things concretely, and know that we are on the same page, but now I have that "pending" feeling, which is annoying. I preferred feeling nonchalant.

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Ha I am kind of in the same situation! My boyfriend and I just celebrated our 4 year anniversary. BUT we are ony 20 (almost 21 woo-hoo) so I have sort of figured out that I don''t exactly NEED to be engaged. I really WANT to be, but since our wedding will not happen for at least 3 years if not more, I have come to live with it So, same boat with waiting, different situation. But I do know how hard it is to just want to ASK HIM when it will happen.. I always say to him why don''t we just go get married! I know we are going to somedy!

Good luck waiting!!!!

 

[vita*dolce]

i''d have to say not knowing would be worse..

this may be LIW blasphemy... but i''m kind of happy in my waiting! we''re so happy together and i love him so much, and knowing that we want to spend our lives together and will get married one day is enough for me! and when it finally happens, i''m going to shout it from the rooftops!!

(or just plaster it all over PS...)

 

[Booper717]

Hmmm.. I guess I''m kinda stuck in the middle. I know it''s coming, and I know he has the ring.. I just have know idea WHEN. Which is slightly stressful because I like to be in control of things, but I realize this is something that is up to him! As much as I would love to know when he''s gonna ask, because lets face it, I wanna go get my nails done, and I want to have his engagment gift ready when he pops the question, and he''s moving in as soon as he asks, so it would be great to be able to prepare for that...so I would like a general time frame, but he''ll give me none. All the same, I agree with Vita, I am enjoying this anxious feeling! As much as I want it to happen I realize that this is only going to happen once in my life and it''s going to be an amazing moment! I can tell you that as soon as he got the ring I felt a wait lift from my shoulders, it was no longer "if" but "when", and that''s a great relief!

If your worried and it''s important to you to know where things are heading prehaps just ask for a round-a-bout time frame, like within the next year or whatever it may be. That way you wonl''t know exactly when, but you''ll be able to relax alot more!

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 8/27/2008 2:40:10 PM
Author:SparklyLibra
Being a LIW and KNOWING it''s coming, as in, you are certain, have discussed it in depth with dates etc...

Or.....

Being a LIW and not knowing when it will happen, you''ve discussed it lightly, know he''s the one for you and vice versa, but wondering what''s taking him so long to even bring it up???

Well both are not easy. You can have the ring in the house, settle on a date, know its coming and then have to ask yourself why is he taking so long with proposing? Did he change his mind? Is he not sure? Does he not really want to marry me?

The other is scary as well because you don''t know if his silence means he doesn''t want to marry you.

I''m one that prefers to live in ignorant bliss so I would take the latter. I can justify that. I can''t justify having a ring in the house and not having it on my finger and doubting whether he even wants to go through with it.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

I have been in both places as an LIW over the 2 years I was waiting, and the uncertainty of NOT knowing was so much worse for me. I''m a control freak, though, so that could have something to do with it.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 8/27/2008 2:40:10 PM
Author:SparklyLibra
Being a LIW and KNOWING it''s coming, as in, you are certain, have discussed it in depth with dates etc...

Or.....

Being a LIW and not knowing when it will happen, you''ve discussed it lightly, know he''s the one for you and vice versa, but wondering what''s taking him so long to even bring it up???

I''m sitting here and feeling tortured by not knowing when or how he plans to pull it off, but knowing it will be before the year end, as we have some dates in mind already....

I''m dying here..... Anyone care to share what they feel is the most difficult form of waiting?

The latter is far worse, IMO. I kind of fall somewhere in-between the two, I suppose. I know it will happen and we have discussed it in-depth, but not to the extent of setting any sort of date. It drives me a bit batty, some days.

In the first case, I would actually be fine. I would know it was coming soon and that it was just a matter of time. Personally, I would find it easy to relax in that situation.

With the second scenario, you''re in limbo indefinitely. You don''t know where things will go, or when. To me that is a far more upsetting positino to be in.

 

[Bia]

I fall into the first category. It was harder a few months ago but I think that was partially due to the initial excitement of knowing it would happen this year--its a milestone that we are naturally thrilled about. At that time, the neurosis set in. It lasted about two-three months and now, I'm good. I know it will happen sooner than later...and that is fine with me. To be honest, the longer it takes, the more I know he is really doing his research and planning, which makes me happy and just...I don't know...very calmly content? Its weird. I was craZed for a bit and now, I just feel happy that we're here and ready to start the next chapter.

So, to answer your question, I think the second is worse. I like knowing it will happen soon. I still have a lot of unanswered questions because he doesn't want to talk about it AT ALL (the "surprise" thing is important to him) but that's okay. We've discussed the most important aspects enough, so unless he's really clueless, he'll do just fine.

Now, ask me again in December...I might have a different answer altogether.

 

[Dreamgirl]

While I would love to know EXACTLY when it would happen, that sort of takes the fun out of it in my opinion. Not to mention it would drive me nuts that I know and am counting down. I have a general timeline, but it is general so that means I don''t REALLY know.

So knowing when its going to happen would be worse for me. But I think it depends on the person...............

 

[Pandora II]

I found having discussed everything and knowing that he didn't believe in marriage was not fun at all - wondering if he'd change his mind, if I could be happy and not resentful knowing he wanted to be with me permanently but didn't want a legal contract.

If I had know he was going to propose but not known when I would have been so amazingly happy!

I've never quite understood the stress LIWs have when they know the ring is bought....


It was also wonderful having the total suprise proposal.