My sadness just gets worse by the day...

[Bia]

OMG. This just breaks my heart. Pichuchy, I am so sorry. Really words cannot express how terrible this must be.

Nothing I say will mend your heart, that will take time, but please know that you were very lucky to have such a wonderful mother, one who cherished you. Take pride in knowing that you are a good daughter and that she knew how much you loved her.

It will take time, but know that the pain will ease. Also know that your husband, and the rest of your family, love you and want to be there for you.

Im so sorry...

My thoughts are with you sweetie....

 

[fieryred33143]

I am so sorry for your loss

I truly am.

I want to ditto the grief counseling. I lost my father years ago to Cancer. He was 38, I was 13. I didn’t take it well at all. The sadness was overwhelming.

My school at the time set up a grief counseling program for kids who lost their parents. At first I thought as any teen thinks “this is stupid.” But, it changed my life. It was the only place where I could cry and people knew exactly how I felt. And, as selfish as it sounds, it gave me comfort to see that other people were sad for their loss. It made me feel normal. It was the biggest help for me during such an awful time.

I will tell you that it gets worse before it gets better and then it becomes ok. You will cry a lot. Holidays will be awful. It took me 6 years to be able to smile at Christmas (his favorite holiday) but I did smile and I still do.

I wish you the best and I would find a local grieving group to help. It won’t make the pain go away but it’ll help it come out. You need to release all of those tears and anger and sadness before the healing can really begin.

ETA: You can call this number 1-800-ACS-2345 for the local American Cancer Society support group.

 

[Skippy123]

Pichunchy, I have had you in my prayers and thoughts. You are a beautiful lady, sending you a hug.

 

[AGBF]

"I feel so lost without her. This is my first loss and I just can't deal with this pain. School starts for me on Monday and I don't even feel like going. For what? I am so mad that she fought so hard did chemo, brain radiation, and this nasty beast called cancer still took her from me. She was 59 years old and I am 25 I still needed her and I just don't understand how eveything happend so fast. I feel scared all the time now, alone I mean she was the one person that I always wanted to make happy and now that she is not here with me I just feel lost without her. Will this pain and emptiness ever go away? I feel so confused right now. Life just isn't gonna be the same without my mom."



I just reread your initial posting, pichuchy. I had a feeling of just not having said the right thing in my earlier posting...not that anything I can say will help much. I just wanted to do the best I could, and I didn't feel that I had done that.

As I said, nothing I or anyone else can say will heal you now. Only time and the love of the people in your life will do that, and your mother will always be with you. You will never "get over" her.

I just wanted to tell you that I understand your raw, unbearable pain. I understand that sense of loss for which there is no consolation. You conveyed it. I cannot feel it about a mother I lose at may age, but I have felt such a pain in my life. All humans suffer, but I think some suffer more than others. I am so very sorry for the depth of your suffering. You are a sensitive and loving soul who gave her heart. Once you do that, there is no turning back; your heart cannot be taken back. It can be broken.

I send best wishes and love and hope for your future.


With loving thoughts,

Deborah

 

[dianne]

pichuchy21: I have not read all the posts, my heart just couldn''t take it after reading your original post which left me in tears. I am currently married for the second time but your post took me back to my first marriage. I was 22 and my Dad was 45. He had fought lung cancer (which he got AFTER quitting smoking, go figure) and was in remission. Months before the wedding the cancer returned with a vengeance and took his life 6 weeks before I got married.

I just wanted to offer simple words of hope that, right now you may have a hard time accepting, but time does help you cope. I still call my Mom on their wedding anniversary and on the anniversary of Dad''s death. We hardly ever mention it but we both know why we are talking on those specific days.

My heart goes out to you but you are so blessed to have such a gorgeous picture of the two of you...both looking so radiant...and on such a happy day with so many wonderful memories. I don''t say that because I don''t have the pics and wedding memories including my Dad...I''m just hoping you can find comfort somehow that she was there for your wedding day...your best friend saw you marry the man who holds the key to your heart--she was a part of something that she wouldn''t have missed for the world...and you know what?...she didn''t miss it....and she would want you to be happy.

Hugs to you for all you are going through. I pray you find peace and comfort soon.

 

[cnspotts]

Date: 8/24/2008 10:47:24 PM
Author: pichuchy21


Hey phoenixgirl I have been thinking all day about the fact that I won''t be able to call my mom to tell her how my first day went or to call her during my lunch break, or on my drive to school. I mean literally I talked to her more than anyone else. My husband is leaving tomorrow to take his state exam so my friend is sleeping over since I''m scared to sleep by myself. Like I said before all my childhood fears of the dark are back, but I am hoping with time I will get over them. I too try to hear my mom''s voice in my head and just imagine what she would say to me.

I am so sorry for your loss. Understand that your mother is still with you eventhough you can''t see her, or talk to her. There is a lesson in this loss for you and it may be that you two were so close that she had to move on so that you could live the next part of your life finding your own strength. I admire the path you''ve chosen and wish you all the best as you go through the school, it''ll be tough and you may think on some days that it''s too much. In those moments breathe deep, fill your lungs and become quiet inside and out no matter what is taking place. She''s there with you, you just have to learn to recognize the smallest signs like a coolness on your palms, or against your cheek, a tingle on your shoulder or scalp. Believe me she''s there with you especially now when you miss her and need her so much. Listen for her. You''ll know, I promise. Much love to you and big ((((huggs)))). She didn''t leave you, she left the pain of this body.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Pichunchy,

Sorry to hear of your loss and I wish you the best in recovering from the trauma. I know how tough it is. My dad died when I was 16 (he died on my birthday, to be exact!) so I''ve felt the ultimate in grief. Over time, the pain has subsided, and I just want to tell you it does get easier and it will for you. You''ll always feel an ache, but some days, you''ll also remember the good times and maybe even laugh at the little quirks and fun stuff you and your mom did. Basically, I''ve found grief is a bit of a rollercoaster that extends throughout our lives. Good days and bad ones, but life does move on, and you''ll slowly do so. You have many great experiences to be had in your life and you will move on toward them. Just hang tough and let yourself grieve and even talk to a therapist OR even start a journal and be sure to write down some of your favorite memories.

Hugs!

 

[dancingqueen]

Pichunchy,

I am so sorry for your loss. I understand how you feel and wish I had a better answer on how to deal with the pain. Unfortunately, I don''t think there is a magic answer. Everyone says it simply takes time and you have to allow yourself time to grieve.

I''ve had a terrible year myself... I lost my younger brother (and only sibling) in April. I live eleven hours away from my parents. It''s not exactly the same situation, but it kills me to be so far away from them during this time. I have purposely stayed very busy since then. My husband and I sold our house and moved into a new one by mid-June. I really believe the distractions helped me. Obviously, it didn''t take away any sadness, but it allowed me to not think about the situation constantly. It''s very strange how life moves on after something like this happens.

I wish you the best of luck with school and I think it''s a good thing that you have something else to focus on for at least part of the day.

 

[pichuchy21]

Deelight-Thank you for your reply and the encouraging words.

GoingCrazy-Thank you as well and I am sorry that you lost your mom as well.

Marcyc-Thank you for checkin in and wising me luck in school.

Snelee-Thank you for your reply and encouraging words as well.

Assherisme-I am sorry you lost your sad is well and for telling me about your experience too. It gives me more hope when I see that people who have gone through the same do get better eventually.

AGBF-Thank you for replying and I am sorry for your losses as well. I hope your daughter is doing better now.

Bia-Thank you for replying.

fieryred33143-Thank you for your reply and I am very sorry you lost your dad and at such a young age. Death is just a very sneaky thing it can creep up on anyone. I think on special holidays that I always celebrated with my mom it will take me a very long time to celebrate them again or not feel extra sad on those days because it will be the days I wish she was here to celebrate.

Skippy123-Thank you for your reply.

Dianne-Thank you for replying and for sharing your experience with me. I am sorry that you too lost your dad who was so young to the nasty BEAST of lung cancer. My mom had quit too, but she still got it years later. I am sorry he didn''t get to be at your wedding. I am so thankful that my mom made it to mine it was the happiest day of my life and the joy I saw in her eyes that day I will never forget. Thank you.

cnspotts-Thank you for your reply and for reinforcing the idea that she is still around even though I can''t see her. My big sis says to think of her now like a guardian angel and I do. Thank you.

MC-Thank you for your reply and I am sorry that you lost your dad when you were so young. Makes me appreciate the fact that I had my mom till I was 25.

Dancingqueen-Sorry about your brother and thank you for replying.

Many thanks to all the PS for replying and talking to me during this time. It has been a great help believe it or not. I tried to log in last night around 4am, but my computer was acting crazy. I couldn''t sleep which really sucks cause I have class all day today and now feel really tired. School was ok thought about my mom everynow and again and on my drive home for lunch I really wanted to tell her about class so I did I just said if you can hear me I''ll tell you how it went. It''s been exactly 2 weeks since she passed. I find myself crying less because I am trying not to be sad that she is gone, but to think that atleast she is no longer in pain. It really did kill me to see her in that hospital bed on a morphine drip complaining of the pain. The only thing that is really bothering me is this fear I constantly feel now. I always feel scared especially at night. My big sis keeps talking about spirits and all this other jazz and that might be contributing to the fear. Did anyone else go through this when they lost a loved one? I know its silly to feel so scared, but I do and its consuming me especially at night.

 

[labbielove]

Pichucy, I haven''t been on here lately too much, but first of all I want to say how truly sorry I am about the loss of your dear mother.

My heart aches for you. I can somewhat relate to what you are feeling since I lost my dear mom very unexpectedly 5 months from my wedding day. She went from 100% picture of health to deceased in a 4 week time span- also from cancer.

All i can offer is my own experience. It''s been about 1.5 years and no, it doesn''t go away. I cry often, but I also find myself smiling more when I think of her. She is with me, as your mom is with you.

 

[labbielove]

After re-reading some of the other replies, I wanted to also say, that even though it''s been over a year I am considering going to a grief support group. Here there are groups through the local hospice program for adults who have lost their parents.

It really is something that nobody can understand who hasn''t been there, no matter how much they love you. My prayers are with you as you go through this life transition.

 

[ahappygirl]

Words here seems so insufficient. I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are suffering through. Your mother sounds like she was such an amazing blessing in your life and I am so glad you got to have her healthy and happy by your side at your wedding. That photograph you posted is precious. I haven''t read all the posts but your first one has my heart breaking for you.

I don''t know if this is helpful at all, but I do really believe she is still with you. You will feel her presence in so many, many ways. My guess is you already do. Your connection to her is NOT broken. Every time you say something that she used to say, express some mannerism you got from her, teach a lesson or share a gift with someone that she gave you, she truly lives on in this way as well. I absolutely believe she is still guiding and protecting and loving you, and this will not stop. Of course your grief is tremendous. How could you possibly prepare for something so sudden and shattering? Please be kind to yourself and surround yourself with people who love you.

You are in my prayers, honey. God bless.

 

[Maisie]

I am so very sad for your loss Pichuchy. I read your initial post earlier and I felt so upset. It made me cry. I wanted to type a reply then but I was just too sad for you.

As a mother, reading your post it made me realise how much I want my children to look at me the way you looked at your mother. How I yearn for them to want to share everything with me, even after they grow up and move out. I want to continue to be a big part of their lives.

I will strive to be the kind of mother that a child cherishes. Just like you did with yours.

I hope and pray that the coming weeks and months will not be too hard for you. In time you will reach a place where you aren''t so devastated all the time. Just let yourself feel the emotions that seem to come on you in waves. Its more healthy to grieve than to try and bottle it up. Let your husband comfort you. He is your family and you can rely on him now.

 

[FireGoddess]

I am so very sorry for your loss. My mom was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer 2 years ago and all of those thoughts you wrote would run through my mind. I can only imagine what you must be going through, after the way I felt and my mother is still here. I am so very sorry and I am sending you big hugs to help you get through this. Every day will be a teeny, tiny bit better, even if you can barely measure it. Hang in there.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 8/26/2008 10:02:52 AM
Author: pichuchy21

Many thanks to all the PS for replying and talking to me during this time. It has been a great help believe it or not. I tried to log in last night around 4am, but my computer was acting crazy. I couldn''t sleep which really sucks cause I have class all day today and now feel really tired. School was ok thought about my mom everynow and again and on my drive home for lunch I really wanted to tell her about class so I did I just said if you can hear me I''ll tell you how it went. It''s been exactly 2 weeks since she passed. I find myself crying less because I am trying not to be sad that she is gone, but to think that atleast she is no longer in pain. It really did kill me to see her in that hospital bed on a morphine drip complaining of the pain. The only thing that is really bothering me is this fear I constantly feel now. I always feel scared especially at night. My big sis keeps talking about spirits and all this other jazz and that might be contributing to the fear. Did anyone else go through this when they lost a loved one? I know its silly to feel so scared, but I do and its consuming me especially at night.

Pichuchy, I went through this last year; I had my uncle, aunt and my MIL all pass in the past year so I became extra fearful. I really makes a person aware of our own mortality. I guess time just helped but it made me really realize life is so precious and treasure the moment and memories. No one can take our memories so that gave me a bit of peace. I would try and find a therapist to talk to because I think we all go through it differently and they can give you some insight into your own personal feelings. Please come here too and let us know how you are doing, we just adore you and anytime you need to talk we will be here for you. You sound like you are heading in the right direction. It really is about time; sending you a giant hug!

 

[sap483]

I''m so sorry sweetie. My dad beat lung cancer to only be diagnosed with brain cancer a few years later. When I read your initial post, a lot of your thoughts and feelings are very similar to those that I have had many times in the last few months (I''m only 25- I''m not ready to lose a parent). The thing that I am most afraid of is how will I ever be able to feel normal again, find joy in the things I used to after losing a parent. I''m not sure what will happen when the time comes, so I''m really not in any place to offer you any advice.

What I can offer you is all of my thoughts and prayers that you are able to find a way through this because it is what your mom would have wanted. I can also say that looking at the picture of you and your mother at your wedding, there is no doubt how happy it made her and how proud she was to see her baby married. You were able to give her that, and I''m sure she treasured those memories that you made together. My hope is that in time you''ll be able to reflect upon those same memories as fondly as I''m certain she did.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 8/26/2008 10:02:52 AM
Author: pichuchy21

Did anyone else go through this when they lost a loved one? I know its silly to feel so scared, but I do and its consuming me especially at night.

When my father passed away, spirits and what not didn''t enter my mind until my lovely aunt mentioned it. I remember it perfectly. We were walking towards the mall to get me a dress for the funeral and she just blurts out "I saw your father last night, I asked him not to scare me, and he ran off into one of the other rooms"

And then my grandmother decides to tell me that when she wakes up at night (this was during the week of the funeral), she would see a bright light passing through the hall. WTH??

I couldn''t sleep or take a shower alone. I was insanely scared and everyone kept giving the same answer "that''s your father, he wouldn''t hurt you." Those answers don''t really help too much LOL

To get by, I just kept telling myself that logically everyone was probably experiencing this because it''s in their subconcious. My aunt was sleeping when she supposedly saw him and so was my grandmother. That got me by until I forgot about being afraid.

I''m glad you are in here typing and keeping your mind busy. We''re all here for you!

 

[happy in love]

Pichuchy21-
I am so sorry for your loss. I have been checking in on this thread but haven't replied because I just don't know how. Tomorrow marks 3yrs since I lost my mom to cancer, she was 60, I was just about to turn 26. I was very close to my mom, and honestly am still trying to deal with her absence.

My heart goes out to you. I've been typing and erasing for about 5 minutes now, I wish I had some helpful words for you. Please try to find the strength to continue growing your life, I know it will be hard but school could be a great thing to fill your mind for even a few hours each day. Try to lean on your new husband, let him be there for you, and look forward to building your new life together.
I hope your pain eases a little soon.

Hugs

ETA: I did feel scared after losing my mom. I could not/would not spend time in my parents house alone. When I had to go down the hall passed her bedroom where she was I would kind of run past. I too knew it was silly of me, but I couldn't help it. Still to this day if DH has a cold and is makes any gurgling/snoring sounds as he sleeps I wake immediately and make him roll over because that sound still makes me think of how my mom sounded in her last days.
Hang in there.

 

[MMMD]

So sorry for your loss. My DH went thru a lot of what you are feeling when he lost his father at 27 years old. It takes so much time and patience to feel better so please don''t put pressure on yourself to feel a certain way. Let yourself grieve and see a counselor if/when you think the grief is too much to bear.

As for your DH not understanding, my DH felt the same way about me. No matter how much I tried to sympathize, he felt I couldn''t because my father was still alive.

Good luck.

 

[pichuchy21]

Date: 8/26/2008 11:36:57 AM
Author: labbielove
Pichucy, I haven''t been on here lately too much, but first of all I want to say how truly sorry I am about the loss of your dear mother.

My heart aches for you. I can somewhat relate to what you are feeling since I lost my dear mom very unexpectedly 5 months from my wedding day. She went from 100% picture of health to deceased in a 4 week time span- also from cancer.

All i can offer is my own experience. It''s been about 1.5 years and no, it doesn''t go away. I cry often, but I also find myself smiling more when I think of her. She is with me, as your mom is with you.

I am sorry you lost your mother as well. Seriously coming on here and seeing that many other people have gone through the same and still go on has helped me a BUNCH. I literally thought I was gonna die without her, but since I have been talking to you guys and getting everything ready for lung cancer awarness month has really made my thoughts more of all the good times and not about when she was sick.

 

[pichuchy21]

ahappygirl- Thank you for replying and yes I do feel like my mom is watching over me and still with me. I think she is giving me the strenght to try to have happy thoughts of her and not all those sad ones I mean the sad ones are still there, but I am able to not focus on them much. I didn''t think I was going to be able to handle that first day at the academy, but somehow I did I know she helped me with that somehow.

Maise-Thanks for your reply and you sound like a great mom already. My mother was very unselfish we had anything we needed before she even thought of herself. Thats why I always looked up to her and sometimes saw her as a victim because a lot of people abused of her kindness and caring. So when she passed I kept thinking my poor mother really never got to do all the wonderful things that she dreamed of doing like owning a house, going to vegas, etc. We were very poor growing up so I always felt like she didn''t get to see or do much. Its kinda a sucky feeling to have and I always thought when I was well established in a career I would pay her back for pushing me to be somebody and give her the world. Unfortunately, I didn''t get to do that, but if I could have I would have given her the world she deserved it.

FireGoddess- Thank you for the reply and I am very sorry that your mom got diagnosed with the beast/fungas aka cancer. UGH I hate that things it robs so many people of having their loved ones around. I hope your mom gets better or I hope she is better. I prayed a lot for my mom when she got diagnosed and when the doctors gave her 3-6 months to live I know it was my familys praying that let us have her around longer than that.

Skippy- Thanks for writing back I am glad that I am not the only one that feels this way. I thought I was going nuts I mean my sis keeps saying its mom she will never hurt you and I know that for a fact, but it doesnt mean I want to see her. Its weird I know she is around, but growing up in a very superstitious family I have always been scared of spirits and stuff of that nature even though I know they exsist hopefully with time the fear will start to go away.

Sap483- Thank you for your reply and I am sorry that your father has cancer as well. I remember seeing your wedding pics and reading about how he had brain cancer and thought that was so special he was able to walk you at your wedding. My mom too went into remission, but like most of the time with lung cancer when it comes back it spreads to the brain and other parts of the body. That is what happend to my mom her head was full of tumors as was her whole body. Pray for your dad I really hope he gets better its so sad when we have to see our loved ones go through this nasty illness. I will pray for your dad as well.

fieryred33143-Thanks for replying again and thanks for sharing your story with me. My sis is doing the same damn thing telling me she felt a cold chill, she saw mom standing next to her, etc. Its pretty creepy so she gots me freakin out. I have told her to stop because I am gonna go nuts and I''m losing too much sleep and she promised not to talk to me about her "sixth" sense anymore. I hope with time the fear goes away its a silly fear to have, but its there and not really going anywhere.

Happy in love- I am sorry you lost your mom to cancer as well thank you for replying. I can imagine that you are still trying to deal with it and I am sure that I will never be the same. Holidays, my b-day, her b-day mothers day are never gonna be the same she was a part of all my holidays no matter where I was. WHen I was at home and even when I was in college. She always called me at midnight on my b-day. I miss her deeply, but I talk to her and try to fill my head with good thoughts of her all day. Its been what has been helpling me these days and of course talking to you guys. Again thanks for replying.

MMMD-Thank you for your reply and I am sorry that your husband had to experience the pain of a loss as well. I''m telling you it leaves a break in your heart mines aches a lot, but I am now trying to accept the fact that feeling this way is normal and that my mom is no longer in pain. I saw her during her last hours she looked so BAD I was in tears the whole time I thought my God after all the chemo, brain radiation, her battle is over it kills me. I am trying to get that last picture of her struggling for her life out of my head and just trying to replace it with thoughts of when she was healthy. Again thanks for your reply I appreciate it.

Again thanks to you all your sharing your stories with me and helping me get through this it is helping a lot. The sadness is still there, but it has made me come to terms more with the fact that she has passed. I was in denial the first week, kept thinking she was gonna call me and stuff. For those of you who are still lucky enough to have your moms with you enjoy her as much as possible cause that is another thing that has helped me through this I never gave my mom a headache in her life I never wanted her to be sad or mad at me so I lived by the rule. I''m glad I did it made me think she was really strict at times, but I always knew she knew what was best for me. I know I made her happy everyday she was here. I did miss out on alot of things that my friends got to do and my mom never let me do like go to grad night cause she was scared of what would happen to me, but I don''t regret it and don''t think I missed out on anything. I obeyed her and made her happy. Growing up I saw how stressed and sad and upset she would get with some of the stuff that one of my sisters did (this one I dont talk to) and I always thought I never want to be the person to make my mommy be in pain. Knowing that she told me many times that I have always given her nothing but happiness really is helping me through this time.

 

[lurkinglurker]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish I had something helpful to add. I am proud of you for starting school this week and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 8/26/2008 12:57:56 PM
Author: Skippy123

Date: 8/26/2008 10:02:52 AM

Author: pichuchy21

Many thanks to all the PS for replying and talking to me during this time. It has been a great help believe it or not. I tried to log in last night around 4am, but my computer was acting crazy. I couldn't sleep which really sucks cause I have class all day today and now feel really tired. School was ok thought about my mom everynow and again and on my drive home for lunch I really wanted to tell her about class so I did I just said if you can hear me I'll tell you how it went. It's been exactly 2 weeks since she passed. I find myself crying less because I am trying not to be sad that she is gone, but to think that atleast she is no longer in pain. It really did kill me to see her in that hospital bed on a morphine drip complaining of the pain. The only thing that is really bothering me is this fear I constantly feel now. I always feel scared especially at night. My big sis keeps talking about spirits and all this other jazz and that might be contributing to the fear. Did anyone else go through this when they lost a loved one? I know its silly to feel so scared, but I do and its consuming me especially at night.

Yes I went through the same thing, for me I think I wanted to see my mum so badly again that I wanted her there and would feel like something was there. You would be experiencing a whole bucket load of different emotions I also had a resurgence of my fear of the dark and dark hallways so what your feeling as far as I know is normal and not silly at all.

Your sister may take comfort in feeling as if your mum she can sense your mum and it could be a way that she is dealing with the grief, she may also feel like it might comfort you and that is why she is telling you. My sister and I both dealt with my mum's passing in different ways and things that helped her didn't help me but in the end we both were feeling the same pain and were there for each other, I hope you and your sis can draw comfort from each other.

 

[dragonfly411]

I am so sorry for your loss and I feel so deeply for you. When I was young, I was VERY close to BOTH of my great grandmothers. I spent extensive time with them, and loved them deeply. I lost them both and grieved deeply for each. I know it is not the same as a mother, but I know family grief. It takes a long time to heal. I think counseling is a great idea, and I would recommend talking with hubby and explaining how you feel. Try to find things that get you active and moving again. And try to keep in mind that your mother would not want you to stop living, and she would not want you to stop caring. She wants to know that you are strong, and you can face the day with the love and memory of her in your heart, because you are the way she will live on. I hope you feel better... tons and tons of hugs!

 

[dianne]

pichuchy: Just wanted you to know you have been on my mind and in my prayers. I see you have been able to focus on some good times...I will give extra thanks to God above for answering my prayer that you have some comfort during such a difficult time. Continued hugs to you.....

 

[pichuchy21]

Dragonfly411-Thank you for your reply I really appreciate it.

Dianne-Thank you for checking in on me and for keeping me in your prayers I really appreciate it.

Today is just one of those days that I woke up very sad missing my mom and wishing I can call her. It sucks. The academy has been keeping me busy maybe too busy I am there all day. Its very time consuming. My sleep pattern is all messed up so I am tired all day. Luckily we have Monday off so I have three days to catch up on studying and sleep. I''ll check in over the weekend again thanks to all of you for helping me though this time.

 

[Allisonfaye]

Wow, I am soo sorry. I think it just takes time. I can never say I have been as close to my mother (or anyone) as you were to your mother. My heart breaks for you.

I can tell you that your relationship with your mom is an inspiration to me and I can only hope my daughters and are as close as you and your mom as they grow up. I know you are having a hard time now but you have been very blessed to share such a special relationship with your mother.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

First of all, I want you to know how deeply, deeply sorry I am for you loss. It broke my heart to read your post...and I am sure the pain you''re dealing with is crippling. So, please know, I am sorry.

I am not sure if you have ever kept a journal, or if that sort of thing interests you...but prehaps you would consider starting a wonder journal all about your Mom. You could write down her favorite things...like her purfume, or favorite candy...little things that made you smile, or made you laugh, or make you think of her exclusively. Then you could write down memories of her that you share...like her walking you down the aisle, or vactions, or whatever was special about your time together. You could tape in pictures, or cards, or momentos given to you by her, and vice versa. It can be a complete celebration of her life, and what an incredible mom and woman she was...but it can also stand to teach your children about her one day. You could also keep track of the things she told you on your wedding day, before your first High School dance, at your college graduation...It could act as a "go to" guide when you have children of your own.

Hopefully this helps...big hugs.

 

[Skippy123]

Thinking of you honey and praying you sleep better!

 

[Skippy123]

How are you doing, you have been in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs