Advice from all you wedding GUESTS...

[Independent Gal]

Is there a such thing as ''overscheduled'' when you go to a wedding? Say you''re flying to a new city for a weekend for a wedding, and the couple says "Here''s a schedule of optional activities we''ve planned!" do you then feel annoyed and ''obligated'' to do all this stuff when maybe you just want to sight-see? Or are you grateful that you don''t have to think much if you don''t want to?

We''ve arranged a guided tour of a museum (the morning of the wedding) and for the day before, a tour of an interesting and important local building, followed by some hiking in a nearby forest, with a scotch tasting that evening. That will make for two pretty packed days. We don''t want anyone to feel obliged to do any of this. Although we do hope our friends will join us!

Would you, as wedding guests, feel obliged? Or grateful?

help?

 

[sap483]

Great question Indy! I too am curious about this as no one will really be local to my wedding destination and we would like to plan some things for them to do if they''d like...

 

[labbielove]

I think I would feel obligated- and yes those are 2 pretty packed days, although they sound like fun days!!!

All I know is, the couple of days before our wedding the only scheduled event I could handle was the rehearsal and dinner,
but it really depends on your guests. If they already have to travel far to get there, it might be tough.

 

[Gypsy]

Yes, I would feel obligated and over-burdened. Sorry! Sometimes you just want to sleep in and order room service and well, if the B&G have gone through the trouble of arranging events (even informal ones) there is a feeling of obligation to attend.

ETA: would not feel this way most likely if I was local. But if I was travelling in... then yes, I would.

 

[TravelingGal]

Well, those activities sound like so much fun, I''d totally want to go...

Maybe you can say "Feel free to sightsee or relax on your own" on the information you send out?

 

[~*Alexis*~]

I am with some people on this...when I go I spend enough money on getting there as it is along with some of the other costs, if it is something that I would enjoy I would possibly go, but I would say on the invite...feel free to sightsee, relax and catch us if you can!!

 

[luckystar112]

I wouldn''t feel obligated at all. It says "optional"!
I like the idea of mentioning something about sight-seeing, but then letting them know that you do have activities planned if that isn''t their cup of tea...

 

[winternight]

Whether those activities are too much sort of depend on the city and the time of year for me. Depending on how many people are attending your wedding a tour of a museum/building with a large number can be a little crammed. Also, hiking and scotch are things some people might enjoy, but I think esp. the scotch would only appeal to a few, its not like wine. Please don''t get offended, I just am offering my opinion. I think cocktail hours or brunches work esp. well with large groups, maybe something like a tour if there is ample room, especially a tour that is on a boat or something if you have older people.

 

[Maisie]

I wouldn''t feel obliged if it said optional. If I was travelling to get there I would probably take the opportunity to catch up with people and enjoy the fact that something had been organised.

People might choose to do the tour but not the hike, or the other way round.

I think its a nice idea.

 

[gwendolyn]

As long as it says it''s optional and you say something about how people are free to go to as many or as few as they please, then I''d feel quite free to pick and choose the things I wanted to do, and skip the ones that didn''t interest me as much as a nap or some sight-seeing.

 

[eks6426]

If someone handed me a "schedule" of activities or included it in the welcome bag I would feel fairly obligated to attend. Your activities sound interesting, but as a guest I might want to just chill out without guilt.

To keep your scheduled activites and make people feel less obligated/guilty you could do something like this:

Activities available for our wedding weekend:

Musuem tours (include descriptions)

Hike

Scotch Tasting


Or if you''d prefer to explore on your own we recommend these places:

a (include brief descriptions)
b
c
d

And as always, you can just kick back and relax. Have fun and thanks for coming to Indie & Indie guy''s wedding weekend!

 

[Independent Gal]

Wow! Thanks for all the helpful feedback.

Based on what you guys have said, here''s what I think we''ll do.

1) Cut down. So, maybe make hiking and scotch options for Saturday and cut the building tour.

2) Phrase it something like this but less cheesy: "Thank you so much for coming! We are excited that you''re here. Here are some flyers and information about interesting things to see and do in OurTown. Please relax and enjoy! If you are interested in meeting up with some of the gang to sample some of the local sights, sounds, and flavours, we''ve scheduled some options. Some of us will be going hiking on Saturday, followed by a scotch tasting (with snacks) on Saturday evening at Dad''s Place. You are welcome to join us for either or both if you''re in the mood! And for those of you extra interested in the local art and culture, we have arranged for a guide at Museum X on Sunday morning. Please feel free to explore at your own pace. However, if you are keen on joining us for any of these scheduled events, please let us know and we''ll reserve you a spot!"

By putting the onus on THEM to RSVP about the scheduled stuff, rather than ''here''s where you should be at time x'' they might feel less like it''s an obligation.

Plus, the museum tour can only accomodate up to 25 people per guide so we''ll need RSVPs anyway. I''m guessing 20 would be the max, since most of the relatives / family friends will have been to this museum dozens of times.

Alexis all this will be on our dime, so no one will have to shell out more dough.

Winternight I''m not at all offended! It''s just a matter of ''knowing your audience''. Sadly, we can''t afford to serve another meal (though grammy is sponsoring a morning after brunch), and I suspect my friends would find another cocktail hour a little stuffy...that''s what we do at work events! I''m 100% sure that a boat trip would be viewed with dismay. By contrast, 90% of our friends (the target audience of these activities, since most of the relatives will be relatively local...or at least will have been to OurTown many times or will likely just come in for the day) are heavily into scotch and hiking. I know, we''re a weird bunch! But that''s partly why we chose these things. They will be popular options for the specific group of folks in question. It''s a pretty footloose and sophisticated world travelin'', daring adventurin'', distilled booze drinkin'', mountain climbin'', seriously active bunch. Let''s just say, I''d be shocked if any of them don''t own a well worn pair of boots.

 

[Independent Gal]

Further advice / suggestions appreciated... unless you think this nails it?

 

[ephemery1]

Interesting question... so far, I've never felt obligated with that kind of stuff. Unless the hosts are asking for an RSVP for all those events (I might not want to make the commitment in advance, without knowing how we're going to feel after traveling), I think it's nice to know what my options are in an unfamiliar town. Personally, I'd skip out on the hiking and tours, since I'd be envisioning a bunch of other guests that I may not know very well, and I'd prefer those activities in a smaller group (less field trippy, more personal)... but the scotch-tasting sounds fun! But that's totally a personal preference.

ETA -- My hometown also doubles as a major tourist attraction during the summers, so rather than formally organize things, we just listed all the attractions and let our out-of-town guests make their own plans (spa, amusement park, factory tour, gardens, outlet shopping, etc)... people seemed happy about that. We did organize a group golf outing (too hectic... DH ended up having to coordinate things and got a bit overwhelmed), and brunch on Sunday (very casual, people seemed to enjoy stopping by at their leisure)... but that was it.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 11/29/2007 12:49:35 PM
Author: gwendolyn
As long as it says it''s optional and you say something about how people are free to go to as many or as few as they please, then I''d feel quite free to pick and choose the things I wanted to do, and skip the ones that didn''t interest me as much as a nap or some sight-seeing.

I agree. First off, Indy, kudos to you for planning all of that. I can barely handle planning my wedding and RD. If I were a guest, I''d also probably pick and choose scheduled things and just hang out and relax at other times.

 

[Kaleigh]

I''m part of the camp that wouldn''t feel obligated. I / we can pick and choose for ourselves. Love the options you are giving, sounds like fun!!!

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 11/29/2007 2:10:35 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Wow! Thanks for all the helpful feedback.

Based on what you guys have said, here''s what I think we''ll do.

1) Cut down. So, maybe make hiking and scotch options for Saturday and cut the building tour.

2) Phrase it something like this but less cheesy: ''Thank you so much for coming! We are excited that you''re here. Here are some flyers and information about interesting things to see and do in OurTown. Please relax and enjoy! If you are interested in meeting up with some of the gang to sample some of the local sights, sounds, and flavours, we''ve scheduled some options. Some of us will be going hiking on Saturday, followed by a scotch tasting (with snacks) on Saturday evening at Dad''s Place. You are welcome to join us for either or both if you''re in the mood! And for those of you extra interested in the local art and culture, we have arranged for a guide at Museum X on Sunday morning. Please feel free to explore at your own pace. However, if you are keen on joining us for any of these scheduled events, please let us know and we''ll reserve you a spot!''

By putting the onus on THEM to RSVP about the scheduled stuff, rather than ''here''s where you should be at time x'' they might feel less like it''s an obligation.

Plus, the museum tour can only accomodate up to 25 people per guide so we''ll need RSVPs anyway. I''m guessing 20 would be the max, since most of the relatives / family friends will have been to this museum dozens of times.

I think this sounds perfect! The wording is nice-very casual so it doesn''t seem like some big formal "Wedding Event." I would probably want to shop and lay around if I was traveling to a wedding, but I''d love the option of going on a hike or to the scotch tasting, too. Sounds like a fun weekend!

 

[nebe]

I would totally go!

 

[musey]

I would probably feel a twinge of guilt about not participating (if that's what I chose to do--but I think I'd totally partake in all those fun activities!), unless it had some of the wording suggested ("These activities will be available if you're interested," etc.).


We have a very small/succinct wedding website, and on it we're planning to put something to the effect of:

"We will be hosting a few informal get-togethers and activities the week preceding our wedding. If you'll be in town during that time, please let us know if you'd like to join in!"

We'll also tell close friends/parents about said activities and to make mention of it to anyone they think might have interest. We won't be mentioning the "extras" on our invites. However, there are a lot of good suggestions here on how to do that!

 

[monarch64]

Ah, I wouldn''t feel obligated in the least. I think I would prefer the wording "recommended" though...that''s a little less I don''t know, "be there or be square," to me, lol.

We''ve been to OOT weddings before where the couple has given us this sort of non-itinerary, and it has been a good thing because we''ve been able to talk to other guests we knew and hadn''t seen for a while so it was a chance for us to socialize with them outside just the wedding and reception.

 

[eks6426]

Indie--I think your new phrasing is great. Let''s people know the options, but also let''s them off the hook.

 

[gwendolyn]

Aye, I think that phrasing is great! I do think it''s incredibly thoughtful of you to put those activities together (and at your expense as well!) for people--as someone unfamiliar with the area, I''d absolutely appreciate the thought you put into trying to give me the best time for the length of my entire stay, not just your wedding day! Very, very thoughtful. You get a gold star.