Would you take a dream job away from yr DH?

[Aloros]

Best of luck!

A year or two is really just a small slice of the lifetime you two will have together.

Go for it! I''m all excited for you and I don''t even know exactly what it is!

 

[Independent Gal]

Hi Ladies

D2B Your perspective is certainly one that I've spent a lot of time thinking about. The chief thing here is that I simply do not have the option of staying home with a baby, because the second I don't have a work visa, I cannot legally stay in the United States. While the chances of them actually deporting me (if we had a child entitled to US citizenship) are apparently slim, I'm NOT willing to stay here illegally. My FI has a green card, but it takes 5-7 years (and $1000's) for me to get a green card through him and I am not entitled to stay in the country while I wait. So, basically, I'm screwed unless I can get a green card through my own professional channels (which can take as little as 18 months on this route). That's the amazing icing on the cake that is this job. They'd start the ball rolling right away, and I'd be sorted quickly.

Luckily, my job is flexible time-wise. As long as the work gets done, I can work whenever I want. So that will help a little with being a part-time-single-mom. But I'm not pretending this wouldn't be the hardest part. This would indeed be the hardest part. I would have to hire help for the days of the week that I was being a single parent

DKS As always, full of wisdom! I'm 98% sure that if the situation were reversed, taking the visa issue into account, I would be totally gung-ho for FI to take the position, so long as it wouldn't last forever and helped us meet our ultimate aim of permanent work in the same city, with both of us having green cards (and two other citizenships for good measure). If the job weren't a means to this end, I'd be more skeptical about taking it and being away from FI (dream job or no dream job). But 1/3 of the draw for me is that it provides our best shot at meeting this aim of being permanently together without having to worry about what comes next.

Crystal Yup! I'm still preparing! I think I've got my presentation almost together, and this morning I spent an hour on the phone with my dad's wife, who is a professional 'coach'. She gave me some awesome pointers about how to relax and connect with my audience. I've also been reading up on a tonne of background info. I am determined to give this my all!

 

[Beacon]

I pray you get it and I pray you take it.

Things like this don't often happen. If you take it, sure there maybe troubles, but that is how life is. The time to do things that are risky or different or demanding is when you are young. I would not hesitate. The excitement in your posts is ripping - I can feel how jazzed you are for this.

BTW, they may ask you about your personal life, relocation et al. Better practice it now!

 

[april diamonds]

IG, wow, I just posted a question with a simliar theme in Hangout! And they directed me back here!

I am in the same position...except that I accepted my job offer and now FI and i will be doing LD for two years while I''m overseas and he''s doing business school.

But I guess to answer your question, Yes, I took the job. Its going to be tough and while FI and I are anxious to FINALLY get to live together, we agreed that the ONLY reason I''d turn it down was just to be with him. He said that is unacceptable (we are both still so early in our careers) and that I need to do this not only for my career but for myself too. He is truly the sweetest man alive! He hopes to be able to join me after he''s done with bschool. But at least you''re only an hour apart! FI and I could be up to 13hrs apart time zone (about 16hr flight!) depending on where he goes to school.

Good luck on your interview though!! And good luck on making your decision!!!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

There are probably thousands upon thousands of married couples where one of them has to travel in their job. There were several years when my husband flew out every Monday morning early and flew back in on Thursday night. I got used to it and it did not bother me. The only hard aspect is if there are children. I would encourage you to wait to have a baby if you take the job. You have no idea how hard it would be to leave a baby a few days a week unless someone like your mother is available to care for him/her . It would be heart-wrenching and I would not purposely have a baby until you are both located in the same place.

Good luck on your interview! I can''t wait to hear what the job is!

 

[erica k]

in academia balancing relationships, especially with children, can be really tough. for example:
1. one of my college professors (in CA) was married to another professor who taught in Oregon. they had a lovely house in Pasadena, but she spent most of her time living in Oregon. they had no children. many of the professors i know in my field are either childless or adopted in their 40s. the ones who are having children tend to do it while finishing their degree so that it doesn''t negatively impact a tenure-track position.

2. a good friend of mine in her 6th year of grad school is due in November. she and her partner live in Quebec, but she spent the first 4 years living in Cambridge and taking the bus across the border to see her partner every once in awhile. next year she will be living in D.C., and i''m not sure what the situation is going to be with the baby. i know that her partner will not be able to accompany her due to his teaching position in Quebec. it makes me a little sad to think that the baby might be separated from his father for the second year of his life.

3. i got married 1.5 years ago and spent most of the past year traveling throughout the US and Vietnam. i probably saw my husband cumulatively for 6 months. he spent over three months this summer in Shanghai, and i did not visit him at all. when he returned from his summer job, we saw each other for 1 1/2 weeks before i left on another month-long research trip in CA. i am applying for a fellowship that requires residency for the academic year of 08-09.

4. most of the other grad students that i know have had to spend at least 1-2 years apart, often in different countries. the expense of traveling on a stipend budget can be really difficult, along with the hours logged in transit. many of them are not planning on having children and are already in their early to mid 30s.

if i had children or was planning on having them any time soon, i would have a hard time accepting the job. but the green card, pay raise and all those other perks are extremely difficult to turn down. i hate being away from my husband, but it''s a part of my career choice. my mother has insisted on taking care of the baby during trips, etc., so i''m not too worried. at the same time, i can''t imagine it''s easy to leave your child, especially when they''re young, or live apart from your husband while taking the children with you.

good luck with your interview! i hope everything works out for you and your husband.