rainbowtrout
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2005
- Messages
- 2,105
Has anyone else had this happen?
So, I''m pretty much areligious. (if you ask me on a grumpy day I say atheist, generally say secular humanist).
FI''s family is pretty Jewish, say Conservative leaning towards mild Orthodox. Now they''ve been great with me, haven''t pressured me, haven''t suggested anything. Except I''ve noticed that they seem to handle the problem by just pretending that I''m Jewish. If I mention anything that makes the distinction obvious, they just change the subject or stop the converstation. It''s kind of odd...I should mention that I make an effort to fit in and read/speak Hebrew from school, so blending in isn''t so hard.
Example 1:
FFIL: I told my parents you have a tattoo [I asked him to let them know before the wedding]. They don''t mind, but they wondered about you being able to be in a Jewish cemetary because of the rule against defiling your body.
Me: Well, FFIL, I would think a bigger issue with me being buried in a Jewish cemetary would be that I''m not Jewish, so...
Him: Changes subject.
Example 2:
Me: Well, I''ll mention Chabad to him as a free place for high holidays, but I have to say we''re not so down with a temple which we know opposes our relationship and marriage.
Him: I have to go to bed now, ttyl.
Hm. I mean, it''s certainly better than them being mean about it. I''m just wondering if this is a common coping mechanism? They send me invites to all the holidays, etc, etc...which is great, and I love the Jewish holidays, but do I need to sit FFIL down and say "OK what is really the bottom line?" or should I just let sleeping dogs lie, which is my first instinct...
**THis is NOT intended as a discussion of Judaism, btw. Just of in-laws and the power of denial re: religion.
So, I''m pretty much areligious. (if you ask me on a grumpy day I say atheist, generally say secular humanist).
FI''s family is pretty Jewish, say Conservative leaning towards mild Orthodox. Now they''ve been great with me, haven''t pressured me, haven''t suggested anything. Except I''ve noticed that they seem to handle the problem by just pretending that I''m Jewish. If I mention anything that makes the distinction obvious, they just change the subject or stop the converstation. It''s kind of odd...I should mention that I make an effort to fit in and read/speak Hebrew from school, so blending in isn''t so hard.
Example 1:
FFIL: I told my parents you have a tattoo [I asked him to let them know before the wedding]. They don''t mind, but they wondered about you being able to be in a Jewish cemetary because of the rule against defiling your body.
Me: Well, FFIL, I would think a bigger issue with me being buried in a Jewish cemetary would be that I''m not Jewish, so...
Him: Changes subject.
Example 2:
Me: Well, I''ll mention Chabad to him as a free place for high holidays, but I have to say we''re not so down with a temple which we know opposes our relationship and marriage.
Him: I have to go to bed now, ttyl.
Hm. I mean, it''s certainly better than them being mean about it. I''m just wondering if this is a common coping mechanism? They send me invites to all the holidays, etc, etc...which is great, and I love the Jewish holidays, but do I need to sit FFIL down and say "OK what is really the bottom line?" or should I just let sleeping dogs lie, which is my first instinct...
**THis is NOT intended as a discussion of Judaism, btw. Just of in-laws and the power of denial re: religion.