Lesser-known wedding ceremony traditions

[musey]

Zoebartlett's recent thread on ceremony length got me thinking. Neither FI or I are religious, and are singers (so don't particularly want anyone singing at our wedding), so our ceremony was, to this point, planned to be barely more than the vows and pronouncement of man and wife. Probably would top out at 5 minutes!

I want a little more content! And not just for content's sake, but I want to find some meaningful wedding traditions to incorporate into our ceremony. We don't really have any from our own social background that mean anything to us, so we'll pull from anywhere and everywhere--whatever we identify with.


So, before I embark on a google hunt to find some of these lesser-known traditions, I thought I'd ask the PS crowd to share some of their own... ones you've used, seen, heard of, anything you want to share!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

FI and I are having a fairly non-traditional ceremony, but there is one tradition my FI wanted to keep and that''s the unity ceremony. I know it''s extremely common and not "lesser known" by any means, but it''s one about which we had a couple of "discussions" (read: disagreements). See, I hate the whole idea of us becoming "one" through any sort of symbollic gesture. I felt it went against the whole feeling of the ceremony. Which, essentially, is about how this is just one day in a life we started together many years ago and how the commitments we are making formally are the same commitments we''ve shared on a daily basis throughout our relationship. Needless to say, I wasn''t feelin'' the unity candle. But FI was--not so much the "unity" part, but he liked the symbolism of commitment.

So we tweaked it. We''re having a water ceremony instead where we are having our parents pass the water to us, then we combine the water. This way it''s not just about us becoming one, but more about life passing through generations. Or something, I don''t know, but it''s sitting better with me than the unity candle.

The point of my long, winding post is that you can take some of the more long-standing traditions and make them meaningful to you, it''s just a matter of finding something that you feel expresses your personal feelings about the commitment you are making. I would sometimes get frustrated at how much time it took to go the non-tradional route (finding the perfect reading, creating our vows, tweaking the traditional ceremonies, etc.), but in the end I think our efforts will show. Keeping the ceremony short helped, too, haha.

 

[KimberlyH]

We had a poem read at our wedding in place of a biblical reading. I once read of someone having The Owl and the Pussycat (by Lear), a children''s book, read at their wedding. Is there a story, or a poem, or a song that could translate from singing to reading, that would suit you?

 

[Elmorton]

This was a biiiig issue for our ceremony - I wanted some length, but in writing our own non-religious ceremony, we started to realize that it was going to be really short - there''s not a whole lot to add after vows and ring exchanging! One of the less common things we did borrowed from Jewish and Mexican traditions- we signed the marriage certificate as part of the ceremony.
I''m not a fan of unity candles, and DH and I couldn''t think of any other unity symbols (water, wine, honey, handfasting, etc) that was really "us." But, I love the concept of greeting the parents as part of the ceremony, which seems very natural in combination with the unity candle lighting. So, after our vows and exchanging of rings, our offficiant asked us to come forward with our witnesses (the MoH and BM) to "sign our covenant" (or pledge...I can''t remember which word we decided to use). After signing, we greeted our parents, then went back to the where we were standing and were "proclaimed" husband and wife. It wasn''t something we''d seen done before, so we were afraid that it would seem awkward. It didn''t at all. And, it added about 5 minutes!

We also added length through more "traditional" things - we had 4 readings (had a small bridal party and wanted to include close friends), a solo, and, during the certificate signing, one of the groomsmen played guitar. From the start of the seating of the grandparents to the end of the recessional, it was 25 minutes long. For us, that was just right.

 

[clammer]

It is horrible that I don''t remember large parts of the ceremony three years later, but dh and I didn''t like the idea of the unity candle and our pastor came up with a hand ceremony which was kind of like promises we made to each other. I will ask dh tonight and will try to post what we did (I might have to pull out the dvd). We had many people come up to us afterwards and tell us they had never seen anything like it and they enjoyed hearing what we promised each other.

 

[Pandora II]

In the UK we have the whole ''signing the register'' bit and it''s normal to have two pieces of music played/sung at this point whether it''s a civil or religious ceremony.

We''re also having 2 or 3 readings - the only one we''ve chosen so far is Edward Monkton''s ''A Lovely Love Story''.

I wanted to get everyone to sing like you would in a church - but FI vetoed ''The Hippopotomus Song''

, so if anyone has a ideas of popular songs that would be good for a wedding without being too twee, let me know!

 

[zoebartlett]

I''ve posted this idea a few months ago but I''ll share it again. I wanted to incorporate my students somehow into the day, even though they won''t be at the wedding. I put these two "readings" together after I gave my second graders two writing assignments, titled below. I will probably do this assignment with my kids this year (closer to Valentine''s Day) and see what they write. I may add or change the readings somewhat, but this is what my kids did last year:

How to be a Good Friend

To be a good friend you could play with them. Tell them how nice it is to be their friend. Sending them a letter is nice too. Play with them at recess.

To be a good friend means to play together. If you have a fight, make up. Play together as much as you can. Give them respect as they give it back. If they do something you don’t want to do, DON’T DO IT! Follow these rules as I say and you’ll have a new friend every day.

If you want to be a good friend, show that you care. Treat them right. If you want to be a good friend, tell them you want to be their friend. If you want REALLY want to be a good friend, comfort them if they are sad or mad. Make them laugh, smile, cheer, and be happy.

Love is…

Love is when you care about someone. Love is when you stay close and have hope for someone. A way to show love is by giving hugs and kisses. You can also show love by giving flowers and presents and drawing pictures for them. You could also tell them how much you love them.

Love is being a good friend. It is also being a nice person. Love is giving and sharing too.

Love is caring, sharing, and being nice. Show respect to one another. Give to one another. Have a wedding and get married. Show that you care. If you give you will receive. Be nice and love. Loving is good and kind. Love, love, love, love is good. If you care and share, other people will care and share. Love, love, love – it is nice. It is sweet and nice to love. So love, love, love. You will thank me if you do.

Love is a feeling and an emotion. Love is a word that people can say to or about others.

Without love, no one would tuck you in at night. So everyone…love is when someone cares about you.

 

[zoebartlett]

I forgot to mention that I''ll probably ask my 15 year old cousin (well, my cousin''s daughter) to do this reading. I really want to get my FI''s great-nephew (or grand-nephew?) to do it. This boy is the same age as my students who wrote the pieces, so it would be perfect! My FI''s nervous about it though. My cousin would do a gret job with it too though so we''ll see.

 

[Rachie]

zoe ~ That is really cute!

One of the things that I really like is the hand ceremony. Here is a link to a knottie bio that has it in it http://community.theknot.com/cs/ks/user/page.aspx?username=mrs.pootiekins I also googled hand ceremony and there are some different variations depending upon how religious you want it to be.

 

[zoebartlett]

Thanks Rachie! I''m sort of wondering if we should not use these as readings but add them to the back of the program or something. We could also type them out, frame them, and put them on the table where we have the guest book, if we do one, or somewhere else on display. What do you think?

Do you think it''s too hokey or whatever to use as actual readings during the ceremony? Please be honest. It would be cute to incorporate them somehow but now I''m not sure about using them IN the wedding.

 

[partyjewels]

I don't think it's too hokey to use them as part of your actual ceremony, I think it's very sweet. The innocence of kids brings out so many wonderful thoughts. They make love seem so simple when to adults it usually becomes this complicated thing. I definitely wouldn't do ALL of the readings (unless you have a REALLY tiny class), but do some of the ones that you feel you can fit into the ceremony, and then use the rest in other parts of the wedding: the program, guest book (you could easier make your own using a scrap book and pretty paper, stamps, etc).. if you're doing favors you could incorporate them there somehow, maybe paper ribbons with the sayings on them? There are tons of great ways you could use them. Now you've got me thinking. Have you ever seen the guest books where you have the guest write a wish or some good thing to the bride and groom? You could do one like that but have them answer the same question that you had your students answer. Do a photo mat with some of the answers that you students wrote, put a picture of the two of you in it, and have it displayed in front of a pretty vase or jar or something, with slips of paper and pens that your guests can write their answers on and put in the vase

Ok, I know, I type too much. But I love this board it really gets me thinking sometimes and I just can't stop myself from sharing!

 

[musey]

Very cool ideas! I think I may steal the kids idea, Zoe, as FI''s best man is a 4th grade teacher. He''d like an excuse to do a cute reading, I''m sure

It didn''t occur to me that we could incorporate the signing of the register/contract/certificate into the ceremony. That would make a lot of sense, since it is more a legal thing than a "holy" thing for us. We also wouldn''t have to take time out later to do it... and we''d have pictures of us signing in the ceremony... I like it...