update: Attn Nytemist and green girl

[stacyQ]

Been really busy lately, but things are gong well. Taking it one day at a time, but that clock is still always ticking in the back of my head........ he has until 9-01-06!!!!!!!!!

Wow to greengirl''s posts. That is SO how I was feeling about my bf earlier this month. But all the advice was great (as usual!) It is so hard to walk that line between enjoying the relationship you have now, which may be great, and being depressed because you are planning your future and realizing that your bf might not be in it. Staying busy with yourself provides a great excuse to get some space and writing here helps you vent. Keep doing it! Gripe to us, that is what we are here for. That way, you stay sane

Moving onto to Nytemist: I agree with everyone telling you that you need to make a deadline for yourself and stick with it. The end of the year sounds reasonable to me from what I have read. And as much as you love him, you gotta remember he isn''t the only sweet, smart, sexy, appreciative of the real you, dude out there (I know, I have one too!). And if he really does care about helping you reach your goals in life, he will stick to his promise. From what I have read, you''ve got it together, any dude would jump on that

 

[perry]

StacyQ:

I agree that greengirl''s post were great. Unfortunately, she has edited them away, and appantly moved on. Few people will really know the content of those post now, except by people reactions to them.

Perry

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 9/25/2005 7:46:29 PM
Author: perry
StacyQ:

I agree that greengirl''s post were great. Unfortunately, she has edited them away, and appantly moved on. Few people will really know the content of those post now, except by people reactions to them.

Perry

Not necessarily. The original posts still exist there - if you click on the underlined "revisions" just below each post. The original posts are there.

 

[stacyQ]

Glad to see you back Perry!

I had to go through this realization thing that just because my bf was wanting to postpone engagement because of his conflicting views on the subject (he equates engagement with marriage, and I believe that engagement is only a step in that direction) he can''t hold me or the relationship "hostage". we are just going to have to compromise, he will have to propose sooner than is comfortable for him, and I will have to wait longer than is comfortable for me. But, we agreed that if we love each other (and we do!) then these are personal sacrifices we will have to make for the health of our relationship.

Aside: can you believe that my bf just asked me what a VS clarity diamond looked like? While I was typing this! All on his own! Me not saying a word to him since the beginning of the month! You guys are good luck!!!!!!!!!!!

The basic problems of most of the people seeking advice on the board about engagement stem from the age old question of "How much of myself do I sacrifice and give before I look like a fool? How long do I wait? Why does he hold all of the cards and I am at his (or, could be her) mercy?" The answer is, make up a plan for yourself (I want to be married/engaged/have kids/go skydiving/whatever by x date), discuss it with the SO, get SO''s opinion and plan, then tweak them to make the both of you happy. If one party isn''t willing to do something within their power to meet you halfway, then they aren''t worth it. Period.

 

[perry]

Thanks Aljdewey.

I didn''t know that revisions were saved. Now everyone can see how many times I have updated spelling and fixed typos....

Perry

 

[greengirl]

Hello everyone!

Yes, I edited my posts to delete them basically. I''ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and I realized I''m being pretty irrational in some ways and I need to stop obsessing over getting engaged. So I wanted to delete the posts and kind of wipe the slate clean from those feelings/complaints.

My boyfriend and I are doing fine, although the distance is difficult. But the last 5 weeks (since I''ve moved here) have really flown by, and I can see that the rest of these 10 months apart will go pretty quickly too. I''m definitely 100% committed to him, and he is to me. So right now he''s in our home state, starting his career. I''m in another state, finishing up what I need to finish for my career goals. It''s a temporary arrangement, it will be really hard at times, but the end plan for both of us is to be together, in our home state.

From recent talks with my boyfriend, I realize that we will definitely be engaged by the time I''m done with my program in the Spring. Hopefully it may happen even sooner. He made some sort of mention about the end of this year. But I''m at peace with the idea that it will happen by Spring. I can wait that long, and it''s the logical thing to do right now anyway. There''s no way either of us could think about or plan a wedding right now with what we''re both dealing with. I''m here to focus solely on school. And wasting time being depressed because we''re apart or obssesing over engagement rings and being jealous of women who are engaged is just silly. It''s taking my time and focus off of what''s important, my last bit of school.

If we''re not engaged by the Spring once I''m ready to move back home, then we''ll have some serious talks. I don''t think it will come to that though. I''m also going to make an effort to not worry about what other people may think.....6+ years may be a long time to be together, but no one knows our particular situation except us. Like the previous post said, it''s just a hard thing to think about whether the time just isn''t right yet, or I''m a idiot for staying so long. In this case, I know the time isn''t right just yet. And I''ve got to remind myself that when I start drooling over the new proposals on "proposal talk" and the new rings on "show me the ring."

 

[Buena Girl]

Date: 9/25/2005 8:42:55 PM
Author: stacyQ
...
The basic problems of most of the people seeking advice on the board about engagement stem from the age old question of ''How much of myself do I sacrifice and give before I look like a fool? How long do I wait? Why does he hold all of the cards and I am at his (or, could be her) mercy?'' The answer is, make up a plan for yourself (I want to be married/engaged/have kids/go skydiving/whatever by x date), discuss it with the SO, get SO''s opinion and plan, then tweak them to make the both of you happy. If one party isn''t willing to do something within their power to meet you halfway, then they aren''t worth it. Period.

Well said!

 

[Buena Girl]

Date: 9/25/2005 10:44:22 PM
Author: greengirl
Hello everyone!

Yes, I edited my posts to delete them basically. I''ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and I realized I''m being pretty irrational in some ways and I need to stop obsessing over getting engaged. So I wanted to delete the posts and kind of wipe the slate clean from those feelings/complaints.

...

Glad to hear you''re feeling better!!

Hahaahaa...but you can still obsess over getting engaged. Sometimes, it''s even a bit of a thrill to ride the highs and lows.

No need to delete posts! We know the kind of roller coaster of emotions you are probably feeling right now.

 

[stacyQ]

Yes, everyone keep obsessing here on the board. Cuz those feelings are there (we aren''t androids!) and if they don''t come out here, they will pop out at the SO (not good for our ultimate goal of appearing like we are rational, marriageable women).

 

[nytemist]

StacyQ- Thank you so much for you sweet words!!!!! I just read your post... I was busy this weekend working on a school project and time with my BF. It was a good weekend. He was back to his usual self, super-attentive, ''let''s go out'' self. Once again, he was the one to ask if I had any other ideas for my ring. He asked, "well, why don''t you draw something custom?" We were sitting in a bar and I''m trying to keep my jaw from hitting the floor. He says, "It''s almost he end of September, running out time to have it done by the end of the year." I kind of stuttered, "uhhhh, ok."
I think it is hitting him that he needs to appreciate me a whole lot more. The fact that I''m almost done with school is making him wake up and notice that I''m getting closer to making my moving dream come true. And, that there is a guy in my class that is so upset that i''m leaving soon and he keeps inviting me out and asking ''why don''t we hang out outside of school?''- BF doesn''t like that of course, ''doesn''t he know you aren''t single?'' I''m not trying to make him jealous, but my BF doesn''t ask how class is going, what goes on and all that. He says ''wow, you''re alomost done. Wow. I guess things are really going forward.'' I said yep, they are for me. We said we wouldn''t re-visit other conversations until I was done and now it''s here. Told you it wouldn''t take long.''

I''m trying not to obsess, but I''m well aware of what month it is. At the same time, I have so, so many other things that I need to do this fall-with exams, sending out resumes, finding a job, eventually getting out of dodge... it may be easier to keep my mind off it, well some of my mind.