To all the girls who selected their own e-rings...

[curlygirl]

I was sooo involved in the process but it had to be done! My FI was CLUELESS!!! But so was I! I really didn't know what I wanted to so we shopped around for a while. Then I did all my research here and we looked some more but the prices were insane--I got inspired by Reena's ring so I really wanted something similar to that (cushion with halo). When I mentioned to my parents that we were ring shopping, my father said that he just happened to have a friend who is a jeweler! I knew it was going to have to be a custom job so we went and met with him 2 times (armed with photos and notes), I picked out the stone, I made it clear about what I wanted and didn't want, and then I dropped out of sight! My FI dealt with the $$ and the other details and made sure the proposal was a surprise. So I didn't see the finished product until the actual proposal night. I was so scared it wouldn't be what I wanted but then I realized that I had so much input that it couldn't possibly be wrong. And it was simply perfect!

So I think it's ok to be involved but if you really want the whole surprise/mystery element, you have to drop out at some point and trust that your man knows what he's doing! Good luck!!!

 

[aphisiglovessae]

I didn''t really pick my own ring, but then again I did. He found it first and showed it to me and I said I liked it. Well I showed it to my mom and she said she liked it as well. As soon as he heard that, he was on the phone ordering it. So in a way I did, in a way I didn''t. The thing I felt bad about the most was knowing everything. He also tried to get me to help him pick the center stone. He ended up picking it in the end. I felt like a total ass because the surpirse was ruined, but when he finally did propose, it was still the most exciting and wonderful moment of my life. He surprised me by proposing a couple of days before I thought he was actually going to do it! In some ways, I wish it were different because it wasn''t exactly your fairy-tale thing, but it was still special none-the-less. I don''t think I''ve ever been happier.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

The way I see it is: If you picked your ring, then he doesn''t have the additional stress of wondering whether you will like it or not!

 

[BrightSpot]

Croi,

Where did you get that smiley? It''s fabulous!

I have a pretty big ring size too (mine''s a 7)--I''m starting to get finger-image issues on PS! I don''t know what my bf''s ring size is, but our hands are pretty similar in size. Oh well.

Nooners, Thanks for the thoughts on the excitement of actually receiving the ring! Yes, I am lucky that my bf involved me in the process--it''s been a fun learning experience for both of us & I''ll have a ring I love! Speaking of wonderful rings, you did a fabulous job with yours! I''m still waiting to see hand shots of your sparkler...

velouria, I can''t wait to hear about your surprise proposal! (and see the final pics/handshots of your ring!) I love love love your tourmaline!

When do you think your bf will propose? (or are you speculating?)

lauriem, wow, you really don''t know when the proposal will take place, eh? You must be SO excited! I can''t wait to hear about it! You''re right that it takes a bit of pressure off the poor boy to help him select the ring.

Elepri, I love your ring too!

Lol about offering 2 options, but really just the one...

Matata, that''s cool that your FI bought you a sapphire, er, blue ring before he proposed. A lot of guys would be terrified to give a girl any kind of ring before the e-ring... It sounds like it''s a good thing you stepped in---bug spit on finger is no good...

Your spinel (or red, as your FI would call it) e-ring, however, is fabulous!

Curlygirl, I totally know what you mean about being inspired by Reena''s ring (who wasn''t?) & being scared that the ring wouldn''t be perfect. (Though, it''s certainly clear you had nothing to worry about--what a stunner!!!) Heh--I''m having such a hard time w/ the idea of dropping out of the process, but I know I shoud...

aphisiglovessae, I think that was so sweet that your bf wanted to involve you in the process (and surprised you w/ a proposal before you expected it!)

Thanks, everyone, for sharing your stories w/ me! I''m trying to stop thinking about this ring stuff, but it''s difficult to distract myself!

The folks at Quest, who are making my ring, said it should be ready before the 4th of July weekend. (I don''t think I told my bf this...) We were talking about plans for the holiday weekend & he suggested going out of town w/ our couple friends & I suggested that it might be nice to do something alone. I was quiet for a while & he asked if I was ok...I just said that it was likely, barring any unexpected delays, that he would receive a package before July 4th. LOL! Then he started teasing me about how he thought September would be a really nice time to propose, or maybe October--so nice with the changing leaves, etc.

Argh!

 

[jellybean]

As someone who has been on the total opposite of the spectrum, I''ll tell you my story.

My now-DH was very traditional. He completely surprised me with my e-ring; I mean we had talked about marriage before but I always thought it was waaaay off b/c we were both students. Well one day he totally blew me away with a proposal. I was completely floored and shocked and part of me was really happy that he surprised me with a proposal.

Now as far as my ring was concerned, he (and his mom) picked out something that I totally did not like. After getting over the initial shock of the engagement, I realized that I didn''t like the ring. And after seeing ALL my friends have some say in their e-rings, I was a little jealous that I didn''t get a say in it at all. He didn''t even ask what shape diamond I wanted.

I didn''t say anything until a couple of years after we were married when one day it came up in conversation. At that point I didn''t feel bad saying anything b/c my DH really had nothing to do with the whole ring process - his mom had picked it out. But he was hurt that I wanted to change the original ring he proposed with. So I didn''t.

We have been married for almost 6 years and I just recently (as in this year) changed the setting. In a way he still feels bad about it (and I don''t know how to change that) but he admitted he loves the way my new solitaire looks with my eternity band (in my original e-ring I had a shadow band made that looked awful).

So bottom line, yeah, I loved the surprise but didn''t love the ring. I think my DH even admits now he wishes he had involved me in the whole process somewhat so I wouldn''t be changing my ring, as he is sentimenal. I have considered putting a sapphire into the original setting, but I don''t wear that many rings so I don''t know how often I would wear it.

Be happy you got to pick out a beautiful ring!

 

[BrightSpot]

Hi jellybean,

Thanks so much for sharing your story from the other side of the fence. That must''ve been really difficult for you to have been so thrilled with the engagement, but not with the ring! I''m glad you were finally able to remount your stone into a setting that you (and hopefully your DH) like. Just curious, was his mom offended when you remounted your ring? What did your original e-ring look like?

You''re totally right--I am glad I have a say in my ring! It''s been a fun learning process for both my bf & me & it seems somewhat likely he would''ve picked a ring I didn''t love as our tastes in jewelry tend to be pretty different.

 

[jellybean]

Date: 6/21/2005 11:24:53 AM
Author: BrightSpot
Hi jellybean,

Thanks so much for sharing your story from the other side of the fence. That must''ve been really difficult for you to have been so thrilled with the engagement, but not with the ring! I''m glad you were finally able to remount your stone into a setting that you (and hopefully your DH) like. Just curious, was his mom offended when you remounted your ring? What did your original e-ring look like?

You''re totally right--I am glad I have a say in my ring! It''s been a fun learning process for both my bf & me & it seems somewhat likely he would''ve picked a ring I didn''t love as our tastes in jewelry tend to be pretty different.

Hi BrightSpot!

I''ll try to keep my story brief as not to bore you with all the details.

My original e-ring had a bypass design with 3 small rounds channel set on each side. In the middle was a 0.38ct round that was originally in a ring my husband''s great-grandfather wore. The shadow band that was supposed to go with that setting had 3 small marquise on each side. I didn''t like the way it looked (even the jeweler admitted he hadn''t sold many of those type of bands since the late 80''s) so I had the jeweler make a plain shadow band. I didn''t like that either so I had bought a 5 stone diamond band to wear separately.

A couple of years after we were married my MIL gave me her diamond from her original e-ring when she got a new diamond. We didn''t ask for it, she "offered" it to us. I say "offered" b/c she still refers to that diamond has "her" diamond. That''s another long story. Anyway, I had that diamond put into my original e-ring setting b/c my husband still didn''t want me to change it at that point.

Every day that I wore this ring it just bugged me to no end that my husband really had nothing to do with my ring. It was nothing personal against my MIL; I wouldn''t have liked it even if my own mom had picked it out. I know my MIL tried to pick out something that I would like (my husband admitted he had no idea what to get and he entrusted his mom to do a good job) but her tastes are completely different from mine. Even my mom said the first time she saw my ring she knew that my husband didn''t pick it out. I had mentioned to my MIL once that I was thinking about changing it and you could tell she was hurt and she went on and on about how much time she spend looking for a setting, blah, blah, blah.

Well finally one day this past February I must have been having a really bad day b/c I just went to the jeweler and impulsively decided to put the diamond in a solitaire setting. I didn''t tell my husband nor my MIL about it; I just did it. When my DH finally noticed (I think it took him a couple of days) he said "is that the ring I proposed with?" I told him I had the diamond remounted and that he shouldn''t be upset b/c he had nothing to do with picking out my ring. Well, unfortunately he was upset. He really didn''t say much, but you could just tell by the look on his face. He still doesn''t really understand how important an e-ring is to a woman. We sat down and had a talk and I tried explaining it in "guy talk" -- he is really into computers, and I tried relating it to him by asking if he had waited his whole life for this one particular computer and my mom had gone out and just bought it for him without his input at all and just expected him to love it, how would he feel? He kind of understood once I put it that way.

He finally admitted a few weeks later that he likes the solitaire better but to this day he still brings up the fact that I wanted to change my original e-ring, that I must not be sentimental. I asked him if he would like it better if I put the diamond back in the original setting and he said he would. I''ll never win.

My MIL was upset as well although she totally denied she was. My SIL (DH''s sister) gave me a lot of crap about it. My MIL came around and said she did like the solitaire setting better but she keeps asking what I did with the original setting. I told her it''s sitting in the jewelry box waiting for a gemstone but I think she thinks I threw it out. I asked her if she wanted it for herself (probably not the PC thing to do!) and she said "Oh, no - it''s YOUR E-RING!". So in other words the solitaire is NOT my e-ring; the only e-ring there is, according to my MIL and my DH, is the one that was proposed to you with.

So I''m kind of stuck.

Sorry to ramble about this. It''s a lose lose situation for me. I now have a set that I love and his family makes me feel like crap for changing the original setting. I can''t go back and change time and yet I can''t seem to get past this.

Any words of advice for ME would be appreciated.

 

[BrightSpot]

Oh, jellybean, what a difficult situation! (It would bug me too!) It sounds like his family has a lot of say & emotional attachment about a ring that is ultimately your ring. That''s always a shame when gifts come with so many strings attached, but it seems to happen often, especially when family is involved.

That''s so funny that it took your DH a few days to notice your new setting. He must''ve been so confused...

I guess guys don''t typically understand the significance of an e-ring to a woman & that it goes beyond just the symbolic value. Maybe you should introduce your DH to PS? Perhaps sharing some stories about how other women have changed their original e-rings might make him feel better about your choice. (Also, maybe that could help him understand how much e-rings mean to the ladies!) It''s interesting to me that your DH is so sentimental about the e-ring, even though he wasn''t the one who picked it out. Was he ok with you using his mom''s diamond even though it wasn''t the stone he proposed with? It seems that there''s a lot of emotions attached to the original setting.

What happened to your original .38 ct diamond when you set your MIL''s diamond into your original setting?

So, obviously your DH & his mom are attached to the original setting. You are not. Ultimately, it is your ring & you should be happy with it. I''m glad you remounted it & are happy with the new setting. That said, sometimes with family, it''s wise to compromise. (heh--that rhymes!) Perhaps you should set a gemstone or your old diamond into the old setting & wear it as a RHR. Then you could tell everyone that the setting has sentimental value to you b/c it was the ring your DH proposed w/ and that his mom picked out & you wanted to keep wearing it as a treasured RHR. I think doing that might make everyone feel better. Your DH & his mom will feel that you hadn''t discared the setting your DH proposed w/ and your MIL spent so much time searching for & you still get to wear your new diamond in a setting you have selected.

What do you think?

 

[jellybean]

I thought about the whole gemstone idea but I''m not really a RHR wearer so I''m afraid I would wear it like once a year.

The 0.38ct that was originally in the e-ring is in a pendant so nothing is sitting in the original e-ring setting. I have considered putting the 0.38ct back in it (I know, must be crazy) and giving it to our daughter for her 21st birthday. She''s only 2, so I know it''s a long way off, but this way she can have something sentimental from us. Maybe I''ll wear it occassionally just to prove to my husband that I am sentimental.

He has no problem with me wearing his mom''s diamond; for whatever reason, it''s the setting that is causing this issue.

Actually, he thinks his mom''s diamond is "too big" for everyday wear (hello, your own mom wore it everyday!) so I usually wind up wearing the 0.72ct rb I recently got with my eternity band.

I just find it weird that he likes the solitaire setting better but it totally attached to something he didn''t even pick out. In fact -- he recently got a new wedding band b/c he got a nice silver watch and his wedding band was yellow gold and the two totally clashed. He asked if I minded if he got a new band and I told him I didn''t mind at all. He was upset that I didn''t mind.

He actually still wears the original yellow gold one most of the time and the new titanium one when he wears the silver watch.

He must be more sentimental than I thought b/c he is a total pack rat. Never throws anything out!

Hmm...maybe putting the 0.38ct back in the original ring is not a bad idea. I can wear it once in a while so he doesn''t think I just destroyed it. What do you think?

 

[BrightSpot]

Date: 6/23/2005 3:59:57 PM
Author: jellybean
I thought about the whole gemstone idea but I''m not really a RHR wearer so I''m afraid I would wear it like once a year.

Well, for better or worse, it seems this mounting means a lot to your DH. Would it be worth it to set something in it (whether it''s your original RB or a gemstone) & wear it occasionally? I know you''re not much of a RHR, but maybe it would be worth it to wear this ring occasionally to make your DH feel better. Think of it less as an expression of your personal style (which you''re able to express w/ your new e-ring!) and more as an expression of your love for your DH & your respect for his feelings. It''ll be like you''re doing something nice & special just for him.

I think giving this ring to your daughter when she turns 21 would be a lovely gesture, but that''s a long time off. You might want to run this idea by your DH first so he doesn''t get hurt at the idea of you giving away his gift to you. My mom gave me a star sapphire ring for my 16th birthday that my dad gave to my mom. (it was his first gift of jewelry to her) While he was happy for me to have it, he was a little hurt that my mom would give away such a sentimental gift, even if it was to her daughter. I know it seems silly, but guys can be sentimental too.

Do you think your DH was upset that you remounted the new diamond w/o consulting him first?

He has no problem with me wearing his mom''s diamond; for whatever reason, it''s the setting that is causing this issue.

Actually, he thinks his mom''s diamond is ''too big'' for everyday wear (hello, your own mom wore it everyday!)

LOL--just how big is it anyway?

so I usually wind up wearing the 0.72ct rb I recently got with my eternity band.

The plot thickens...more diamonds!

I just find it weird that he likes the solitaire setting better but it totally attached to something he didn''t even pick out. In fact -- he recently got a new wedding band b/c he got a nice silver watch and his wedding band was yellow gold and the two totally clashed. He asked if I minded if he got a new band and I told him I didn''t mind at all. He was upset that I didn''t mind.

He actually still wears the original yellow gold one most of the time and the new titanium one when he wears the silver watch.

He must be more sentimental than I thought b/c he is a total pack rat. Never throws anything out!

Well, I''m a bit of a pack rat too. Sometimes it''s difficult for us to throw things away b/c we attach so much emotional significance to objects, silly as that sounds as they''re just things. I once had a hard time throwing away a big soda cup (long story) because of how many memories it evoked for me. And that was a soda cup. I would imagine an association with such a sentimental item as an engagement ring would be much stronger. So it probably doesn''t matter that he didn''t pick out the setting. Obviously he has a very sentimental attachment to both of your engagement/wedding rings. I don''t think the fact that he likes the new solitaire better, aesthetically speaking, and the fact that he''s attached to your original setting are mutually exclusive. Emotions are funny things.

Hmm...maybe putting the 0.38ct back in the original ring is not a bad idea. I can wear it once in a while so he doesn''t think I just destroyed it. What do you think?

I think that would mean a lot to your DH. It might be a nice compromise too--you get to wear your e-ring in a setting you enjoy, but still have a sentimental piece that you still wear on occasion for your DH. Good luck & let me know what you decide.

Sometimes it''s difficult to manage everyone else''s expectations/emotions (especially when it''s family) & still try to make ourselves happy. I fight this battle a lot too.