No Ring ok?

[waiting]

Ok, my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 and half years. We''ve lived together for the last 4 of the years. No, no proposal yet (obviously - hence the term ''boyfriend''). I have had little hints from his family and friends that a proposal will be forthcoming in the next month or so. He is currently overseas working to save a little money for the year (he works 3 months every summer in NY to support himself during the year when he is in school. We live abroad) and will be back home in 3 weeks. He is also staying with my family in NY while working so I know that asking for my parents permission will not be a problem. The problem is this: i know for a fact that he cannot afford a ring. In fact, he doesn''t even need to buy a diamond - just the setting. My grandmother wants him to reset her engagement ring for me, which he knows, and which would mean just the world to me. So, he needs to buy a setting and me, being neurotic and obsessive and picky, know exactly which one i want and it is about $2,500. He simply doesn''t have the money for it. And once he returns home, he won''t be working regularly, just enough to be able to keep up with our bills and certainly no extras since the payrate where we live in extraordinarily low compared to the states. I make $12,000/year in a full time job and that is considered above average here! So, if he comes back without the ring, which he will have to due to money contraints, there is no chance of me getting a ring for at least another year.

I guess i''m looking for advice on how to come to terms with no ring. No ring that i''ve been dreaming about, and also how to not make him feel badly for not being able to afford one. I truly just want to marry him already and be with him forever and while the no ring thing is sooo so disappointing to me, i just want him to know that it''s him i want and i can live without the ring.

Guys, any advice how to make him feel okay about this if he proposes without the ring? I don''t even want to imagine him not proposing for ANOTHER year because he wants to do it with the ring! It''s been almost 6 years!!!

Help! Advice??? What would you do?

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Hi! Since you already have the stone, is there any way he (or you or both of you) could just put it in a very simple solitaire for the time being? A fairly inexpensive 14k gold one would run you around $100-150. Then in the future, you could buy the dream setting when you have the money. Or how about proposing with a plain band (that could later serve as your wedding ring, if you wanted)? You can also get those bands for very inexpensive.

 

[cinnabar]

We were engaged without a ring. I got my ring after we''d been married nine months. None of my friends ever said anything about me not having a ring, and accepted the reason we gave: we''re looking for just the right one, and don''t want to rush. I suppose it helped that I lived in England and was planning to move to the US when I married, so we just told everyone we were getting a ring over there later because there was more choice and they were cheaper.

It didn''t worry me that I had no ring, because I knew I was getting one eventually. No one was rude to me about it, in fact most people thought it was better to wait and get something really nice than to rush and get something so-so.

Being engaged isn''t dependent on wearing a ring, all you need is a heartfelt proposal. Tell your boyfriend how you feel about it, because communication is the most important thing in any relationship.

 

[waiting]

Putting the diamond in a 14K gold setting wouldn''t work for me - if anything it would have to be put in silver or white gold since all my jewelry is white gold or platinum. Thing is, i just don''t feel right putting the diamond in a ''cheap'' setting. The story behind my grandmothers ring is really special. My grandparents were immigrants to the States in the 1950''s and came with nothing. My grandpa couldn''t afford an engagement ring for my grandmother and so she didn''t have one. 25 years after they emigrated to NY, on their anniversary my grandfather gave my grandma this ring that she now want me to wear (in a more modern setting). He had saved and put away a little bit at a time for 25 years to buy her this diamond ring. I feel really strongly about it, and don''t want to ''disrespect'' it by putting it a cheap or temporary setting. It might sound silly, but i feel it would disrespect the all hard work my grandfather did in order to buy it. I would rather wait till my boyfriend could afford it.

About chipping in - unfortunately, my boyfriend won''t even hear it. It''s really a matter of pride for him (which is why i am afraid he might wait till he can buy a ring NEXT year!) and he wouldn never let me pay for anything, let along my own engagement ring!

Guys - how do I make him feel okay about this??

By the way, he''s pretty annoyed about me bringing up marriage all the time so i finally was able to shut myself up about 4 months ago... i''m so proud of myself for going this long without mentioning it, so i don''t want to say anything to him!!!

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Well, I meant gold generically, so either white or yellow. But that doesn''t sound like an option. If you don''t want to put it into a temporary setting, why don''t you just wear it as is, in your grandmother''s setting, for now?

 

[waiting]

as much as i adore my grandmother and her ''taste'', she is 89 years old and was in he rmid 60''s when my grandfather chose the setting in the 1970''s. I think I may have mentioned I am neurotic, obsessive and a tad bit picky - meaning there is just no way i am wearing this setting. It is really old fashioned, very grandmotherly-ish, and way too big (although i know i could change the size). Basically, i would rather go with no ring then compromise the ring of my dreams.

what i really want to know is how do i make my boyfriend feel okay about not having a ring? boys, what could your girlfriend say or do to make this situation okay for you (you are very sensitive about your pride, etc)? girls, have any of you been in this situation? what did you do?

 

[AsscherGirl]

Date: 9/28/2005 2:56:21 PM
Author: waiting
what i really want to know is how do i make my boyfriend feel okay about not having a ring? boys, what could your girlfriend say or do to make this situation okay for you (you are very sensitive about your pride, etc)? girls, have any of you been in this situation? what did you do?

I think the only thing you can do is honestly tell him that you would rather be engaged without a ring, than not engaged at all. If he is ready to propose and agrees with your viewpoints, then he will propose without a ring. If he feels like he needs a ring, then he won''t and you''ll have to wait until he can afford what you want. It stinks, but that''s the way life goes sometime, you know?

If he feels strongly about proposing AND having a ring for you, I think you should be more open to some of the options people have suggested. Since you feel so strongly about the diamond itself, I would seriously consider wearing a plain band. That''s something you could use as a wedding band in the future, keep as a memento from a special time in your life & still have something you can WEAR until you have enough money for your dream ring.

Good luck, I''m sure things will work themselves out.

 

[fancyrock]

Our story went a little something like this.... We started looking at diamonds before he even popped the question. We found a rock we like and bought it. Then I designed my setting and had it made. After the setting was completed, I changed my mind about the diamond. 2nd time around searching for the rock, i knew i would be pickier than ever before. So i told him honestly i would be perfectly ok if he propose to me without a "rock". So he did....!! (though he asked me a million times if i was sure about it). He proposed to me with just the setting w/ no rock in it.

A few months later, we found THE rock that rocks!!!

I''m sure your guy just want to do what makes YOU happy. So if you are okay with that... then reassure him that it''s okay to go ahead and pop the BIG question w/out a ring. It''s whatever you both are comfortable with.

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[allycat0303]

Hi Waiting!

Well... is there any way to get the setting you want for less? Is it the one in your avatar? I can''t tell from the pic, but would $1500 work better for you? Is there a budget that you can work with and get what you want?? I''m super picky/neaurotic too, and there were several options on setting (almost same setting) that would have worked, in a variety of price ranges.

Aside from that, I would wear your grnadmother''s setting until I could afford the setting that I wanted. Of maybe it''s because I can''t imagine it being that outdated because I haven''t seen it

. I hope it works out for you!

 

[jellybean]

Well, I don''t mean to sound like a snot, but most women do not get the ring of their dreams when they get engaged. The people here on PS are a small percentage of all the people that get engaged, so if it seems like *everyone* is getting some gorgeous ring in an expensive setting, they aren''t. The average size e-ring in the US is less than 0.5ct....and I highly doubt that it included a $2,500 setting. Of all my friends and family that got engaged within the last 10 years, not one person got a huge ring or an expensive setting. Even a few of my friends just got engaged with wedding type bands and got their dream rings a few years later.

When we got engaged, my husband propsed with his great grandfather''s 0.38ct diamond. The setting cost around $700. Was it my dream ring -- no. We were both students and that''s what he felt comfortable spending. He felt bad that he couldn''t spend more but I just told him that the only thing that mattered is that we were together.

I agree that communication is the key. Just tell him how much you love him. He may be hard to convince since you were "bugging" him about getting married, so he may feel that all you want is the ring. Don''t bring up marriage until he is ready to.

 

[MissAva]

Okay I am going to be blunt, either you love him enough to leave him be or you dont. He doesnt want to talk about. Bothering him about a setting that you know the two of you cannot afford is mean. It is hurtful and will likely make him feel like you are not satisfied with your current lifestyle, or worse the one you have with him. Already he is not providing the center stone and he has accepted this. Let him do things on his own schedule.

 

[decodelighted]

i just don''t feel right putting the diamond in a ''cheap'' setting.

I''m not sure what you mean by "cheap" but I''d probably call a simple, white gold solitare setting "classic", "timeless", "simple" & "elegant". It''s possible it might even be "inexpensive" or even "temporary" ... but I would never in a million years think putting that beloved stone into an affordable setting during your engagment would, IN THE LEAST, be disrespecting it or your grandparents or their heartwarming story.

In fact, probably 50% of ladies out there have a version of that classic setting you''re scoffing at (& perhaps unthinkingly insulting).

IMO getting engaged without a ring is perfectly fine - as Cinnibar as said in the past - it''s the tradition in parts of Europe. I don''t know how you''re going to convince your boyfriend of that with your self-imposed "no discussion of engagement/marraige" ban in full force.

You''re kinda boxing yourself into a corner, no?

 

[aphisiglovessae]

12,000 a year and that''s above average?! Where do you live?

As for your predicament, let him be. Bothering him so much about being engaged and getting the setting you want is just going to irritate him more and push him away from proposing. As for getting engaged without a ring, it''s up to you. I honestly don''t think that you HAVE to have a ring to be engaged, but almost every girl dreams of this moment and there''s a certain sort of template that involves a fat rock. If your boyfriend doesn''t want to do that, then that''s his choice as well. My boyfriend waited until he had what he thought was the perfect ring for me (even though I approved it before he bought it) all set and ready to go. The proposal is kind of his moment in the sun and he should really do it the way he wants to.

If I were in this situation, I would just wear my grandmother''s ring until we could afford the ring I wanted. If anyone asks to see the ring, then I would just tell them the truth: that we are still looking for the perfect ring and I''m wearing my grandmother''s ring until then. Another option would be to have it set in a simple setting like a solitaire for the time being.

I don''t mean any disrespect, but I think for someone to want a $2500 dollar ring with the income that you both have, is a little over your head. It''s like a factory-line worker wanting a new BMW. Does that make any sense? I know that every girl dreams of that beautiful ring that costs an arm and a leg, but think about it realistically. A big, expensive ring on my finger isn''t going to feed me or my honey and it doesn''t provide shelter and clothing. I agree with the ladies who suggested a simple solitaire setting as a temporary ring. Heck, I''d be happy even if it was a permanent setting. It''s all about the meaning, as long as the ring isn''t butt-ugly or something. And just so you know, a solitaire is nowhere near "cheap" or cheap-looking. There are many ladies here who have gorgeous solitaires ranging from inexpensive to the cost of their firstborn child. The solitaire has always been and always will be a timeless, beautiful setting.

I think you just want to be engaged more than anything. After 5 and a half years, I don''t blame you one bit. But understand that being engaged is a mutual thing and the timing is usually up to the guy. When he''s ready, he''ll do it, ring or no ring.

 

[AChiOAlumna]

Maybe you explain to your FI-2-B that a ring is just a tangible symbol of his love, but not the actual love he feels for you. In situations like this, that sometimes has to be enough. He sounds like a wonderful, caring man and letting him know how much you appreciate his concerns may help him realize that he''s getting caught up in the tangible item rather than the meaning behind the ring.

Once the 2 of you are established, there will always be more time to shop and get the ring of your dreams!!!

Good luck to you!

 

[ame]

Why don''t you just wear her ring as it is? That''s FREE and it''s a ring.

 

[ame]

Date: 9/28/2005 5:14:23 PM
Author: Matatora
Bothering him about a setting that you know the two of you cannot afford is mean.

I''d go so far as to say selfish and greedy as well.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Date: 9/28/2005 9:57:54 PM
Author: ame

Date: 9/28/2005 5:14:23 PM

Author: Matatora

Bothering him about a setting that you know the two of you cannot afford is mean.

I''d go so far as to say selfish and greedy as well.

Unfortunately, I''d have to agree. I don''t mean to hurt any feelings. It''s not about the ring, it''s about the meaning.

 

[fountainfairfax]

Tell him- tell him you love him more than anything, tell him that a ring is not necessary to get engaged or just get a very thin platinum band that could one day be your wedding band and get the e-ring when you get married (others here have done just that) Use your grandparents'' story as the example, patience & working together towards a strong marriage & future...if getting exactly the right setting is crucial then you also need to stress what else is important to you- getting engaged so you can one day be his wife. The ring can come later and to hell with what other people think!

I''ll be getting my e-ring w/an inherited stone by the middle of next month- when I mention to people that we''re getting married next year and that the ring will be here soon I get the "ok, right" look- just screw them & make sure he knows its marriage you want, not just the pretty shiney!

 

[valeria101]

Given the situation you describe, it sounds like you guys have allot more important things to take care of than a 2.5k for a diamond setting. This, especially since once school done this may no longer be an issue. Five years is long time to wait for something (=ring) to happen, but still - it is a piece of metal after all and it doesn't sound like you will be held against high expectations to show off with a huge rock by your colleagues and what not. Are you? That usually makes things unpleasant...

On the other hand, what is this ring that costs so much and cannot possibly be had for less?

Btw. congratulations for the hard working guy

Actually, both of you seem to be going to quite some length for your current projects (education, living abroad) - which are major things. Where do concerns about a piece of jewelry even fit in ?

It is great to have a hairloom diamond. Is there any way you would wear it with pleasure without spening a few months income on a setting? What if you cease to like it when the next hot thing hits the town ?

Oh well... I hope there is some way for you to feel good about how things are

 

[waiting]

Wow. Do I feel understood! I was shocked to read that some people thought i was selfish or greedy or even mean to want the ring setting that i chose! I hope this posting will make people understand me more ....

My boyfriend and I live in Israel. He goes to school and works on weekends throughout the year. I work full time as a secretary even though I am college educated. Because I do not speak Hebrew fluently, it is just about the only job I can do, and the pay is actually above average for the country. I am living in Israel temporarily with my boyfriend, who is Israeli, while he completes his degrees at University. We are both 26 (because army service is mandatory in israel for 3 years, the age of college students is considerably higher than in the states). I am from Long Island and come from a well-to-do family. My boyfriend for the past 4 years has gone to NY to stay with my family and work during the summers in order to save money for the year. He makes anywhere from $400 - $800 per DAY during the summers. Because of that, it wasn''t unrealistic for either of us to assume he could afford the setting. Neither of us thought that $2,500 for the setting was a lot because everyone we know wears $10,000+ rings and we felt very lucky not to have to spend so much on a ring, since we already had the diamond. Unfortunately, my boyfreind grandfather died a month ago and he had to miss a week and a half of work due to this. This is the reason for the money crunch and the feeling of not being able to afford the setting.

For the past 2 years i have had no problem with carrying the majority of the bills, not receiving birthday or anniversary gifts, etc because I love him. I don''t care about things like that. Of course, as i hope all you girls will agree, an engagement ring is just different. It''s something we dream of forever. It''s something I know my boyfriend was planning on buying. It just didn''t work out that way. So, all i was looking for in the this posting was a way to aleviate some guilt or dissappointment that my boyfriend might feel by not being able to get the ring. All i want to do is spend forever with him.

I just wanted to know how to make him feel okay about it. I''m in the process of coming to terms with it. I''m hurt that people would think i was selfish, greedy or mean, when I know that I have been just the opposite of all those things in my relationship with my boyfriend, including gmoving halfway around the world, leaving family and friends, a career, etc just to be with him while he studies to get an education to be able to provide a great life for us in the future.

I hope everyone understands where i''m coming from better....

 

[rms]

waiting,
it's good that you are here bouncing ideas and thoughts around with everyone. Sometimes it is hard for people to fully understand your thoughts via written messages. It doesn't surprise me that some folks interpreted your comments to be a bit selfish, but I certainly appreciate you clarifiying your thoughts and feelings. How wonderful of you to go to Israel to be with your boyfriend while he needs to be there.

It seems that you've received quite a lot of advice on options:
1. no ring for now
2. simple band for now
3. wear your grandmother's ring as is
4. set the diamond in a lovely solitaire type setting (of which there are so many different and gorgeous options, might I suggest Vatche?)
5. set the diamond in a less expensive non-solitaire type setting

other options might include
6. taking out a loan to get the setting you want (certainly not a preferred option, but nevertheless an option)
7. buying a Fakey McFakerton (sp?) ring to wear until you can afford your dream setting

that's quite a few options to bounce around. Even within each option you have options...options on bands, solitaire settings, etc.

If you truly think that your boyfriend won't feel comfortable proposing without a ring, don't any of these other options sound viable? If not, no ring would be just fine as long as you are both happy and comfortable with it. If deep in your heart you think it will bother you, he will probably sense it.

 

[valeria101]

Date: 9/29/2005 1:45:13 AM
Author: waiting

Neither of us thought that $2,500 for the setting was a lot because everyone we know wears $10,000+ rings and we felt very lucky not to have to spend so much on a ring, since we already had the diamond.

I just wanted to know how to make him feel okay about it. I'm in the process of coming to terms with it. I'm hurt that people would think i was selfish....

Thanks for the details. Your last post also answer my Q about... what the expectations for your engagegement ring would be. 'Guess you have to do what you have to do to feel good about it. And the propositions soulds allot more reasonable in the new context. You were pretty hard on yourself in the first post!

It doesn't seem right that short-term current problems should decide what that one and only jewel of a lifetime should ultimatelly be.


Perhaps your putting up with costs and frugal life just set a bad precendent. Do you think your future fiance has any reason to believe you will also put up with this budget cut? Your first post makes me think this is not the case - but then, this is what you think about him and more, there is no way to know. If you know this ring could be purchased with just a bit more effort than the lack thereof dedicated to your recent jewelry purchase, that sounds right to me. So, please excuse any excess in my previous post

If this is of any interest, recently someone had a ring similar to the one in your avatar made custom. And there is a pink one on record as well.

Was the price quote for the ring and the (diamond set?) band next to it in the picture?

Of course 'No ring' is ok, btw.

IMO, you, the potential receiver, are the only person who can make no matter what symbol of enagement and marriage 'OK' for everyone else.

 

[allycat0303]

Waiting,

If you care about the setting, and if your boyfriend makes that much money during the summer, wouldn''t it be possible to wait another year until your engagement? That way he can have time to save up for the setting that you want, and he may feel more comfortable asking you then? I mean it is almost October 1st, August is only about 10 months away. I don''t know, I''ve been dating my boyfriend for 10 years... so maybe it''s just me but I don''t think ten months is that long

Or if you really don''t care about the ring, you could just tell him straight out that the ring doesn''t mean anything to you. I don''t see how that would be a bad way to approach it, honesty is the best way to go.
.

 

[DiamanteBlu]

Hmmm - I know how you feel!

For my 1st marriage I really wanted a ring, my fiance [now ex - separate story] should have been, but was not, in a position to fund it. I "lent" him the money [about 5k] and we got the ring. I never saw the $$. At least I got to keep it as my premarital property when we got divorced.

For my 2nd marriage I did not get an e-ring when we got engaged. This is because I had, after getting divorced, taken the liberty of getting myself a large EC diamond [6.39 carats] and my DF did not want to get me something I would not be happy wearing. 5 years later [after being married for almost 4 years] he got me a RB "e-ring" which competes nicely with my EC and I am now wearing it.

What I would suggest for you is to take advantage of the DGM;s generous offer and have the stone set into a simple 18k white gold setting. If you want to do something else later you will be able to but in the meantime you will have an e-ring that is especially meaningful because the stone came from family.

Blu

PS Also, if you do a simple setting for the e-ring you could then do an eternity band or something to further dress it up as a w-ring.

ETA PPS So . . . IMHO no e-ring is OK.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Date: 9/29/2005 1:45:13 AM
Author: waiting
Wow. Do I feel understood! I was shocked to read that some people thought i was selfish or greedy or even mean to want the ring setting that i chose! I hope this posting will make people understand me more ....

I never said that wanting the ring of your dreams is being selfish or greedy or mean. I''m saying that bugging him for it when you know that he can''t afford it (nor you for that matter) is what''s mean and seemingly greedy. Also, your comment about a gold solitaire setting being "cheap" adds to that thought. I''m sure your a very nice person, but just they way you said things and the way you explained your situation made those thoughts come across some of our minds.

He makes anywhere from $400 - $800 per DAY during the summers. Because of that, it wasn''t unrealistic for either of us to assume he could afford the setting. Neither of us thought that $2,500 for the setting was a lot because everyone we know wears $10,000+ rings and we felt very lucky not to have to spend so much on a ring, since we already had the diamond. Unfortunately, my boyfreind grandfather died a month ago and he had to miss a week and a half of work due to this. This is the reason for the money crunch and the feeling of not being able to afford the setting.

I''m sorry for his loss. This is something that you should be more sympathetic of and supportive to him. He just lost his grandfather. He has more things to worry about than your dream of being engaged or your ring. He''s going through a tough time and it looks as though you''re not caring about him as much as yourself at the moment. Also, although your dream ring is supposedly modest in cost compared to your peers, don''t worry about what they have. Comparing yourself to them (or justifying yourself by comparing yourself to them) is like "keeping up with the Jones''" and it makes you look even more selfish or greedy. Want what you like, and don''t worry about what everyone else has.

For the past 2 years i have had no problem with carrying the majority of the bills, not receiving birthday or anniversary gifts, etc because I love him. I don''t care about things like that. Of course, as i hope all you girls will agree, an engagement ring is just different. It''s something we dream of forever. It''s something I know my boyfriend was planning on buying. It just didn''t work out that way. So, all i was looking for in the this posting was a way to aleviate some guilt or dissappointment that my boyfriend might feel by not being able to get the ring. All i want to do is spend forever with him.

If this is the case, then why not wait another year? I mean, you''ve waited five already and apparently you mutually agree that you want to eventually get married. It''s not like he''s stalling or anything to keep you from leaving him. He genuinely has some reasons to hold off on the proposal. You need to give him some time and some space to get over his grief of losing a family member and get back on his feet financially. Like I always say: Not to sound like a ketchup commercial, but "good things come to those who wait." I''m living proof of that.

I just wanted to know how to make him feel okay about it. I''m in the process of coming to terms with it. I''m hurt that people would think i was selfish, greedy or mean, when I know that I have been just the opposite of all those things in my relationship with my boyfriend, including gmoving halfway around the world, leaving family and friends, a career, etc just to be with him while he studies to get an education to be able to provide a great life for us in the future.

Just have a serious sit-down talk with him then and tell him that this will be the last time you mention it. Tell him how you feel and what you think is important.

I didn''t mean to hurt you or anything with my comments. I just wanted you to know what I thought after reading your posts. Maybe the way you communicated your situation gave all of us the wrong impression. I understand your predicament and I''m very sympathetic to you, but I''ve always been a realist and an analyzer of things. I apologize if I hurt you in any way.

I hope everyone understands where i''m coming from better....

I do, but I still stand by my views on everything. After all, it is just my opinion and everyone has their own. I just hope I helped you a little to understand why I feel this way and what your options are. Seriously, good luck with everything and just enjoy your life and love with him, engaged or not.

 

[cinnabar]

waiting, I''m at a loss as to what you actually want from us. You asked for advice on how to deal with having no ring and several people gave you inexpensive alternatives that seemed very reasonable, as well as confirming that "no ring" is perfectly OK. It was also suggested that waiting just a little bit longer may be the way to get the ring and proposal of your dreams. You got some great advice, and not everyone was critical.

I don''t know anything about Israeli culture, I''m afraid. What do most Israelis have or or expect in terms of engagement rings? If it''s unheard of to get engaged without movie star bling, then I can understand a girl wanting to fit in. If no ring or a plain ring is the norm, then a fancy ring isn''t needed for a proposal right now. Where do you intend to live as a couple after you are married?

People here do want to help, but you don''t seem interested in any of the ideas suggested so far. What exactly was the question again?

 

[Rhapsody]

Waiting, boys will be boys and if he knows you want *that ring* he may never feel good about proposing with anything else. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 and a half years now and I certainly understamd not wanting to wait another year to feel like your life together has *officailly* started. And I know how disappointing it is to have thought the ring would be coming soon but because of financial issues (in my case a series of studidly expensive car repairs) all of a sudden make it impossible to afford what you wanted. So our situations are pretty much the same, and I''m guessing like mine your boyfriend will just not propose without the ring. At first I thought I wanted a a ringless proposal rather than waiting, but the more I thought about it I want to be able to look at that ring everyday and remember that moment.

I know you''re not pushing your boyfriend into breaking the bank to buy you the ring RIGHT NOW, but you are asking him to compromise and he might not be willing to do it. On the other hand he might think you will regret it later if he proposes without the ring. If what you really want is to be engaged right away, let him know. He might be ok with it, he might not. Let him know how you feel, but theres really nothing you can say that will make him feel good about it if he doesn''t like the idea.

Good luck!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I am not sure what I can really add. It seems like all of your options were already discussed. Are you upset by the fact that he cannot afford (for whatever reason) your ring or that you are supporting him and he has yet to propose. Because if it was me I would be upset by the fact that he hasn''t ASKED me to marry him yet. I waited four + years for my ring. We all know boy time is different than girl time but that last year before our engagement was VERY hard on me. I knew he loved me, wanted to marry me, but could not understand the hold-up. We had been living together for 3 years, been through almost everything a couple could go through and each time came out stronger and more in love. I wanted and craved the commitment (maybe the ring just a little bit

) I wanted to hear him SAY those words. I wanted the next step. I have a feeling that those feelings are familiar for you. Many women don''t have to wait like us. I understand your sacrifices. I understand your frustrations but I don''t understand why your dream ring needs to be the first ring he gives you. You have the diamond, set it in a solitare WG setting. For X-mas/birthday/wedding set it in "dream setting". I am sure him being a poor student has something to do with it. Guys take it seriously and want their FFILs to know they can take care of their daughter. I do believe that my FI waited until he was stable and had the money to buy my ring in full and show my parents that he can (if he ever needs to) support me. I think you need to have a talk with him so he knows your feelings before you start to resent him. If it is just about the setting that is silly. Trust me, him asking you to be his wife is so much more precious than any stone, or any setting. I promise.