Long time coming?

[Cosmo_Gal]

I think it''s finally safe to say that I should be taken off the list. I love my SO very much, but we''re in what seems like an endless downward spiral and I''m not convinced that we''ll be getting engaged anytime soon or at all. I had hopes that we would work things out..i''m just not sure we will. I just came back from a weekend away with him and a friend which ended very very badly. It might even be the end of our relationship, but I don''t know right now. Feeling incredibly sad and incredibly hurt. Just wish I could make the pain stop. Things started to get bad awhile back, then they got much better and then they got way worse. Since things have been getting bad he started spending more and more time with a guy friend of his that I don''t particularly care for because he''s a womanizer. At this point I feel like I''m intruding on the relationship they''re having. He spends more time maintaining that relationship now than he does ours. I''m just so lost right now..

 

[Nomsdeplume]

Oh hun, I''m so sorry.

I don''t know what to say to you. Nothing I say will make it any better. All I can suggest is to lean on friends and family at the moment, and spend time with those who love you most.
Maybe it will all work out. Sometimes fights make us grow stronger.
((HUGS))

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Oh, I''m sorry to hear this Cosmo Gal. I say if he''s putting this new friend in front you of, then you should do the same. Go out with YOUR friends, your family. Do things he doesn''t like to do. You may find that you don''t miss his as much as you thought you would when you''re not around him.

And I''ll say it again (only because I know it''s helped me in the past) read "He''s Just Not That Into You" and "It''s Called A Break-Up Because It''s Broken." These may not be the world''s BEST books, but the certainly make you feel empowered, which is hard to come by when a relationship gets tough.

Thinking of you.

 

[Treasure43]

I''m SO sorry to hear that Cosmo

Stay strong and be true to yourself. If he''s putting his friends in front of you constantly, that''s a problem. Anyway, know we''re here if you need to vent and we''re always here to support you Be around great friends and family and spend time putting YOU first!

 

[Bjedifish]

Oh I''m sorry to hear that Cosmo girl.

. However, from what you have described it looks like it may be for the best. Sometimes, even when it hurts, you need to be true to yourself. My ex and I were in the same boat and we finally broke it off after I realized that I shouldn''t feel guilty or anxious when I enjoy a night out with the girls and his friends were always saying things to him, if you cheat she’ll never know, just awful. If he chooses this friend, who may be a bad influence on him over you, he doesn''t deserve you. Remember that. You deserve to have a man treat you right and you deserve to feel loved at all times and safe and secure in your relationship. I know all about starting over, and it can be hard to let go of familiar, but in the end it becomes a decision that will set you free. Good luck and we will be here for support if you need it.


Laura

 

[Jessie702]

O Cosmo- i am so sorry. I have been there that before with an ex, so i can relate compeltey. What you should do is surround yourself, with people who truly love you, and support you and you do what You need to your YOURSELF. At this is point, if he is choosing to spend more time his friend, its all about you at this point. "I love you, BUT I LOVE ME MORE" NEEDS to be your motto at the moment. Take some time away and really think abot what you want. You may be surpised he is not what you want nor need.

(((((((cosmo))))))))....it will be okay.....and feel free to talk here, we are all willing to listen

 

[trillionaire]

Cosmo,

I am so sorry to hear about your relationship problems.

You can''t have a relationship with someone who has checked out emotionally, so make sure you are talking care of yourself and prioritizing your own needs. You are strong enough to get through this difficult time, and you certainly have our support!

HUGS!

 

[mrscushion]

I''m so sorry to hear this. I hope you are alright. Please surround yourself with people who deeply care about you... and take care of yourself.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Cosmo, a relationship red flag is when the relationship can be best described as a downward sprial.

Like others have said...being in a relationship with someone who isn''t working on it, doesn''t work. Sometimes the hardest move in a relationship is sometimes the best...not everything is meant to last forever. That doesn''t mean you don''t love him, or that the good times are any less good--but by taking the step back, and putting focus on your happiness, it may give to the prespective you need to see that sometimes a relationship can run it''s course and moving on is really in benefit.

Of course it''s hard, and heartbreaking--esspecially when you thought that this was going to lead to marriage--but realizing that it is leading to marriage, but just not with him, should bring you a level of comfort. When I was 19-20 I was engaged. I really loved him and I was happy for a while...but eventually things went bad, very bad. It was so hard to leave him because I wasn''t sure what my life would be like without him, and I hoped that we''d eventually work out issues out. Needless to say, we didn''t. Things got worse the longer and harder I held on to him. Eventually we went our seperate ways and it was incredibly hard for me to move on, slowly though I managed. And a mere 3 years later, I met a wonderful man who was everything I''d ever hoped for. We quickly got engaged and married a year later...in my life, my entire life, I''ve never been happier. I sometimes look back and laugh...thinking that if I would have stayed, forced the issue, married my first fiance I''d be so miserable and worse yet, I would have missed out on all the goodness that is in my life now. I can truthfully tell you, I did myself a huge favor facing the facts.

Another a thing to consider is the fact that you say he''s keeping unsavory company. It''s important to remember, that no matter how long a relationship is, the basic rules still apply. If you were to go on a first day with a guy, met his friends and thought they were complete d-bags, chances are you''d run not walk away from him. Our friends are generally a reflection of who we are...we gravitate towards people we have things in common with. If you''re saying his new BFF is a womanizer, that''s not something to overlook. Obviously if they are together a lot, they aren''t always playing checkers--you know what I mean? Pay attention to how his friendship with his man is in direct correlation to how he treats you.

Regardless of what you decide, make sure you''re happy. ((big hugs))

 

[D&T]

Date: 6/21/2009 12:00:51 PM
Author: kribbie
Oh hun, I''m so sorry.

I don''t know what to say to you. Nothing I say will make it any better. All I can suggest is to lean on friends and family at the moment, and spend time with those who love you most.
Maybe it will all work out. Sometimes fights make us grow stronger.
((HUGS))

ditto, I''m so sorry this has happened.

 

[Squirrly]

i''m sorry you have to go through all this. hugs, and some healing dust too

 

[princessplease]

I''m sorry to hear that. I wish you the best of luck in healing from your relationship. Stay strong, and surround yourself with people who love you. Good luck.

 

[miss_flo]

Sending thoughts and prayers your way, CG.

 

[misskitty]

Big hugs!

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Cosmo_Gal! I hope everything works out for you, and please remember that we're here for you!!

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 6/21/2009 6:21:14 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Cosmo, a relationship red flag is when the relationship can be best described as a downward sprial.

Like others have said...being in a relationship with someone who isn''t working on it, doesn''t work. Sometimes the hardest move in a relationship is sometimes the best...not everything is meant to last forever. That doesn''t mean you don''t love him, or that the good times are any less good--but by taking the step back, and putting focus on your happiness, it may give to the prespective you need to see that sometimes a relationship can run it''s course and moving on is really in benefit.

Of course it''s hard, and heartbreaking--esspecially when you thought that this was going to lead to marriage--but realizing that it is leading to marriage, but just not with him, should bring you a level of comfort. When I was 19-20 I was engaged. I really loved him and I was happy for a while...but eventually things went bad, very bad. It was so hard to leave him because I wasn''t sure what my life would be like without him, and I hoped that we''d eventually work out issues out. Needless to say, we didn''t. Things got worse the longer and harder I held on to him. Eventually we went our seperate ways and it was incredibly hard for me to move on, slowly though I managed. And a mere 3 years later, I met a wonderful man who was everything I''d ever hoped for. We quickly got engaged and married a year later...in my life, my entire life, I''ve never been happier. I sometimes look back and laugh...thinking that if I would have stayed, forced the issue, married my first fiance I''d be so miserable and worse yet, I would have missed out on all the goodness that is in my life now. I can truthfully tell you, I did myself a huge favor facing the facts.

Another a thing to consider is the fact that you say he''s keeping unsavory company. It''s important to remember, that no matter how long a relationship is, the basic rules still apply. If you were to go on a first day with a guy, met his friends and thought they were complete d-bags, chances are you''d run not walk away from him. Our friends are generally a reflection of who we are...we gravitate towards people we have things in common with. If you''re saying his new BFF is a womanizer, that''s not something to overlook. Obviously if they are together a lot, they aren''t always playing checkers--you know what I mean? Pay attention to how his friendship with his man is in direct correlation to how he treats you.

Regardless of what you decide, make sure you''re happy. ((big hugs))

very wise words.

 

[ckrickett]

HUGS!

I know times are tough, and men can be jerks. If you realize the relationship isn''t what it should be and he is more worried about his bromance then to work on a relationship with you you need to make some hard decisions. it''s tough, it will hurt. But it will be good. He may realize you''re more important and actually try and fix things or you will move on and find a man deserving of YOU.


whatever happens you have our undying love and support!

 

[16ocean]

Date: 6/21/2009 1:19:09 PM
Author: Bjedifish
Oh I''m sorry to hear that Cosmo girl.

. However, from what you have described it looks like it may be for the best. Sometimes, even when it hurts, you need to be true to yourself. My ex and I were in the same boat and we finally broke it off after I realized that I shouldn''t feel guilty or anxious when I enjoy a night out with the girls and his friends were always saying things to him, if you cheat she’ll never know, just awful. If he chooses this friend, who may be a bad influence on him over you, he doesn''t deserve you. Remember that. You deserve to have a man treat you right and you deserve to feel loved at all times and safe and secure in your relationship. I know all about starting over, and it can be hard to let go of familiar, but in the end it becomes a decision that will set you free. Good luck and we will be here for support if you need it.


Laura

Oh! Cosmo gal my heart goes out to you!!!! Sending you positive thoughts and the strength you need during this time in your life.

 

[lilmissrugger]

I really really hope everything ends up going well for you no matter what that means- either healing your relationship or healing yourself. Either way, we''ll all be here for you.

*right direction dust*

(whatever direction that may be)

 

[Cosmo_Gal]

This whole situation is just so crappy. 6 months ago we were so close to being engaged and then it all went downhill from there. I''ve been in therapy for the last couple months, not necessarily just because of the problems with my relationship but also career/personal issues. He agreed to go to therapy with me at some point, but the therapist wants to see me once more before he joins me. I want to believe that we can get through this. I feel crazy sometimes because a lot of people say I should break it off with him and that I don''t ever listen to advice given..I just don''t know what is right for me at this moment. I do need to take time for myself and repair the relationship within. I just don''t want to sacrifice a relationship with my SO that I think is worth salvaging. I do believe the relationship with myself should come first and any man that doesn''t agree isn''t worth holding on to. If I told him that I needed some time and some space I know that he wouldn''t break up with me or go looking elsewhere. Right now it seems like the only answer is to keeping going to individual therapy, possibly try medication, and attempt couples therapy. If couples therapy doesn''t work then it''s a done deal. We tried everything we could to maintain the relationship and it just doesn''t work. I know that I''m probably going to get a lot of responses saying I should break up with him if things are that bad, I''m just not ready. We have been together for over a year and I already know that we have the potential to be great again. All we need is to mutually be working towards a better relationship. Sorry for rambling so much...it''s 5 am, i''m at work and mentally/physically exhausted from this weekend. Thank you so much for your responses already. It makes me feel so much better knowing i''m not alone in going through all this.

 

[Porridge]

Cosmo_Gal I'm so sorry things are bad for you at the moment. From the teeny tiny bit we know about you, from what you've posted here, it's easy for us to say "cut and run"! I know it's never easy when you're in the situation. If you feel like you need to try more to salvage the relationship then there's nothing wrong with that, sometimes relationships require a lot of work and sometimes the outcome can be worth it. But this shouldn't be done at the expense of your own happiness and well-being. However bad things seem now, keep remembering how great you are and that you deserve to be happy and in a wonderful relationship. If this one doesn't work out, well then it doesn't, that happens. There's nothing wrong with that either and it's not the end of the world. There are guys out there who will put you first and do everything in their power to make you happy. Just because things WERE great once, doesn't mean they'll necessarily be that way again, or that that way is status quo. Assess the entire relationship and don't make the mistake of clinging just to that happy period. Trust your gut. You're absolutely right in saying you need to work on your relationship with yourself first and I hope the therapy continues to help. We'll be here to support you whatever you decide.

 

[Lauren8211]

Aww... CG I am so sorry to hear this.

((((((((HUGS))))))))) to you, sweetie.

If you feel that there is something there to salvage, then you should try to salvage it. It''s better to try and fail than to walk away and wonder "What if..."

I know this must be so rough for you. I hope things work out so that both of you can be happy.

 

[Winks_Elf]

I''m sorry hun. (((((BIG HUG!)))))

 

[purselover]

Hi Cosmo_gal, I just wanted to send hugs your way, I''m sorry you''re hurting so much. I know it sounds cliche but I know things will work out for the best even if that means you''re no longer together.

 

[elation]

Cosmo_gal,
Just wanted to add my voice to the chorus and wish you the best. I''m sure we can''t come close to truly understanding your situation, but we can still give you all our best thoughts and wishes and hopefully it will provide at least a little comfort that there are a whole bunch of people who are hoping things will go much better for you. And soon.

 

[CurlySue]

Hang in there, Cosmo Gal. We are all thinking about you.

I think someone else said that this is a time when you need to go with your gut... I agree. In your heart, I think you will know what you need to do to move forward. Just take one step at a time. You''ll find your way.

 

[Dreamgirl]

I''m so sorry to hear about this cosmo

We are all here for you...

 

[Bia]

Sorry you're having a rough time of it.

I sincerely hope things improve soon, but even if they don't change overnight, know that you have the power to make yourself happy--you just have to find it within.

We're here for you along the way (((hugs)))

 

[Cosmo_Gal]

Unfortunately right now he''s on a trip to AL with said unsavory character of a friend. I want to be able to talk to him about what went down, but he doesn''t have a charger for his phone right now bc he forgot it. I just want to say I''m sorry to him for the issues I brought about and to hear an apology for some pretty messed up things he said. We were both under the influence, but that doesn''t excuse what went on and what was said. It certainly wouldn''t have happened had alcohol not been involved...that''s for sure. I just want to be able to make things right before he come back bc immediately following his return we''re going on a trip to FL to see his family for 2 weeks. Having issues still apparent while visiting with his family just doesn''t seem like a great idea. I know that he''ll settle things when he feels he''s ready to and I shouldn''t force him to do it because it won''t be genuine. I hate not being able to talk to him when we''re going through such a rough time.

 

[Squirrly]

maybe he''ll borrow the other guy''s phone to call? it sounds like you''re doing a good job of focusing on yourself, sorry he''s not there to talk to about things. and it''s good that he''s agreed to go to counseling with you. how long will he be away?

 

[Indylady]

So sorry to hear this

My thoughts are with you, I know things will get better!