Post by Aurelia » July 31st, 2006, 4:02 am

I was hoping to gain some perspective from other girls who are waiting for their men to propose.

My boyfriend and I will have been together for 4 years in October. We''ve had serious discussions about getting engaged and marriage, and last June he gave me a ''place-holder'' ring for my birthday. He basically wanted to show me he was serious about this whole engagment thing but wasn''t ready to get the ''real'' ring. It''s a nice ring, even if it was very cheap and the sapphire was ''lab created,'' and I wear it every day, but now, after 14 months, the thing is starting to drive me crazy.

We''re both 28, have steady, well-paying jobs, have a house, etc. There''s money enough in the bank to buy a simple engagement ring (I really don''t want anything too fancy), and at this point I don''t know what is holding him back. This past June (right around my birthday, and a year after he gave the promise ring), we had a pretty big, serious discussion about where things were going. I explained that I was disappointed and upset that he hadn''t made any progress in an entire year and that I really wanted him to understand that this was important to me. He got upset and frustrated and gave me the same kinds of explanations he did last year - too many other things going on (new job, new house, finances, etc...) and that he really wanted this to be his decision to plan the ring and the proposal. I made the mistake of telling a few friends about the ''place-holder'' ring and that we might be engaged soon. That was definetly not the way to go because every time somebody brings it up, or if I''m in a down mood and I even see the people who know about it, it makes me really upset. I don''t have any explanation for them, and it makes me feel like I''m some kind of idiot for ever having said anything in the first place.
Our relationship is great - it''s not like I feel things have disintegrated in the past year - on the contrary. We''re still incredibly happy and have fun with one another. I''m not concerned that he''s ''going'' anywhere, and know he is faithful and honest with me. He''s the guy of my dreams, and has never made me question him about anything before.

Yet here I am, alone for a week while he''s out of town at a conference, and bawling my eyes out every night because I can''t figure out what I''ve done wrong, or what is wrong with me that he hasn''t asked me yet. He knows how important it is to me, so it''s not like I''ve not made it clear how I feel. I haven''t made any ultimatums because that just seems like a last resort I''m not comfortable with. I''m not about to end this relationship any time soon because of his lack of initiative, but I''m to the point where him not proposing is keeping me up at night, and making me pretty emotional all the time. It just really, really hurts to not know why he hasn''t proposed yet.