Do you live with your boyfriend?

[AllieGator]

We don''t "officially" live together--I''m still in college, and I don''t like the idea of not having someplace to go to if things went bad. That being said, I do spend a lot of nights at his place. I''d like to live together before marriage, but I''d like to be engaged first. My parents are pretty morally conservative, and although they wouldn''t love me living with someone before marriage, I think that it would be bearable for them. Also, I don''t want one of those "buy the cow" situations, so an engagement with the date set would keep that from happening.

 

[princesss]

Date: 10/30/2009 4:34:33 PM
Author: AllieGator
We don''t ''officially'' live together--I''m still in college, and I don''t like the idea of not having someplace to go to if things went bad. That being said, I do spend a lot of nights at his place. I''d like to live together before marriage, but I''d like to be engaged first. My parents are pretty morally conservative, and although they wouldn''t love me living with someone before marriage, I think that it would be bearable for them. Also, I don''t want one of those ''buy the cow'' situations, so an engagement with the date set would keep that from happening.

Y''know, I thought the same thing about my parents. I was kind of worried about telling them that we were moving in together.

Turns out, they actually seem pretty happy about it. My dad told BOTH of us (separately) that he''s happy BF is moving in with me, and my mom told me their biggest focus is me being happy. I was a little shocked (not that they want me to be happy, but that not a single disapproving word has been said or even hinted at), but it''s nice. And as my mom said, one of the best things about being an adult is being able to make your own decisions and have your parents only be allowed to say, "That''s nice, dear."

 

[MermaidKelly]

We don''t live together yet. We each live with our parents.

 

[ts44]

Date: 10/30/2009 4:51:42 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 10/30/2009 4:34:33 PM

Author: AllieGator

We don''t ''officially'' live together--I''m still in college, and I don''t like the idea of not having someplace to go to if things went bad. That being said, I do spend a lot of nights at his place. I''d like to live together before marriage, but I''d like to be engaged first. My parents are pretty morally conservative, and although they wouldn''t love me living with someone before marriage, I think that it would be bearable for them. Also, I don''t want one of those ''buy the cow'' situations, so an engagement with the date set would keep that from happening.

Y''know, I thought the same thing about my parents. I was kind of worried about telling them that we were moving in together.

Turns out, they actually seem pretty happy about it. My dad told BOTH of us (separately) that he''s happy BF is moving in with me, and my mom told me their biggest focus is me being happy. I was a little shocked (not that they want me to be happy, but that not a single disapproving word has been said or even hinted at), but it''s nice. And as my mom said, one of the best things about being an adult is being able to make your own decisions and have your parents only be allowed to say, ''That''s nice, dear.''

My fiance and I didn''t live together before the engagement and still don''t, but we spend the night together at one place or the other every day, so it''s sort of like living together, lite. A lot of the impetus behind the decision was an echo of AllieGator, plus the idea that I really didn''t want to live together before marriage.

That being said, now that we''re engaged it''s driving me a little crazy that I don''t have a "home" per se, since I basically live at two different places. I''m a creature of habit, I like my routines.

So while I don''t regret not moving in together while we were dating, now that we''re engaged I''m really impatient to do it so we have "our space" together.

 

[caribari]

I recently moved in with my boyfriend about two months ago, and so far it''s working out well. We have been together a little over 4 years. We both come from pretty liberal backgrounds, so both sets of parents were fine with our decision. For me, moving in together represents the next step in our relationship, and, if anything, has encouraged more engagement talk and brought us closer.

It''s interesting though, I''ve read statistics that suggest couples who move in together are LESS likely to end up together (either don''t get married, or do get married and subsequently divorced), which seems counterintuitive to me.

All in all, I think its really a personal decision

 

[Express]

My boyfriend and I just moved in together at the end of August. We''ve been together for a little over 4 years now. So far so good, although we can get on each other''s nerves sometimes!

 

[jessa]

We live together. We had been planning on moving in together one summer, but he and his roommate sold their condo earlier than expected so we ended up moving in together in february. That was 1.5 years ago. We''ve been together almost 3 yrs at this point. I couldn''t imagine not living with him now. We have a cat and are pretty much a family. I love it

 

[bee*]

I didn''t live with D until we got engaged. Not for any moral reason but I just didn''t want to uproot my homelife without a permanent commitment.

 

[turboflgrl]

My boyfriend and I started dating in December of 2004. He moved from his hometown to finish his last few years at college in August of 2005. I moved into the same student complex where he was living in January of 2006 and we got our first place together in August of 2006. I guess that makes a little over 3 years of living together and almost 5 years of dating. Oh and FWIW, we are both 25.

I don''t think it has positively or negatively effected my LIW status one bit. Personally, I don''t want to rush into marriage and cannot imagine marrying someone after only a couple years of dating (please no one take offense to that - it''s just how it is for me). When he finished his Bachelor''s in mid 2008, we were both absolutely broke so I''m glad we are where we are now. I''ve got an inkling that the ring will come around Feb-Mar of next year and at that point, I believe we will be ready for the marital commitment both emotionally AND financially. But I am still in no rush. We are a very strong couple (never had any "breaks", VERY open communication, and we confidently call eachother best friends). Though we both were raised in conservative families, him moreso than myself, everyone is very accepting of it.

I can''t imagine a better situation for myself

 

[4ever]

Date: 10/29/2009 6:24:17 PM
Author: misskitty
Spin-off question, because it''s totally on my mind now:

For those of you who live with your SO, who''s the bigger neat freak? I always thought it would be me, but I feel like such a slob in comparison to B! It''s really kind of funny, because I''m generally such a tidy person, but one of the big adjustments we went through was reconciling how spotless our condo should be.

I guess I am. I can deal with mess when I''m busy up to a point but I like everything to be minimal and tidy for the most part. BF has no issue of just putting stuff on tables and leaving it there and thinks that''s being tidy because it''s not on the floor. This system of his just results in tables covered in so much crap that i can''t find a place to rest a cut of tea. I can put up with it for a while but always end up putting his stuff into the right draws and filing all his paper work in the file I bought for him etc.

 

[bobbin]

I just re-read my previous post and it makes it sound like I think living together is horrible. It''s not. I love coming home to him, I love spending time with him and I love having that sense of home and family with him.

However, I think that it would have been better for us to have not been living together when I was going through the crazy stressful time with my studies because that was something we were unable to share the burden of and it was difficult having to try and keep up the relationship at the same time as dealing with uni. I needed space during that time.

 

[crossmyfingers]

Date: 11/2/2009 7:53:43 AM
Author: bobbin


I just re-read my previous post and it makes it sound like I think living together is horrible. It''s not. I love coming home to him, I love spending time with him and I love having that sense of home and family with him.


However, I think that it would have been better for us to have not been living together when I was going through the crazy stressful time with my studies because that was something we were unable to share the burden of and it was difficult having to try and keep up the relationship at the same time as dealing with uni. I needed space during that time.

I think this is a small part of BF''s reasoning for not living together yet. I know it is a HUGE part of why he doesn''t want to propose yet. He says he wants to be finished with school before he starts thinking of proposing. I understand your reasoning, bobbin - when I was in college, I would have gone crazy if I tried to live with someone I was dating. (That also could''ve been because of the guys I dated at the time... but I digress.)

 

[Skychick]

I am definately in the minority here. BF and I will be together 6 years in December. We do not live together. I guess I want the moving in period after the wedding. I want it to be special. If we lived together beforehand, I feel like nothing would have changed after the wedding, just that we had a piece of paper.

I am not saying that it wasn't special for other couples, that's just how I feel.

Edited for spelling

 

[princesss]

As of last night, I can say that yes, I do live with my boyfriend!

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 11/2/2009 1:58:39 PM
Author: princesss
As of last night, I can say that yes, I do live with my boyfriend!

How was your first night, princesss??

ETA:

 

[crossmyfingers]

Awww, congrats Princesss! Hope you both love it!

 

[princesss]

Date: 11/2/2009 2:00:32 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 11/2/2009 1:58:39 PM
Author: princesss
As of last night, I can say that yes, I do live with my boyfriend!

How was your first night, princesss??

ETA:

HAHAHAHA, Elle. Silly girl. (''Scuze me. Silly married lady.)

It was nice. He had been visiting friends all weekend, so it was nice to have him come home and just talk a little bit then go to sleep. This morning was REALLY nice. I''m sure it''s not as nice for him, since his allergies are acting up, but in a few weeks it''ll be good.

I''m seriously on Cloud 9. Couldn''t be happier.

 

[princesss]

Double post. Oops.

 

[chaoticdreams33]

Date: 10/29/2009 1:08:29 AM
Author: restheo
I''ve been with the BF for 3 years, lived together for 2.

I love living with him. It really makes our apartment feel like home, and our pets are our little babies...it''s like we already have a family together.

We''re not engaged, but I feel like we''ve been married for at least a year now...lol

Living with him taught me that I can handle his habits, even if they do make me angry sometimes. I found that our biggest source (and pretty much only source) of conflict is who cleans what--that can be a pain in the butt, cause we both tend to get lazy and then blame each other when there''s a ton of dishes in the sink.

But it''s also awesome to get to be with someone and to share everything with them, and be totally and utterly comfortable with them.

My only suggestion to someone who is looking to move in with their SO...treat it as if it IS marriage. If you go into it thinking it''s just something you can slip out of at a moment''s notice, you won''t be as inclined to work through the little issues you have...such as leaving plates in the sink or dirty underwear on the floor...

I can totally relate! We both get lazy and blame each other at times, and we also have a dog and two cats that are "our little babies" (I love that!)

So, to the original poster- My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years this month-ish, and living together for about 4 years. We bought a house in 2005 (should have waited til now- we could have saved a fortune!) I''m not exactly sure what you mean by LIW status, but it definately seems that every fall (our "anniversary" time although I really don''t know when it is) I start thinking about it more and looking at rings, hence my being on this site again!

I don''t know, but it seems like after being together for 6 years, and replying "she is doing great" when someone asks how your wife is, that maybe we should think about actually getting married!

 

[vc10um]

Date: 11/2/2009 3:23:26 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 11/2/2009 2:00:32 PM

Author: elledizzy5

Date: 11/2/2009 1:58:39 PM

Author: princesss

As of last night, I can say that yes, I do live with my boyfriend!

How was your first night, princesss??


ETA:

HAHAHAHA, Elle. Silly girl. (''Scuze me. Silly married lady.)


It was nice. He had been visiting friends all weekend, so it was nice to have him come home and just talk a little bit then go to sleep. This morning was REALLY nice. I''m sure it''s not as nice for him, since his allergies are acting up, but in a few weeks it''ll be good.


I''m seriously on Cloud 9. Couldn''t be happier.

YAY!!!

How wonderful! Mornings are definitely the best!!!

 

[lilyfoot]

Yay princesss! The mornings are definitely the best .. it''s hard for me to have to leave for work each morning (BF doesn''t go to work until later).

 

[Kiley]

We live together

 

[kittybean]

Date: 11/1/2009 4:53:33 PM
Author: bee*
I didn''t live with D until we got engaged. Not for any moral reason but I just didn''t want to uproot my homelife without a permanent commitment.

Same here. We decided to move in a couple months after we got engaged. I loved moving in together! We''ve been married for five months now, and it''s still such a pleasure to come home to the same place.

 

[jenmarie]

We don''t live together, and most likely won''t until after we''re married. We both live with our parents, so the fact that neither of us pays rent kind of helps to save.

The whole living together before marriage thing is very subjective where we live. For some people, it''s okay, while for others it''s frowned upon. For example: his brother and SIL lived together for about 8 months (I think?) before getting engaged. Granted, it probably would''ve been sooner if their house had been finished sooner. Those two have barely spent a day apart since they started dating. BUT if my BF and I moved in together at this point, even though we''ve been together over four years, people would look at us funny.

He''s pretty conservative himself, so it''s not something he wants to do before marriage, just because of what others may think about it. I don''t really know how I feel about it, other than if he moved out and asked me to live with him, I''d say yes.

 

[brown_eyes]

Date: 11/2/2009 1:34:58 PM
Author: Skychick
I am definately in the minority here. BF and I will be together 6 years in December. We do not live together. I guess I want the moving in period after the wedding. I want it to be special. If we lived together beforehand, I feel like nothing would have changed after the wedding, just that we had a piece of paper.

I am not saying that it wasn''t special for other couples, that''s just how I feel.

Edited for spelling

I''m in the same minority. We''ve been together for over 4.5 years and each have our own places. Neither of us wants to live together until after marriage for similar reasons to Skychick. However, he does stay at my place most nights.

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

hmm, i haven''t read through all of these posts, but has anyone lived with their bf and then lived separately?

my bf and i lived together officially for about 8 months, then our lifestyles changed so we decided to live separately. when we first moved in together, i was still in school and only had class 3-4 days a week, so i would commute an hour or so to get to class. then i graduated and got a job in the same area. i tried commuting the 2 hours every day before i realized i was paying too much for gas and wasting too much time driving. so i moved closer to work and bf stayed where he is. now im waiting for us to get engaged and then we''ll move in somewhere in between where we both work. we really want to move into a new place so that''s fun for both of us.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I think I broke every "rule" that was supposed to lead to engagement.

I pursued him, I started sleeping with him before we were even officially dating, I said "I Love You" first, I moved in with him while we were only dating, I brought up engagement first, etc.

Yet I felt happier in my relationship than many of my friends did. And I still ended up the first of my friends to be engaged and married, and my hubby and I have always loved each other and were always as happy as clams because we made the decisions that were right for us, regardless of what everyone else though was "the right thing".

I think all couples are different just like all people are different. Do what feels right for you, and as long as you're both happy, well then..yay!