What makes a strong marriage?

[absolut_blonde]

I completely understand where VG is coming from.

Similar values are critical. What she described with her ex was clearly a massive clash of values. Some women, like my BFF, would be happy supporting their H while he worked PT to pursue his (impractical) dreams... I am not one of them. Call me old-fashioned, but if anyone will be working PT (or not working) then I want it to be me so that I can be with our children. [Not to say I''m opposed to SAHD for others]. I would support SO temporarily if he were pursuing something practical such as more schooling, however - just not what VG was describing.

It''s not the money that matters so much as the ambition and desire to provide. My SO has both and I am thankful because frankly, I would not be happy with a partner who was 100% fulfilled working at a video store part-time while I busted my butt in a professional 9-5 job. That isn''t compatible with how I was raised, what I was taught to value and the kind of lifestyle I want to lead. I have 2 degrees and I want someone equally ambitious (though, my SO has less schooling than me and that''s fine).

I want a man who makes it a priority to ensure our family will have a comfortable lifestyle where we don''t have to worry about money all of the time. Even if things don''t pan out that way, the fact that he at least WANTS that and is striving to make that happen is important to me.

And if, god forbid, anything ever happened to SO that made me the breadwinner of COURSE I would stick by him. That would be the result of circumstances beyond his control, and not inherent personality traits & values that he possesses.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 4/27/2009 11:31:39 AM
Author: DivaDiamond007

Date: 4/27/2009 11:15:16 AM

Author: suchende

What is wrong with wanting to date high-earning professionals? I don''t think my boyfriend would date someone who didn''t have similar levels of drive and ambition. It would be frustrating for both people.

Having similar levels of drive and ambition is different than cutting an entire class of persons out of your dating pool just because they don''t have the bank account to match that level of drive and ambition.


My DH and I both have high drives and ambition and we''re poor (at least by PS standards) so what does that say about us? Are we lesser people because we don''t make anywhere near six figures a year?

Yes, this is an element that struck me as well. Drive and ambition are not the sole property of rich people... and neither are other important personality traits, such as humour, unselfishness, generosity and flexibility. Often, a six figure income is a result of drive and ambition, sure... but it can come with a lot of baggage as well...

My man is a genuinely self-made person, he had no connections, we don''t come from good families or money... but we do have brains, and persistence...

Don''t marry an income, marry a great man! If you think he''s parsimonious, and is likely to be stingy and intrinsically selfish in his treatment of you, for goodness sake, don''t marry him!

And don''t count your carats before they hatch!

 

[suchende]

Guys, I am not counting any chickens. Promise. If he somehow ends up being the exception to the rule, or if I lose my job, we'll get through it.

As I mentioned before, I just don't want to be in a marriage where we argue about how our money should be spent. And, even if it were the only purchase I made in an entire year, and we were feeling very comfortable financially, I guess it sort of must take a certain kind of husband to be like, "Oh, you want 4 ctw ACA G VS2 studs? Sure honey. No problem."