Wedding dilemma...WWYD?

[Dreamer_D]

It's not that I think that 2nd wedding are any less important per se - I'm certain that they are quite important to there people getting married! I just feel that if you've been there/done that, it takes away from some of the need/obligation to attend. It doesn't imply that the marriage isn't any less special, but if does have a different sort of feeling. When my husband's brother got married for the second time, we debated whether or not to go (difficulty with work schedules, travel schedules, children's school schedules, etc.). In the end, we decided that my husband would fly out for a short weekend, but even he admitted that he felt much less obligated because of the second wedding factor. His brother is divorced yet again and I think that it's pretty safe to say that we will not likely attend his third wedding I suppose that everyone views it differently, but I feel that second weddings don't hold as much "weight" - for lack of a better way to describe it.
I think that bottom line is that it's great if you can attend special family events like weddings, but sometimes, circumstances make things difficult. When that happens, you can still find ways to make it special even if you can't be there for the actual event.

As a first-time bride who married a not first-time groom, I would point out that I think part of that "different sort of feeling" comes from the friends and family of the not first-time person. Are my feelings hurt? Oh yeah. (long story -- don't want to get into it, just wanted to point out that other feelings are involved too)

Yes, too patient, I agree with you. I recently attended a wedding that was a second for both people, and it made me really sad to hear jokes like "maybe this time it will stick" from both the wedding guests and the groom himself, who was clearly sensitive and embarassed about the judgement he was receiving from others -- his sister did not attend the wedding, likely because it was not a "big deal"... they are no longer speaking to one another .

For what its worth, prior to that wedding I attended another similar second marriage and NO ONE said anything negative and everyone was universally supportive. Can you guess which wedding was more fun and which marriage likely stands a better chance of success?

Marriage is about declaring your intention to love and commit to another person in front of people who love and support you. It is optimistic and sort of nice to think that people are willing to try that again after one or more divorces. And given divorce rates, it is pretty much always optimistic and nice when people make such a committment, which necessarily involves a leap of faith. That one's social circle would begrudge you that opportunity just because you have made such a declaration before is, in my opinion, a little petty. Relationships form in large part due to factors out of our control (e.g., proximity), so its strange to take a huge amount of pride in one's own stable marriage, which is due at least in part to luck, and derogate others who divorce, an outcome that is also likely due in part to bad luck.

 

[momhappy]

I'm sure that the opinions would vary on this one, but for me, personally, I wouldn't feel obligated to attend. I don't feel that second weddings hold the same weight as first weddings, so that's a big part of the decision-making process for me. If it was convenient for me to attend, then, yes, I'd go. However, if the circumstances were difficult (scheduling, travel, finances, etc.), then I would send a gift and not attend.

Ouch! I suppose this is a sentiment many have about marriage. But I certainly don't share it!

You misunderstood. The sentiment is not about the marriage itself - it's about the wedding ceremony. I am in a second marriage myself and I certainly don't think that my second marriage is any less special than my first. I do, however, think that my first and second wedding ceremonies were very different. My first wedding ceremony cost lots of money and tons of family/friends were in attendance. My second wedding ceremony was smaller and neither one of us (DH or I) had expectations that it would hold the same weight in terms of the celebration (ceremony, reception, etc.). My thoughts/opinions in this thread are not about marriage - they are about a wedding ceremony.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I'm sure that the opinions would vary on this one, but for me, personally, I wouldn't feel obligated to attend. I don't feel that second weddings hold the same weight as first weddings, so that's a big part of the decision-making process for me. If it was convenient for me to attend, then, yes, I'd go. However, if the circumstances were difficult (scheduling, travel, finances, etc.), then I would send a gift and not attend.

Ouch! I suppose this is a sentiment many have about marriage. But I certainly don't share it!

You misunderstood. The sentiment is not about the marriage itself - it's about the wedding ceremony. I am in a second marriage myself and I certainly don't think that my second marriage is any less special than my first. I do, however, think that my first and second wedding ceremonies were very different. My first wedding ceremony cost lots of money and tons of family/friends were in attendance. My second wedding ceremony was smaller and neither one of us (DH or I) had expectations that it would hold the same weight in terms of the celebration (ceremony, reception, etc.). My thoughts/opinions in this thread are not about marriage - they are about a wedding ceremony.

Thanks for clarifying. Unfortunately, for many, the ceremony is an important symbol of the marriage. I doubt most other people would be able to separate the two like you can -- and especially the couple getting married. I am not sure the couple getting married would understand, especially emotionally, if you said, "I support you and your marriage, I just don't think the ceremony is that important." In our culture, the ceremony is a fairly important symbol of the union.

 

[zoebartlett]

Thank for the replies so far. I'm typing from my phone, so excuse typos.

The family member is my sister. We only see each other a couple times each year usually. My husband and I are flying out to see my sister and her FI this summer. My mom is the one who said she'd totally understand if my husband and I chose to celebrate early rather than fly out for the wedding. She's sure my sister would agree.


They decided to have the wedding over a long weekend at the end of the summer. School will have begun by then, and I don't think it looks good to aak for time off during the first week.

 

[zoebartlett]

I'm sure that the opinions would vary on this one, but for me, personally, I wouldn't feel obligated to attend. I don't feel that second weddings hold the same weight as first weddings, so that's a big part of the decision-making process for me. If it was convenient for me to attend, then, yes, I'd go. However, if the circumstances were difficult (scheduling, travel, finances, etc.), then I would send a gift and not attend.

I know what you mean, momhappy. I wouldn't say this wedding is any less important than my sister's first wedding, but she and my parents are inviting FAR fewer guests. She's stated several times that if it were up to her, she'd choose to get married in the courthouse and then go out for a nice dinner, just the two of them.

 

[zoebartlett]

That's a difficult decision. It depends on how close you are to them. I don't think the fact that the bride has been married before should have any factor in your decision. I would talk to her and see how she feels vs. relying on others to speak for her because that's conjecture only.

Thanks Missy. I'm definitely going to talk to my sister. I'm thrilled for her, and I feel so awful for having reservations about attending, but if I do skip it, it's solely because of my job.

Someone (VR?) asked if the problem in not attending had to do with my husband's or my work situation. I could fly out alone if the issue was with my husband's job, but that's not it. I'm an elementary teacher, and beginning a new school year on the right foot is really important. The wedding is over Labor Day weekend, and school will have been in session for only two or three days by that point. We do a lot of classroom community-building activities, getting to know you types of things, setting rules together, practicing procedural routines over and over again, etc. It's really not ideal to take off a day or two right then because I think I'd lose a lot of ground covered in terms of behavior management. A lot of times, once you've let certain things slip, it's hard to get the class together again and form a positive classroom community. It sounds funny to type all that up, but if you have experience teaching primary-aged students, you'd know what I mean.

My sister did mention that she thought people could fly out on Saturday, attend the wedding on Sunday, and then fly home on Monday. That way, they wouldn't need to miss work. That's fine in theory, but who wants to fly across the country and spend just one day at a destination before turning right around and going home? That sounds mean, but that's essentially what would happen for people who don't want to miss work.

 

[zoebartlett]

If it were me, and I was very close to the person, I would attend. I've never regretted attending a wedding - even with inconvenient travel and schedules.
I suppose I would consider how I would feel if this person were considering whether or not to attend my wedding. Maybe that can guide you?
(I also don't think it's any less important because it's the bride's 2nd.)

Thanks Harpertoo. I've thought about that, too. If it was my wedding, I would totally understand if people very close to me couldn't attend.

(I wouldn't have planned it that way though.)

 

[zoebartlett]

TooPatient, my sister definitely has a been there, done that view of this wedding, but they're going to make it a special day. Both my sister and her FI are from the east coast and the wedding's on the west coast, so I imagine they know a lot of people who are special to them won't be able to attend for various reasons.

I feel like a jerk for sounding self-centered about this. Trust me, I'm so happy for them, and I want to be there for them. I just don't know if I can make it work...

 

[zoebartlett]

I would either skip the vacation beforehand and go to the wedding or go on the vacation, bring your gift and send your regrets for the wedding.

I get the whole it's her second wedding thing, but it's his first. And he might be hurt that her whole family is bailing out and that he's not "worth" people coming to see HIM get married to her.

Ame, it's not my whole family who would be bailing. It would be just me. I wouldn't use those words, but yeah, I get it. Some of our extended family and very close family friends won't be able to go to to various reasons. Others aren't going to make the guest list because my sister and her FI want to keep it small.

 

[KaeKae]

Zoe,

I know exactly what you mean. I, too, work in elem. school, and that date would be our first week of classes, as well. Not only would I not want to take time off then, I wouldn't want my own children to miss a day or two, at any time, let alone the first week of the year. (Not sure if you have kids, but I think you get it, in regard to students, as well)

In fact, I sort of faced this a many years ago, when my uncle was married for the third time, on Valentine's Day, which overlapped with Presidents' Day weekend. He really didn't understand why I couldn't afford to fly out with my young family, on a holiday weekend. Long story, my invite had been delayed in the mail, giving me very little notice. I truly would have liked to have been there, the fact that it was #3 for him, really wasn't a factor. It was the first for the bride and a full formal affair, but I would have enjoyed attending, no matter what the plans. I just couldn't make it happen at that time.

One more thing: I think that some couples think they are doing invitees a favor by choosing a three day weekend, but unfortunately, that's not always true, as travel can be more complicated and expensive over a holiday.

 

[zoebartlett]

Is the trip a month prior more important than visiting the week of the wedding? I can certainly see that it might be a burden going twice in a month. Is this your sister? If so, I would maybe talk to her and tell her you can't come twice so close in time, and would it mean more to her to visit with her the month before or would she rather you come for her wedding? If it is not a sister, then I really have no other relatives that I would feel that strong an obligation.

DS, we won't be able to plan our visit during the week of the wedding because of my work schedule. If that wasn't the issue, then I'd have no problem flying out twice in a short amount of time.

My husband's never been to this region, so he's excited for our vacation out there in July. We're looking forward to hanging out with my sister and getting to know her FI better, and we want to travel around as well. We'll have time to do that then, whereas if we skipped the vacation and only went for a day or two for the wedding, we'd miss out on doing those things.

I'll definitely talk to her. I have a very strong feeling she'll say she completely understands and play down any hurt feelings she might have. She might truly feel fine with me/us not attending the wedding, but it's hard to know.

 

[zoebartlett]

Zoe,

I know exactly what you mean. I, too, work in elem. school, and that date would be our first week of classes, as well. Not only would I not want to take time off then, I wouldn't want my own children to miss a day or two, at any time, let alone the first week of the year. (Not sure if you have kids, but I think you get it, in regard to students, as well)

In fact, I sort of faced this a many years ago, when my uncle was married for the third time, on Valentine's Day, which overlapped with Presidents' Day weekend. He really didn't understand why I couldn't afford to fly out with my young family, on a holiday weekend. Long story, my invite had been delayed in the mail, giving me very little notice. I truly would have liked to have been there, the fact that it was #3 for him, really wasn't a factor. It was the first for the bride and a full formal affair, but I would have enjoyed attending, no matter what the plans. I just couldn't make it happen at that time.

One more thing: I think that some couples think they are doing invitees a favor by choosing a three day weekend, but unfortunately, that's not always true, as travel can be more complicated and expensive over a holiday.

Thanks KaeKae! My sister told me her thinking of why she planned it for LD weekend and while I got it, it's a lot of travel in such a short amount of time. For those with kids, or other teacher/administrator family and friends, it's not good timing.

 

[missy]

That's a difficult decision. It depends on how close you are to them. I don't think the fact that the bride has been married before should have any factor in your decision. I would talk to her and see how she feels vs. relying on others to speak for her because that's conjecture only.

Thanks Missy. I'm definitely going to talk to my sister. I'm thrilled for her, and I feel so awful for having reservations about attending, but if I do skip it, it's solely because of my job.

Someone (VR?) asked if the problem in not attending had to do with my husband's or my work situation. I could fly out alone if the issue was with my husband's job, but that's not it. I'm an elementary teacher, and beginning a new school year on the right foot is really important. The wedding is over Labor Day weekend, and school will have been in session for only two or three days by that point. We do a lot of classroom community-building activities, getting to know you types of things, setting rules together, practicing procedural routines over and over again, etc. It's really not ideal to take off a day or two right then because I think I'd lose a lot of ground covered in terms of behavior management. A lot of times, once you've let certain things slip, it's hard to get the class together again and form a positive classroom community. It sounds funny to type all that up, but if you have experience teaching primary-aged students, you'd know what I mean.

My sister did mention that she thought people could fly out on Saturday, attend the wedding on Sunday, and then fly home on Monday. That way, they wouldn't need to miss work. That's fine in theory, but who wants to fly across the country and spend just one day at a destination before turning right around and going home? That sounds mean, but that's essentially what would happen for people who don't want to miss work.

I totally understand your reservations given the date of the wedding. You would love to attend but it is a difficult date for you. Your sister picked that date knowing it would be challenging for some so in this case I would hope she understands if you cannot attend.

And fwiw I wouldn't fly across the country for a weekend either but my sister would not have chosen a date for her wedding without making sure the people she wanted to attend could attend. It sounds as if your sister will understand and since you are visiting her and celebrating with her the month before it's all good.

 

[zoebartlett]

Monnie, thanks for your thoughts. It doesn't add stress -- it's all things I've thought of before. I need to reread your post and reply in more detail but I don't have time at the moment. I'll post again tomorrow.

 

[TooPatient]

TooPatient, my sister definitely has a been there, done that view of this wedding, but they're going to make it a special day. Both my sister and her FI are from the east coast and the wedding's on the west coast, so I imagine they know a lot of people who are special to them won't be able to attend for various reasons.

I feel like a jerk for sounding self-centered about this. Trust me, I'm so happy for them, and I want to be there for them. I just don't know if I can make it work...

You don't sound self-centered at all!

I think it is sweet that you are taking the time to really think this through and try to find a solution. The sad thing is that there are a lot of people out there who don't even bother to try to make it work. Finding a date is difficult. Finding a date that works for bride, groom, rabbi/priest/etc, venue, photographer... Yikes! Some people won't be able to make it. That is just the way of it. I'm sure your sister is wishing she had picked a different date because she didn't want you to be uncomfortable!

At the end of the day, you do the best you can. As the bride and as the family.


Looks like she is doing something like September 6th or so?
If you have school for just the day or two before, would you be able to leave specific instructions for a substitute? I know it isn't the same and I do know how the first bit of school is super important -- especially for that age! I'm just thinking that a substitute could follow your daily routine and get a bit of a start setting those expectations.
If it is anything like this area, a lot of kids are out the first couple of days as so many families have plans over Labor Day weekend anyway. The first couple of days are really just lost and the routines are learned starting the Tuesday after the weekend when everyone is back.

Anyway, you know your kids and the area. You know what will and won't work.

 

[purplesparklies]

I would make the trip even for such a short time to be with my sister on the day she gets married, regardless of number of marriages preceding. Inconvenient? Yes. But, sometimes supporting family is inconvenient. It wouldn't be about the brevity of the service or the size of the guest list. It would simply be because she is my sister and I would not miss sharing her special day for anything if there was any way for me to make it happen. Inconveniences, frustrations and expenses be damned.

Heck, a high school friend of ours married for the first time this past May. I had surgery three weeks prior but my husband and I made the trip. Our friend was so thrilled and appreciative that we came. He thanked us repeatedly. He truly was grateful that we had made it a priority. It was difficult because of my recovery and we had to have child care for our boys for the weekend. We flew in and arrived Friday night and went straight to the rehearsal dinner. Attended the wedding Saturday evening and flew out on the 6:30a flight on Sunday. It was exhausting but worth it.

This is one of those situations with which I would second guess myself right up until the event and would feel very badly on the big day if I didn't go. No matter what anyone said or how profusely they assured me that it was okay to miss, I would feel like I made the wrong decision and it would bother me for a long time. Perhaps that is my Catholic guilt at work?

 

[daintyG]

Let's say you had a very close family member who was getting married (2nd marriage for her, 1st for her FI). She and her FI planned their wedding to be in their state, really far from where you live, for a day that didn't work well for your work schedule. (As selfish as that sounds, that was one of your first thoughts you had when hearing the date.) What would you do? Would you attend the wedding or not?

If you were planning on visiting and spending lots of quality time with the bride and groom a month before the wedding, would you still do everything possible to attend their wedding one month later, or would you politely decline?

The wedding is going to be a very low-key affair, essentially a brunch (no dancing), with a very small guest list. Other family members have said that the vacation before the wedding will be a great time to celebrate early, and not to worry about attending the wedding if it's not easily feasible. They've insisted that the bride and groom won't be hurt at all. You haven't mentioned your feelings to them though and you feel incredibly guilty. Here are your choices:

Would you put your feelings aside and travel across the country for basically one day to avoid taking time off from work?
Would you take one or two days off from work if your boss allows it (although you fear it might not look good)?
Would you not attend the wedding?

No. I wouldn't even consider it. Likewise, I didn't expect anyone more than a two hour drive away to come to mine. I cannot understand how big a deal weddings are to the people I see on PS. It must be a regional thing, but where I live people don't have to do or spend nearly as much if they are guests, wedding party, or even the bride. Considering that, my input is pretty much useless. I'm just surprised sometimes how much weddings are supposed to inconvenience people and be considered par for the course.

 

[zoebartlett]

Thanks TooPatient! The wedding is the last Sunday in August. Labor Day is the following Monday (it's early this year). I'm not sure my sister would have chosen a different date. When my mom asked her why she and her FI didn't choose a date earlier in the summer, she said it was because they're on a time crunch. They're remodeling their house, and the work will barely be done by the wedding as it is. They didn't want to be in the middle of a remodel and have a wedding at the same time, so they pushed the wedding to the end of August.

I would definitely leave very detailed plans for my sub if I took a day or two off. It's not the plans or the sub I worry about though. It's not being there to introduce and teach routines and go over behavioral expectations. Yes, a sub could do those things, but it's a bit different. I do realize missing some time with my students isn't the worst thing in the world, but if I lose the kids when I return, it's SO hard to get them back. It's hard to explain.

I only have one sibling. I would feel awful missing her wedding, regardless of the size or who else would be there. I just gave other details to help explain the situation. We only see each other a couple times a year, and we speak on the phone maybe once a month or every couple of months.

I'm annoyed but then I feel guilty for getting annoyed. Ugh. Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts and opinions.

 

[zoebartlett]

I would make the trip even for such a short time to be with my sister on the day she gets married, regardless of number of marriages preceding. Inconvenient? Yes. But, sometimes supporting family is inconvenient. It wouldn't be about the brevity of the service or the size of the guest list. It would simply be because she is my sister and I would not miss sharing her special day for anything if there was any way for me to make it happen. Inconveniences, frustrations and expenses be damned.

Heck, a high school friend of ours married for the first time this past May. I had surgery three weeks prior but my husband and I made the trip. Our friend was so thrilled and appreciative that we came. He thanked us repeatedly. He truly was grateful that we had made it a priority. It was difficult because of my recovery and we had to have child care for our boys for the weekend. We flew in and arrived Friday night and went straight to the rehearsal dinner. Attended the wedding Saturday evening and flew out on the 6:30a flight on Sunday. It was exhausting but worth it.

This is one of those situations with which I would second guess myself right up until the event and would feel very badly on the big day if I didn't go. No matter what anyone said or how profusely they assured me that it was okay to miss, I would feel like I made the wrong decision and it would bother me for a long time. Perhaps that is my Catholic guilt at work?

I know what you mean! Your post says much of what I'm thinking, until I think of my work situation.

 

[purplesparklies]

I know what you mean! Your post says much of what I'm thinking, until I think of my work situation.[/quote]

Good luck making a decision with which you can be at peace. I am a teacher, although not currently teaching, so I definitely do understand the importance of those first few days. It is not ideal to miss but I and countless others have had to due to family obligation, illness, death, etc. Thankfully, within a couple of days, the kids realize you are back and adjust accordingly. A bit of extra work and frustration, for sure.

 

[TooPatient]

Thanks TooPatient! The wedding is the last Sunday in August. Labor Day is the following Monday (it's early this year). I'm not sure my sister would have chosen a different date. When my mom asked her why she and her FI didn't choose a date earlier in the summer, she said it was because they're on a time crunch. They're remodeling their house, and the work will barely be done by the wedding as it is. They didn't want to be in the middle of a remodel and have a wedding at the same time, so they pushed the wedding to the end of August.

I would definitely leave very detailed plans for my sub if I took a day or two off. It's not the plans or the sub I worry about though. It's not being there to introduce and teach routines and go over behavioral expectations. Yes, a sub could do those things, but it's a bit different. I do realize missing some time with my students isn't the worst thing in the world, but if I lose the kids when I return, it's SO hard to get them back. It's hard to explain.

I only have one sibling. I would feel awful missing her wedding, regardless of the size or who else would be there. I just gave other details to help explain the situation. We only see each other a couple times a year, and we speak on the phone maybe once a month or every couple of months.

I'm annoyed but then I feel guilty for getting annoyed. Ugh. Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts and opinions.

I think you answered your own question. Read your reply to me. I've bolded your answer.

If you will feel awful missing her wedding, GO!
Even if it means flying out on a Saturday morning and then home again Sunday evening or Monday.

It may be inconvenient and may not be "worth" flying across the country for just a single day.... usually... but this is for your sister's wedding and you "would feel awful" if you missed it. There is no going back. A bit of discomfort to be there with your sister will be worth it for the rest of your life.

 

[missy]

Thanks TooPatient! The wedding is the last Sunday in August. Labor Day is the following Monday (it's early this year). I'm not sure my sister would have chosen a different date. When my mom asked her why she and her FI didn't choose a date earlier in the summer, she said it was because they're on a time crunch. They're remodeling their house, and the work will barely be done by the wedding as it is. They didn't want to be in the middle of a remodel and have a wedding at the same time, so they pushed the wedding to the end of August.

I would definitely leave very detailed plans for my sub if I took a day or two off. It's not the plans or the sub I worry about though. It's not being there to introduce and teach routines and go over behavioral expectations. Yes, a sub could do those things, but it's a bit different. I do realize missing some time with my students isn't the worst thing in the world, but if I lose the kids when I return, it's SO hard to get them back. It's hard to explain.

I only have one sibling. I would feel awful missing her wedding, regardless of the size or who else would be there. I just gave other details to help explain the situation. We only see each other a couple times a year, and we speak on the phone maybe once a month or every couple of months.

I'm annoyed but then I feel guilty for getting annoyed. Ugh. Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts and opinions.

I think you answered your own question. Read your reply to me. I've bolded your answer.

If you will feel awful missing her wedding, GO!
Even if it means flying out on a Saturday morning and then home again Sunday evening or Monday.

It may be inconvenient and may not be "worth" flying across the country for just a single day.... usually... but this is for your sister's wedding and you "would feel awful" if you missed it. There is no going back. A bit of discomfort to be there with your sister will be worth it for the rest of your life.

After reading this Zoe I have to agree. It sounds like you should go because if you don't you might regret it always. It's worth the inconvenience and stress since you feel this way. You really have answered your own question. These memories will last a lifetime and the sacrifice is worth it in this case. Best of luck.

 

[Mico]

I would attend for a brother, sister, or close cousin. I would decline otherwise and send a gift

 

[junebug17]

Yeah Zoe, after reading all these posts, I'm thinking maybe you should just bite the bullet and make the weekend trip for the wedding. I can understand not wanting to miss those first few days of school. It sounds like you can swing going for just the weekend - yeah, it will be a PITA but it's doable and I just think you're going to feel guilty if you don't go. The inconvenience of the trip is the lesser of 2 evils lol.

 

[movie zombie]

why not just talk to your sister?
make her a part of the decision process.
give her all the details and explain that if she really want you there you will be there for the weekend only.
don't assume that your mother is right that your sister will understand.
don't assume that she won't be happy having you there for more time and doing special things with her....perhaps even something special that is just one-on-one....during your visit that is longer but before the wedding.
talk to her and then make your decision.
but do it now before you make the longer trip..........because if you're going to fly out for the weekend of the wedding, well, I'm not sure just how much you need to do during the longer trip other than the one-on-one something special with your sister thing.
your presence can and should then be your wedding gift to her.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

If you can make it work then you should definitely go. Second marriage aside, this is your sister. But I think your reasons for not going are totally valid enough to provide a graceful reason to decline the invitation. Having met you, I know you're sweet and kind and I know you'll do what you can to make her feel special even if you can't be there. You definitely need to acknowledge the event if you can't go. I just got married for the second time (it's DH's first) on the 20th and we haven't had any sort of acknowledgement besides FB. Not even a card. To be honest, it stings. But that's the breaks when you elope.

 

[missy]

If you can make it work then you should definitely go. Second marriage aside, this is your sister. But I think your reasons for not going are totally valid enough to provide a graceful reason to decline the invitation. Having met you, I know you're sweet and kind and I know you'll do what you can to make her feel special even if you can't be there. You definitely need to acknowledge the event if you can't go. I just got married for the second time (it's DH's first) on the 20th and we haven't had any sort of acknowledgement besides FB. Not even a card. To be honest, it stings. But that's the breaks when you elope.

Threadjack: Congratulations HH!!! Wishing you and your dh all the best.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

As a teacher for many years, I understand the first week of school. Basically, though, you are just putting things on hold for the two days you miss. You'll come back, teach them routines, etc. and all will be fine. Any administrator has to understand taking days off for a wedding in the immediate family even if they aren't thrilled about it.

But all that said, flying out again is expensive, and I might tell my sister than both visits so close together would be hard for you to pull off, and ask which time would mean more to her for you to come. Let her decide if there is a hardship in going twice.

 

[momhappy]

This really, truly is a very personal decision. While some would say that it's a sister, so you should go, others would not agree. I have two sisters and neither of them attended my second wedding, which was perfectly fine. Likewise, if they were to end up in a second marriage, I doubt that I would fly half way across the country to attend either. Ive never really been attached to the sentiment that just because it's family you should do X, Y, or Z. We all have our own lives to live and sometimes, plans just don't work out based on the circumstances.
Based on the additional information you posted, OP, I still wouldn't go (if it was me). You have plans to visit her another time and I would just pick up the phone and talk to her about it.

 

[TooPatient]

If you can make it work then you should definitely go. Second marriage aside, this is your sister. But I think your reasons for not going are totally valid enough to provide a graceful reason to decline the invitation. Having met you, I know you're sweet and kind and I know you'll do what you can to make her feel special even if you can't be there. You definitely need to acknowledge the event if you can't go. I just got married for the second time (it's DH's first) on the 20th and we haven't had any sort of acknowledgement besides FB. Not even a card. To be honest, it stings. But that's the breaks when you elope.

Congratulations!