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Wanna hear a weird christmas story?

luv2sparkle

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My daughter works with a girl named M. M is about 24 and she is half owner of the salon my daughter works at. A couple months ago my daughter comes to me and wants to invite M to our house for Christmas. M's dad and step mom left her with her older sister when she was 16. She doesn't have a lot of contact with them, her step mom is pretty rude and mean to her. So DD says to me that she wants me to take whatever I would spend on her for Christmas and split it and buy M gifts so she can have a 'family' christmas. Of course, I couldn't do that, so I just bought gifts for M totaling what I spent on my own kids.

During all this time, M is telling my DD how excited she is and that she is shopping for everyone in our family and having a ball doing it.
I told DD to tell her she didn't have to do that at all, but she says she really wants to. DD even is with her when she buys gift cards for a couple of the boys.

So, I make sure that my boys buy gifts for M. with their own money. They were happy to do so, to make this a really fun christmas for her.The plan is set and DD and M and my other son, are going to come over at 9:30 to open gifts. At the last minute she says she is going to church and will see us after. Okay, fine, no biggie. I plan a big dinner and she comes at 3ish. She comes with no gifts at all and never says a thing about it. My daughter gives her a wine glass with her initial on it, and she says that she got DD the same thing, but doesn't say where it is. Strange. She acts like she really doesn't even like the gifts. I would say they were pretty great gifts. All of us sit around and watch her open her gifts. No one says anything about it.

So after dinner, she packs up three huge bags with all the gifts and goes home, and barely says goodbye. Too weird.

Do you think this is strange? We all felt a little bit used I guess. If she would have said something ahead of time we would have been fine
with it. She could have easily told DD if it was too much financially for her, or even declined to come if she felt uncomfortable. But to
come accept the gifts and not even seem like she liked them or was appreciative and then not say a word was weird.

We all just said 'whatever'. The cost or financial outlay is not the issue at all. Just a very weird day.
 

Enerchi

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oh. :?:
that *IS* weird! (and rude...) but perhaps something transpired at church and that stopped her in her tracks? Hoping over time, your DD will learn from M what happened. How sad for your boys to learn that lesson - that people lie and mis represent themselves - but perhaps the overall larger lesson of "its better to give than receive" will be the message they take away??

It is odd that's for sure... I'd be in a quandry too, about that! :???:
 

luv2sparkle

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No one was upset. Well, my daughter was a little bit, because it was her idea, and she wanted to just do something nice for M.
 

Enerchi

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I guess that's the bottom line - doing something kind and wonderful for a person who could use it! What a good heart your children have :halo:

Still... it would be curious to hear about why the change of enthusiasm, to ...blank.
 

junebug17

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Wow, her behavior does sound strange. Not sure what's going on there - maybe she realized at the last minute she couldn't afford gifts for everyone, and felt embarrassed? I'm reaching here, but trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. I agree it's weird.
 

Porridge

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Goodness that is strange! I can't think of an explanation. You sound like a wonderful family though, and she was a lucky girl to be the recipient of your kindness.
 

partgypsy

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Your hearts seem to be in the right place, to want to have this girl have a normal Christmas. But technically if she is half-owner where your dd works at, she is basically your daughter's boss. Unless they were personal friends, it's not appropriate to give significant gifts to one's boss. I have no idea what that young lady was thinking, but now it has become an awkward situation.
I guess you or your daughter got carried away by the Christmas spirit, but if there is a repeat it is better to share Christmas by your time and a meal than multiple nice gifts.
 

luv2sparkle

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part gypsy|1324936167|3088852 said:
Your hearts seem to be in the right place, to want to have this girl have a normal Christmas. But technically if she is half-owner where your dd works at, she is basically your daughter's boss. Unless they were personal friends, it's not appropriate to give significant gifts to one's boss. I have no idea what that young lady was thinking, but now it has become an awkward situation.
I guess you or your daughter got carried away by the Christmas spirit, but if there is a repeat it is better to share Christmas by your time and a meal than multiple nice gifts.
They are personal friends, they actually became quite close. Yes, she is technically, my DD boss. She is a bit younger than my DD.

It won't become awkward for DD at work because we all just let it go. It was just one of the strangest days I have ever had, so I thought I would see if you all thought it strange too. She could have said something at any time and it would have been fine, but for some reason she chose not to. It seems like M could have made it so much easier on herself and enjoyed the day more, or just not even have come over if that made her feel better.
 

junebug17

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You know, the more I think about it, maybe she did feel awkward/embarrassed that she received a lot of gifts and couldn't afford to reciprocate. But she should have mentioned that to your dd -but again, maybe she was embarrassed to admit it.
 

iugurl

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I am sorry she acted that way! Perhaps she was embarrassed, but embarrassment does not give people the right to be completely rude and ungrateful :((
 

Loves Vintage

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Hmmm, well, yes it is strange. I think I would chalk it up to the fact that she is still quite young, and I think we can infer probably didn't have the best upbringing. Maybe she's shy and awkward socially and didn't really know how to handle the gifts or the situation. I realize I'm inferring a lot here, but maybe she met up with her family and that's why she went to church. Maybe she wound up giving the gift cards to her family out of obligation? Maybe she told her family that she was going to your family's house to have a normal holiday, and maybe they made her feel horrible about that? Inferring a lot, I know, but I could see my extended family giving me A LOT of guilt for wanting to spend the holidays with another family, even if they weren't particularly interested in spending theirs with me. Lots of families are weird!! She probably felt bad that she didn't have gifts to exchange with your family and really didn't know what to say so said nothing at all. Again, being so young, it's not always easy to navigate non-typical social situations.

In any event, super-kind of you and your family! I'm sure she appreciated your kindness.
 

luv2sparkle

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I think in the end she just couldn't afford to buy for my mob. I didn't expect her to or want her to. In retrospect, I should have clued in when she didn't want to come all of a sudden to open gifts in the morning.

Her family lives across the country. Her sister is in San Fran. Her parents don't send her anything.

We probably overwhelmed her. Trying to kill the poor girl with kindness. Live and learn.
 

Tacori E-ring

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luv2sparkle|1324939043|3088871 said:
I think in the end she just couldn't afford to buy for my mob. I didn't expect her to or want her to. In retrospect, I should have clued in when she didn't want to come all of a sudden to open gifts in the morning.

Her family lives across the country. Her sister is in San Fran. Her parents don't send her anything.

We probably overwhelmed her. Trying to kill the poor girl with kindness. Live and learn.

You are probably right but how generous are you and your family?!? You should feel really good about yourself. Hopefully that feeling will overweigh any awkward/used feelings you may have towards her.
 

Begonia

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This reminds me of a story that I read in our local paper the other day. It is about bringing a stranger into your home at Xmas. Many cultures tell the story of how we should open our homes to a stranger in need with no expectation whatsoever. Some cultures feels it brings blessings into their homes to do so. When it is done without expectation or motivation, then the blessing is greatest. Sounds like you were given the opportunity to bless your home, and set a memorable example to your kids (teachable moment?)
 

VRBeauty

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What a sad story. Totally guessing here - and projecting through someone I remember from my school years - perhaps your guest's intentions were more related to people pleasing than malevolence?

In any event, the real story here is how your family reacted. Congratulations on raising such caring children!
 

diamondseeker2006

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Yes, I think it is strange, but I am not sure we can expect normal behavior from someone who did not grow up in a normal family. It is nice when people appreciate the kindness of others, but on the other hand, your motives were pure and you had the best of intentions. I think that was the great lesson for your kids. We give out of love and the reward is simply in that (doing the right thing with no motives of what we might receive), not in the reaction of the recipient.
 

luv2sparkle

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You are all right. I think the sad part is that if she would have said something to DD she would have told her that none of us cared a whit if she brought any gifts and she could have just enjoyed the day. In not saying anything she just made it harder on herself and made herself feel bad. The weirdness we felt about it was that she had made such a big deal to DD about how much fun she was having shopping for all
of us.


My kids are all pretty kind people, and I am very thankful for that. Sometimes when you are raising kids it can feel like they are just not getting a single thing you are trying to teach them and then they do something to surprise you and you kind of sit back and have a 'wow' moment. I tell them I can't take credit for all the good in them unless I take the blame for all the things they do that doesn't make me happy all the time. There is a balance somewhere in the middle.
 
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