Thanksgiving Guests

[Cehrabehra]

Okay... so how do you guys do thanksgiving? Back in the states there are so many options and places to go and I've always welcomed a few extra people... but this year I'm looking at cooking for 30 or more. Now, my policy has always been to not refuse someone who requests, or to offer someone who is alone a place at our table, but it's never been a problem. Even when my family gets together there's less than 25 people always and never at my house. I *thought* it was going to be me and two other friends and their families for a total of 14 including my ayi. Then I invited 2 more so 16. Then one of the other friends invited a woman whose husband is out of the country for the holiday and I thought that was great. 17. Then she told me she invited another friend whose husband is out of the country.... and their 4 children. So, 23. Then my friend across the street feels left out so she and her 4 kids and husband may come by but she'd be cooking at her house and bringing it over. So now 29. If I invite my ayi's husband or our driver I'm over 30. And my BEST girlfriend and her family here I haven't even spoke to about this and she has 4 kids as well. And another family down the street would be 4 more and I would love to invite the german family we're close with as they'll never have another chance to see a thanksgiving... and honestly I'd rather share the holiday with my chinese friends for that reason but where do I draw the line? lol

I've never had this issue before... anyway, what sort of parameters do you set for your turkey celebration?

 

[sparklyheart]

I have only hosted Thanksgiving once and it was a last minute thing for 20 people. We had a family emergency so my mom, who had planned on hosting, was unable to host.. but all 20 people were still coming! My solution? I told them that we were still having Thanksgiving but there were 20 people coming. Then I asked if they could help out by bringing something. Everyone ended up bringing so much food that I only had to make the turkey!

The Germans could bring something German, the Chinese something Chinese.. Or if you want it to be a traditional Thanksgiving, tell the people who normally celebrate Thanksgiving to bring traditional dishes.. The Germans and CHinese can bring drinks or something...

I have never been to such a big gathering for a meal where the host cooked everything. Maybe there are different expectations in China.. Can you introduce them to the American potluck?


ETA: I think it's great that you are having everyone over.. The more the merrier when it comes to friends and holidays! It seems like everyone always has their favorite dish for holiday meals so hopefully they will be willing and eager to help!

 

[davi_el_mejor]

Holy Moley! that's a lot of people for turkey day! And what a great thing to do for all your friends and neighbors I know when I was single and across the country from my family, holiday dinners with friends and neighbors meant a lot to me.

Have you thought about splitting it up over a few days? Like 12 or so a day? That would be infinitely easier for you and more cozy for everyone involved. To me that'd be a more authentic feeling for the holiday.

But I could see the inverse about cooking 3 different Thanksgiving dinners in a row. But that's something I'd rather do than try to cook 3 turkeys and 10 pounds of potatoes all at once LOL

I've only cooked for 4 people before so I have no idea! I think I could manage a dinner for 12 though.

Either way GOOD LUCK!

 

[Cehrabehra]

yeah NO on the 3 days haha Everyone is capable of cooking for themselves so it isn't that... it's more people want to be together (or want to get out of cooking if they can).

am I mean to hope the woman with the 4 kids doesn't come? We're not that close and her kids are... not that good.

 

[JewelFreak]

Yow, you're getting it on the chin! I gasped reading that somebody invited to YOUR house a family w/4 kids. Hmm, did she think of asking you first? People will have to bring food or you'll be too exhausted to serve what you slaved over. How about dishes? Do you have enough to feed that crew or can you find paper stuff there? It'll probably be a whole lot of fun -- the hardest part is worrying about it beforehand, which I would do too much of. I'm sure they'll all help out & you'll get rave reviews afterward.

When we lived in Amsterdam I always asked Dutch friends for Thanksgiving dinner. None had experienced it & many knew nothing about American Thanksgiving. DH hates pumpkin pie so one year I went historic & made Indian Pudding -- biggest flop of my life! Haha. They all thought it was awful -- the spices are so different from the Dutch diet.

My sister will pack 16 people into her tiny 3-bedroom house for the whole T'giving weekend this year. Her kids, their SOs & various & sundry of their buddies. Air mattresses wall to wall! Included: my sister's 4 or 5 German Shepherds and 2 visiting Great Danes, woof.

--- Laurie

 

[yennyfire]

Yikes! I couldn't even seat that many people if I brought up my 2 six foot tables from the basement! I don't know....I'm usually like you...when you're already cooking for a family of 14 (my parents, sister and her fam, etc.), what's a few more. However, my limit is about 20....even then, I find it chaotic. I don't know what I'd do if I were in your shoes. I'd probably cook it all and then leave and go to a nice, quiet restaurant for my own dinner.

 

[JewelFreak]

Yikes! I couldn't even seat that many people if I brought up my 2 six foot tables from the basement! I don't know....I'm usually like you...when you're already cooking for a family of 14 (my parents, sister and her fam, etc.), what's a few more. However, my limit is about 20....even then, I find it chaotic. I don't know what I'd do if I were in your shoes. I'd probably cook it all and then leave and go to a nice, quiet restaurant for my own dinner.

 

[tyty333]

Normally, I would have every one bring 2 dishes (or more for the big families). In your case I would assign some people to
bring a cooked turkey or ham instead of the side dishes.

There is no way I would be cooking for that many people. It does sound like fun to have that many people over though.

My thoughts are that the host should provide the main meat (not when you have this many people though)

Host
- main meat (turkey)
- dressing/gravy (because in my house you have to have juice from the turkey to make the other two things)
- drinks
- provides house/seating

Guest
- bring 2 dishes (veggies/starches/desserts)

Good luck!

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Good luck for sure! Happy cooking!

cheers--Sharon

 

[luv2sparkle]

Were having 12 and I am cooking it all. My in-laws are spending a couple nights. This hasn't happened in a while. Yikes.

One kid won't be coming. That makes me a bit sad.

 

[zoebartlett]

Wow, a friend of yours took it upon herself to invite another family to your house? I mean, sure, it's great to invite people over if they'll be alone for the holidays, but it's not your friend's house. I'm surprised someone would actually do that. Yes, you have to draw the line somewhere, otherwise you'll be feeding a rather large army. There's no way I'd cook for that many people. If I was in your situation, I'd ask everyone to bring 2 dishes, and I'd tell them what type of food to bring (appetizers, desserts, etc.). Usually, I think it's standard for the host to prepare the main dish. In this case however, I'd have no problem asking people to bring a main dish -- pot-luck style.

 

[aviastar]

Pot. Luck.

And when you call to tell (not ask) everyone what to bring, stick in a notice that all your chairs and most of the floor space is reserved so we can't invite anyone else at this point.

Something like, 'Hey, we ended up with a wonderfully large group of 30 for Thanksgiving dinner this year, so I am going to need everyone to chip in a a few dishes (or drinks or silverware), can you please bring rolls and a veggie side for 15? We are going to be full to the brim- it's a good thing we aren't inviting anyone else!- but I can't wait, it's going to be great!

If everyone chips in it sounds like it will be a lot of fun!

 

[Dee*Jay]

Well Sara, now you're at 31 because Thanksgiving at your house sounds like so much fun I've decided to come too!

Seriously, you're a saint! It sounds like a good group of people, and I hope they appreciate your efforts. Totally agree though that people need to chip in, just to make the burden bearable. Side dishes (but feel free to direct people on what to bring or else you might end up with one bowl of mashed potatoes and 14 pumpkin pies), serving stuff, whatever you need.

And I'll be the one at the end of the table hogging all the stuffing!

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Pot. Luck.

And when you call to tell (not ask) everyone what to bring, stick in a notice that all your chairs and most of the floor space is reserved so we can't invite anyone else at this point.

Something like, 'Hey, we ended up with a wonderfully large group of 30 for Thanksgiving dinner this year, so I am going to need everyone to chip in a a few dishes (or drinks or silverware), can you please bring rolls and a veggie side for 15? We are going to be full to the brim- it's a good thing we aren't inviting anyone else!- but I can't wait, it's going to be great!

If everyone chips in it sounds like it will be a lot of fun!

I think this would be a good way to approach it. TELL the person what to bring or you risk having turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, mashed potatoes and....mashed potatoes

You are a saint having that many people to your home; my house is tiny and would never seat that many. If we have more than just the 4 of us we have to bust out the tv trays and seat guests in the living room!

 

[Hera]

My mom used to say that inviting people was just adding another bean to the pot but it would just result in a lot of chaos and resentment as she was doing all of the work and everyone was just socializing. That was partly her fault because she would never allow people to bring anything.

I like the idea of a potluck and I don't mind the idea of ordering from places like Honeybacked ham etc. for side dishes and such, anything to make your job easier.

I don't know if you're in China or another country right now but I think you should accept any help ahead of time and any dish that someone would like to bring.

ETA: And I think it's okay to decline guests because you simply cannot accommodate them.

 

[edwineidschun]

that's a lot of people for turkey day!Happy cooking!

 

[Amys Bling]

Wow, a friend of yours took it upon herself to invite another family to your house? I mean, sure, it's great to invite people over if they'll be alone for the holidays, but it's not your friend's house. I'm surprised someone would actually do that. Yes, you have to draw the line somewhere, otherwise you'll be feeding a rather large army. There's no way I'd cook for that many people. If I was in your situation, I'd ask everyone to bring 2 dishes, and I'd tell them what type of food to bring (appetizers, desserts, etc.). Usually, I think it's standard for the host to prepare the main dish. In this case however, I'd have no problem asking people to bring a main dish -- pot-luck style.

Couldnt agree more!

 

[MissStepcut]

Okay. It's true that you're talking about quite an over-filled house at this point... but it also might end up being the best thanksgiving you've ever had. My SO's family has 30-person Thanksgivings every year, and they absolutely adore it. We also often host waaay more people than we technically have room for... but we love it. My suggestions:

Plastic cups, paper plates and extra garbage bags! Be environmentally friendly the other 364 days this year. Also, foil roasting pans, and any other disposable prep supplies you can get your hands on. Maybe even paper tablecloths. They make ones out of "paper napkin" paper that have a more pleasant eating experience than plastic.
Recruit help! I just got my task list (via email) for Thanksgiving this year: the hummus and the saag paneer.
If some of the guests are your neighbors, ask them to bring over extra tables & chairs, if you need them. Or pots & pans.
If you were planning to serve wine, consider punch or sangria in pitchers. Easier to serve en masse. Of course, one hopes your guests will think to bring a bottle with them.

 

[Haven]

I just started doing something new for holidays this year, and I think it's going to make all the difference.
My husband has a large family, and they're rude and never offer to bring anything to holidays, so they all show up empty-handed. This year I sent out an email to everyone with the details about the start of our Thanksgiving meal, as well as line that says "I'd also appreciate help with the following side dishes: (list here.) Please R.S.V.P. to this email to let me know how many will be attending, and what you plan to bring."

My mom and I host more than our share of big holidays for DH's family, and I don't feel bad asking them to contribute. His one cousin alone has three teenage sons who eat more than the rest of the party combined, feeding them costs us hundreds at every holiday. They can contribute a casserole with some green beans!

The email worked, by the way. Everyone responded immediately because they wanted to get a certain dish, so not only will I have a lot of help with sides, I already know who is coming, which NEVER happens this early. Win-win!

I wouldn't let people invite other people to my home without my consent, by the way. I think that's very rude.

 

[Haven]

Okay. It's true that you're talking about quite an over-filled house at this point... but it also might end up being the best thanksgiving you've ever had. My SO's family has 30-person Thanksgivings every year, and they absolutely adore it. We also often host waaay more people than we technically have room for... but we love it. My suggestions:

Plastic cups, paper plates and extra garbage bags! Be environmentally friendly the other 364 days this year. Also, foil roasting pans, and any other disposable prep supplies you can get your hands on. Maybe even paper tablecloths. They make ones out of "paper napkin" paper that have a more pleasant eating experience than plastic.
Recruit help! I just got my task list (via email) for Thanksgiving this year: the hummus and the saag paneer.
If some of the guests are your neighbors, ask them to bring over extra tables & chairs, if you need them. Or pots & pans.
If you were planning to serve wine, consider punch or sangria in pitchers. Easier to serve en masse. Of course, one hopes your guests will think to bring a bottle with them.

Even better--I have friends who rent table linens and dishes, etc. The place delivers everything they'll need two days before the event, and they pick them all up in a big, messy bag the day after the event. You use them and drop them in the bag. No cleaning!

 

[MissStepcut]

I just started doing something new for holidays this year, and I think it's going to make all the difference.
My husband has a large family, and they're rude and never offer to bring anything to holidays, so they all show up empty-handed. This year I sent out an email to everyone with the details about the start of our Thanksgiving meal, as well as line that says "I'd also appreciate help with the following side dishes: (list here.) Please R.S.V.P. to this email to let me know how many will be attending, and what you plan to bring."

My mom and I host more than our share of big holidays for DH's family, and I don't feel bad asking them to contribute. His one cousin alone has three teenage sons who eat more than the rest of the party combined, feeding them costs us hundreds at every holiday. They can contribute a casserole with some green beans!

The email worked, by the way. Everyone responded immediately because they wanted to get a certain dish, so not only will I have a lot of help with sides, I already know who is coming, which NEVER happens this early. Win-win!

You're a genius!
[/quote]

I wouldn't let people invite other people to my home without my consent, by the way. I think that's very rude.

Eh, I wouldn't say it's necessarily rude if Cehrabehra has said that she welcomes anyone and everyone, which based on her posts, it sounds like is at least possible.

 

[TooPatient]

Well....

Usually (always) when I host a holiday, I provide absolutely everything -- up to renting tables/chairs if needed to seat everyone comfortably. I've also gone out and bought new plates/cups/serving-supplies/etc to make sure there was plenty. This is a huge amount of work and a massive PITA, but I like to have my guests show up and just have fun. (this is for up to 15/20 people. My grandmother did the same for 20-40 people for most holidays - but she had lots of help in the kitchen)


BUT -- 30!!!

I like the idea of renting everything you need for serving and letting someone else worry about the clean up. I don't know if I could let go enough to have people bring stuff to share, but if you're comfortable with that then absolutely TELL people what to bring!


What is okay culturally? Is it okay to ask people to bring or is that just not done?
I hope you and all of your guests have a wonderful holiday!

 

[zoebartlett]

Could you have it catered, Sara? That way, you can spend all your time with your friends and you wouldn't have to worry about preparation or clean up.

 

[Cehrabehra]

A lot of great suggestions! But for those of you who don't know - I'm in China! The only catering I can do here is chinese! The 14 pound turkey I bought last year - imported - was $50. Our ovens are TINY and we only have one - and only 2 burners. And they don't have good quality paper plates here, just small biodegradable flimsy ones and none of those paper plate supporter things of molded plastic. Good thing plates are cheap! I have enough plates actually... I have a set of 24 and a set of 12 plus some plastic ones.

I'm seriously thinking of scrapping it and just having our family. Everywhere I go people are hinting they want invitations and I KNOW how these people party and I don't want to deal with that on Thanksgiving. I love going the extra mile to make a truly elegant meal. It's not something I do all the time.

I'm feeling overwhelmed right now. On top of this I feel like *I* am the one that gets homework every night instead of my kids, I'm trying to catch up in nanowrimo, and I HAVE to make our trip plans for the christmas holiday like 2 weeks ago.

Do you think it's too late to say - sorry guys, you're on your own?

It really pushed me today when I asked a friend if she was planning on coming and she said yes and then proceeded to tell me she was going to do her family dinner the night before. WTF!!?? I'm not hosting a free buffet meal for kicks. You wanna do turkey day with your family that's 100% okay with me but why do you want to add to my burden as well? Seriously - she knows better.

::whine over::

 

[Cehrabehra]

I just wanted to add that while my kitchen is rather smallish, my house is over 4k square feet so there's room if everyone spreads out, no problem. Feeding everyone at once will be an issue - but mostly I just don't want to be taken advantage of.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I just wanted to add that while my kitchen is rather smallish, my house is over 4k square feet so there's room if everyone spreads out, no problem. Feeding everyone at once will be an issue - but mostly I just don't want to be taken advantage of.

 

[swingirl]

Since when does an invited guest invite their own guests? What kind of guest brings 4 more people? Sorry, I wouldn't feel too warm and fuzzy about so many guests looking at Thanksgiving dinner as an open party. If I were you I'd have a small dinner that I could handle easily with the limitations you have on kitchen size.

However, if you really want a big bash and like to entertain, invite everyone over for pumpkin pie and coffee AFTER dinner. Pies are easy and you can make them in advance.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I just wanted to add that while my kitchen is rather smallish, my house is over 4k square feet so there's room if everyone spreads out, no problem. Feeding everyone at once will be an issue - but mostly I just don't want to be taken advantage of.

Wow, 30+ people for Thanksgiving is nuts when considering some of the people were invited by other guests. I don't think it's rude saying that you're going to have to cancel. A bit awkward, yes, but realistically, nobody should be expected to host that many people...that quantity is more like a family reunion than a Thanksgiving celebration. All you're looking at is 100% stress.

If you do decide to host, for sure do a pot luck! If it's the norm that most have small kitchens, then everyone will understand. Oh, and from my experience, it seems like kids rarely eat that much during functions, so I'd say each kid equals 1/3 of a food serving eater as an adult would (lol!). My kids never eat much...they prefer to endulge on sugary drinks that we never have at home.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

It sounds like things have gotten out of control and people are abusing your very generous hospitality. Really, inviting themselves over (I can forgive someone who is alone doing some heavy hinting but a family - no way!) and treating like a restaurant (aka, celebrate on their own and then go to your place) is way over the line. I think you need to start saying no to these people. And no need to justify or give excuses.

 

[tyty333]

Cancel! I can imagine how difficult it is to throw a Thanksgiving celebration in a place like China. Sounds like its just gotten
too out of control. Like the previous thread mentioned, pie and coffey would be a good alternative.