International marriage--any advice, when should we do it?

[WorkingHardforSmallRewards]

what I am wondering is, when should we get married? I am just started to learn the real details of the process of bringing my fiance over to America from Japan after we are married, and I keep thinking that the most logical decision is to do it now. Go ahead and be legally married so that we can really begin the paperwork and start working on getting her a greencard. However, we wont ahve a marriage ceremony until best next summer, and most likely she will just come to america for 2 months next next October (not next months october, but Oct 0 and then we will have the wedding ceremony on Dec 08, that way my family/relatives have time to save up money plane tickets, and we both have time to save up more money. we may still try to do it next summer, as it is Japanese custom for the relatives to bring cash gifts of about $300, which is going to help out tremendously with wedding expenses, but either way, I am not sure when we should legally become married.

I dont want to do it now, as I woudl like to have more time being engaged, and I simply dont want to be married 1 1/2 years before our wedding you know? thats just ridiculous to me. We could do it next Christmas/early January when I am back in Japan (but we might not be able to as she will not be coming to America at christmas but is this september, which would, i imagine make things easier if we do it now), but christmas is what I am leaning toward and begin the paperwork then, if possible...but I still am not really happy with diong it so much sooner than the wedding will be taking place you know? Anyone with experience on this that can give me some advice on what to do and to expect legally?

Of course I will go and talk to counselors, maybe a lawyer and so on, to figure out exactly what to do, but some of you have experience, such as TG so, I figured I would go ahead and post and see what you say.

 

[Skippy123]

Have you talked to your FI about this? I don't know the answer to the other questions, sorry.

ETA: I actually did a search on google and yahoo and a lot of advice came up, so try those sites

 

[AGBF]

I have experience, and speaking from experience I suggest you get some expert advice . The laws governing immigration have changed a great deal since I was married and you really do not need second best advice on an important subject!

Once you find out what your timing must be to satisfy the needs of the immigration authorities, you can plan for your personal satisfaction.

The best of luck to both of you!

Deborah

 

[onedrop]

I am all to familiar with this scenario because my husband and I were in a international relationship for some time. Being in an international relationship does have its added challenges. My husband and I had to do a lot of talking and thinking about when and how to get married, with each other and with our families. Now in hindsight I think we made the best decision, but just know that you will not be able to please everyone. My husband actually relocated to the US before we married and that allowed us to be together sooner. Starting the process after you get married might take longer. If you are living in the same place then the waiting is easier I would think. However the best decision will be particular to the couple involved.

My biggest pieces of advice: One, research the immigration process throughly so that you can be armed with as much info as possible. Two, make sure that you and your fiance are on the same page about what will happen. This is key because the process can be very difficult on a relationship. There is a lot of waiting and uncertainty and you need to make sure that you are both ready for the challenge.

Also you might want to look HERE as you continue your research. This website was invaluable as my husband and I navigated the process. Good luck and if you need encouragement or more advice I am here to help. Good luck with everything!!!

ETA: While I don't think anyone can really answer the questions you asked I can give you our timeline. My husband moved to the US on a fiance visa, then we had a wedding ceremony back his country. We ended up getting legally married after he arrived here in the US and then we had a post-wedding reception just this past Thursday as the icing on the cake so to speak. Luckily we were able to satisfy most everyone with our marriage plans, but it was difficult. The main thing we wanted was to make sure that we recognized our marriage in the way that we envisioned.

TIP: If you do plan to marry or have a wedding ceremony in the US, don't set any dates until your wife is here. Since it's nearly impossible to tell when petitions and visas are going to be granted so setting a date is a very difficult proposition.

 

[risingsun]

You have been engaged for about two weeks? You have just gone through the ring trauma, no? Have you asked your FI her thoughts on the timing of the marriage? Aside from the legal aspects, this is still a marriage we're talking about

What about that quality time together, before getting married? Ok...I'm done....

 

[Pandora II]

Just a word of warning on the wedding gifts...

A friend of mine married a man from Japan and the tradition was:

Guest gave gift of say x dollars. 50% was then immediately returned by the couple. The couple were then expected to buy a suitable gift during the honeymoon to take back for each guest. Type of gift was dependant on relative generosity of each guest.

I also came this when designing jewellery in Italy. I was commissioned to design a whole ''Italian souvenir'' collection specifically for these ''honeymoon guests gifts''.

 

[Richard Sherwood]

Just elope, and piss them all off.

 

[WorkingHardforSmallRewards]

Date: 8/19/2007 11:34:46 PM
Author: Richard Sherwood
Just elope, and piss them all off.

thats probably the smartest move. Just head down to whatever location we can do it and sign some papers keep it a seceret and then when it comes time for the wedding let everybody think it happens then but I dont think I would be satisfied with that

And thanks for the comments Pandora. I was told by my fiances family that that guests (we will probably be having the wedding in Japan...maybe hawaii but probably Japan) should average about 30,000 yen and that we will provide gifts of about 5,000 yen to each person/family (depending on if the cash gift came from the family or an individual person) and that woudl be end of it in that regard. However, as you know, there is a wide range of dialects and customs per prefecture and family so, it seems, thankfully, that mine is a little bit different than your friends experience was. though of course we will do whatever we have to.


One-drop, thanks alot for your comment, It will take me a little longer to look through your site and absorb everything you said so I will get back to you later, as I dont have much time at the moment.


skippy, yes, we have talked, she wants to begin the paperwork as soon as possible even if that means getting legally married today. I am just not going to rush though, so maybe next christmas, we will see. I still have to figure out exactly who to contact to make sure I get the best information possible

and risingsun, I appreciate your concern but dont get too upset ok. my whole concern is the same as yours, I would like to spend more time as an engaged couple and certainly dont want to rush into a marriage. I also dont want to do anything now in order to take care of paperwork that will devalue the wedding, as I woudl hope that both her and I only have 1 (or maybe a future reenactment, but thats way down the line). However, I asked her to marry me, and she agreed, so we have both promised to marry one another, its just a matter of doing it. So sooner or later is really not too relevant as we have both decided to do it. Also, remember that it isnt like we just met, we have known each other for a while now, and also remember that the whole "ring trauma" consisted of 45 seconds of me not saying anything, me telling her not to worry to much about it, a few passing comments to her and a brief conversation while we were on the bus (by the way Mission impossible: LX turned out to be a great success, as she wears the ring all day about 50% of the time now, and the other 50% leaves it in the locker). so between the two of us it wasnt nearly as big a deal as it was in the hangout thread. but she is hitting me in the head witha pillow now so I am headed out.

mata ne. thanks for your help, if anyone knows more please let me know.