How many of you have gone into debt or are going into debt for your wedding?
- Thread starter kittykat
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Hi. We just got married three and a half weeks ago. We went overboard - probably $25,000 on everything.
My aunt and his mother gave us $5,000. We had saved up most of the money, but we moved and have not been able to sell our other house yet. We had to spend a bunch of the saved money on repairs. And, we bought a really nice house out here. We had to go into debt for about $15,000.
To answer your question - the wedding was beautiful - but I wish that we had eloped. The day went by really fast - in a blur - and at the reception, my husband and I barely even got to speak to one another. We had to spend all of our time talking to the guests - thanking them for coming. It was hard for me to even go to the bathroom - I would be headed there, and someone would stop me to talk. I only got to play my music and dance for the last 45 minutes of the recepion. It was hard work!!
I think that it would have been much more intimate and special if my husband and I had went off somewhere and got married - maybe on the beach. We could have held each other and kissed. And saved all that money. We could have a boat right now. Think of all the things we could have bought with that money - or not went into debt.
A wedding with a big reception is a lot of money and very stressful. It is mainly for your friends and family.
As far as having regrets - that is just being a human being - you''ll regret if you have the big wedding and go into debt, but you will probably also regret if you elope and don''t celebrate with your family and friends. Being in debt is depressing and can last a long time. Especially having a new house - the extra debt will just add stress to your relationship.
Another option - just have a church wedding with a small reception (meaning just cake and punch and finger foods) in the church basement. A lot of Southern weddings are like this - probably cost less than $500 for everything - including the wedding dress. A lot of wedding boutiques have a sale rack with wedding dresses from the previous season. Try to find a dress that doesn''t need alterations.
My aunt and his mother gave us $5,000. We had saved up most of the money, but we moved and have not been able to sell our other house yet. We had to spend a bunch of the saved money on repairs. And, we bought a really nice house out here. We had to go into debt for about $15,000.
To answer your question - the wedding was beautiful - but I wish that we had eloped. The day went by really fast - in a blur - and at the reception, my husband and I barely even got to speak to one another. We had to spend all of our time talking to the guests - thanking them for coming. It was hard for me to even go to the bathroom - I would be headed there, and someone would stop me to talk. I only got to play my music and dance for the last 45 minutes of the recepion. It was hard work!!
I think that it would have been much more intimate and special if my husband and I had went off somewhere and got married - maybe on the beach. We could have held each other and kissed. And saved all that money. We could have a boat right now. Think of all the things we could have bought with that money - or not went into debt.
A wedding with a big reception is a lot of money and very stressful. It is mainly for your friends and family.
As far as having regrets - that is just being a human being - you''ll regret if you have the big wedding and go into debt, but you will probably also regret if you elope and don''t celebrate with your family and friends. Being in debt is depressing and can last a long time. Especially having a new house - the extra debt will just add stress to your relationship.
Another option - just have a church wedding with a small reception (meaning just cake and punch and finger foods) in the church basement. A lot of Southern weddings are like this - probably cost less than $500 for everything - including the wedding dress. A lot of wedding boutiques have a sale rack with wedding dresses from the previous season. Try to find a dress that doesn''t need alterations.
tawn
Brilliant_Rock
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We bought our first house 3 weeks before we got married, and have never had regrets about the lack of a big wedding! However, we also put off my dream ring as well!
Over the years, everytime I''ve had the money to finally get "the" ring...we always decide to do something else with it! Cruise to the Bahamas, trip to a Mexican resort for our 5th anniversary, another house~actually 3 more houses, and other fun/non-fun things! Last year, I was all ready to plan and purchase...and we decided to get a new truck for 30K plus! This year, nothing is stopping me! My summer vacations are booked and paid for...and I''m finally getting the ring! My husband is actually really prompting me because he knows how long I''ve been waiting! Okay, enough highjacking your thread!
I think it really depends on how badly you want your big dream wedding! You can always do something small now...or elope, and follow-up later with a reception or anniversary party! But, going into a huge amount of debt for a single day is scary thing!
Or, you could have a swanky housewarming party and surprise everyone with the exchange of your vows!
Over the years, everytime I''ve had the money to finally get "the" ring...we always decide to do something else with it! Cruise to the Bahamas, trip to a Mexican resort for our 5th anniversary, another house~actually 3 more houses, and other fun/non-fun things! Last year, I was all ready to plan and purchase...and we decided to get a new truck for 30K plus! This year, nothing is stopping me! My summer vacations are booked and paid for...and I''m finally getting the ring! My husband is actually really prompting me because he knows how long I''ve been waiting! Okay, enough highjacking your thread!
I think it really depends on how badly you want your big dream wedding! You can always do something small now...or elope, and follow-up later with a reception or anniversary party! But, going into a huge amount of debt for a single day is scary thing!
Or, you could have a swanky housewarming party and surprise everyone with the exchange of your vows!
MichelleCarmen
Super_Ideal_Rock
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My husband and I eloped and then later had a small reception. I don''t regret it because we entered marriage debt free, university tuition paid off (for BOTH of us
) and we were able to put a down payment on a house.
We''ve made some sacrifices along the way, but thus far, all have been worth it!
We''ve made some sacrifices along the way, but thus far, all have been worth it!
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oh no,don''t go into a big debt.debt will kill a marriage soon or later.
Yea - I''ve always read that starting a marriage in debt isn''t good. But, so many people are in debt now that it is almost impossible. But, adding to it with wedding debt doesn''t help.
Luckily, my husband has put us on a budget, and we plan on having our wedding debt paid off in less than a year.
Luckily, my husband has put us on a budget, and we plan on having our wedding debt paid off in less than a year.
Nicrez
Ideal_Rock
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I NEVER will recommend a big wedding. I have 150 people, and so far we have spent our original budget on the reception alone. We are now at twice our original budget, and that doesn''t include the honeymoon yet! No debt, but not much savings left either!!!
Basically we took a house downpayment and threw it out the window for a big party.
BUT I do get to keep the dresses and I get a great pair of shoes out of the deal!
*grumble* I should have eloped!
Basically we took a house downpayment and threw it out the window for a big party.
BUT I do get to keep the dresses and I get a great pair of shoes out of the deal!
Nicrez
Ideal_Rock
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Oh and remember that the #1 issue that couples fight over is money and debt... So why add an issue to a new marraige.
I have to say that my blissful engagement was marred by money issues, and we are STILL working out our stress every time we write another check that could completely fund a Sally Struthers effort!
My parents always said that if you concentrate too much on the details you tend to miss the big picture.
You are getting married to spend the rest of your lives together in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, till death do you part. The napkins and bridesmaids gowns matching is not in there.
It truly is a waste to me. My friend so aptly stated. " if you want to celebrate, then make a big casual party, invite as many people as will show up, make a big banquet, drink until you can't anymore, dance until you fall asleep and take pictures everytime you see a camera lying around. Because anything else is just to keep up with the Jonses and you will never catch up, because every time you do, the Jonses change."
That right there is a wise man.
I have to say that my blissful engagement was marred by money issues, and we are STILL working out our stress every time we write another check that could completely fund a Sally Struthers effort!
My parents always said that if you concentrate too much on the details you tend to miss the big picture.
You are getting married to spend the rest of your lives together in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, till death do you part. The napkins and bridesmaids gowns matching is not in there.
It truly is a waste to me. My friend so aptly stated. " if you want to celebrate, then make a big casual party, invite as many people as will show up, make a big banquet, drink until you can't anymore, dance until you fall asleep and take pictures everytime you see a camera lying around. Because anything else is just to keep up with the Jonses and you will never catch up, because every time you do, the Jonses change."
That right there is a wise man.
aljdewey
Ideal_Rock
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My own personal experience: I intially wanted to elope because I married older and felt a little funny making a to-do over it.....even among intimate friends/family.
My (now) husband felt strongly that we should do *some* small thing.....and HE'S the shy, not terribly social, hates to be in front of people one. He said his first wedding (at city hall) didn't feel like getting married....it didn't feel like that special occasion it really was. It was less personal than getting a driver's license. He wanted more than that for us. He said "I expect this will be your only wedding, and I don't want you to look back with regrets later."
He was right. We had a small wedding - our "plan A". Only 30 people including us - and pulled it off for about $7k....$11K if you count the honeymoon. Small wedding in a public part and a catered sunset cruise. We bought our house 6 mos. later.
Our plan B was to buy the house and have a backyard wedding.....informal. No renting fancy tables/chairs, but simply me in a dress, him in wedding attire, a few loose flowers, our friend as a JP, and close friends/immediate family for a day-long backyard BBQ afterwards. Knowing my friends, everyone would have made something (as we all do for cookouts), and it would have been a breeze and inexpensive. People who love you and who are happy for you don't want to be impressed; they already love you for who you are.
I'm happy we were able to go with Plan A.....but I would have been equally happy with Plan B. We didn't go into debt for our wedding; it was paid off before the day arrived. We had a separate account for the wedding, and we each contributed to it and paid from it as things became due. We were adamant that nothing would go on credit cards (unless we had the cash in hand to pay the credit card; then we did it just to get the points, but paid the balance in full in the same month.) We began our married life together with no residual wedding debt.
What I can say after it all is this: I felt like a dream came true on my wedding day. It truly felt like a magical special day. There is just something deeply moving about sharing your vows in front of those you are intimate with. In hindsight, I feel I would really have missed something irreplaceable if we hadn't done SOMETHING, no matter how small or casual. That's just how I feel about it. I know others elope and are happy to do so.
If, in your heart of hearts, you want a wedding.....have a wedding. Just have a *modest*, unique, no frills affair that focuses more on the love you have for each other and sharing that with your friends and doesn't focus on expensive, unmeaningful things such as assembling bathroom baskets, tissue packs, and all the other fluff that no one will remember two weeks after it's done.
What people remember now about our wedding nearly a year later: The weather was impeccable (outdoor wedding), the food was good (no one remembers what was served, only that they ate and it was good), how emotional the day was, and how laid back/nice the cruise was. I'm sure no one remembers what flowers I carried, what color the tablecloths on the boat were, or anything else.
Focus only on what's really important about that day. As Nicrez very succinctly said - not worth trying to keep up with the Jones'.
My (now) husband felt strongly that we should do *some* small thing.....and HE'S the shy, not terribly social, hates to be in front of people one. He said his first wedding (at city hall) didn't feel like getting married....it didn't feel like that special occasion it really was. It was less personal than getting a driver's license. He wanted more than that for us. He said "I expect this will be your only wedding, and I don't want you to look back with regrets later."
He was right. We had a small wedding - our "plan A". Only 30 people including us - and pulled it off for about $7k....$11K if you count the honeymoon. Small wedding in a public part and a catered sunset cruise. We bought our house 6 mos. later.
Our plan B was to buy the house and have a backyard wedding.....informal. No renting fancy tables/chairs, but simply me in a dress, him in wedding attire, a few loose flowers, our friend as a JP, and close friends/immediate family for a day-long backyard BBQ afterwards. Knowing my friends, everyone would have made something (as we all do for cookouts), and it would have been a breeze and inexpensive. People who love you and who are happy for you don't want to be impressed; they already love you for who you are.
I'm happy we were able to go with Plan A.....but I would have been equally happy with Plan B. We didn't go into debt for our wedding; it was paid off before the day arrived. We had a separate account for the wedding, and we each contributed to it and paid from it as things became due. We were adamant that nothing would go on credit cards (unless we had the cash in hand to pay the credit card; then we did it just to get the points, but paid the balance in full in the same month.) We began our married life together with no residual wedding debt.
What I can say after it all is this: I felt like a dream came true on my wedding day. It truly felt like a magical special day. There is just something deeply moving about sharing your vows in front of those you are intimate with. In hindsight, I feel I would really have missed something irreplaceable if we hadn't done SOMETHING, no matter how small or casual. That's just how I feel about it. I know others elope and are happy to do so.
If, in your heart of hearts, you want a wedding.....have a wedding. Just have a *modest*, unique, no frills affair that focuses more on the love you have for each other and sharing that with your friends and doesn't focus on expensive, unmeaningful things such as assembling bathroom baskets, tissue packs, and all the other fluff that no one will remember two weeks after it's done.
What people remember now about our wedding nearly a year later: The weather was impeccable (outdoor wedding), the food was good (no one remembers what was served, only that they ate and it was good), how emotional the day was, and how laid back/nice the cruise was. I'm sure no one remembers what flowers I carried, what color the tablecloths on the boat were, or anything else.
Focus only on what's really important about that day. As Nicrez very succinctly said - not worth trying to keep up with the Jones'.
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yep.....till DEBT do you part.
I echo what has previously been said re: not starting a marriage in debt. Money woes create more dischord and divorce than everything else put together. Buy the house, have a small wedding, down the road you can have a big bash if you still hanker for one. I eloped, a true nobody-but-the-two-of-us-knew-about-it elopement, and I wouldn't change it for the world. We purchased 2 homes before we married, and with careful money management, at a relatively young age, we are now comfortable. We would still be digging ourselves out of a hole if we spent a bunch of dough on a big wedding instead of investing in real estate, and we might not still be together! I love being married, but it is a complicated beast, and you want to begin your married life together with as clean a slate as possible.
MissAva
Ideal_Rock
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Okay I am new to this and I am not saying this is for everyone but, I could not feel married without a church. Part of that I am sure is that I am finishing up RCIA right now and they say you are not married unless it was done by a preist in the Church. But again that doesnt to me mean I have to have a huge wedding. I only want my family there, no one else. If I love you enough to be at my wedding I have called you family. My SO and I were talking about this recently and we were able to come up with less the 50 people we wanted there. Since my parents are not the out and about type I dont perceive any real issues there. But who knows what we will end up doing...he hasnt asked yet. Plus sometimes a small wedding can help other things, I am from the South and he is from the North and some of his family are Yankees and having all of both sides of our family would be intreasting...and one soide would feel upset becuase it was either held in the north or south.... But both SO and I have said all we care about is getting married(yes in a Church he was an alter boy until college and is devotely Catholic) and the rest we will leave up to my parents. I think wedding days are at least as much for the brides mother as they are for the bride.
Oh and I have been to a few weddings in the south but they were all huge massive affairs...the ones Windy mentioned sounded fun to me though!
Oh and I have been to a few weddings in the south but they were all huge massive affairs...the ones Windy mentioned sounded fun to me though!
laughinggravy
Shiny_Rock
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Windy - good answer. Big weddings are hard work for the couple - you''ve a lot of social responsibilities.
My sweetness and I had seven guests each and ourselves. We got married in a lovely town hall in Paris. My clothes were made for me by a Polish woman in Brussels out of silk I sourced myself.
Came to about $500 for day time out-fit and evening dress. We had a great reception at his parent''s flat - they paid for a buffet from the best caterers in Paris.
We had the afternoon to ourselves
, as people went off and did what they wanted and we went to a very smart restaurant in the evening and spent a fortune on a fab meal with grey-hair-makingly expensive whiskeys and nice things. It still came in at a reasonable price (about $5k, we paid for one night at a hotel for the out-of-towners), with everyone involved having had a blast. Aaaand we had the chance to have an intimate day.
But then that''s easy for me to say since I''m an only child with no immediate relatives apart from mum and dad and he has one sister and a couple of very close pals so no one got left out.
Aaaaaand it was in Paris in April with sunny weather, and the chestnuts were doing what they are supposed to do... we had our photos infront of the Eiffel tower - a tad tacky but very sweet since the Eiffel tower is now ours. Anyone wanting to go up it if passing thro'' Paris, you''ll have to pm me!
A
My sweetness and I had seven guests each and ourselves. We got married in a lovely town hall in Paris. My clothes were made for me by a Polish woman in Brussels out of silk I sourced myself.
We had the afternoon to ourselves
But then that''s easy for me to say since I''m an only child with no immediate relatives apart from mum and dad and he has one sister and a couple of very close pals so no one got left out.
Aaaaaand it was in Paris in April with sunny weather, and the chestnuts were doing what they are supposed to do... we had our photos infront of the Eiffel tower - a tad tacky but very sweet since the Eiffel tower is now ours. Anyone wanting to go up it if passing thro'' Paris, you''ll have to pm me!
A
glaucomflecken
Brilliant_Rock
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my friend, who got married last year, and I are having similar weddings: 150 people, cake, DJ, dress, all your basics. However, she spent over $30K and we are spending less about $10K. She had a sit down filet and lobster meal; we are having buffet chicken and pot roast; her dress was $1K; mine was $200 and just as pretty if not more. She had string quartets and imported flowers. When I left her wedding, I thought it was nice, but everything was so over top with being "the best of the best" that you got caught up in the details and scurtinizing everything. I kind of forgot about the actual marriage of my friends! and they are still paying for it.
If you fear a smaller or inexpensive wedding wont be "memorable" or "special", do something unique to make it personal or do something that breaks tradition if you are comfortable with that. J and I are having a Scottish-Italian themed wedding to honor our heritages; we are making a video to honor my late father; unique cake idea, etc. You can also find people who can do things cheaper if you look hard enough. A coworker was a florist so she is helping me with flowers. A neighbor was a baker for 30 years and is doing my cake.
It can be done!
If you fear a smaller or inexpensive wedding wont be "memorable" or "special", do something unique to make it personal or do something that breaks tradition if you are comfortable with that. J and I are having a Scottish-Italian themed wedding to honor our heritages; we are making a video to honor my late father; unique cake idea, etc. You can also find people who can do things cheaper if you look hard enough. A coworker was a florist so she is helping me with flowers. A neighbor was a baker for 30 years and is doing my cake.
It can be done!
mrssalvo
Super_Ideal_Rock
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I agree about not going into debt. I had a fairly small wedding budget by wedding standards. Even the budget wedding books were using numbers double the amount I had to spend. i made a list of all my priorities i.e. dress, photography, video, music, food, etc and then numbered them in order of importance. I chose to leave out table camera's, party favors etc. We also decided to get married on a sunday evening. We got married at an hisoritic mansion where you paid one fee for the rental of the facility which included an on site reception. anyway, it was almost half the cost of getting married there on a friday or sat. night. We also set a limit of no more than 100 guests. I personally had always dreamed of walking down the aisle with all my girl friends standing up next to me so eloping was never an option for me.
My step-brother got married last year and he and his now wife had a very small budget. they rented a mansion in the middle of Tennessee. Only 10 guests could be invited which made it immediate family only. It was just BEAUTIFUL and very intimate. A couple weeks later they had a big recetpion for all their friends and the rest of the family to come and celebrate. they are in their early 20's and didn't want to start of with any debt and they accomplished their goal. My brother has received 2 or 3 job promotions this year and has already upgraded my sister-in-laws ering
never would have happeded if they were still making credit card paments from their wedding.
My step-brother got married last year and he and his now wife had a very small budget. they rented a mansion in the middle of Tennessee. Only 10 guests could be invited which made it immediate family only. It was just BEAUTIFUL and very intimate. A couple weeks later they had a big recetpion for all their friends and the rest of the family to come and celebrate. they are in their early 20's and didn't want to start of with any debt and they accomplished their goal. My brother has received 2 or 3 job promotions this year and has already upgraded my sister-in-laws ering
kittykat
Shiny_Rock
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Thanks for all of your replies! Windy, I originally did not want a large wedding. I did want to elope in a romantic ceremony out of the country. Then my parents suddenly found it important to be there and wanted a church wedding. Let me just add that my family is extremely disfunctional and that prevented me from wanting a small immediate family wedding because I figured more people would act as a buffer so that there weren''t any scenes. In the planning, I started feeling that I was spending around 20,000 to be a clown in a circus. I kind of felt like a sucker, so my fiance strated looking into a great elopment plan in Belize at an old Catholic Church. It sounded so great and perfect but then my friends and family seemed so dissapointed amd I began to worry about feeling isolated and alientating people from my marriage. I know I coulld throw a party afterward, but in my mind it''s not the same and I would still spend a decent amount of money considering the way I would want to do it-I mean nothing fancy or anything, but definitely not a brabeque. We already have some debt on an equity line of credit for the house repairs-which isnt too bad considering it''s low interest and tax deductable.. But having read all your replies I feel as thought the best thing for me would be to elope in Belize.
codex57
Brilliant_Rock
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If your family is disfunctional, it''s not as big a deal if some people are disappointed you didn''t throw a big fancy wedding. I vote for eloping too.
My parents and her mom were horrified when we brought up the eloping thing. So, we''re having a wedding. Huge chunk of money I''m not particularly thrilled about spending. But, we''re kinda priced out of homes anyways so it wasn''t as hard to agree to a wedding.
My parents and her mom were horrified when we brought up the eloping thing. So, we''re having a wedding. Huge chunk of money I''m not particularly thrilled about spending. But, we''re kinda priced out of homes anyways so it wasn''t as hard to agree to a wedding.
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it''s easy getting in debt.the hard part is paying it off.
it''s easy to spend money.the hard part is saving it.believe me i know.
it takes 20 months to save $10k,if you save $500 per month but,it only take a few seconds to spend it.
it''s easy to spend money.the hard part is saving it.believe me i know.
it takes 20 months to save $10k,if you save $500 per month but,it only take a few seconds to spend it.
jaysonsmom
Ideal_Rock
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We didn''t get into debt, and we didn''t elope either. There''s a middle ground, and that is a small intimate wedding and that''s what we did.
We spend about $10K total, had about 120 guests, and all our friends said it was one of the most beautiful weddings that they''d ever attended. We paid for the wedding with our savings, and surprisingly recovered our savings (plus some) with the cash gifts received.
Some tips for less expensive weddings....
1) Get friends or family who are really good amateur photographers/videographers/DJs and ask them to do these favors. (Get them a nice gift to thank them of course)
2) Do a Friday Evening or weekend brunch/lunch it''s cheaper(plus for daytime weddings, no one really drinks alcohol)
3) keep the guest list really limited
4) We used a wedding coodinating service that had rental packages. The floral arrangements for chapel decorations, reception decor and all centerpieces where silk flowers that were "rented" and costs WAY less than fresh flowers. None of the guests were the wiser.
A friend of mine had her weddng and reception at her church, and because her congregation knew that they were on a very tight budget, everyone brought food for a "potluck" reception. I thought that was really sweet.
Another friend got married at her parent''s backyard, and had a backyard BBQ/Celebration. There''s tons of stuff you can do without going overboard.
We spend about $10K total, had about 120 guests, and all our friends said it was one of the most beautiful weddings that they''d ever attended. We paid for the wedding with our savings, and surprisingly recovered our savings (plus some) with the cash gifts received.
Some tips for less expensive weddings....
1) Get friends or family who are really good amateur photographers/videographers/DJs and ask them to do these favors. (Get them a nice gift to thank them of course)
2) Do a Friday Evening or weekend brunch/lunch it''s cheaper(plus for daytime weddings, no one really drinks alcohol)
3) keep the guest list really limited
4) We used a wedding coodinating service that had rental packages. The floral arrangements for chapel decorations, reception decor and all centerpieces where silk flowers that were "rented" and costs WAY less than fresh flowers. None of the guests were the wiser.
A friend of mine had her weddng and reception at her church, and because her congregation knew that they were on a very tight budget, everyone brought food for a "potluck" reception. I thought that was really sweet.
Another friend got married at her parent''s backyard, and had a backyard BBQ/Celebration. There''s tons of stuff you can do without going overboard.
sjz
Brilliant_Rock
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We didn''t go into debt. We had a church wedding, but only invited our immediate family and a handful of close friends. No orchestras or violins, just an organist and a soloist to sing our wedding song.
Our reception was held in a Victorian tearoom...we rented the entire place out for the evening and had a nice candlelight supper for the wedding party and our guests. My brother-in-law took the pictures, a close friend made the cake, my mom and my sister took care of the flowers and decorations, and I had only two bridesmaids (my sister and good friend). My dress was an antique Victorian wedding dress that a good friend of who is an expert seamstress helped alter to fit me. We didn''t have an open bar or much of any alcohol, just a few bottles of really good champagne and some vodka (for the polish delegation to toast with...
). No limos or horse drawn carriages. No fireworks or balloons or doves. Basically no frills at all.
With all the money we saved on caterers, florists, musicians, photographers, bartenders, and "fancy stuff", we were able to come out of the whole wedding only spending a few thousand dollars. Our wedding and reception was very fun and relaxed.
My sister''s wedding was the exact opposite. She spent a boat load of money on renting a ballroom, a band, catering, an expensive photographer, and tons of decorations. The caterer and the photographer between them pretty much ruined her wedding. The photographer wanted to take pictures of the bridal party before the ceremony, and made us all show up three hours before the ceremony was scheduled to start. He ran out of film, his camera broke, and he basically had us all frazzled and worn out before the wedding even started. The caterer was late, and barely showed up in time to serve the food. She didn''t have enough help, and half the wedding party was in the kitchen helping her prepare the food. The band was also terrible...all they knew how to play was Country music, and a good number of the guests hated the music and left before the reception was even half over!
By the end of the evening, my sister was emotionally drained and exhausted. She has been married for almost 20 years now, and to this day she can''t stand to look at her wedding album because it holds too many "painful" memories for her.
Even my ill-fated first marriage wasn''t as bad as my sisters! The marriage was doomed, but our wedding was nice...lol. We got married in a little country churchand my best friend played the organ. We held the reception in the church hall. I think our meal consisted of fried chicken and potato salad. Pretty simple.
Our reception was held in a Victorian tearoom...we rented the entire place out for the evening and had a nice candlelight supper for the wedding party and our guests. My brother-in-law took the pictures, a close friend made the cake, my mom and my sister took care of the flowers and decorations, and I had only two bridesmaids (my sister and good friend). My dress was an antique Victorian wedding dress that a good friend of who is an expert seamstress helped alter to fit me. We didn''t have an open bar or much of any alcohol, just a few bottles of really good champagne and some vodka (for the polish delegation to toast with...
With all the money we saved on caterers, florists, musicians, photographers, bartenders, and "fancy stuff", we were able to come out of the whole wedding only spending a few thousand dollars. Our wedding and reception was very fun and relaxed.
My sister''s wedding was the exact opposite. She spent a boat load of money on renting a ballroom, a band, catering, an expensive photographer, and tons of decorations. The caterer and the photographer between them pretty much ruined her wedding. The photographer wanted to take pictures of the bridal party before the ceremony, and made us all show up three hours before the ceremony was scheduled to start. He ran out of film, his camera broke, and he basically had us all frazzled and worn out before the wedding even started. The caterer was late, and barely showed up in time to serve the food. She didn''t have enough help, and half the wedding party was in the kitchen helping her prepare the food. The band was also terrible...all they knew how to play was Country music, and a good number of the guests hated the music and left before the reception was even half over!
By the end of the evening, my sister was emotionally drained and exhausted. She has been married for almost 20 years now, and to this day she can''t stand to look at her wedding album because it holds too many "painful" memories for her.
Even my ill-fated first marriage wasn''t as bad as my sisters! The marriage was doomed, but our wedding was nice...lol. We got married in a little country churchand my best friend played the organ. We held the reception in the church hall. I think our meal consisted of fried chicken and potato salad. Pretty simple.
I worked three jobs last year to save up for the wedding; we set our budget at $10,000, and that's what we're sticking with. It means less flowers, getting married at a Masonic Lodge (that has a beautiful backyard area for the ceremony), a less snazzy caterer, luncheon rather than dinner, and a smaller guest list, at about 60 people. I've had people say to me to invite more people who live far away, they wont come and we'll get gifts or cash, but to me, that's not the purpose of a wedding, and I find that idea icky. Our caterer is located in the lodge, and is putting together a kids menu that costs us 20 bucks per kid, verus the 50 bucks for adults, so that's helped tremendously. We're also putting aside $250 a month into our "honeymoon account." By the wedding, we'll have $3000 saved, so that we can go to Hawaii and be big spenders, without budget contraints. I think it takes a lot of forethought and saving, but coming up with $250 a month is much more satisfying and safe than putting $3000 on a credit card. If you have time, putting aside a little every month, whether it's for the honeymoon or the wedding itself will add up quickly and then you wont be in debt at all!
Don''t go into debt for any wedding ceremony. At best, it lasts 1 day. 50% of marriages end in divorce. DF is right on about "until debt do us part". That''s why I finally ditched Dud Bum. Deep in debt at marriage, 20 yrs to pay off BS degree loans, racked up another $35K afterward, rooked insurance company out of many $1000s, mama''s baby bum boy all the way. Good for nothing except riding on my coat tails. There just isn''t enough love to put up with that cr*p.
Benefit of having a wedding vs. eloping: You''ll receive more gifts and many will be money. If you keep per-guest cost low, you''ll probably make a profit. Personally, I''d have eloped but both families wanted the wedding. Next time I do as I please.
Benefit of having a wedding vs. eloping: You''ll receive more gifts and many will be money. If you keep per-guest cost low, you''ll probably make a profit. Personally, I''d have eloped but both families wanted the wedding. Next time I do as I please.
sparklechick
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- May 25, 2005
- Messages
- 38
I''m in the middle of planning my wedding and have often thought about eloping. But when I mention this to my BF he says how we''ll probably end up regreting it and I know our families will be so disappointed if we don''t have a wedding. We don''t want to go into debt over it either. My parents offered to pay but we don''t feel right about taking their money since both my BF and I have good jobs and make good money. They''re paying for our honeymoon as part of our wedding present which will be a big help.
We have money saved up for this so we''re trying to be good about the planning but it''s not so easy. Right now our guest list is almost 270 and neither of our families will budge on their invite lists so we''re trying to figure out how to do this.
Another problem is that we''re getting married in Manhattan so everything seems much more expensive here. We thought about going outside of the city but to make it easier for our traveling guests (and about 70% will be traveling) we''re having it in the city.
My advice is that if you''re going to go the wedding route, sit down and plan a budget and stick to it. It can be very easy to go overboard but if you really want to go into the marriage with minimal debt it might help you stick to your budget. You might also want to think of a destination wedding. My friend had hers in Jamaica and she only spent about $9k for everything and even though it was very small, it was still beautiful and wonderful.
It really is one day and one day only and do you want to go into debt for something that is only about 6 hours long?
We have money saved up for this so we''re trying to be good about the planning but it''s not so easy. Right now our guest list is almost 270 and neither of our families will budge on their invite lists so we''re trying to figure out how to do this.
Another problem is that we''re getting married in Manhattan so everything seems much more expensive here. We thought about going outside of the city but to make it easier for our traveling guests (and about 70% will be traveling) we''re having it in the city.
My advice is that if you''re going to go the wedding route, sit down and plan a budget and stick to it. It can be very easy to go overboard but if you really want to go into the marriage with minimal debt it might help you stick to your budget. You might also want to think of a destination wedding. My friend had hers in Jamaica and she only spent about $9k for everything and even though it was very small, it was still beautiful and wonderful.
It really is one day and one day only and do you want to go into debt for something that is only about 6 hours long?
jellybean
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 16, 2005
- Messages
- 624
We didn''t go into debt either even though we had a fairly large wedding. We put money aside in our "wedding fund" and if something cost more than we budgeted, then we just spent less on another area. We thought about eloping but we both wanted a church wedding and we knew our families would be really disappointed so we went with it. Sometimes I look back and say we should have spent the $13,000 (in 1999) elsewhere, but we had a fabulous day and wonderful memories of it. I don''t regret it at all.
We did take a lot of shortcuts like others mentioned. My family did the flower arrangements for the church with silk flowers -- and you really could NOT tell the difference. We did not give out favors. I had my dress made. My husband wore his own tux (even though the groom''s tux is usually free, we passed the savings on to the groomsmen). Our flowers for the reception we did ourselves -- we bought small vases from Crate and Barrell outlet for $1 each and bought the flowers in bulk from the floral department of a grocery store -- and we got a TON of compliments on them! My mom works at a hospital and they have a print shop there and you could order invitations from the print shop -- saved us a ton of $$ and they looked as nice as the expensive ones. We did "family style" for dinner instead of surf & turf. Our best deal was booking our reception hall while it was still under construction. It was a bit of a gamle b/c all we had to go on was the architect''s and designers drawings but the place turned out fabulous! In fact, several people that went to our wedding had their receptions there too.
Just remember to have the wedding YOU want to have. You can have an awesome wedding without going into debt. People still talk about our wedding almost 6 years later.
We did take a lot of shortcuts like others mentioned. My family did the flower arrangements for the church with silk flowers -- and you really could NOT tell the difference. We did not give out favors. I had my dress made. My husband wore his own tux (even though the groom''s tux is usually free, we passed the savings on to the groomsmen). Our flowers for the reception we did ourselves -- we bought small vases from Crate and Barrell outlet for $1 each and bought the flowers in bulk from the floral department of a grocery store -- and we got a TON of compliments on them! My mom works at a hospital and they have a print shop there and you could order invitations from the print shop -- saved us a ton of $$ and they looked as nice as the expensive ones. We did "family style" for dinner instead of surf & turf. Our best deal was booking our reception hall while it was still under construction. It was a bit of a gamle b/c all we had to go on was the architect''s and designers drawings but the place turned out fabulous! In fact, several people that went to our wedding had their receptions there too.
Just remember to have the wedding YOU want to have. You can have an awesome wedding without going into debt. People still talk about our wedding almost 6 years later.
LadyluvsLuxury
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- May 22, 2005
- Messages
- 1,324
My hubby and I married out of college. We wanted to elope (b/c the little savings we had was to purchase a townhouse), well my parents had a FIT! See we are carribean and family is EVERYTHING, however my side of the family alone is HUGE. My mom is the baby of 12 and my dad is the middle boy of 10, that doesn''t include their children, and their children children etc. Same thing with hubbys family. But there was no way to invite one aunt without the other, or one cousin without another. But I knew that I didn''t want us to be in any debt starting out (we both had cars paid off, no student loans, no credit card debt, no nothing!) and we surely did not want to take out a loan and deplete our savings for a huge wedding. Well after much going back and forth, we (my DH and I) ended up paying for my dress and accessories, the photographer and videographer and my parents and his parents paid everything else. I do not regret one moment of our wedding and it was alot of compromising but had our parents not offered to foot most of the bill we definitely would not have gone that route. It is more important for you to start off on the right foot in your new marriage than to appease everyone else, especially if there is as much disaccord as you said there is in your family. When you and your new hubby are struggling to pay off wedding debt, will any of them be there to help you out?
codex57
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2004
- Messages
- 1,492
Do that many people really put their wedding on a credit card? At 20%, that''s just insane. We''re having a pretty big wedding, but we''re saving for it. Nothing will be on a credit card. We were using a money market account as a savings account, but we just found out about ING Direct and its 3% so we''re in the process of transferring everything over there. We hope to have earned a couple hundred extra bucks that way by the time the wedding rolls around.
sjz
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2005
- Messages
- 1,173
This thread reminds me of an episode of Dr. Phil that I saw once. It was about big extravagant weddings and the "aftermath". One couple had spent six figures on their wedding alone (not counting the honeymoon). Before they were even married one year, they were hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt and their marriage was on the rocks.
I remember Dr. Phil saying to this couple, and the other couples who were in similar straits, something to the effect of "If you guys had spent this much time, effort, and money planning your MARRIAGE as opposed to your WEDDING, you wouldn''t be sitting here with all these problems today!". I don''t think that I will ever forget that!
I''m not saying that people who have lavish weddings and go all out when it comes to spending whatever they have to spend to have a dream wedding are wrong. But sometimes it''s hard not to get the impression that so much of what is spent on a wedding is done to impress other people or to "out do" their peers. A wedding that is happy, joyous, and meaningful is the important thing. I don''t think that a couple necessarily needs to spend a fortune to accomplish that.
I remember Dr. Phil saying to this couple, and the other couples who were in similar straits, something to the effect of "If you guys had spent this much time, effort, and money planning your MARRIAGE as opposed to your WEDDING, you wouldn''t be sitting here with all these problems today!". I don''t think that I will ever forget that!
I''m not saying that people who have lavish weddings and go all out when it comes to spending whatever they have to spend to have a dream wedding are wrong. But sometimes it''s hard not to get the impression that so much of what is spent on a wedding is done to impress other people or to "out do" their peers. A wedding that is happy, joyous, and meaningful is the important thing. I don''t think that a couple necessarily needs to spend a fortune to accomplish that.
Libster
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Messages
- 998
We've been married now for 15 1/2 years and I wouldn't change a thing about our wedding. I wasn't one of those little girls who dreamed of her big wedding day. I could have eloped and been happy, but that would have been a huge disappointment to my Mom. I'm an only child and eloping was out of the question. My parents were paying for the wedding and I'll never forget my father's famous words "I'm not paying for people I don't know, to eat!"........
That sentence set the tone for the wedding. We invited around 150 people for an 11:00am ceremony followed by a small church reception.....you know the old fashioned southern kind!!! I only had one attendant and saved money on large floral arrangements by having more greenery and candles, than flowers. I splurged on a really good photographer, as I felt that would be something I'd regret if the photos turned out poorly. After it was all said and done, my parents spent a little less than $5k and that was including all costs, down to the cleaning and preservation of my wedding gown. Like I said before, I wouldn't change a thing and neither would my parents! It was a wonderful experience for everyone, and we started our life out debt free!!
That sentence set the tone for the wedding. We invited around 150 people for an 11:00am ceremony followed by a small church reception.....you know the old fashioned southern kind!!! I only had one attendant and saved money on large floral arrangements by having more greenery and candles, than flowers. I splurged on a really good photographer, as I felt that would be something I'd regret if the photos turned out poorly. After it was all said and done, my parents spent a little less than $5k and that was including all costs, down to the cleaning and preservation of my wedding gown. Like I said before, I wouldn't change a thing and neither would my parents! It was a wonderful experience for everyone, and we started our life out debt free!!
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