Can someone experienced with Indian weddings help me out please?

[neatfreak]

So a good friend of mine is getting married in late September. It's an evening wedding, but no attire was specified on the invite. Her hubby to be is not Indian, so not everyone will be wearing saris. What the heck do I wear? And more importantly, what do I NOT wear?

So far I know that:

1. Red is the bride's color.
2. White is a color of mourning.
3. The bride's mother has something against wearing black at weddings of any kind.

So is ivory ok at this type of wedding? Or is it too close to white?

Now, I have heard that there might be "colors" for other important people in the family too, and I don't want to offend anyone. But when I asked the bride about it, she couldn't care less what we wear, so she says "just wear anything you want!". Which doesn't help.

Any ideas??? I am not opposed to wearing a sari, but don't want to spend a lot of $ on one. Would it be weird to ask my friend to borrow one? Or should I just go with cocktail attire?

Help me please!

 

[Nicrez]

If you feel comfortable in a costume that is not your style, that is a personal choice of a non-Indian wearing a sari. Personally, I love them to bits! I have been in an Indian/American wedding and wore red and white one, just like the bride. I have been to an Indian wedding where the bride wore beige and gold and another where the bride wore pink. So in the end, depending on the strict traditions, the bride is the best guide as to what you can wear safely. Not one person will be focused on what you are wearing during the ceremnoy esepcially if it is respectfully covering and fits you well. The colors best to stick to are bright and sunny colors. Indian weddings are very festive and full of color and tradition and amazing food. it really is a celebration and traditional weddings can go on for days!

If it's a mixed wedding, then a nice cocktail dress in a vibrant color like a yellow or fushia, or even a ivory would be fine. Just add a sweater of color in case you feel "too beige". Be creative, and if you borrow a sari, have the person tie it for you. They are not complex to do, but you WILL need assistance. Also, if you wear a sari, they take some getting used to walking. Know they are the most traditional wardrob, and if you feel more comfortable, as if you can wear something less formal, like a salwar kameez (loose fabric long tops with pants) or a lengha choli (which can be like a sari, with less tying and complication), which is easier to wear. (picture attached)

To find stuff like that, go to the local Indian areas of your state, I know we have lots in NYC (Murray Hill) and then parts of Jersey where Indian towns are noted for their mostly Indian fare... Not sure where you are located, but if all this is too much (and they can run from $50-$5000+) for Saris, you might want to just get a pretty and lively cocktail dress and call it a day.

Also saris will bear midrfiff. Not everyone is comfortable with that. Personally I trained for my wearing of the sari and I have to say it was so perfect to showcase all the hard work, just to find that the majority of the women who wore saris had no abs left and they could have cared less! It's a traditional costume and they can be really lovely if you are confident enough, I think...

Good luck and have fun!!!

 

[asscherisme]

The first thing that comes to mind is that if you are good enough friends with her to ask to borrow clothing to wear to the wedding then you should be asking HER what its appropriate for non indian guests to wear.

Sounds like it will be a fun wedding. I love attending weddings from different cultures.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 8/27/2007 9:42:32 AM
Author: amylikesrocks
The first thing that comes to mind is that if you are good enough friends with her to ask to borrow clothing to wear to the wedding then you should be asking HER what its appropriate for non indian guests to wear.


Sounds like it will be a fun wedding. I love attending weddings from different cultures.

It should be a blast! But the thing is I DID ask her as I mentioned above, and she said "wear whatever!!!". She is super sweet and the most laid back bride ever. So it isn''t HER I am worried about, it''s her family! I don''t want to offend anyone and I have heard stories of her mother being very "gossipy" about wedding attire, so I don''t want to offend her. But the bride doesn''t seem to care, lol!!!

 

[simplysplendid]

Ooh, I can think of so many beautiful colours that saris comes in.. choose one in yellow, fuschia, bright pink, baby pink, bright blue, sky blue, baby blue, lime green etc etc etc.. they look STUNNING with the gold threads/embroidery..

 

[Beacon]

I love that lengha choli concept that Nicrez posted! I have a few shalwaar kameez they are so comfortable. I think the Indian outfits can be stunningly beautiful.

If it were me, I would try and find a sari or choli that is reasonably priced to wear. If I didn''t want to go that route I would wear a long dress in one of the "non reserved" colors. I would wear an ankle length as I would figure most of the Indian ladies would have long dresses, e.g. saris and I would be safest with something longer too.

It sounds like a great wedding with a wonderful interplay of cultures. Have fun!

 

[Nicrez]

If it''s a mixed wedding there''s no need to wear ankle legth per se, but certainly nothing above the knee. As for where one can find Lengha Cholis and Saris, but again I don''t suggest a sari, as the cheaper ones are not as attractive, but the nicer ones can go into the 100''s for just the skirt. Then you have to buy the shirt, which is ususally a tight fitted cropped shirt, and can often come with the Sari or not. Traditional saris would not really have the shirt included, just the very long fabric that is wrapped to create the skirt and wrap. if you can borrow a sari, have that same person tie it for you. The skirt tie is a bit complex with it''s folds and positioning to wear it properly.

A Choli is easier to wear and can be more attractive in the cheaper price points (because they are less formal and younger women often wear them) they are becoming popular, so there are more up to date styles.

This is similar to the one I wore for the wedding, and she wore a bright red with white gold. The bride''s gown was truly fantastic and with her chestnut hair it just glowed on her tan skin!

Some can get pricey, what are you looking to spend? here''s one at a lower price point (but remember they are hand made often, so NOT cheap):
http://www.novahaat.com/servlet/the-2684/3P-DESIGNER-LEHNGA-LENGHA/Detail

 

[Nicrez]

Here the quality is quite low, BUT the Sari is only $50, but you would have to get the matching blouse as well...

http://stores.channeladvisor.com/Uniquessentials/Store/Category.aspx?&Page=2&Sort=1&catid=11725

I feel it''s better to shop in person if you get one. You never know what color might be best on you and which style is most flattering. Plus it''s really fun! When I went to a shop recently with a friend (the shop was Payal Singhal) they were truly turly wonderful. She had hers made for a wedding in London and we had a blast trying on the fabrics and seeing what was most flattering. They opened a shop here in NY recently around 23rd Street. Not sure wher you are located, but they must have a website online.

 

[tanvistar]

Hi – I normally don''t post here but read your posting and wanted to respond to a couple things. Maybe it''s b/c I''m Indian or maybe b/c I''m a neutral third party…. First off, I wanted to say that it''s probably not the bride''s mother that is "gossipy" and against wearing black to the wedding. Black is generally a color worn to somber events (i.e. funerals) so probably not the most auspicious color to be wearing to a wedding ceremony.

Also I consider myself a pretty well acclimated person but still in touch w/ my culture and I''ve never heard of certain colors being reserved for members of the family. No, I wouldn''t wear red (bride''s color) or black but other than that, it''s fair game. Go with whatever you look best in!

I also think you should take the bride''s advice – if she said what you were thinking of wearing is fine, I''m guessing she wasn''t lying. I would however throw in a caveat of borrowing a sari from her if the wedding is coming up soon. It''s sometimes hard to find a blouse that''ll fit you and blouses that are too big definitely do not look good (plus would the bride even have time find a blouse she can borrow for you).

Oh, and – I''m getting married in a few months and thought your comment was interesting – the invite didn''t specify attire. Is that common place these days? I''ve never heard of that and am wondering if people are putting that in for attendees that have no "experience" at an Indian wedding.

Ciao!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

We went to a traditional Indian wedding last summer. I wore a simple gold(ish) strapless dress with a shawl. Honestly I didn''t even think about what was play to wear. I didn''t feel odd though. The groom isn''t Indian and most of their friends aren''t (I can''t remember what the other women wore) but the only ones in Saris were Indian. Not sure if this helps at all! It was a very interesting ceremony. I really enjoyed it.

 

[hikerchick]

I am indian and also a very laid back bride to be . . . I am not including any instructions about attire in my invites. My FI is also a non-indian white american. So, I would guess she probably means it when she says where anything at all. Red is traditionally the bride''s color so I would stay away from that . . . though she might not even personally care. Wearing black has never been frowned upon at weddings in my family. In my family and I believe in much of the cultures in the East, white is indeed the color of mourning. There has never been any faux pas with black at least in my extended family but indians in general don''t wear black as we are a people of vibrant color. I say, stay away from red, white and black and wear a dress with color if you want to fit the general indian feel. I wouldn''t stress too much about offending people.

As far as wearing a sari, saris are not very expensive when compared to ghagra cholis or lengha cholis or even salwars BUT saris have to be "tied" . . . they are just one long piece of fabric about 6 yards in length. If you don''t have experience in tying one figuring it out even with help from the indian "aunties" is an ordeal. The other outfits are easier to put on. Also, with a sari, you will have some trouble dancing, it can be a little constricting and you have to get your choli (blouse) stitched.

I am offering up my indian wardrobe to my american friends if they want to join in the dress-up fun . . . so that might be something your friend wouldn''t mind doing for you. If you are close enough to her just ask.

And have fun . . .

 

[neatfreak]

Thank you everyone for your advice! And Hikerchick, that is exactly what she DID offer, but I wasn't sure whether it would be weird for me to take her up on the offer or not! We're about the same size, and there will be plenty of aunts around to help me tie everything I think. Plus many of her other friends who I know are Indian as well, so I am sure they could help me too...

I guess I will just try and find something bright and fun otherwise! I just wanted to make sure that there were no other colors reserved for certain people. I have yet to meet her mother and according to my friend her mother is the first to notice a faux pas, so I don't want to be that person!

 

[surfgirl]

neatfreak, I work in India quite often and I have never tried sari''s because I fear them falling off. Plus, all Indian women I know are always futzing with their sari''s so I think it would bug me. What about considering wearing a really nice kurta? That''s the longish tunic, with flowy pants underneath? If you can find an Indian clothing shop, you can get some very lovely kurtas, and kurtas are sort of in fashion in the west right now so you could actually wear it with jeans or whatever after the wedding..just a thought!