Are you an your OH more alike, or more different?
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jaysonsmom
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We defintely have a ton of differences, but we share 3 important siminlarities that make a marriage work.
-I'm an extrovert, he's an introvert.
-I'm conservative, he's liberal
-I love the arts (museums, musicals, ballet), he's a sports fanatic
-I'm religious, he's an atheist.....there's tons more.
However, our similarities are very important:
-We are both VERY family oriented, and love kids.
-We use money similarly, neither of us are spenders, or savers, we are middle of the road, and agree on same things to spend on.
-We're had similar education and are in similar lines of work (sciences) so we can talk to each other about our jobs.
I forgot to add that we are about 80% different, and 20% similar, and THAT works for us....although sometimes I would mind having someone that shares my interests and hobbies a little more.
-I'm an extrovert, he's an introvert.
-I'm conservative, he's liberal
-I love the arts (museums, musicals, ballet), he's a sports fanatic
-I'm religious, he's an atheist.....there's tons more.
However, our similarities are very important:
-We are both VERY family oriented, and love kids.
-We use money similarly, neither of us are spenders, or savers, we are middle of the road, and agree on same things to spend on.
-We're had similar education and are in similar lines of work (sciences) so we can talk to each other about our jobs.
I forgot to add that we are about 80% different, and 20% similar, and THAT works for us....although sometimes I would mind having someone that shares my interests and hobbies a little more.
Matata|1359660633|3368762 said:
Thanks to both of you for your replies so far.
I was wondering about the bolded part too... that if you're with so one who's very similar, does it make things boring, or does it make you like the person more? My friend and I are very similar, and I like being with her a lot... Does it work the same for relationships, though?
Haven
Super_Ideal_Rock
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We're alike in the ways that count most for us--we are both committed to living a certain lifestyle, and we share beliefs about what it means to live well.
We're different in ways that make life amusing, or more importantly, that help us help each other become better people.
We're different in ways that make life amusing, or more importantly, that help us help each other become better people.
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There was an online compatibility test a few years ago that everyone emailed each other to figure out how compatible people were with their SOs,friends,family. I don't know how scientific it was but ended up being 100% compatible only with my sister and DH. These are people I do get along with best in the world. We're very similar on major items - finances, honesty and sense of humor. Everything else can be a compromise.
Hera
Ideal_Rock
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Different:
I'm an introvert; my husband is an extrovert.
Our sense of humors are different.
My husband is more a creature of habit and I am a little more adventurous.
I'm an internet junkie and he's more lukewarm towards it.
I am a researcher type of person where he doesn't enjoy it at all.
I love shopping and he doesn't.
My husband gets over things quicker than I do.
He's more rugged where I consider myself more refined. We mostly do not share friends because of this large difference.
Similarities:
We share similar ethics and morals.
We like to spend time with each other and like to go to movies and restaurants etc.
We have a similar conflict resolution style. We like it to be swift and will apologize to each other rather quickly (sometimes even if we're wrong). Even if we're not wrong, we might have acted poorly in response. We generally don't hold grudges.
We have a similar attitude towards finances.
Even though our list is longer with how different we are, I would say that our similarities are what make us a good couple. The differences are what keep us interesting to each other.
I'm an introvert; my husband is an extrovert.
Our sense of humors are different.
My husband is more a creature of habit and I am a little more adventurous.
I'm an internet junkie and he's more lukewarm towards it.
I am a researcher type of person where he doesn't enjoy it at all.
I love shopping and he doesn't.
My husband gets over things quicker than I do.
He's more rugged where I consider myself more refined. We mostly do not share friends because of this large difference.
Similarities:
We share similar ethics and morals.
We like to spend time with each other and like to go to movies and restaurants etc.
We have a similar conflict resolution style. We like it to be swift and will apologize to each other rather quickly (sometimes even if we're wrong). Even if we're not wrong, we might have acted poorly in response. We generally don't hold grudges.
We have a similar attitude towards finances.
Even though our list is longer with how different we are, I would say that our similarities are what make us a good couple. The differences are what keep us interesting to each other.
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No one will believe me but we've been together over five years and never argued. He's easy to get along with and reasonable to a fault which makes him very easy to live with. He's WAY smarter. But we are alike in so many other ways... Money, family, temperament, polical views, habits and we are both neat freaks. We just really enjoy each other's company. We work out together, spend 90% of our free time together going to the beach, shopping, dining, cook dinner together, do all the grocery shopping together...love checking out local wine shops or just hanging out doing nothing together really well.
He's a great shopper and owns more shoes than I do... Bonus!
He loves jewelry stores because he's a watch guy... Double bonus.
Biggest differences. He likes scary movies... I don't.
He sees those with the kids.
He's also tall and super handsome. Triple Bonus
He's a great shopper and owns more shoes than I do... Bonus!
He loves jewelry stores because he's a watch guy... Double bonus. Biggest differences. He likes scary movies... I don't.
He sees those with the kids. He's also tall and super handsome. Triple Bonus
zoebartlett
Super_Ideal_Rock
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Differences:
- He's very laid back and I'm not really. Things don't bother him but I can get riled up pretty easily.
- He's very good at playing devil's advocate and seeing things from all sides. It's particularly annoying when I'm venting about something and he says, "well, you know..." There are times when a simple, "yeah, that stinks" would suffice.
- I like to plan things in advance but he tends to do things spur of the moment.
- I'm early for everything and he's either on time or a bit late.
- I love researching everything but he just wants the Cliff Notes version.
- His writing is short and to the point but mine is more wordy. I tend to ramble.
- We're both quiet-types but I'm the extrovert between us.
- I keep in close touch with my friends and love going out with them. He and his friends only keep in touch occasionally and he's fine staying home more often that I am. I can be a home body at times though, too.
- I'm a morning person and he's a night owl.
- We were raised differently and that's definitely influenced how we are in our personal lives.
Similarities:
- We have the same political views.
- We're both open-minded about social issues.
- We share a lot of the same interests (traveling, eating out and trying new things, entertainment, etc.).
- We both prefer doing things together instead of giving each other gifts.
- We're both close to our families.
There are more but those are the highlights.
Hera, I agree with what you said about the number of differences vs. similarities. My husband and I are very different in a lot of ways but our similarities are what make us good together.
- He's very laid back and I'm not really. Things don't bother him but I can get riled up pretty easily.
- He's very good at playing devil's advocate and seeing things from all sides. It's particularly annoying when I'm venting about something and he says, "well, you know..." There are times when a simple, "yeah, that stinks" would suffice.
- I like to plan things in advance but he tends to do things spur of the moment.
- I'm early for everything and he's either on time or a bit late.
- I love researching everything but he just wants the Cliff Notes version.
- His writing is short and to the point but mine is more wordy. I tend to ramble.
- We're both quiet-types but I'm the extrovert between us.
- I keep in close touch with my friends and love going out with them. He and his friends only keep in touch occasionally and he's fine staying home more often that I am. I can be a home body at times though, too.
- I'm a morning person and he's a night owl.
- We were raised differently and that's definitely influenced how we are in our personal lives.
Similarities:
- We have the same political views.
- We're both open-minded about social issues.
- We share a lot of the same interests (traveling, eating out and trying new things, entertainment, etc.).
- We both prefer doing things together instead of giving each other gifts.
- We're both close to our families.
There are more but those are the highlights.
Hera, I agree with what you said about the number of differences vs. similarities. My husband and I are very different in a lot of ways but our similarities are what make us good together.
SB621
Ideal_Rock
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I"m extroverted- he is more introverted
I'm a bleeding liberal
, he is conservative (most of the time)
I take charge and get stuff done before the due date. DH waits till the last minute
I could spend my life in a mall, my DH hates shopping.
We are pretty much polar opposites in personality but when it comes to family, love and our relationship we totally agree on everything. We are very affectionate with each other and our children. We have very similar ethics and morals that we try to uphold. I think we are truly a ying/ yang type of couple where we have many different personality traits but come together on all the important stuff.
I'm a bleeding liberal
, he is conservative (most of the time)I take charge and get stuff done before the due date. DH waits till the last minute
I could spend my life in a mall, my DH hates shopping.
We are pretty much polar opposites in personality but when it comes to family, love and our relationship we totally agree on everything. We are very affectionate with each other and our children. We have very similar ethics and morals that we try to uphold. I think we are truly a ying/ yang type of couple where we have many different personality traits but come together on all the important stuff.
zoebartlett
Super_Ideal_Rock
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Sarahbear621|1359681204|3369171 said:I"m extroverted- he is more introverted
I'm a bleeding liberal
I take charge and get stuff done before the due date. DH waits till the last minute
I could spend my life in a mall, my DH hates shopping.
We are pretty much polar opposites in personality but when it comes to family, love and our relationship we totally agree on everything. We are very affectionate with each other and our children. We have very similar ethics and morals that we try to uphold. I think we are truly a ying/ yang type of couple where we have many different personality traits but come together on all the important stuff.
Sarah, I should have just dittoed the bolded part instead of writing the novel above.
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We are more different than the same - but less so than when we first met, as over time we have influenced each other (examples: he's a regular book-reader now, and I am a soccer and college basketball fan) so that more interests intersect... We have a pretty good balance of separate-ness and together-ness which works well for us.
D
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Different. I'm a refined lady and he's a honky tonk country stable boy.
04diamond<3
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Sha|1359658882|3368718 said:
Hm...9 years ago we were polar opposites. I was athletic, tall and took pride in how I looked. DH was nerdy and could care less what he looked like. I enjoyed kicking around a soccer ball, he enjoyed (and still does) sitting in front of a screen.
Why we came together...We share the same faith, moral values and the "big" things in life. And we truly balance each other out. I'm dramatic and come from a big European family while he comes from a quiet family and would actual pray for more drama, enter ME lol. Since we've been married (this year will be 5), we can't sleep without the other person and are content just being in the same room. I still think we're different in a lot of ways but we're definitely becoming more "one" over the years. We'll see if anything changes once kids are thrown in
Thanks for the replies so far, everyone!
Seems like the general undertone here is that even though every couple has differences, it's the similarities that make the relationship 'work'?
With DH and I, there are some similarities that make things fairly harmonious - e.g we're both introverts (which is important to me because I like my alone time and quietness) - but some differences that also help balance things out as well. For example, DH is very affectionate and playful (I'm not as much) and will 'pull' me out of a 'blah' mood when I'm in one. I think that if he was as reserved as me that probably wouldn't happen as much. Another complementary difference is that I tend to be passive sometimes/a people-pleaser, whereas DH is a 'no holds barred/stand up for rights' type of person. We balance each other out in that I help him to be more sensitive, and he helps me be more assertive. He's also very technical (great in the kitchen and other hands-on things) and I'm not. I'm thinking of more differences as I type. There are definitely some differences that I don't like, though... like I'm spiritual and he's not (curses a lot too... ). Just curious about which is the best balance for relationships, in general.
Seems like the general undertone here is that even though every couple has differences, it's the similarities that make the relationship 'work'?
With DH and I, there are some similarities that make things fairly harmonious - e.g we're both introverts (which is important to me because I like my alone time and quietness) - but some differences that also help balance things out as well. For example, DH is very affectionate and playful (I'm not as much) and will 'pull' me out of a 'blah' mood when I'm in one. I think that if he was as reserved as me that probably wouldn't happen as much. Another complementary difference is that I tend to be passive sometimes/a people-pleaser, whereas DH is a 'no holds barred/stand up for rights' type of person. We balance each other out in that I help him to be more sensitive, and he helps me be more assertive. He's also very technical (great in the kitchen and other hands-on things) and I'm not. I'm thinking of more differences as I type. There are definitely some differences that I don't like, though... like I'm spiritual and he's not (curses a lot too...
). Just curious about which is the best balance for relationships, in general.
Haven
Super_Ideal_Rock
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YT|1359687285|3369250 said:
Are you The Pioneer Woman??? I love your blog!
http://thepioneerwoman.com/
jaysonsmom
Ideal_Rock
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Sha|1359727397|3369500 said:Thanks for the replies so far, everyone!
Seems like the general undertone here is that even though every couple has differences, it's the similarities that make the relationship 'work'?
With DH and I, there are some similarities that make things fairly harmonious - e.g we're both introverts (which is important to me because I like my alone time and quietness) - but some differences that also help balance things out as well. For example, DH is very affectionate and playful (I'm not as much) and will 'pull' me out of a 'blah' mood when I'm in one. I think that if he was as reserved as me that probably wouldn't happen as much. Another complementary difference is that I tend to be passive sometimes/a people-pleaser, whereas DH is a 'no holds barred/stand up for rights' type of person. We balance each other out in that I help him to be more sensitive, and he helps me be more assertive. He's also very technical (great in the kitchen and other hands-on things) and I'm not. I'm thinking of more differences as I type. There are definitely some differences that I don't like, though... like I'm spiritual and he's not (curses a lot too...
Yeah, that also drives me nuts about my husband....especially when he's using blasphemous curses like Je....f'ing.....C!
Sometimes I wonder how we ever got together!
SB621
Ideal_Rock
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Zoe|1359682491|3369196 said:Sarahbear621|1359681204|3369171 said:I"m extroverted- he is more introverted
I'm a bleeding liberal
I take charge and get stuff done before the due date. DH waits till the last minute
I could spend my life in a mall, my DH hates shopping.
We are pretty much polar opposites in personality but when it comes to family, love and our relationship we totally agree on everything. We are very affectionate with each other and our children. We have very similar ethics and morals that we try to uphold. I think we are truly a ying/ yang type of couple where we have many different personality traits but come together on all the important stuff.
Sarah, I should have just dittoed the bolded part instead of writing the novel above.
Hahaha we must have been on the same wave length! I didn't read any of the responses till just now! But since you posted first I should really be the one dittoing to you!
I'd say we have a great deal in common, but it's a balance between personalities, personal beliefs and an overruling sense of good humour about everything. He's very conservative, I'm very liberal. He is outnumbered, since our daughters are also very liberal like me, so there is a lot of teasing at all times about political issues or general beliefs. We laugh with and at each other, and forgive each other fairly quickly. This year is our 30th anniversary. We've had really rough times throughout our lives, but we got through it. We pick our battles so to speak. For me, I can agree to pretty much anything and everything, so it's not too hard.
He's very conservative, I'm very liberal. He is outnumbered, since our daughters are also very liberal like me, so there is a lot of teasing at all times about political issues or general beliefs. We laugh with and at each other, and forgive each other fairly quickly. This year is our 30th anniversary. We've had really rough times throughout our lives, but we got through it. We pick our battles so to speak. For me, I can agree to pretty much anything and everything, so it's not too hard.
princesss
Ideal_Rock
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I'd say we're a 50/50 split. The important stuff (how we see our future, finances, etc.) we're on the same page. Similar taste in movies, similar taste in activities (prefer outdoors, like to climb, hike, etc.), VERY similar sense of humour. But he's very visual, I'm more of a writer. We're both somewhat analytical and like to find ways to improve things, and we both like to try to deal with sitautions as they are (figuring out budgets, just taking an honest look at what is really going on). Our backgrounds couldn't be more different (him: small town in Wales, me: all over the globe).
It works for us.
It works for us.
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On the important stuff we're more alike on the peripheral stuff we're more different.
Important stuff like values, approach to relationships and money.
Peripheral stuff like religion (we're both non practicing but of different religions), most of my dh's hobbies are different than mine. For one, I love PS and he doesn't partake.
He enjoys woodworking and I enjoy the fruits of his labor. We both enjoy tandem bike riding though. We both like to read.
My dh's more of an extrovert than me. I'm more shy until I get to know someone but my dh thinks I'm an extrovert so not sure which category I fall in there.
We enjoy similar taste in movies but we have some differences. I like romance and he just watches those for me. He likes action and I watch those for him. We both love sci fi. We both love the classics. We both love scary movies. Psychological thrillers being a favorite of both of ours.
I don't like his trance/instrumental music-he loves it. I love Frank Sinatra and have been playing it all the time and my dh is sorta sick of it right now. We both love classical music. I love jazz singers (Chet Baker, Billie Holiday, Sarah Vaughn etc) he prefers jazz instrumental. I love opera he doesn't. We both like plays however I love musicals and he doesn't.
I love diamonds and all jewelry and he loves watches. And collects lots of them.
I love fashion and so does he. In fact, he's way more stylish than I am and believe me I enjoy dressing well but my dh really takes the cake there.
He enjoys cooking and baking while I enjoy eating what he cooks and bakes. (I however cannot cook or bake).
We both have the same goals/outlook for the future though I want to retire earlier than he does I think but finances might need us working for longer than I would like anyway.
We come from very different families/backgrounds but we fit together so well. We have the same sense of humor. He "gets" me. Not everyone does. He laughs at my jokes and I laugh at his. We're both pretty funny (if I do say so myself!) though I think I'm funnier than my dh. OK just confirmed this with my dh. He says I am funnier than he is.
What can I say? Neither of us are perfect but we're truly perfect for each other.
Important stuff like values, approach to relationships and money.
Peripheral stuff like religion (we're both non practicing but of different religions), most of my dh's hobbies are different than mine. For one, I love PS and he doesn't partake.
He enjoys woodworking and I enjoy the fruits of his labor. We both enjoy tandem bike riding though. We both like to read.My dh's more of an extrovert than me. I'm more shy until I get to know someone but my dh thinks I'm an extrovert so not sure which category I fall in there.
We enjoy similar taste in movies but we have some differences. I like romance and he just watches those for me. He likes action and I watch those for him. We both love sci fi. We both love the classics. We both love scary movies. Psychological thrillers being a favorite of both of ours.
I don't like his trance/instrumental music-he loves it. I love Frank Sinatra and have been playing it all the time and my dh is sorta sick of it right now.
We both love classical music. I love jazz singers (Chet Baker, Billie Holiday, Sarah Vaughn etc) he prefers jazz instrumental. I love opera he doesn't. We both like plays however I love musicals and he doesn't.I love diamonds and all jewelry and he loves watches. And collects lots of them.
I love fashion and so does he. In fact, he's way more stylish than I am and believe me I enjoy dressing well but my dh really takes the cake there.
He enjoys cooking and baking while I enjoy eating what he cooks and bakes.
(I however cannot cook or bake).We both have the same goals/outlook for the future though I want to retire earlier than he does I think but finances might need us working for longer than I would like anyway.
We come from very different families/backgrounds but we fit together so well. We have the same sense of humor. He "gets" me. Not everyone does. He laughs at my jokes and I laugh at his. We're both pretty funny (if I do say so myself!) though I think I'm funnier than my dh. OK just confirmed this with my dh. He says I am funnier than he is.
What can I say? Neither of us are perfect but we're truly perfect for each other.
rubyshoes
Brilliant_Rock
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Different:
I'm v extroverted, he's introverted
I'm v social, he likes time to himself
I'm a slob, he's a neatnik
I'm short-tempered, he keeps his cool
I'm religious, he's agnostic
I'm close to my family, he is aloof from his
I love to spend, he's frugal
Similar:
Very honest, both have a lot of integrity
Both love animals very much (we have 1 dog, 2 cats)
Both love to 'touch', we're constantly cuddling either each other or our pets
And we've been inseparable for 18 years (13 married, 5 dating)
My first bf was the male version of me. We were/are identical! It was uncanny, we could predict each other's thoughts, complete each other's sentences etc. But it was a really immature relationship. I broke it off but we have stayed friends and he's still one of my closest friends to this day The hilarious part is he is happily married to a woman who by all accounts is a clone of my husband's
So I actually believe that opposites make great pairs
I'm v extroverted, he's introverted
I'm v social, he likes time to himself
I'm a slob, he's a neatnik
I'm short-tempered, he keeps his cool
I'm religious, he's agnostic
I'm close to my family, he is aloof from his
I love to spend, he's frugal
Similar:
Very honest, both have a lot of integrity
Both love animals very much (we have 1 dog, 2 cats)
Both love to 'touch', we're constantly cuddling either each other or our pets
And we've been inseparable for 18 years
(13 married, 5 dating)My first bf was the male version of me. We were/are identical! It was uncanny, we could predict each other's thoughts, complete each other's sentences etc. But it was a really immature relationship. I broke it off but we have stayed friends and he's still one of my closest friends to this day
The hilarious part is he is happily married to a woman who by all accounts is a clone of my husband's So I actually believe that opposites make great pairs
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she is very frugal and i spend too much.
fabulousfindk
Shiny_Rock
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This thread is entertaining!
Um, I'm definitely more mature than SO in some ways... but he is much more practical and level-headed.
He has lots of hobbies, plays team sports and is extremely athletic... Um, I like to shop. And watch TV. And read. I LOVE my alone time.
But we like the same things, and are very alike in our thinking and opinions - he can say "I feel bad for so and so" and I know exactly who he's referring to because of a Facebook post someone wrote. Or "did you read that article" and I know exactly what he's referring to, and we almost always share the same reaction about it. Similar worldviews, I guess is the way to put it. And we're both very close with our families, which is extremely important to both of us in a partner.
Um, I'm definitely more mature than SO in some ways... but he is much more practical and level-headed.
He has lots of hobbies, plays team sports and is extremely athletic... Um, I like to shop. And watch TV. And read. I LOVE my alone time.
But we like the same things, and are very alike in our thinking and opinions - he can say "I feel bad for so and so" and I know exactly who he's referring to because of a Facebook post someone wrote. Or "did you read that article" and I know exactly what he's referring to, and we almost always share the same reaction about it. Similar worldviews, I guess is the way to put it. And we're both very close with our families, which is extremely important to both of us in a partner.
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