Anyone else DREAD public speaking?

[stardust97]

I started a new job recently and had to give my first presentation in over 7 years. It was over the telephone so not a real presentation and it went pretty well. I am a master at writing these things, but presenting them is another issue altogether. Ever since I was a kid, I have hated public speaking. I think it started in grade 3 when my teacher told me my voice was too quiet for a part in the play. I was upset and my mum demanded he give me a role, and when I got up there he stood on the sidelines directing me to speak louder, louder, louder and I lost total focus of what I was saying and was so embarrassed. I retired from public speaking after that lol All through uni I got great marks but then found a reason not to present things, choosing instead to take the lower grade It really affected my life. I don't think people realize how utterly terrifying it is for some people. I finally went to my doctor last year and she prescribed me inderal for a racing heart. I only take it situationally now, bc it doesnt need to build up. It's great bc it has no affect on your thinking. She said some people have a much stronger flight or fight reaction than others, and that my heart was already quite fast to begin with. I have very low blood pressure though, which seems kind of weird to me. Anyway, inderal has changed my life. I don't even blink going into interviews. I haven't had to do a REAL presentation though and that still terrifies me. Especially bc you still feel fearful in your head on inderal and I refuse to take xanax or anything like that. My new job probably requires more and more of this sort of thing, and I don't want this one silly issue to hold me back anymore. I know my material is always great...I don't even know what I am afraid of, prob just not being able to talk properly or looking like a fool. I really hate situations where the focus is on me (except I have to say I enjoy interviews now almost).
Has anyone else here ever overcome this, or do any of you struggle with the same thing? How do you deal with it? I would def recommend the inderal for starters. I wish I knew about that drug years ago! Would love to hear all of your experiences

 

[zoebartlett]

Congratulations on the new job, Stardust!

I HATE public speaking, and I'm a teacher. I talk all day! I work with little kids though, so I don't think it's the same thing. Put me in a room full of adults and expect me to give a talk or some kind of presentation though, and I get stage fright. I do truly believe the more you face your fears and just do it, the easier it gets. If you find that you have an occasional presentation to give, maybe you could offer to do them more often. Since I'm not sure what you do at work, I don't know if that's feasible though. Also, before any presentation, practice, practice, practice. Rehearse your speech/presentation to someone else. He or she can give you feedback and tips for making it not as nerve racking.

Good luck!

 

[Porridge]

Would you try Toastmasters, or something similar? I would think that practice and getting used to it would help overcome the anxiety. I'm sorry I'm not much use I'm an attention whore I love public speaking

 

[tyty333]

"Dread" is not strong enough word for me! I just plain can't do it. I tend to be on the anxious side to start with and combining
that with speaking in front of a group of people...disaster. I've been to the doc...he gave me xanax which kind of
makes it better but then I still had the racing heart, adrenaline high and buzz in my ears. Still not a good situation. Not
sure why the doc didnt offer me the medication that keeps your heart from racing. I would have liked to try that. Anyway,
it appears that my son has the same issue and will be entering college soon. I'm going to pass on the info about the ideral.
I wish I had some wonderful ways to tell you how to overcome it but I ended up retiring after I had my second son and no
longer have to do pulic speaking.

 

[sonnyjane]

I feel for you! I actually DO public speaking twice a day for a living lol (I do animal shows at a zoo), but it doesn't mean I'm not nervous every single time! You get much more comfortable with repetition though. For example, I had been doing this one script for months and months, so I'm really comfortable doing that one on the microphone, but a few weeks ago I had to do one that was brand new to me, and I spent days and days rehearsing the script in the shower, in front of my mirror, even in my SLEEP! Then, purely on adrenaline, I did the first presentation. I was nervous, my voice was shaky, and afterward when my co-worker gave me a high-five she noted how sweaty my hands were lol, but now that I've been doing that particular show for a few weeks, I'm much more comfortable. Tomorrow, however, I do my first segment with a brand new animal, so tonight, I plan to freak out and do more rehearsals, and I'm sure tomorrow I'll be a wreck! BUT, once I've done a few shows with her, that part too will be more comfortable. My point is, practice and prepare as much as possible so that when you actually do the presentation, it will be much more familiar to you. You'll feel more confident, but also take comfort in knowing that being nervous before something new is perfectly normal. Eventually, after you have a bunch of these presentations under your belt, you'll have more confidence and it will get easier. Good luck!!!

 

[missy]

Yes, this is the thing I dread the most and just cannot do. I had to give major presentations every month during my residency and you would think all that practice would make it easier. Absolutely not for me. I was no good at it. Period. I didn't try propranolol or any other anxiety reducing drug that might have helped so cannot comment on that. I will say that after that awful experience I will do anything I can to avoid public speaking. Anything! If there is ever a situation where I must speak publicly I will definitely try the drug after your rave review. But I'm hoping I never have to.

Congratulations on your new job Stardust!! I am glad that Inderal is helping you and I'm sending you lots of good luck dust as well!

And good luck to you too SonnyJane for tomorrow. How much fun is your job- working with animals!!

 

[NOYFB]

Funny you posted this today. I am terrified of public speaking and had to give a brief presentation at work today and I'm convinced I sounded like a blubbering idiot. What's worse is that I need to give an orientation presentation for new employees once a month for the next 3 months. I spoke to my boss about it today and she suggested putting some slides together instead of just "winging it" and then doing some practice runs with her and other staff that I'm comfortable with. That sounds terrifying, too, to be honest, but I'm glad she's wiling to help. If all else fails, I have xanax! LOL

 

[stardust97]

Zoe: thank you! It's nice to know I am not alone. I think I'd be different with kids too, although they are probably some of the most honest audiences lol. I agree with you about facing fears. I used to be nervous of panel interviews too. My last two interviews had 3 and 5 interviewers and I wasn't nervous at all, but I think the inderal helped a lot. Once I realized I got through one fine, I wasn't worried as much about the next one. I practice a lot as well...I was up almost all night rehearsing for today. I don't think that work's as well for me because I am more worried about how my body will react to the situation than I am to impressing them with my actual work!

Porridge: I hate you Lol actually I greatly admire people like you. Toastmasters is a good idea. I've heard a lot of people say it didn't work for them, but it can't hurt to try. I am scared of going to Toastmasters though

TYTY333 : Xanax works more on your mind I think. Also, I believe you have to take it for awhile and let it build up in your system. Inderal (propranolol is the same thing) works within about an hour or so. It's a beta blocker, so it lowers your blood pressure and stops your heart from racing. You still feel nervous in your mind, but your heart can't react the way it wants to. It's a weird feeling bc you keep waiting for the thumping heart and shakiness to start and it never does. There is another beta blocker called atenolol that some people take also. I have heard it doesn't work as well though (if there are any docs on here maybe they could comment on this?). I think inderal is very safe for this situation bc you take a really small dose (I take about 40mg, they suggest about 10-20mg) only when needed. I think it is probably very easy to get emotionally dependant on it, but you'd only reach for it when necessary. I think EVERYONE who suffers from this should try inderal. If you google it, soooo many people have had success with it. It really is a lifesaver. I am still terrified of having to actually stand up and present in front of people, but I think that's bc I haven't done it since I was a kid. At least now I have the courage to maybe actually try oneday. I would have graduated with much higher marks had I known about this drug back then.I used to feel the same way about panel interviews and now I kind of like them bc I've realized I am really good at them when I am not worried about my body betraying me.

Sonny: What a cool job! That sounds really interesting. I'd love to hear more! I am impressed that you still get up there and do it everytime. You probably knew going into your line of work that that would be part of your job description right? I was thinking I would be doing a lot more background work in my field, but as it turns out I will actually be training others a lot down the road. I think it would be really fun if only I can kill this silly fear of mine. I hope tomorrow goes great for you!

Missy: Definitely try it out. I thought this was one of those secrets all doctors knew about lol! My doctor told me she uses it a lot, even in surgey to help with trembling hands. I have since learned it is a favorite of lawyers too. Do you know if atenolol works better than propranolol for some people ? Is it stronger? Thanks for the dust

Misfit: I am sure you noticed much more than anyone else, but I totally feel your pain. I would def take her up on her suggestion to help. I have noticed that once I do something well (ie. with the help of inderal) I am not nearly so nervous for the next time. Also, I would def try Inderal instead of xanax. Xanax helps with the mind fear, but inderal is what will crush the physical symptoms. I sound like a pill pusher and I am totally not. I usually avoid drugs altogether, but this one has really changed my life. A few months ago I wouldnt even have considered moving forward with this job I have taken. My only fear is that the inderal will stop working for me, but I don't think that really happens with beta blockers esp if you only use them occaisonally.

 

[Sha]

I hate any situation that puts me in the spotlight, basically. I'm highly self-conscious, so feel very anxious when I'm 'out front' - would much prefer being in the background somewhere. I'm also a strong introvert (with a soft voice) and would much prefer to listen, or think or write out my thoughts rather than talk them, although I do love interacting with people - just not for too long periods of time. If it's a situation where I have to give a prepared presentation (like a speech or power point pres.) I'm usually okay, as long as I'm well-prepared beforehand, which I always try to be. I"m not good at impromptu speaking, or speaking up at meetings or other public events, though. My job is a counsellor, which suits me in having a lot of alone time, regular interaction with people, and having to listen a lot, but the part of my work that calls for talks and presentations here and there really makes me anxious. Sigh...

I do feel this is affecting me career-wise because I don't want to take up a more senior position and have to face more public speaking opportunities, so at the moment I'm kind of stuck. But at the same time I'm prefer that than having to be anxious all the time...

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I never acquired any confort with it--lecturing in front of a theatre of students was painful; yet I blabber with patients everyday! But one on one is a very different phenomena.

Have you tried rehursing? MY DH does this when he present papers. When I worked in research I did many poster presentations but again that is smaller scale than in front of an seated audience.

I have never taken meds--I think the Zanax would make me too drowsy....

cheers--Sharon

 

[sonnyjane]

Sonny: What a cool job! That sounds really interesting. I'd love to hear more! I am impressed that you still get up there and do it everytime. You probably knew going into your line of work that that would be part of your job description right? I was thinking I would be doing a lot more background work in my field, but as it turns out I will actually be training others a lot down the road. I think it would be really fun if only I can kill this silly fear of mine. I hope tomorrow goes great for you!

Thanks! And no, actually I didn't know I would be doing any speaking going into it! It's just something I've learned that I have to deal with to have my job. I have a degree in biology and was just planning on doing nerdy research or working at a zoo behind the scenes. My first year at the zoo I was just an underling doing cleaning, making food, and doing training. Eventually I got promoted and with that, I had to take on more responsibilities, which included learning to host the show. For a long time I was able to pawn it off on my other co-workers and I flew under the radar, but when one of them went out on maternity leave, I had no choice but to step up and while it still makes me uncomfortable (I get all worked up at home just thinking about it), I do enjoy it when I get a laugh or when someone comes up afterward and says "thanks that was very informative!", so you kind of have to live for the little positive moments to get you through the negative. I will also say that as I get older, I care a little less. In high school I had to give my valedictory speech and my knees almost gave out on me. In college to get through my public speaking class, I used to go to happy hour at TGIFriday's before my night class! Now that I'm an adult, I realize that my life is more than that moment, something that you don't necessarily understand when you're younger.

One more tip is to be casual. I find that if I joke or even poke fun at myself, the audience seems to be more interested than if I just try to be an uber professional. The other tip that my boss taught me when I had a particularly bad show was that "It's okay to tell them that you're new at this". She was right. The first time I had a bad show, I just awkwardly pushed through it, but the next day, I flat out said on stage "Sorry folks! This is only my second day out here so I'm just working out the kinks" and you know what? The crowd was really forgiving and gave me much more feedback than the first day when I just did a sucky job lol. So, if you flub up a line or something, instead of getting flustered, it's perfectly fine to say "Gosh! I'm sorry, I'm a little tongue-tied today! I meant to say _______".

 

[pregcurious]

I'm not comfortable with it, but I have to do it quite often at my job. I've found that the more you do it, the easier it gets. I think the suggestion of something like Toastmasters is a good idea, although I've never gone.

I find that trying to focus on teaching or conveying things to the audience, instead of being self-conscious of myself, helps quite a bit. Pretend you are talking to 1 person and trying to explain your slides.

 

[Haven]

I'm with Porridge--I LOVE doing presentations and speaking in public.

When I coached and taught speech I learned something very interesting--many students who dread public speaking seem to be extremely focused on themselves. They focused on fears about how they might sound, or what they look like standing up there in front of the audience. I realized that I don't think about any of these things when I get up in front of a crowd, and instead I focus completely on my message or purpose for that particular speech or meeting.

The thing to remember is that the audience isn't going to be focused on where you put your hands, or whether your voice is quavering a bit at the beginning. They're focusing on your message. (Or, they're zoning out completely and not focusing on you at all! I'm a teacher, so this happens to me quite often. ) But in all seriousness, if you can try to really focus on the message you are trying to deliver, I think that will help you next time you get up in front of people.

Think about this: When you were younger, did you ever experience one of those intense, hours-long conversations with a guy you thought was really super awesome and cute?

You probably left the intense conversation feeling light and happy, without having focused at all on little things like how your hair looked while you were talking, or if your voice sounded funny. This is because you were so into the conversation, you didn't have time to worry about the external details. Who cares whether your hair is out of place, we're talking about Howard Zinn! (Sorry, this helped my HS speech team kids! I need to think of a grown-up equivalent. )

When you present, try to be that into the message, and you won't have time to worry about the things that make you self-conscious.

 

[missy]

Do you know if atenolol works better than propranolol for some people ? Is it stronger?

Hi Stardust, Propranolol is more effective for public speaking anxiety (situational anxiety) because it is a beta non-selective antagonist. Atenolol is a beta-1 selective antagonist. In public speaking Propranolol is best because that is beta 1 and 2 response anxiety which isn't relieved by Atenolol. Propranolol crosses the blood brain barrier whereas Atenolol does not.

 

[zoebartlett]

Stardust and Sha, you both mentioned having quiet/soft voices. I was always told by teachers that I need to speak up. They used to stand in the back of the classroom and, during my presentations, tell me to yell. Seriously. I got so annoyed because that often made me feel more self-conscious and nervous. When I was student teaching (several years after being in school), my intern supervisor did the same thing. The only difference is that instead of standing in the back of my room during a practice lesson, she actually went into the hall and told me to yell.

The funny thing is that although I have a soft voice in general, I'm confident in the classroom and I have no problem raising my voice. I don't think "quiet" or "shy" are two words my kids would use to describe me. Oh, and my husband and family probably wish I would shut up more often. I'm a talker.

 

[Pandora II]

Propranolol is good (I used it for driving lessons and tests!) but training is best.

I did a LOT of public speaking - I was a politician for 4 years so it kind of came with the job - and even though I'm a bit of a limelight seeking attention whore (yes my birthday is in August) I still get slightly nervous and the first few times I gave speeches in the chamber, especially off the cuff responses - knowing that the opposition would be heckling and the public gallery full of Press - I used to feel very shaky.

Find something to hold on to to steady yourself. Breathe slowly a few times before you start and try to not speak too fast.

Training is a massive help - at school we did the English Speaking Board exams from the age of 8 which involved giving a presentation, a Q&A and a poetry recitation. Everyone had to do it whether they wanted to or not as the school considered it built confidence. My political party also offered training courses.

My husband also does a lot of public speaking and he has been on a couple of courses run by RADA (the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts) as he has a habit of speaking too fast and not clearly enough. They made a big difference to him.

Training doesn't get you past the initial nerves, but it gives you the confidence to know that you can do it and things to focus on rather than the other people sitting there.

I also found it helped to think how I felt watching others speak. In politics, unless the delivery was truly dire, I was far more concerned with the content and wasn't really concentrating on the speaker - I assumed that others were doing the same with me and that made it feel less personal or that I might make an idiot of myself.

 

[Mayk]

I make presentations to top executives in small groups and have no issues... I have to be able to have eye contact with each person in the room... the larger the group the more anxiety.... I presented last year in front of about 300 people.. my voice started to shake and I was sweating like mad.... I'm awful... and I knew the material frontwards and backwards.... and still Chicken Little... It's ridiculous.. and nothing I tell myself will calm my nerves....

 

[Clio]

I used to be terrified of public speaking, whether the group was large or small. I spend a few years as a college professor, though, and lecturing daily in front of 150-250 kids pretty much killed my fear. I still wouldn't say that I love it, but I don't have the fear I used to have.

I second the suggestion of Toastmasters or some other activity that would let you practice public speaking without the high stakes that a work presentation might carry.

Good luck!

 

[JewelFreak]

Haven's advice is super. The trick is to forget yourself & realize how much you want your listeners to understand your message.

I gave presentations all over the world to scientists & businesspeople, lots of them. In other languages sometimes, with interpreters others, slowly in English for foreigners to understand often. I loved it -- but was terrified at first.

When you attend somebody's talk, how do you feel as a member of the audience? You want to hear what she has to say, right? If the presenter catches your eye, you smile encouragement, don't you? You WANT her to succeed! If she seems a little nervous, you wish you could give her a pat on the back & tell her she's doing fine. Your listeners are doing the same for you.

Nobody is there to sneer at anything about you. They're all individuals interested in your subject & ready to like you personally. If you don't mind talking to one person alone, what's different about a group of "one-persons?" When you begin, think of the audience as single people sitting side by side, which they are. Then get totally involved in conveying your message to each one.

My boss sent me to a Dale Carnegie course before I started doing all this. I don't know if they still exist, but it was loads of fun -- they make these classes a gas on purpose -- and very very helpful. Toastmasters or anything similar is always a great idea for anyone.

Most of all, relax & have fun with the folks in your field when you talk to them. You'll wow them!

--- Laurie

 

[HollyS]

Join any number of civic organizations and learn to make presentations and speeches among people you know will be supportive. Volunteer in your church, head up the PTA, whatever will put you in a position to speak to groups of people regularly - - people who know you, support you, care about you. When you are comfortable, you relax. It does carry over into other areas of your life, and give you confidence.

I chose to join a (women's) civic group, worked my way onto the board, became VP and then President. We had several events a year where we invited the public; it was a great education in how to conduct meetings, stay focused, give speeches, etc. I might have been a nervous Nellie my first time out of the box, but being in a position of having to regularly "step up to the plate" banished the heebie-jeebies for good. I could talk to any group, anywhere, at this point.

 

[stardust97]

Wow, lots of responses! Thanks to everyone who replied, I appreciate all the advice

Zoe, people say the same thing about me! I do have a quiet voice, but I generally love talking. I have no issue with talking in meetings and speaking up. I just don't like being in front of people for some reason.

Mayk, I am sorry to hear that. Maybe you should try the inderal too. I think any group, small or large, would scare my pants off!

Haven and Jewel, that's great advice. It's hard for me to think about my message, when I am so scared my body is going to react terribly and embarrass me. I mostly worry about my voice shaking, or running out of air and not being able to speak lol. Fortunately the inderal really helps with that because that response just doesn't happen without your heart pounding out of your chest. I am going to try to take your advice though. My trainer told me today that she was completely impressed with my presentation and asked me if I'd ever consider training (right now I am working in data analysis and software development but there are lots of opportunities to train people to use the software). So that made me more confident already.

 

[missy]

My trainer told me today that she was completely impressed with my presentation and asked me if I'd ever consider training (right now I am working in data analysis and software development but there are lots of opportunities to train people to use the software). So that made me more confident already.

Congratulations Stardust!! I think you are on your way to being an accomplished and poised public speaker!!

 

[zoebartlett]

I'm glad it went well! Congratulations, Stardust!

 

[ame]

I used to be MUCH better about it, I did Bellarmine in grade school. By college I just hated it, and now I actually do get anxious. Giving my speech at my sister's reception, as funny as it was on paper, because I can write excellent speeches....I just don't want to give them...was probably 10x funnier with me giving it, because I was shaking, and speaking a mile a minute. My parents hadn't read it, only my husband and sister. But I think my dad's reactions were worth a million dollars. It was about all the long term marriages in my family, and in my BIL's family, and mocking my poor sucker of a husband. My brother thought there were some good ones in there too. I was proud of it. But I hope I never have to give another one.

 

[Haven]

Wow, lots of responses! Thanks to everyone who replied, I appreciate all the advice

Zoe, people say the same thing about me! I do have a quiet voice, but I generally love talking. I have no issue with talking in meetings and speaking up. I just don't like being in front of people for some reason.

Mayk, I am sorry to hear that. Maybe you should try the inderal too. I think any group, small or large, would scare my pants off!

Haven and Jewel, that's great advice. It's hard for me to think about my message, when I am so scared my body is going to react terribly and embarrass me. I mostly worry about my voice shaking, or running out of air and not being able to speak lol. Fortunately the inderal really helps with that because that response just doesn't happen without your heart pounding out of your chest. I am going to try to take your advice though. My trainer told me today that she was completely impressed with my presentation and asked me if I'd ever consider training (right now I am working in data analysis and software development but there are lots of opportunities to train people to use the software). So that made me more confident already.

This is excellent! Congratulations!

Clearly, you are much better at public speaking than you think you are. I think this is common. I have my students do multiple presentations throughout the semester, and they often tell me they were so nervous and their voice was shaking, etc. etc. But the audience rarely notices the speaker's nervousness, unless it is really severe.

I think this is something that gets much easier with experience, especially if you are interested in improving. I remember being nervous delivering speeches when I was in high school. I didn't want to be uncomfortable speaking in front of crowds, so I took speech classes in college. And you know what? I don't remember being nervous after the first speech I delivered in college, and now I do presentations for large crowds all the time. And I love it!!!!

It sounds like becoming a skilled presenter might be a great move for you professionally, and you obviously have an interest in getting better, so I am completely confident that you can improve. I love the advice to get practice presenting in front of familiar groups, or about things with which you are very familiar.

It's also a really good idea to practice your presentation in front of a small crowd at least two times before the big day. My husband teaches small internships every now and again, and he always practices the content part of the presentation in front of me at least twice. The first time, I listen and don't give him any feedback at all. That's just for practice. The second time, I listen and take notes to give him feedback. He usually does it a third time, too. Eventually, he won't have to practice at all. When I first started teaching I practiced delivering instructions for larger projects with my DH, but after a couple years I just started winging it because I'd developed the skills I needed to be able to do so.

Great job with your last presentation, Stardust! I look forward to hearing about your next one!

 

[JewelFreak]

Haven's advice is something I forgot to say -- and it's the best! Practice the talk several times in front of a mirror if not other people. The more you do it, the more it starts coming out almost by itself & when you find yourself in front of a group, you're amazed how parts of your presentation seem to be on autopilot. It's great for self-confidence....

....which you aren't going to need to bolster much longer! Yay for you!! That is a MAJOR comment on your public-speaking ability. Pretty soon you'll be showing other nervous newbies how it's done right!!

--- Laurie

 

[stardust97]

Thanks everyone I always get such good advice here. I really appreciate it.