What do you call your in-laws?

[CDNinNYC]

Before getting married, I had always called DH''s parents Mr. So-and-So and Mrs. So-and-So. We get along great but I was never asked to call them by their first names and felt awkward assuming I could. Now that we''re married, I''m still using the formal form of address while my parents, on the other hand, told DH to call them by their first names.

So, what do you call your in-laws? Do you use the formal Mr. and Mrs. or the more casual first name? Do you call them something else entirely?

 

[bee*]

I always call them by their first names. They told me to do that from day one.

 

[Lilac]

DH's parents never told me to call them anything specific during the 4 and a half years we dated and since we got married they wanted me to call them Mom and Dad. I feel very uncomfortable with this because 1- they have never been nice to me and have actually gone out of their way to be not nice to me and make me feel unwelcome and 2- i have a stepmother and stepfather who I call by their first names (and they are nice to me, particularly my stepmom who I am very close to). If I don't call my stepparents Mom or Dad and they ARE nice to me, it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable to call DH's parents anything other than their first names when they have never really even treated me like family.

DH has explained this all very clearly to them, but they continue to say "It's Mom and Dad" on the phone and in person, and sign their names to cards as "Mom and Dad" even though they know it bothers me.

So I don't call them anything at all.

 

[musey]

Date: 7/30/2009 6:42:07 PM
Author: bee*
I always call them by their first names. They told me to do that from day one.

Dittoes.

 

[jjdav]

Mum and Dad, my mum asked DH to call her mum and I asked my in-laws what they would like, both told me ''whatever I''m comfortable with'' and when I told them I would call them Mum and Dad, they both said they were honored

Oh, DH''s stepmum asked me to call her Mama, so I am. They''re all very nice to me.

 

[Haven]

I call my FIL Dad. I called him "Mr. Ourlast" before we married.
DH's mom passed away before I ever had the chance to meet her.

DH has always called my parents by their first names.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Both moms are mom. Dad''s are first name.

 

[Blair138]

First names. I always felt weird calling MIL her first name but then I got over. DH calls my dad a nickname he made up for him, my dad pretends to hate it but I secretly think he loves it

 

[DMBFiredancer]

Date: 7/30/2009 6:42:07 PM
Author: bee*
I always call them by their first names. They told me to do that from day one.

same here

 

[SarahLovesJS]

First names.

 

[trillionaire]

Sooooo... not married yet, but as soon as we got engaged, FMIL excitedly proclaimed that I could call her mom, or her first name, or whatever I felt most comfortable with!

FFIL always wanted me to call him his first name, but FI is a Jr, so I call his dad Mr. First name, because I don''t like calling him the same thing as FI! Hopefully I can just call him dad, that will be much easier...

My dad hasn''t decided what he wants to be called, but he loves FI! Mom is enjoying calling FI FSIL/SIL/Son, and FI is enjoying calling her mom. It''s really cute, everyone is so excited! Especially the moms!

 

[livinginsg]

Married for 3 months. Dated for 2 years before we were married. They told me to call them by their first names since Day 1. First name for my MIL but i never got around to calling my FIL his first name. He has a nickname, actually. I ended up calling him Dr. P (he is a medical doctor).

Hubby greets my parents with Mom & Dad.

 

[Pandora II]

First names all round.

Why would you call your in-laws mum or dad? They are not your mum or dad... very strange...

 

[CNOS128]

I''ve always called my in-laws by their first names, as they are very informal people and would certainly feel uncomfortable if I called them Mr. and Mrs.

I still call them by their first names after marriage. Even though they''ve never mentioned it, I think they want me to call them mom and dad. Their other daughter-in-law calls them mom and dad -- but I think it''s different for her because English isn''t her first language and she refers to her parents in her native language.

But I feel pretty strong about not wanting to call them mom and dad, as they are not my parents and I already have a mom and dad.

 

[swingirl]

I asked my mother-in-law what she''d like me to call her. She said by her first name. My husband asked my mother and she said she wanted to be called "ma". So why don''t you ask?

 

[geckodani]

I used first names before we got married, and now it''s Mom and Dad. Which was odd at first, but it works. It''s especially poignant in the case of my FIL, since my own father passed away when I was little. I tried out the Dad title this past Christmas, and he just looked at me, got misty eyed and gave me a huge hug.

 

[sap483]

We call each others parents mom and dad. It''s been that way in both of our families for generations and we are happy to continue that tradition.

 

[April20]

I''ve called the by their first names since day 1. They introduced themselves that way.

 

[QueenB29]

Date: 7/31/2009 9:55:27 AM
Author: April20
I''ve called the by their first names since day 1. They introduced themselves that way.

Ditto. Same for my parents with my DH. In fact my mom specifically said she didn''t want him to call her Mom once we got engaged. She likes him, she''s just not his mother, and doesn''t feel comfortable being called that.

I don''t get along well with my in-laws, so even if they asked me to call them Mom and Dad, I never could. I think it would also really hurt my parents. My mom was 34 when I was born and my MIL was 20 when DH was born, so she''s quite a bit younger than my mother, who is also not in the best of health. My mom already worries that after she dies, MIL will become like my mom and will have more time with HER future grandchildren.

 

[pocahontas]

I now call MIL by her first name. For the 9+ years DH and I dated I called her Senora lastname. DH has always called my parents by their first names - both he and my parents were comfortable with this from the beginning.

 

[anchor31]

They asked me to call them by their first names right away, and it didn''t change when we got married. I''m not comfortable with calling them mom and dad.

 

[sunnyd]

I think we''ll call our parents mom and dad after marriage. My family has always done that, and I love my FILs like family already so...

 

[trillionaire]

I thought that the mom/dad thing would bother my parents until we got engaged. My mom immediately started calling FI ''son'', so I don''t think she can get upset about the mom thing. I told her FMIL wanted me to call her mom, and my mom was just really happy that I would have a loving MIL who I was already close to.

The other thing is FI''s parents are about a decade younger than mine, and one day, they might be the only parents that I have left, so if we can foster closeness now, it is something that will make me really happy.

 

[zoebartlett]

It''s funny -- I don''t think I usually call them anything. When I see them I''m always like, "Hiiiiiii!" Good to see you again." If pressed though, I''d use their first names. We''ve never talked about what I should call them -- it never came up.

 

[bee*]

Date: 7/31/2009 5:16:17 AM
Author: Pandora II

Why would you call your in-laws mum or dad? They are not your mum or dad... very strange...

It definitely isn''t common over this side of world-I don''t know anyone that calls their in-laws mum or dad.

 

[CDNinNYC]

Date: 7/31/2009 5:41:41 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett
It's funny -- I don't think I usually call them anything. When I see them I'm always like, 'Hiiiiiii!' Good to see you again.' If pressed though, I'd use their first names. We've never talked about what I should call them -- it never came up.

LOL, Zoe I do the same thing (don't call them anything) but when pressed, I always called them Mr. or Mrs. Lastname. It never came up, especially now that we're living in the US and they're in Canada. We don't see them enough.

Yesterday, though, I wrote MIL an email (first one since the wedding) and stopped for a minute, thinking how I was going to write the salutation. I ended up using Mrs. Lastname. When I spoke to DH about it last night, he said to just use mom. Ummm, not comfortable with that one!

I think I'll just ask if they mind if I use first names next time we/they visit.

Thanks for posting, everyone. It's interesting to read how everyone addresses their in-laws.

 

[Elmorton]

First names.

 

[Laila619]

Date: 7/31/2009 5:16:17 AM
Author: Pandora II
First names all round.

Why would you call your in-laws mum or dad? They are not your mum or dad... very strange...

Well some people think that when your marry, your family is his family now also, and vice versa.

I call DH''s mom by her first name because she doesn''t seem to like Mom, but my FIL is Dad. He absolutely loves that and always smiles!

DH calls my parents Mom and Dad.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 7/31/2009 5:41:41 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett
It''s funny -- I don''t think I usually call them anything. When I see them I''m always like, ''Hiiiiiii!'' Good to see you again.'' If pressed though, I''d use their first names. We''ve never talked about what I should call them -- it never came up.

Hahaha me too! When my MIL was in town for the wedding I made myself awkwardly call her by her first name a few times to get us both used to it!

 

[ficklefaye]

i was calling FI''s mom mrs. so and so for years until FI''s dad passed away, now she wants me to call her by her first name, but i still haven''t been able to accept it, maybe when we are married, she will be ok with me calling her mom