Was it worth it?

[PilsnPinkysMom]

We spent a little bit under 50k, but still had a ''big,'' traditional wedding, as far as Ohio weddings go. Some things we skimped on- DIY centerpieces (bought fresh flowers in bulk offline), and we didn''t go spend-crazy, but yeah... we spent a lot of our own moolah.

I have no regrets (except spending money on the honeymoon). The day was fabulous, fun, beautiful and memorable. I''m sure I would have enjoyed it just as much if we had scaled back, but I fell no guilt/remorse over our splurges.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

We had a 45 guest DW and we paid for everything ourselves. We spent just under $35k on our wedding and even though so many things went wrong, I honestly believe there would have been just as many things go wrong at home or possibly even more if we''d had a bigger wedding back home.

To me it was absolutely worth the expense to have the wedding DH and I wanted. I think that there will always be things that we will regret spending money on as Haven stated before, but I really feel fortunate that both DH and I stuck to the things that we choose were important. I don''t regret that.

My biggest regret was assuming that I would prefer to have my relatives in my bridal party (thinking I would hate to have fought with a friend over the wedding attire or cost) as I really believe that one of my sisters was either not capacitated to be a bridesmaid or was flat-out unwilling to be one...it has really changed the way that I think of her.

Sit down and have a talk with your FI and make a list of pros and cons for a both a big wedding and a more intimate one...then go from there. You might be surprised at the things that you end up feeling really strongly about.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 2/14/2010 9:48:17 AM
Author: NakedFinger

Date: 2/13/2010 12:27:18 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett
Honestly if we had paid for everything ourselves, we would have saved quite a bit of money and probably had a smaller wedding. I loved the location of our wedding, so I wouldn't change that. My husband and I paid for quite a bit of our wedding but my parents paid the majority of the expenses. His parents chipped in some too. I can't remember what the total cost was after everything was added up, but I do know that we saved where we could. I wouldn't say that our wedding was ridiculously expensive, but it's a lot to thrown down for one day. On the other hand, hopefully you only get married once, and you want it to be a special day.


I can say that I definitely wouldn't spend anywhere close to $50k on a wedding, but I know in some parts of the country, that might be considered average. This is just my opinion, but I would rather spend, say, half that amount and use the rest for something else or put it in savings.

Yeah. Unfortunately, $50k is a modest amount in NJ/NYC. I dont know if realistically I could do it for less, which is why I am using that as my estimate. Doesn't help that I am surrounded by 6-figure weddings so thats what I compare everything to. Booo

BTW Zoe you are hilarious. lol. You're not rambling and make perfect sense. My FI is actually the same as you and your DH. He is very shy, and doesnt NOT like being the center of attention. I know he would rather it be low key for that reason.

I had my wedding in the same area for $25k (eta: Not in NYC itself - in the Hudson Valley a bit north). It's possible, you just have to adjust your expectations (which I imagine is hard when you're used to gorgeous over-the-top weddings!). I think you could have an extremely elegant wedding for 50 people or less and it wouldn't cost you $50k. It might be about limiting the guest list to have the wedding you want.

eta: You commented that most people are happy they did the wedding because of their families, but this is completely untrue for me. We're not close with our family other than our parents, so we could've done a DW with just our parents and DH's sister and been happy (it would've been pretty cheap!). We really held the wedding for our friends. Sure, a few more family members came, but it was really the friends that I throw the party for. I guess I just wanted to throw out that I thought my wedding was worth it, even though the family component wasn't a big part of it for us.

 

[vespergirl]

I have had both types of weddings, and I have to say that I enjoyed my small destination wedding much more. My first wedding was a big $30K affair 11 years ago on Long Island, NY at a country club for 150 people. Even though the guests thought it was great, I could barely enjoy it because I was running around greeting people and didn''t have to to relax and appreciate the day.

My second wedding was a small (12 people) destination wedding at a resort in Bermuda 4 years ago. It was beautiful and fun. I really got to enjoy being with my husband and my closest family and friends. We had to plan it very quickly because I was pregnant and wanted to get married before I was showing, but if I had more time, I still would have done the destination wedding in the same place, I probably just would have had a few more people (25-30). The whole wedding & honeymoon only cost around $10K, so we were able to pay for it in cash.

So, I recommend the smaller wedding by far.

 

[goldenstar]

We spent quite a bit on our 160 guest wedding last year and have no regrets at all. DH and I paid for about 70% and both sets of parents covered the other 30%. We did not go into debt.

It really comes down to what is important to you. I'm sure a lot of people would think our budget was way too much for one day. However, we really loved the way the whole day came together and would not change a thing if we had the chance. I still feel so happy thinking about our perfect day and we have awesome photos and video that we will treasure for years to come.

We briefly considered having a small DW but I felt that I would regret not having all our family and friends there. We have plenty of both. Sure, we could be doing a lot with the money that was spent but the wedding we ending up having was very "us" and totally worth it.

ETA: Oh, I also wanted to say that 160 guests actually felt pretty intimate because every single person was important. We didn't invite people for the sake of inviting people.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 2/15/2010 10:44:04 PM
Author: goldenstar
We spent quite a bit on our 160 guest wedding last year and have no regrets at all. DH and I paid for about 70% and both sets of parents covered the other 30%. We did not go into debt.

It really comes down to what is important to you. I''m sure a lot of people would think our budget was way too much for one day. However, we really loved the way the whole day came together and would not change a thing if we had the chance. I still feel so happy thinking about our perfect day and we have awesome photos and video that we will treasure for years to come.

We briefly considered having a small DW but I felt that I would regret not having all our family and friends there. We have plenty of both. Sure, we could be doing a lot with the money that was spent but the wedding we ending up having was very ''us'' and totally worth it.

ETA: Oh, I also wanted to say that 160 guests actually felt pretty intimate because every single person was important. We didn''t invite people for the sake of inviting people.

Even though we are eloping/having a private wedding with just the two of us, we are also having a reception, and we are probably inviting 150-175 people, all of whom are our very closest friends and family members. I''d tried about 1,000 ways to cut down the list, but I have about 100 people, 75 being family, and FI has 50 friends and family members. I expect many will decline, but 150 people can certainly be intimate...

 

[panda08]

I''ll be the contrarian and say that it wasn''t worth it, and I had a small 20 person DW we paid for ourselves. Don''t get me wrong, I was happy to share the day with my immediate family and close friends but I am not a particularly sentimental person (my bouquet went into the trash after the wedding and I donated my wedding dress and veil to Goodwill after we got home) and I didn''t feel that having family and friends there outweighed the money spent and the hassle and stress of wedding planning. We never wanted a large wedding. DH wanted to elope. I thought a small DW would be a good compromise. The thing is, we regularly vacation with my family and have had some awesome trips, so I didn''t feel like my wedding was really anything different. The moment that truly mattered to me was our exchange of vows and it was a moment that, in retrospect, I didn''t need to share with anyone other than DH. The money and time spent on finding the "perfect" caterer, photographer, musician, dress, officiant, etc., paled in comparison to that priceless moment.

If I could do it again, I would have went along with DH''s suggestion, ran off to Tahiti to elope and then thrown a dinner party for our friends and family afterwards. I promised DH his over the water bungalow for our 5th year anniversary

Those are my thoughts but do what feels right for you and your FI. I''m a huge proponent of weddings being the bride and groom''s day and that you two should do whatever you want, regardless of societal or familial influences/pressures.

 

[rhbgirl24]

We paid for our wedding ourselves. There was a little contribution from parents for a gift. But 99.9% we paid for.

I wouldn''t change any of it. We were very happy with our decision and wouldn''t have it any other way! Granted, we could have bought a very nice car with what we spent, but worth it anyway!

 

[Aloros]

Our wedding wasn''t particularly large, but it wasn''t a DW or anything. We had 80 people, and my parents'' wedding gift covered most of the cost. We spent a little over $5k, and it was great! People still tell me how fun it was.

I think regret might go hand in hand with what else you want/need to spend money on. My cousin, for example, spent $30k on her wedding, but I''m sure she doesn''t regret it. Her and her husband already owned their own home, had no debt, and both are in high-paying careers.

I think the easiest way to figure out how much you might regret it is to think about what else you could put that money towards. And I think it''s also important to remember that a wedding doesn''t have to cost a lot of $$ to be a fun day.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Date: 2/16/2010 2:59:05 PM
Author: Aloros
Our wedding wasn''t particularly large, but it wasn''t a DW or anything. We had 80 people, and my parents'' wedding gift covered most of the cost. We spent a little over $5k, and it was great! People still tell me how fun it was.

I think regret might go hand in hand with what else you want/need to spend money on. My cousin, for example, spent $30k on her wedding, but I''m sure she doesn''t regret it. Her and her husband already owned their own home, had no debt, and both are in high-paying careers.

I think the easiest way to figure out how much you might regret it is to think about what else you could put that money towards. And I think it''s also important to remember that a wedding doesn''t have to cost a lot of $$ to be a fun day.

I completely agree with this.

There are many things that we could have put our money towards and yet, there is NOTHING that I would give up our trip to the DR with our families and friends for. My family had never even taken a vacation to Disney together or even our own state capital. DH''s family hadn''t had a family trip in years either.

Hearing our families still talking about the trip and seeing our photos (which we LOVE!) make it worth every penny we spent. Knowing that the entire time we were down there, no one that wasn''t on that island could bother us (not my job, not his, not the ex-wife, not anything!) was absolutely blissful!

It was worth not taking a honeymoon right away and anything else we would have put our money towards.

 

[purselover]

Haven''t read through all the responses as this really struck a nerve with me and I couldn''t wait to respond!

For me I am 100% positive it was not worth it, and I didn''t even pay for it.

I really wish we just eloped or had a small destination wedding......oh to do it all again

 

[cbs102]

our plan initially was to do a DW in jamaica.. but then i got laid off and we decided to have it at an inn in PA. we had 35 poeple and when all is said and done we spent a little more than what we would spend going to jamaica. + we had our family and close friends. of course i did most of it myself (invites, programs, etc) but we hear all the time how amazing and personal the wedding was because it was so small and personal.

the hardest part IMO was cutting the guest list and drawing a line on who is to be invited and who isn''t. I loved my wedding and i am so glad that we opted to do it closer to home.

All that said, because we did opt to do it hear, we could not take a honeymoon...

 

[yssie]

I'm scared of this! That's why we're being incredibly careful and frugal with everything.




The people are important to me; chair covers, even if I'd rather have them, are not. We're lucky in that we have family that can do a lot of the odds and ends (and some of the bigger stuff like photography!) so it brings the cost down a lot. I just don't get the whole wedding mania.. it's one day, and frankly, not even the most important day of your life, though I guess it's easy to forget that bigger picture when you're inundated with all the little details..

 

[honey22]

I just wanted to say that I don''t think you should automatically discount DWs. It doesn''t necessarily mean it costs less. We have a small DW (16 people total) and we still spent a small fortune. We could have easily had a wedding for 100 people for the same price, but chose to go away.

That said, we spent a lot more than we had orginally planned, and many times wondered if it was worth it, but looking back (especially today when I got my pro-pics back!) it was worth every penny. We did it EXACTLY as we wanted, no pressure or giving into anyone, and we don''t regret it for a minute. Had I spent the same amount on a wedding that my family and friends wanted, I don''t think I could have said the same thing.

The only advice I can give to my friends who are engaged is, stuff everyone else!!! It''s your one and only wedding day, do exactly what would make you happy, and don''t worry about what others want, think, feel etc.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/18/2010 5:35:24 AM
Author: yssie
I''m scared of this! That''s why we''re being incredibly careful and frugal with everything.




The people are important to me; chair covers, even if I''d rather have them, are not. We''re lucky in that we have family that can do a lot of the odds and ends (and some of the bigger stuff like photography!) so it brings the cost down a lot. I just don''t get the whole wedding mania.. it''s one day, and frankly, not even the most important day of your life, though I guess it''s easy to forget that bigger picture when you''re inundated with all the little details..

if DF had made that statement he would been executed.

 

[elrohwen]

One thing I always recommend that worked so well for me is to pick just a few priorities for your wedding.

Say it''s a priority to see all of your friends and family. Then you would have a big wedding, but cut back on lots of other things so you can have everyone there.

Or if your priority is to have a super fancy glamorous wedding - cut the guest list way back so you can make your wedding as beautiful and luxurious as possible.

I think when you try to make everything your priority (all friends and family, best flowers, best food, best venue, etc etc) the money starts to fly out the window very very fast.

My personal priorities were 1) Invite all of our friends (luckily we have a small family, so this was still only about 80 people). 2) Have our wedding overlooking the Hudson River. 3) Have good food. 4) Have a string quartet. We really saved on everything else and focused all of our money on these things. With clearly stated priorities, it was easy to make the decision to not spend money on flowers, get the cheapest dj, etc.

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 2/18/2010 11:36:29 AM
Author: elrohwen
One thing I always recommend that worked so well for me is to pick just a few priorities for your wedding.

Say it''s a priority to see all of your friends and family. Then you would have a big wedding, but cut back on lots of other things so you can have everyone there.

Or if your priority is to have a super fancy glamorous wedding - cut the guest list way back so you can make your wedding as beautiful and luxurious as possible.

I think when you try to make everything your priority (all friends and family, best flowers, best food, best venue, etc etc) the money starts to fly out the window very very fast.

My personal priorities were 1) Invite all of our friends (luckily we have a small family, so this was still only about 80 people). 2) Have our wedding overlooking the Hudson River. 3) Have good food. 4) Have a string quartet. We really saved on everything else and focused all of our money on these things. With clearly stated priorities, it was easy to make the decision to not spend money on flowers, get the cheapest dj, etc.

Ditto. I didn''t care as much about the flowers, the cake, the music, etc., (though all were beautiful, we chose not to spend the bulk of the money on those things) but I did want a beautiful location (we got married on a cliff overlooking the Atlantic Ocean in Bermuda), a great dress (I had a $4500 custom-made designer dress, but DH paid for that outside of the wedding budget) and of course, a gorgeous ring, which my DH paid for outside of our wedding expenses (my ering & our wbands together actually cost twice what the destination wedding cost). I didn''t care as much about anything that would be temporary (except the dress) as much as the stuff that would be permanent - the rings, the photos & video were the most important things to me, because those were the things we would have forever.

 

[meresal]

Date: 2/18/2010 5:35:24 AM
Author: yssie
I'm scared of this! That's why we're being incredibly careful and frugal with everything.

The people are important to me; chair covers, even if I'd rather have them, are not. We're lucky in that we have family that can do a lot of the odds and ends (and some of the bigger stuff like photography!) so it brings the cost down a lot. I just don't get the whole wedding mania.. it's one day, and frankly, not even the most important day of your life, though I guess it's easy to forget that bigger picture when you're inundated with all the little details..

Thanks for sharing YOUR opinion in such a pleasant manner. Though you may not see it, this comment (especially the last part) came off as very rude to me. Actually, some of us do believe that celebrating who you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with, IS indeed a very important day in our lives.

The reason you don't "get it", is becuase it is obvious that you are incapable of seeing the idea of a wedding from any other point of view but your own.

Would you please clarify what the "bigger picture" is, that I lost sight of? Would that be YOUR bigger picture... which surprisingly doesn't apply to every other person that is planning a wedding?
My DH and I are both successful and have worked full time jobs since graduating college, are building our house, and have never carried a lick of debt in our entire lives. Please, enlighten me as to where my money is better spent?

You don't think that the wedding is a very important day, that is great for you, but please don't make these lovely judgements about those of us that do think it is worth it.

For the record, we had a pretty lavish wedding (by comparison), and I didn't care about chair covers either. Just because we spent more than you can "understand", doesn't mean that we were "inundated with all the little details". Brides still have priorities, even when you are spending $50k.

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 2/19/2010 9:47:33 AM
Author: meresal

Date: 2/18/2010 5:35:24 AM

Author: yssie

I''m scared of this! That''s why we''re being incredibly careful and frugal with everything.


The people are important to me; chair covers, even if I''d rather have them, are not. We''re lucky in that we have family that can do a lot of the odds and ends (and some of the bigger stuff like photography!) so it brings the cost down a lot. I just don''t get the whole wedding mania.. it''s one day, and frankly, not even the most important day of your life, though I guess it''s easy to forget that bigger picture when you''re inundated with all the little details..

That would be YOUR opinion. Actually, some of us believe that celebrating who you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with, IS indeed a very big day in our lives.


The reason your don''t ''get it'', is becuase it is obvious that you are incapable of seeing the idea of a wedding from any other point of view but your own.


Would you please clarify what the ''bigger picture'' is, that I lost sight of? Would that be YOUR bigger picture... which surprisingly doesn''t apply to every other person that is planning a wedding?

My DH and I are both successful and have worked full time jobs since graduating college, are building our house, and have never carried a lick of debt in our entire lives. Please, enlighten me as to where my money is better spent?


You don''t think that the wedding is a very important day, that is great for you, but please don''t make these lovely judgements about those of us that do think it is worth it.


For the record, we had a pretty lavish wedding (by comparison), and I didn''t care about chair covers either. Just because we spent more than you can ''understand'', doesn''t mean that we were ''inundated with all the little details''. Brides still have priorities, even when you are spending $50k.

Exactly.
Even if you (Yssie) didn''t regard your wedding as the most important day of your life, plenty of people do feel that way. I guess not everyone has the same values.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Whoa, I'm sure yssie can speak for herself to clarify, but her comment didn't come off as VERY RUDE to me. It's just her perspective, which she is totally entitled to, as much as you are entitled to your perspective.

I think we'd all agree the marriage is more important than the wedding, and that it can be easy to lose sight of that in all the planning. Weddings are huge events (logistically, emotionally, and financially), no matter the size or budget...they are much bigger events then we typically plan for ourselves in our everyday lives it can be easy to lose sight of perspective, and preparing for marriage, while planning for a wedding (whether it is small or large).

I was a super laid back bride, with a relatively modest budget, who planned everything in 6 weeks. DH and I had a blast planning our wedding, preparing for our marriage, and actually getting married. But you know what, I DID care about the chair covers (even though we ended up skipping them for budget reasons).

We did pay attention to details that we important to us, and made sure our families could be there to celebrate with us. it was a pretty relaxing procees, but when we were handmaking hundreds of invites late into the night b/c our mothers had exploded the guest list, it started to get a little stressful

.

Weddings are celebrations of a much bigger thing, the joining of two people in marriage, committing to spend the rest of their lives with each other. We all have different priorities, cultural backgrounds, and personalities, so naturally different wedding celebrations will reflect that.

One of my favorite things about pricescope is seeing all the awesomely different ways people can celebrate and how they express themselves through their weddings. let's not let this thread turn judgmental from any side. Pretty please...

 

[meresal]

You come onto a thread that is asking "If it was worth it", and you post a comment like this...

"I just don't get the whole wedding mania.. it's one day, and frankly, not even the most important day of your life, though I guess it's easy to forget that bigger picture when you're inundated with all the little details.."

This may not have come across as rude to you, but it did to me. It has nothing to do with the OP, and is an unecessary and judgemental comment.

ETA: Yssie posted this opinion on a thread where the OP was specifically asking about whether or not brides that spent alot of money, thought that the day was worth it.

Lots of women, including others on this board, have that very same opinion as Yssie. However, most are able to see from the other perspective that each and every bride is entilted to what they want to do with their own money. This comment was not posted as a question, it was a narrow minded statment.

Her only recourse to anyone actually wanting to spend alot of money on their wedding, is that "we must have become inundated with all the little details." That is why I see this as narrow minded.

I would still just like to know what the "Bigger Picture" is that Yssie is speaking of. People are perfectly capable of planning a wedding and still seeing that the marriage is the important aspect. Spending lots of money does not equal loss of consciousness.

 

[purselover]

I ditto Bella in that I''m sure Yssie can speak for herself, but I really think people are reading way too much into a comment about a wedding being one day, it is one day! What matters is all the days that come after that one day and the lives you and your spouse build together. She didn''t say anyone who spends a lot of money are wasteful or wrong she just said she personally "didn''t get it", and speaking for myself it is very easy to get caught up in the whole wedding "thing" a little too much and forget what''s really important.

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 2/19/2010 11:08:52 AM
Author: purselover
I ditto Bella in that I''m sure Yssie can speak for herself, but I really think people are reading way too much into a comment about a wedding being one day, it is one day! What matters is all the days that come after that one day and the lives you and your spouse build together. She didn''t say anyone who spends a lot of money are wasteful or wrong she just said she personally ''didn''t get it'', and speaking for myself it is very easy to get caught up in the whole wedding ''thing'' a little too much and forget what''s really important.

I actually happen to agree with Yssie, but I also think that it''s not fair to say it''s not the most important day of some other people''s lives. I have friends who have been planning their weddings since they were 6 years old. They get into the wedding mania.

 

[purselover]

Date: 2/19/2010 11:13:39 AM
Author: TheBigT

Date: 2/19/2010 11:08:52 AM
Author: purselover
I ditto Bella in that I''m sure Yssie can speak for herself, but I really think people are reading way too much into a comment about a wedding being one day, it is one day! What matters is all the days that come after that one day and the lives you and your spouse build together. She didn''t say anyone who spends a lot of money are wasteful or wrong she just said she personally ''didn''t get it'', and speaking for myself it is very easy to get caught up in the whole wedding ''thing'' a little too much and forget what''s really important.

I actually happen to agree with Yssie, but I also think that it''s not fair to say it''s not the most important day of some other people''s lives. I have friends who have been planning their weddings since they were 6 years old. They get into the wedding mania.

I don''t want this to sound snarky because I swear I''m being sincere when I ask - but then what comes next? If you build so much into a wedding that you''ve been planning it since you were 6 and you just know it''ll be the happiest most important day of your life -what do you have to look forward to once it''s over?

 

[meresal]

Date: 2/19/2010 11:17:58 AM
Author: purselover

Date: 2/19/2010 11:13:39 AM
Author: TheBigT

Date: 2/19/2010 11:08:52 AM
Author: purselover
I ditto Bella in that I'm sure Yssie can speak for herself, but I really think people are reading way too much into a comment about a wedding being one day, it is one day! What matters is all the days that come after that one day and the lives you and your spouse build together. She didn't say anyone who spends a lot of money are wasteful or wrong she just said she personally 'didn't get it', and speaking for myself it is very easy to get caught up in the whole wedding 'thing' a little too much and forget what's really important.

I actually happen to agree with Yssie, but I also think that it's not fair to say it's not the most important day of some other people's lives. I have friends who have been planning their weddings since they were 6 years old. They get into the wedding mania.

I don't want this to sound snarky because I swear I'm being sincere when I ask - but then what comes next? If you build so much into a wedding that you've been planning it since you were 6 and you just know it'll be the happiest most important day of your life -what do you have to look forward to once it's over?

Being MARRIED to the person you love most in the world.

ETA:
That is the problem. You are seeing $$$ and you are equating an emotional level with that. Just because we don't spend $50k every morning we wake up, doesn't mean that we aren't still the happiest we have ever been.
It is a party to celebrate everything that is coming up. You say only one day

, and I say, "ONLY ONE DAY"

!

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 2/19/2010 11:17:58 AM
Author: purselover
I don''t want this to sound snarky because I swear I''m being sincere when I ask - but then what comes next? If you build so much into a wedding that you''ve been planning it since you were 6 and you just know it''ll be the happiest most important day of your life -what do you have to look forward to once it''s over?

I don''t know what comes next for them. Like I said, I agree with Yssie - I do NOT regard my wedding day as the most important day of my life (well, maybe thus far), for all the reasons you listed. And I hated wedding planning!
As for the people who do feel that way, I suppose you''d have to ask them! I''m not saying they are right, I''m just saying there are other (perfectly valid) viewpoints out there!

 

[panda08]

I didn''t find Yssie''s comment to be rude, even though I happen to agree with it. I just thought she was expressing her own opinion as to why she fears spending $$$ on a wedding won''t be worth it, not passing judgment on what others do.

 

[BeachRunner]

Date: 2/19/2010 10:45:23 AM
Author: Bella_mezzo
Whoa, I''m sure yssie can speak for herself to clarify, but her comment didn''t come off as VERY RUDE to me. It''s just her perspective, which she is totally entitled to, as much as you are entitled to your perspective.

I think we''d all agree the marriage is more important than the wedding, and that it can be easy to lose sight of that in all the planning. Weddings are huge events (logistically, emotionally, and financially), no matter the size or budget...they are much bigger events then we typically plan for ourselves in our everyday lives it can be easy to lose sight of perspective, and preparing for marriage, while planning for a wedding (whether it is small or large).

I was a super laid back bride, with a relatively modest budget, who planned everything in 6 weeks. DH and I had a blast planning our wedding, preparing for our marriage, and actually getting married. But you know what, I DID care about the chair covers (even though we ended up skipping them for budget reasons).

We did pay attention to details that we important to us, and made sure our families could be there to celebrate with us. it was a pretty relaxing procees, but when we were handmaking hundreds of invites late into the night b/c our mothers had exploded the guest list, it started to get a little stressful

.

Weddings are celebrations of a much bigger thing, the joining of two people in marriage, committing to spend the rest of their lives with each other. We all have different priorities, cultural backgrounds, and personalities, so naturally different wedding celebrations will reflect that.

One of my favorite things about pricescope is seeing all the awesomely different ways people can celebrate and how they express themselves through their weddings. let''s not let this thread turn judgmental from any side. Pretty please...

Yes, what she said

 

[FrekeChild]

I'm scared of this! That's why we're being incredibly careful and frugal with everything.

The people are important to me; chair covers, even if I'd rather have them, are not. We're lucky in that we have family that can do a lot of the odds and ends (and some of the bigger stuff like photography!) so it brings the cost down a lot. I just don't get the whole wedding mania.. it's one day, and frankly, not even the most important day of your life, though I guess it's easy to forget that bigger picture when you're inundated with all the little details..



I happen to agree with a lot of what has been said above, on both sides, but I too am somewhat offended by Yssie's comment itself. The only little details that I was wrapped up in were what I would be wearing. Other than that? I was probably the most laid back bride ever. I just didn't care if something went wrong, just so long as my husband and I were married that day.

What is offensive is the judgment behind the "it's one day, and frankly, not even the most important day of your life". Now why is that? Almost every woman and man that are childless (to the point in which I'm addressing) that I know of, have said that their wedding day was the most important/special/wonderful day of their life, until their child/ren was born. And then grandchildren. Etc. But all milestones are important to the person it's happening to. The day I knew my now husband was going to pull through after having open heart surgery, so that I'd have the chance to spend the rest of my life with him? Important. My wedding day, the day we officially became a family? Just as important.

If you devalue what's important in someone else's life, it's judgment. You won't ever walk in their shoes, so how can you know what is important to them? You can't. Which is why it's so irritating to read a like like the one above in Yssie's comment.

Having said that, she hasn't gone through her wedding day yet, and this is where I think the soapbox she was on is coming from. And, from what I can conclude from the context, she was speaking about a hypothetical bride who is "wedding crazed" and I dunno, religiously reads The Knot, buys wedding magazines and spends 24/7 planning down to every little detail--including napkin folds! And chair covers! And what shoes/jewelry her attendants are going to wear! And MOB/MOG outfits! And guest outfits! And flowers! And ribbon colors! And garters! And SHOES! And any other tiny minute detail you can think of!

And that hypothetical bride that Yssie is talking about, a little bit of "her" is in every one of us. But that's why the judgment in Yssie's comment that is...less than pleasing.

As for the "It's one day!" comment, I don't know about the rest of you, but while the wedding itself was one day, the experience was a year. My expenses covered almost a whole week, my wedding wasn't about just that day, or even that week. It was about the family and friends that spent their hard earned money, and their time to come to our wedding and surround us with their love and support on a day where we publicly proclaimed to the rest of our world that we wanted to be together forever, through all of the open heart surgeries, and whatever else comes our way. It was about those emotional moments where I said my vows. It was about listening to my dad talk about our moms. And watching as everyone else was brought to tears by various moments. Those memories aren't just one day, for me OR for the people that were there. That day was just another day in our lives, but...

That isn't "just one day". At least, it's not to me.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 2/18/2010 5:35:24 AM
Author: yssie
I''m scared of this! That''s why we''re being incredibly careful and frugal with everything.




The people are important to me; chair covers, even if I''d rather have them, are not. We''re lucky in that we have family that can do a lot of the odds and ends (and some of the bigger stuff like photography!) so it brings the cost down a lot. I just don''t get the whole wedding mania.. it''s one day, and frankly, not even the most important day of your life, though I guess it''s easy to forget that bigger picture when you''re inundated with all the little details..

Yssie''s comment seems perfectly in line with the thread. I took from her comment that she was being very careful which things she spent money on so that she would not feel, after her wedding was over, that is wasn''t worth it. It IS only one day, and the wedding industrial complex HAS made weddings into extravagant events that are larger than life, and larger than many people can responsibly afford. She clearly is having a wedding, and one she doesn''t plan to regret, so I''m not sure how that becomes rude or offensive.