TMI Personal Question, *new topic for the older:

[EmDressage]

Hi, was lurking around and came across the older thread of Birth control & your libido (sex drive)... FYI (hope the link works,.....).
Anyway, wanted to post to it, but I guess it''s ''expired''? Not sure, but couldnt. So, if it''s OK, do you mind if I just put this out there? TMI warning here,.......but it''s something that has been ''bothering'' me, more or less that I am covering up and not thinking about now.
So, my TMI is that I am diagnosed with a serious fear of doctors (human doctors) and am a ''needle-phob'', if you will. That being said, (at 20 yrs old), I do not go to the doctor if I can help it. As in, no regular doc. or etc. I have a good friend who is a dr. and he was able to do my inoculations for college several years ago (after giving me a large amount of drugs (clinical strength adivan,etc.) to ''calm'' my mind, so to speak to be able to let me sit without climbing the walls more or less to inject my arm a few times! ) Anyway, (sorry I''m saying that a lot, it makes me nervous just to ''type'' this out! ) long story short, tried to go to ''see'' a gyno last year, but failed, walking out after having several serious panic attacks all the way there and in waiting room and office, and breaking down in the office several times, etc. and with FI holding onto me the entire time-if it was not for him, I would not have gone-. I went in b/c the periods were getting painful (and I was not taking meds (pain-relievers, not clinical strength, just off the shelf stuff) for them, I am now, but not happy,.....) and FI and I NEVER want kids. As in, we have NEVER (seriously here) wanted them, either of us, and NEVER do. Our lives just don''t want them, we don''t want them, our dreams and life goals/ambitions do not want them, etc. We are just the type of people who are not ever going to have them or deal with them. We cannot and do not like to deal with children in general, and the families and our friends know this and support us in our decision (after a lot of "Oh, you will one day, they have realized that we will not. We will never. " ) So, asking about me getting a hysterectomy or partial so I can not have the periods or side-affects, etc. and know I will never have kids.
It is just something that affects, has affected, my life. I get panic attacks thinking about, etc. the periods, etc. Not to mention, having kids. So, getting a hysterectomy would be a huge physical and MENTAL relief for me, for us. However, the gyno we saw completely dismissed the idea and said I have not other option but the BCP, which is bullsh*t by the way. Anyway, just wanting to see what others think of this. I am 20, turning 21 next month, and am mature (both of us are) beyond my years. I moved out at a young age and am working to become an equine veterinarian. Anything that is not permanent is not an option, like IUC or BC. I do not want to f*ck with my hormones, but I want a permenant fix. I just keep myself from panicking about thinking or typing this by, well, not thinking about it, so please excuse any odd explanations or weird sentance structure, my posts are normally not odd. This is just a phobia for me, and I want to get some other opinions from yall, as you are mostly ladies here (sorry guys!) and I feel like it is somewhat ''safe'' to discuss something like this over an internet connection, versus say, a friend down the road who will bring it up every time we talk-if that makes any freakin'' sense at all! AH!
It also affects FI and I''s sex drive, to an extent, not so much anymore b/c I do not think about it, but I am afraid to ''finish'' anything (ahem, if you get my meaning) b/c I am afraid for that lack of control I would have in such a ''phobic'' place. I feel that with a hysterectomy (my thinking, take it out, I will not have to deal with it or the phobia of what it could do, anymore,......) I could relax more with my FI and be more comfortable. I have a serious ''control freak'' attitude towards some things, and that being one of them, it bothers me.
Anyway, just your thoughts would be great, you are all such a good group of people!
Thanks,
-Em

 

[Bella_mezzo]

honestly, if you are both certain, I would wait until you're married, and then have him get a vasectomy. It's much less invasive, potentially reversable down the road if you change your mind, and won't have any impact on your hormones, bone density, or cancer risks (all of which I think are effected by a hysterectomy--though if you keep your ovaries that is somewhat mitigated...) and then you can get the depo shot or something every few years.

Personally, I would not get a hysterectomy at the age of 21, despite the fact that my periods are miserable.

ETA: have you tried cognitive behavior therapy or anything for your Dr phobia?

 

[Upgradable]

Based on what you say your desires are, my first (and obvious) suggestion is that your FI undergo a vasectomy. That would eliminate the possibility of conception.

After that, I would seriously consider seeing a therapist to work through your phobias. At some point in your life you will need to see a doctor in order to maintain your health. It''s better to start addressing this before the need becomes imminent.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I appreciate you exposing yourself and your phobia by posting this, but I don't think any of us here are qualified or capable of advising you in this situation. I understand your fear of medical doctors, but would you consider speaking with a therapist or counselor about your fears? Your jumbled thoughts lead me to believe that while your phobia is very real to you and you want a solution, you need an objective, knowledgeable and 'safe,' as in safe for you within the constraints of your phobia, person to walk you through your options and help you either get to the source of this phobia and/or help you develop the skills needed to cope with it. Any BC option, permanent or temporary, pharmacological or surgical is going to require medical intervention, something you've clearly stated you have a problem with.

In addition, in my experience, a gyn wont even give you an iud if you're under the age of 30 and haven't had children. This was the view of three seperate gyns I met with between the ages of 20 and 28. I HIGHLY doubt they'd be willing to give you a hysterectomy at your age without a valid medical reason. Additionally, I doubt your insurance would cover such a procedure without a diagnosis of a serious condition.

Counseling is something that's required of people seeking sex changes and gastric bypass. These can be compared to your desire for a hysterectomy in they're major life altering and sometimes identity altering medical procedures that carry REAL health risks during and after surgery. If you truly want a hysterectomy it would be in your best interest to have a history of counseling on the records. In addition to helping you work through your current thoughts, s/he can help you come to a well informed decision as to your options. If you decided to go with a hysterectomy your therapist could testify in your defense as to your mental status and emotional readiness for such a permanent procedure.

ETA: I really like the suggestions of your partner getting a vasectomy to prevent conception, but I still think counseling is a MUST for you. I suspect this phobia is just the tip of the iceberg and there are other unresolved/unidentified issues going on with your psyche.

 

[february2003bride]

If you can''t see a dr. without having several panic attacks in one visit, how would you be able to have a hysterectomy? Its serious surgery, even a partial one, that would bascially expose you to everything that you have a phobia about. No gyn is going to perform a hysterectomy on you at the age of 20. That''s great that you know you and your DH don''t want children and I''m NOT going to say that you''ll change your mind and want kids someday. But having a radical procedure that''s removing an organ from your body simply to stop having periods and can''t bear children is extreme. Throwing yourself into menopause in your early 20''s affects your long term health.

If you and your DH know 100% that you don''t want children, your DH should get a vasectomy. My DH had one and it took 8 minutes, and 2 days of an ice pack on his crotch and some tylenol. Way easier than a hysterectomy. As for you periods, if you don''t want to go on BC (which would possibly help you), research for natural, holistic therapies. I second what HH said above, that counseling would be a good idea.

 

[honey22]

Ditto the vasectomy, it''s reversible and a minor procedure compared to what you are suggesting. I know you are 110% sure in your desire to never have children, but you are still very young and you could change your mind later. I know of a few women who were dead against children in their 20s then changed their mind later. I am not trying to belittle your decision, you just never know what the future holds.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 6/22/2010 9:27:24 PM
Author: february2003bride
If you can''t see a dr. without having several panic attacks in one visit, how would you be able to have a hysterectomy? Its serious surgery, even a partial one, that would bascially expose you to everything that you have a phobia about. No gyn is going to perform a hysterectomy on you at the age of 20. That''s great that you know you and your DH don''t want children and I''m NOT going to say that you''ll change your mind and want kids someday. But having a radical procedure that''s removing an organ from your body simply to stop having periods and can''t bear children is extreme. Throwing yourself into menopause in your early 20''s affects your long term health.

If you and your DH know 100% that you don''t want children, your DH should get a vasectomy. My DH had one and it took 8 minutes, and 2 days of an ice pack on his crotch and some tylenol. Way easier than a hysterectomy. As for you periods, if you don''t want to go on BC (which would possibly help you), research for natural, holistic therapies. I second what HH said above, that counseling would be a good idea.

Agreed.

And this fear of doctors is going to have to be addressed sooner rather than later because it does sound very severe, and nowadays, you can''t really get through life without some kind of medical intervention.

Also, tubes tied? They won''t talk to you until at least 25, and usually later than that.

Hysterectomy on someone who doesn''t NEED it (as in someone who is not hemorrhaging or doesn''t have one of those uterine prolapse situations, etc)? If you find a doctor who will perform that as an procedure by request, I would seriously question their ethics, as well as their medical license.

Seek out a therapist first and foremost.

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 6/22/2010 9:38:52 PM
Author: FrekeChild

Agreed.

And this fear of doctors is going to have to be addressed sooner rather than later because it does sound very severe, and nowadays, you can''t really get through life without some kind of medical intervention.

Also, tubes tied? They won''t talk to you until at least 25, and usually later than that.

Hysterectomy on someone who doesn''t NEED it (as in someone who is not hemorrhaging or doesn''t have one of those uterine prolapse situations, etc)? If you find a doctor who will perform that as an procedure by request, I would seriously question their ethics, as well as their medical license.


Seek out a therapist first and foremost.

Ditto. Every single word, ditto.
If you find a doctor who will give you a hysterectomy at age 20 just because you want one, you should run the other way -- fast. It''s unquestionably unethical. Also, I''m somehow doubting your anxiety begins and ends with doctors and your uterus, so there are likely other problems you''ll need to address (that can''t be easily solved with the removal of a body part, or 3).

 

[Clairitek]

You say you don''t want to mess with your hormones, but having a hysterectomy will not be any better than being on hormonal birth control (as far as I understand).

 

[Cehrabehra]

if you''re really afraid of doctors as much as you claim, I can''t imagine seeking out such an invasive surgery.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 6/23/2010 12:14:49 AM
Author: Cehrabehra
if you're really afraid of doctors as much as you claim, I can't imagine seeking out such an invasive surgery.

Yup!!! That is a big surgery. Not to be taken lightly. Get some therapy to make sure you are making the right decision. JMHO.

 

[blondebunny]

Date: 6/23/2010 12:31:24 AM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 6/23/2010 12:14:49 AM

Author: Cehrabehra

if you''re really afraid of doctors as much as you claim, I can''t imagine seeking out such an invasive surgery.

Yup!!! That is a big surgery. Not to be taken lightly. Get some therapy to make sure you are making the right decision. JMHO.

They are both right, its a BIG surgery. My mom had a hysterectomy in December and had complications and had to have ANOTHER surgery in March. Granted she is a lot older, but every surgery has their risks. When I was 21 I didnt want kids either. I didnt want to get married either! Ha look at me now! I have been married for 4 months to my amazing husband and cant wait to have kids! OH how things change. Seriously forever is FOREVER and u cant take back having a hysterectomy but he can a vasectomy he could have it reversed like some say. Things change, Life changes. Whose is to say that you actually stay in the same marriage (not saying you wont just throwing some what-ifs out there) and that you end up with someone else and you want to have kids with them?? I think its a BIG decision to make at such a young age!

I think my advice would be to take to your fiance and ask him about having a vasectomy since its a much less invasive surgery. If he has any aversions to it then y''all need to have a serious talk. You shouldnt be the only one willing to sacrifice things like that. Plus it means me might actually want kids later on in life.

The other ladies do have some great advice for you too!

 

[Circe]

You might be able to find a doctor who''ll discuss an IUD with you at your age: they''re few and far between, but they exist. If you search for some of the childfree boards, you''ll find recommendations for good doctors. That said, even the most empathic doctor won''t agree to a hysterectomy at 20 without a pressing medical reason, especially for someone with a severe phobic condition: they''d be begging for a malpractice suit on multiple levels.

This is without even touching on the fact that a hysterectomy is a very serious procedure. It''s not just the removal of the ability to bear: it''s taking away your sex organs, with everything that implies. I''ve read studies that compare it to castration when it''s done pre-menopause. Given that many women here have had them, I sincerely hope that''s not the case ... but it''s not the first choice, either, but the last resort.

I''m going to second everybody here on encouraging your BF to get a vasectomy, and seeking counseling for you. This is a phobia you need to confront, because, what with the body breaking down with the passage of time ... it''s inevitable that you''ll need medical attention at some point in your life. Better to face the phobia on your own terms, under a therapist''s care, than otherwise.

 

[megumic]

I know you don''t want to hear this, but you asked for advice and input: A LOT changes between 20 and 25. You think you know now exactly what you want for the rest of your life, but you just don''t.

And what everyone else said.

 

[steph72276]

Okay, so here''s the thing. You have more than double your life right now to decide if you want children. So much can change in the next 20 or more years, so why do something so final? I''m pretty sure not many girls are thinking about children at age 20, I know I wasn''t. And like others said, there is no way you will find a reputable doctor that will perform such a serious surgery with no medical reason, and even if you did you would be paying tens of thousands of dollars out of pocket because insurance won''t pay for it without cause. I would look at alternative methods such as the pill...it will probably have less of an effect on your hormones than removing organs will. Good luck!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I would like to apologize to the OP for my earlier insensitive comment. I was out of line. However, I would like to stress that the solution to your situation begins with a mental health professional. As pointed out previously, your desire for a permanent, surgically based birth control option is one that involves serious medical involvement; something you've stated you don't think you can handle. Without help to work through these phobia issues, you could end up mentally and emotionally scarred from the trauma of the operation and recovery. Please seek help from a qualified mental health practitioner before pursuing surgery.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

I can see what you are saying but I don''t think that a hysterectomy is the answer to your problems.

After a hysterectomy, you may experience the following hysterectomy side effects:
• Hot flashes
• Fatigue
• Insomnia
• Depression
• Urinary problems
• Weight gain
• Headaches
• Irritability and anxiety
• Heart palpitations
• Heart disease
• Vaginal dryness
• Pain in the joints
• Memory lapses
• Osteoporosis
• Hair loss
• Low sex drive and painful sexual intercourse
• Dizziness and nervousness

It is a MAJOR MAJOR surgery that i don''t think you would be able to get through with your current phobias.

I think if you still want a more permanent option that BC maybe you could look into having your tubes tied. Permanent but still reversible if you chose to and no where near as major as a hysterectomy.

Your BF getting the vasectomy would be better still though. There is a reason why husbands get the VS over wives getting their tubes tied when they have finished having kids.

 

[Anastasia]

Em,

From the tone of your post, I don''t think that you are in the right place mentally to make such a permanent decision.

Please take this as it is meant, in a kind way. You sound nearly hysterical in your post. You are frightened beyond reason of doctors. You are having multiple panic attacks at the thought of seeing a doctor. You are having panic attacks about your periods, so you want to remove the source. Sweetie, this is not normal.

A hysterectomy is major surgery, and permanent. I KNOW that you don''t want to hear this, but I wouldn'' t rule out ever wanting children. I know you say you are very mature, and I''m sure you are, but you are very young.

I think that you need to see a mental health professional to determine what is causing your anxiety. You also need to find out what is causing the painful periods.

Please take care of yourself and let us know how you make out.

 

[Octavia]

There is an alternative to getting your tubes tied called Essure -- it's a device that is implanted in the tubes that blocks them, but doesn't actually require cutting them. I don't know that much more about it, but it's supposedly less invasive and just as permanent. I doubt you'll find a doctor who would be wiling to implant it into someone as young as you, but it might eventually be a good option to consider -- once you've dealt with your phobias and gotten into a better place, both mentally and physically.

 

[MonkeyPie]

At 20, I wanted a hysterectomy - I had yet to meet a decent man, had been on one date, had never been around children. I saw no need for my uterus. Now I am a mommy. That isn''t saying you will be the same, but it is a big surgery and it would be a mistake for you to think it''s easier than birth control.

Get thee to a therapist, quickly!

 

[soocool]

I am 53 years old. When I was in my 20s I decided I never wanted children. Then I was in my 30s and I changed my mind (never use the word "never"). I am not saying that you will change your mind, but isn''t it good to leave all your options open.

Next "the surgery", it is major surgery. Unless there is a medical need for hysterectomy , I don''t know if a doctor would perform this kind of surgery if it weren''t medically necessary and same for insurance coverage. They won''t pay if not medically necessary.

To be sure if this is what you truly want, would you consider seeing a therapist first. You seem to be talking emotionally rather than rationally. Possibly the help of a professional can help you through all this and help you work through all your fears rather than avoiding them. At 21 you have so many years ahead of you to live life to the fullest and not look back and regretting your earlier decisions.

 

[MustangGal]

You might also not be able to leaglly have a hysterectomy, check with your state laws. Arizona won''t let a doctor do an elective one before age 25, and most doctor''s refuse before age 30 (a friend was looking into it last year).

 

[Mara]

Ditto what all the other ladies have said.... re seeking therapy for the phobia AND for not knowing what you may want in 10/20/30 years.

Your post is jumbled because you are scared. I agree that a hyst is not going to ''fix'' any sort of problem for you and it may even cause MORE. Please please look into therapy --no one should have to live their life in that kind of fear.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

You can certainly get an IUD. I''m under thirty (2, have never had children and I had a copper IUD inserted about seven months ago. First, you need to get over your fear of doctors. Find a therapist that can help you with that.

The copper IUD doesn''t contain any hormones. Talk to your gyno about that before you think about removing your uterus.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

Date: 6/23/2010 8:53:03 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree
I can see what you are saying but I don''t think that a hysterectomy is the answer to your problems.


After a hysterectomy, you may experience the following hysterectomy side effects:

• Hot flashes

• Fatigue

• Insomnia

• Depression

• Urinary problems

• Weight gain

• Headaches

• Irritability and anxiety

• Heart palpitations

• Heart disease

• Vaginal dryness

• Pain in the joints

• Memory lapses

• Osteoporosis

• Hair loss

• Low sex drive and painful sexual intercourse

• Dizziness and nervousness


It is a MAJOR MAJOR surgery that i don''t think you would be able to get through with your current phobias.


I think if you still want a more permanent option that BC maybe you could look into having your tubes tied. Permanent but still reversible if you chose to and no where near as major as a hysterectomy.


Your BF getting the vasectomy would be better still though. There is a reason why husbands get the VS over wives getting their tubes tied when they have finished having kids.

You said you wanted a permanent fix, but nothing that will f*ck with your hormones. A hysterectomy will most certainly f*ck with your hormones. It may solve the children issue, but you''d be opening up the door to many other serious medical problems.

 

[TooPatient]

Em,

I know what it is like to be afraid and have panic attacks. It is frightening and awful.

Find a good psychologist that you are comfortable talking to. They can help you identify your fears and work past them. You''ll need to do this anyway before you can even consider a surgery.

Take the time to work through your fears. Maybe you will find a different solution to preventing children (vasectomies can be done by laser now with little discomfort) -- mayby you''ll still want your hysterectomy. Whatever is right for you, but at least you will be able to go see the doctors needed to perform the surgery if that is what you want.

 

[ksinger]

What everyone has said. What you are proposing is huge, with huge potential health ramifications. I''m a big believer that women''s body parts are NOT DISPOSABLE. It''s sad to see how we''ve all internalized the idea that they are to one degree or another. I''m not saying that there are not good reasons for hysterectomies, but they are done much too often and sometimes for the wrong reasons. Your reason is unfortunately, one of those wrong reasons. I can''t imagine an ethical dr. agreeing to do this procedure on someone so young and who clearly has issues. Dealing with controlling fertility and reproduction is an issue we all have to deal with. Surgery to that level is incredibly extreme when much less invasive options are available.

I would agree with many of the others here, that you get your FI to get a vasectomy. Easier, cheaper, reversible. And that you consider one of the birth control options that suppress periods. And that you get help dealing with the phobias.

 

[princesss]

Date: 6/24/2010 8:01:25 AM
Author: ksinger
What everyone has said. What you are proposing is huge, with huge potential health ramifications. I''m a big believer that women''s body parts are NOT DISPOSABLE. It''s sad to see how we''ve all internalized the idea that they are to one degree or another. I''m not saying that there are not good reasons for hysterectomies, but they are done much too often and sometimes for the wrong reasons. Your reason is unfortunately, one of those wrong reasons. I can''t imagine an ethical dr. agreeing to do this procedure on someone so young and who clearly has issues. Dealing with controlling fertility and reproduction is an issue we all have to deal with. Surgery to that level is incredibly extreme when much less invasive options are available.

I would agree with many of the others here, that you get your FI to get a vasectomy. Easier, cheaper, reversible. And that you consider one of the birth control options that suppress periods. And that you get help dealing with the phobias.

Completely agreed.

Re: the bolded part - this is a major surgery with a lot of after care involved. This is not just removing some pesky annoying little mole and going about your life. There will be quite a lot of doctor''s visits involved in the after care - making sure the surgery went well, helping you deal with your system changing, managing the side effects - doctors will be a regular part of your life if you do this. How are you going to manage your panic attacks and fear if you have to see the doctor every month?

If you think you can manage a visit or two, I would suggest finding a doctor that will let you get an IUD. I got one last year (at age 23) and it''s wonderful. I have minimal side effects, and other than the three visits it took to get (annual exam and discussing options, insertion, post-insertion check) I haven''t had to go to the doctor at all.

It''s going to be very difficult to find a doctor who will permanently remove your ability to have kids at only 20 years old.

 

[havernell]

Hope you're doing okay, Em. I always worry when someone posts such a difficult and personal topic, and then seems to disappear! Please check in to let us know you're okay.

I think you've gotten a lot of good advice in this thread and agree with a lot of the other ladies that having a hysterectomy to get rid of painful periods is kind of like amputating your whole arm to get rid of a splinter in your finger. There are MANY other options to consider first. I also understand (and sympathize) that you're scared of accidentally getting pregnant, but so is pretty much *every* other young woman, so there are certainly lots of ways to control that (even non-hormonal ones as others have stated). I also agree that it sounds like therapy to address your doctor phobia should be your first order of business so you can get to the point of being mentally and emotionally able to sit down make a rational plan with your doctor for addressing your painful periods and birth control options.

Take care of yourself and please do check back in with us whenever you feel comfortable doing so.

 

[swingirl]

You haven''t answered in a few days but in case you still reading, I doubt any doctor would remove major organs just to prevent pregnancy. You really have a bigger problem with your fears and anxiety which should be addressed. However there is a type of hysterectomy where they just remove the uterus. Everything else is kept intact so you have all of the regular hormones being produced (except for the ones made by your uterus which isn''t much). It is a procedure done laproscopically (3 little holes) and an overnight stay.

But without a medical reason a doctor isn''t going to do, especially at the age of 21. It does get rid of periods, though.