Those on the fence on #2 - any updates?

[janinegirly]

So this comes up in various ways on different threads--but there a few of us who were or are on the fence about #2 (2nd child). Some of us are getting up there (ahem) and others just are undecided, or have concerns.

I'm curious how those who were on the fence feel now. I think a good amont of time has passed since this topic last came up and many of us have toddlers with the clocks ticking. Do you feel the same as before? More firm?

 

[MustangGal]

I'm even more sure I don't want a #2. We're waiting until next year to make the final decision and "announce" it to family so they'll stop dropping hints.

My MIL is coming out to watch K while I go to a conference for work next week. I can only imagine the pressure she'll be putting on DH while I'm gone!

How is it going for you?

 

[winelover23]

We''re about 99.999% sure we are a NO go for #2. I hate to say it but I feel very relieved! One perfect one is enough for me...

 

[DivaDiamond007]

I''m pregnant!

After my DVT last year we weren''t sure if we were going to have any more kids because it would be a high risk pregnancy. Well, with me not being able to take bc pills, or any hormones for that matter, and DH and I not liking condoms, it was only a matter of time I guess

We are thrilled and so happy to be having another, but this will be our last.

 

[ChinaCat]

Not there yet, but will be watching this thread with interest.

DS is 10 months and I am not even thinking about this decision until he''s 1. But that is coming up SOON.

Mustang- Out of curiosity, what are your reasons for NOT wanting #2? I''ve seen some of your comments/threads and am clear that you are leaning towards no and that giving K a sibling isn''t a good enough reason. But just curious about why you feel strongly. If you don''t mind sharing, obviously understand if it''s none of my business.

And I promise not to tell you you''ll change your mind.

 

[TravelingGal]

I''m inching more to "no."

 

[fieryred33143]

We decided we won''t think about #2 until S is at least 3. And #2 will NOT be happening unless certain things are in place.

 

[ChinaCat]

Fiery, #2 would be a given for us if I could wait till O was 3. And also if someone would hand me a healthy 6 month old.

It''s the first 6 months with a toddler that I don''t know if I could handle.

 

[MustangGal]

Date: 6/24/2010 4:06:37 PM
Author: ChinaCat
Not there yet, but will be watching this thread with interest.

DS is 10 months and I am not even thinking about this decision until he''s 1. But that is coming up SOON.

Mustang- Out of curiosity, what are your reasons for NOT wanting #2? I''ve seen some of your comments/threads and am clear that you are leaning towards no and that giving K a sibling isn''t a good enough reason. But just curious about why you feel strongly. If you don''t mind sharing, obviously understand if it''s none of my business.

And I promise not to tell you you''ll change your mind.

Chinacat, I don''t mind sharing at all! It''s not just one reason, more of a bunch of little things that add up. If we were really determined to have a #2 they could all be overcome, but since I was on the fence (or not even scaling it), it just helps make the decision more clear to me.

Money, as in we don''t make a whole lot (less than 80K a year combined). Much more than my parents had and raised 5 kids, but we seem to be comfortable with our current expenses and throwing more daycare/diapers/etc. in would really need some creative budgeting.

DH is in an unstable industry (golf), and was already laid off once when I was 7 months preggo. I worry about that happening again.

We both work FT, and there''s no way around that. With Kyle being in daycare all day I already feel the time I have to spend with him is limited, and worry that I would not get enough quality time with 2.

Our health as a couple. DH already whines about our sex life with one kid

We''ll be able to do more vacations and traveling with 3 vs. 4 people in the family. Family vacations were going to grandma''s house when I was a kid, I want to do more than that. I''m already planning a cruise in 2012

Bad genes in my family. 2.5 of my 3 uncles are complete loosers. My older brother is a complete looser, and some of my cousins are heading in that direction. With one kid I hope to be able to avoid the looser gene (or help him overcome those tendencies.)

I didn''t even really want kids in the first place, and even now after having a beautiful baby (that I do love to pieces), I know I still could have lived a complete and happy life without children.

I''m 1 of 5 children. I wouldn''t call any of us close. We all get along fine (other than with the looser brother). We don''t even call each other that often or get together more than a few times a year, so having siblings isn''t all that important to me.

When I weigh all those reasons vs. DH saying "but Kyle needs a sibling", the sibling thing just seems so weak. DH has agreed that if I really don''t want another, he will be happy with just Kyle. I think part of why he''s willing to give in is that we have a boy. If we had a girl first I think he would be putting up more of a fight.

 

[dreamer_dachsie]

Date: 6/24/2010 6:29:33 PM
Author: ChinaCat
Fiery, #2 would be a given for us if I could wait till O was 3. And also if someone would hand me a healthy 6 month old.

It''s the first 6 months with a toddler that I don''t know if I could handle.

My friend was very scared to have a second so she waited until #1 was 4 to get pg and also she is hiring a nanny from day one to care for the baby and she will just sleep and nurse and go back to work when she feels like it! Sounds pretty nice in a lot of ways!

Why can''t you wait until O is 3 China?

 

[ChinaCat]

Mustang- All very good reasons. I often think if I did pros/cons the cons would outweigh the pros, except for that certain indefinable thing that makes me want another.

Dreamer- Well, I suppose we could wait till O''s 3 but I''m 36 now, so would be 38/39 then. Not impossible of course, but just not sure I want to chance it with the age thing. Plus I have a sneaking suspicion the longer I wait and get my normal life back, the less inclined I will be to throw a newborn into it.

I guess for me I would say that I definitely want another in theory, but the thought of doing the newborn thing puts me off. Of course, O is only 10 months so I feel it''s really early for ME to think about it.

Janine- How about you? Leaning one way or another?

 

[Pantss]

Diva, do you have FVL?

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Date: 6/25/2010 12:39:53 AM
Author: Pantss
Diva, do you have FVL?

No, I do not. I have MTHFR C677T (hetero/1 copy). I developed DVT in June 2009 while taking combo birth control pills. I was treated with Lovenox 2x/day for five days, warfarin for 6 months and aspirin for life. The hematologist said that I am in a "constant hypercoagulable state" which means that my blood clots more easily than it should. Pregnancy creates a hybercoagulable state so on top of the MTHFR I am high risk for clotting during pregnancy. I chose agressive treatment with Lovenox 1x/day until 34 weeks gestation and then will switch to heparin 2x/day after that until delivery. Once I deliver I will switch back to the Lovenox 1x/day for six weeks. Whew! Obviously, we want mama and baby to be healthy.

 

[missjaxon]

Date: 6/25/2010 12:49:00 PM
Author: DivaDiamond007

Date: 6/25/2010 12:39:53 AM

Author: Pantss

Diva, do you have FVL?

No, I do not. I have MTHFR C677T (hetero/1 copy). I developed DVT in June 2009 while taking combo birth control pills. I was treated with Lovenox 2x/day for five days, warfarin for 6 months and aspirin for life. The hematologist said that I am in a 'constant hypercoagulable state' which means that my blood clots more easily than it should. Pregnancy creates a hybercoagulable state so on top of the MTHFR I am high risk for clotting during pregnancy. I chose agressive treatment with Lovenox 1x/day until 34 weeks gestation and then will switch to heparin 2x/day after that until delivery. Once I deliver I will switch back to the Lovenox 1x/day for six weeks. Whew! Obviously, we want mama and baby to be healthy.

Diva I am so happy you posted about this. I myself have FVL (hetero), but have had some serious complications in my family because of it, we all have it unfortunately. It is great to hear about what treatment will be like from someone who is going thru it because my OB/GYN and Hematologist have both discussed this regimen with me for once I become pregnant. It scared me to death when I first heard it and honestly, it still freaks me out a bit. I feel a bit better to hear another real person going thru this, I don't know a single other person in RL that has or is dealing with this issue during pregnancy.

ETA: Sorry about threadjack ladies, I am done now I promise!

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Date: 6/25/2010 2:00:24 PM
Author: missjaxon

Date: 6/25/2010 12:49:00 PM
Author: DivaDiamond007

Date: 6/25/2010 12:39:53 AM

Author: Pantss

Diva, do you have FVL?

No, I do not. I have MTHFR C677T (hetero/1 copy). I developed DVT in June 2009 while taking combo birth control pills. I was treated with Lovenox 2x/day for five days, warfarin for 6 months and aspirin for life. The hematologist said that I am in a ''constant hypercoagulable state'' which means that my blood clots more easily than it should. Pregnancy creates a hybercoagulable state so on top of the MTHFR I am high risk for clotting during pregnancy. I chose agressive treatment with Lovenox 1x/day until 34 weeks gestation and then will switch to heparin 2x/day after that until delivery. Once I deliver I will switch back to the Lovenox 1x/day for six weeks. Whew! Obviously, we want mama and baby to be healthy.

Diva I am so happy you posted about this. I myself have FVL (hetero), but have had some serious complications in my family because of it, we all have it unfortunately. It is great to hear about what treatment will be like from someone who is going thru it because my OB/GYN and Hematologist have both discussed this regimen with me for once I become pregnant. It scared me to death when I first heard it and honestly, it still freaks me out a bit. I feel a bit better to hear another real person going thru this, I don''t know a single other person in RL that has or is dealing with this issue during pregnancy.

ETA: Sorry about threadjack ladies, I am done now I promise!

Hi missjaxon! I don''t know anyone IRL taking Lovenox during pregnancy either. The shots aren''t too bad but they do sting a bit and I''m already bruising and it''s been less than a week since I started them. Oh well though...I have to do this in order to ensure a safer pregnancy. I wish you the best of luck!!

 

[janinegirly]

Thanks for all the replies!

In my situation, DH and I have been on the fence primarily due to our ages. I had #1 at 36 (just turned--was pregnant at 35) and DH was in his early 40''s. Like China Cat I would like 3 years apart, I think any less would be a handful for us and we have alot going on right now (big house project, etc.). Plus 3 yrs is nice spacing for college,etc. Any more than that is too late for us and I''d like for them to be able to play together.

So to be honest I do lean towards yes and DH towards no. We always said we''d contiinue to talk about it but with DD''s 2nd b''day fast approaching (my self imposed deadline), the pressure is on to decide. It''s been tough for me always having 2 scenarios in my head for the future. I guess my latest update is DH seems more open to it, but I''m working on finding out why he feels differently now than before. It''s important to me that he be on board with this, not just caving in,etc. So that''s a big hurdle overcome, but does not mean it''s a definite green light.

As for me I do have some concerns about my own energy level and wonder how my body would handle TTC at 38. Maybe I should I get a full physical! I do feel diffeent now compared to 3 years ago and want to be sure I''m 100%. And then there''s all the usual worries...2 little ones, when to stop working, how do basic errands work with 2, what if it doesn''t happen (TTC), will I mourn the lost bonding time with just 1? But in my heart, yes I do want another, I''m just too logical to let that be enough. So still a lot to think about, but clock is ticking and eventually have to be decisive!

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent it out, please keep me posted on all your thoughts as they evolve!

 

[sbde]

i'm pregnant w/ #2 right now!

for us the question was not an IF, it was WHEN. in the end we decided to not wait very long and to start trying when our little one was just over a year old. i didn't want to be too old when i had my kids (i will be 33 when this baby is born) and that was a huge factor in my decision making.

good luck with your decision janine!

 

[janinegirly]

Date: 6/28/2010 10:19:15 AM
Author: sbde
i''m pregnant w/ #2 right now!

for us the question was not an IF, it was WHEN. in the end we decided to not wait very long and to start trying when our little one was just over a year old. i didn''t want to be too old when i had my kids (i will be 33 when this baby is born) and that was a huge factor in my decision making.

good luck with your decision janine!

Congrats!

I think your decision is in line with how it goes for most. That''s why I''m curious about those for who it is /was a question of "if". Because there is an assumption by many that everyone has 2 so the thought process is a bit different.

And 33 is young, lucky girl, although you will be busy with 2 under age of 2!!

Hope your 2nd pregnancy is going well so far