The Potty Training Thread.

[Tacori E-ring]

Re: Potty Training Experience

I am also in the thick of PTing. She does well and stays dry throughout the day but seems uncomfortable pooping in the toilet (she has actually ASKED for a diaper before) and she cannot hold her urine all night. We do the sticker method. She gets two stickers every time she goes potty. One for the chart and one for her hand (b/c she REALLY wanted one and her delayed gratification is not a strong suit for a toddler). Once she gets 10 she gets to pick out a toy. A great tip a friend gave me was to keep a little potty in my car. I have a cheap one from Ikea that is easy to clean.http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/70141228 My friend uses a bucket. Sometimes bathrooms are difficult to find so I just have her go in her potty and clean it out with wipes.

ETA: for T the smaller potty seats that fit on the regular toilet work best (and no cleaning for me so I am not complaining). We have one upstairs and one downstairs (she picked them out) and a stool in front of both toilets.

 

[TravelingGal]

Re: Potty Training Experience

I am also in the thick of PTing. She does well and stays dry throughout the day but seems uncomfortable pooping in the toilet (she has actually ASKED for a diaper before) and she cannot hold her urine all night. We do the sticker method. She gets two stickers every time she goes potty. One for the chart and one for her hand (b/c she REALLY wanted one and her delayed gratification is not a strong suit for a toddler). Once she gets 10 she gets to pick out a toy. A great tip a friend gave me was to keep a little potty in my car. I have a cheap one from Ikea that is easy to clean.http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/70141228 My friend uses a bucket. Sometimes bathrooms are difficult to find so I just have her go in her potty and clean it out with wipes.

ETA: for T the smaller potty seats that fit on the regular toilet work best (and no cleaning for me so I am not complaining). We have one upstairs and one downstairs (she picked them out) and a stool in front of both toilets.

That worked best for us too Tacori...we have the bjorn one that DT posted on the other thread for our big potty. The portable bjorn I'll throw into the car too. Someone told me I should carry plastic bags to go over the part of the seat that comes out on the portable, so it would be easy clean up, but I haven't tried that yet. Plus she seems to dislike the portable.

My friend's son was trained with the barebottomed method which took about a week with accidents every day. He will still not poo on the toilet. I wondered if it's because they trained him to pee standing up, and he doesn't have the patience to sit down to poo, but I'm not sure. Obviously potty training a boy is a bit different.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Re: Potty Training Experience

TGal, I didn't do the bare bottom method either. She loves wearing underwear so that is part of the motivation. She doesn't usually like the small potties either but something about peeing outside or in the trunk thrills her

 

[TravelingGal]

Re: Potty Training Experience

TGal, I didn't do the bare bottom method either. She loves wearing underwear so that is part of the motivation. She doesn't usually like the small potties either but something about peeing outside or in the trunk thrills her

LOL Tacori, I'll keep that in mind and try that with Amelia.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

We've been introducing PT'ing with James since he turned 2 in July. He loves to sit on the big toilet but has only gone pee in it one time - and that was over the weekend. He hates being in poopy diapers but doesn't tell you if he has to go pee. We aren't pushing it yet since he's not even 2.5 yet and we're scared that he'll regress once our daughter is born in January.

James regularly comes into the bathroom with either DH or me so he knows what to do - "big people go pee and poop on the toilet"; "wipe from front to back"; "pull up your pants, flush and wash your hands" - that sort of thing. He also gets a kick out of underwear in general, but hasn't shown any interest in wearing them. He loves pull-ups and sometimes he will wear one, but I think they're too absorbent so he doesn't really feel the wetness.

Moms of boys: how did you teach them to pee? Sitting down or standing up? MIL says she just put a stool in front of the regular toilet and had her boys (4 of them) pee standing up. James likes to sit on the potty, but I don't want him spraying all over the bathroom! When he went this weekend DH was in there with him and pointed his peenie down so it made it into the toilet. Our babysitter says that she prefers to have the little boys sit backwards on the toilet so they don't spray everywhere (sitting normally) or miss completely and pee on the floor (standing).

 

[Puppmom]

I'm so nervous about this! DD was super easy to train during the day but then wet the bed until she was 7! I felt so bad for her. She would come tell me and seemed SO disappointed in herself. I took her to the doctor who said because she's such a deep sleeper (you could seriously drop a bomb in her room and she wouldn't rouse!), it would take her a while to get the night thing down. Apparently, the bladder will only ask the brain to wake up so many times before it just takes care of business!

 

[lili]

TGal,
You are patient. Maybe we gave up too soon with J?
She had one accident and Daddy was ready to throw away her underwear.
He was afraid that she'll have an accident on the carpet and couch.

 

[qtiekiki]

I'll have to pick up some panties. I tried the Gerber training pants, and she has three accidents that day and I gave up thinking she isn't ready. After reading your stories, I think I just need to keep at it. M has peed and pooped plenty of time on the potty, and she is telling me when she needs to go. Just that sometimes she doesn't hold it until we get to the toilet. I've been telling her to hold it as we walk to the toilet, and that had been working. Maybe I just have to move to panties. Thanks for sharing.

 

[TravelingGal]

lili, I don't know too many 2 year olds who can get away with being trained without an accident, so I figured it was par for course. I also had those ultimate crib sheets and had Amelia sit on that for a day or two on the couch, just in case. If J is standing and peeing with clothes on, the clothes will soak it up, so you don't have to worry about that.

I don't know if J is ready, but I do know your girl is super fast at catching onto things...might want to give it a 3 day trial and see how it goes.

QT, sounds to me like Meena could be ready, as Amelia had 5 accidents in one day and the next day didn't have any.

 

[Pandora II]

Thanks for re-opening this thread!

Just wanted to add that I wouldn't think that Pull-up diapers would make much difference to a kid noticing anything, just to ability to take them on and off - I've had Daisy in them since she was 6 months and they're great for wriggly kids plus are much more leak proof than normal ones.

She'll take her own diaper off to go in the bath or shower or if she decides it's too wet - although I think this is because it's heavy rather than feeling wet.

I've noticed that she seems to be more aware of what is going on and that she'll sometimes tell me when she poops. She's also rather interested in what is in the diaper , she pooped the other day, put her hand in it and then came running over to ask me to wash her hands and change her - joy... but at least she didn't go and play with her toys or worse in the meantime!

My sister's daughter started using a potty before her evening bath from when she was a year old and was out of diapers completely by the time she was 2 so I am hoping D might be up for having a go soon.

We've got a potty so I might see what she thinks of putting Dee Dee the dolly on it tomorrow - with the doll do you add water btw?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Tessa just pooped on the potty!!!!! She went once before but it was a very small amount and I think she kinda panicked when it happened. It's been a few days so I was starting to get concerned. She told me her tummy hurt and then ran to the bathroom saying "I gotta poop! I gotta poop!" She must feel 100% better b/c she was sitting there for awhile. I kept remembering when Kate G (John & Kate + took a picture of her kid's first poop in the potty...let's just say this was NOT cute poop so I passed on that idea. T was very excited as were we. I had a prize ready for her which she LOVES and is currently singing to it. Overall I am hoping it was a positive experience so she goes again.

Q & Lili, I think it really helps to have your child pick out their underwear. T went right for the princess and fairy packs. She refuses to wear some other ones we have. Accidents are normal for years. T went 4 days dry (except night she still wears a diaper) and then had a random one today. They were playing outside at daycare and honestly she probably was so busy having fun she forgot to tell her teacher.

Pandora, I think that is 100% normal for them to be curious/proud regarding their poop. Their body made that and that's exciting for them. Completely part of normal child development.

 

[TravelingGal]

Whoo hoo Tessa! That's great Tacori, and so nice not to clean a poopy diaper eh?

Pandora, Amelia is very proud of her accomplishments too. She actually narrates "that's a big one. that's a small one." Kind of sick, but this is a potty training thread after all.

As for the doll, I used a large stuffed animal and Amelia's underpants that went with some infant dresses. I had a squirt bottle and wet the underwear to show she went in the underwear and when we put the animal on the potty, I squirted some water behind its back to make the noise. It honestly didn't matter...Amelia just wasn't interested.

 

[janinegirly]

Thanks tgal for you posts and re-opening this thread--it's a great help and fun to read (which is saying alot since we're talking about pee and poop). I think we will try PT soon as well. C has told me she peed and pooped for some time now. After pooping she immediately says "go upstairs and change diaper, smelly poo poo" lol. We have put her on the potty a few times but nothing but I haven't been consistent and we also have the portable one..I think the one over the toilet one might work better. C is very interested when we go to the toilet (even opens the lid etc) but I did have to laugh when Tgal mentioned rewarding Amelia with a flush--wouldn't work with C. She already goes in the toilet and flushes it despite my protests! She is deep in the phase of wanting to copy everything we do and help out, so maybe it's time to give it a shot. Not looking forward to accidents though!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

TGal, that's right! One less poopy diaper I'll have to change. It was very exciting for all of us. Of course now she is trying to poop every hour to get another toy.

Janine, i took a long time before T told me *after* she went to the bathroom to *before*. I do think around a certain age the feel starts to bother her.

 

[TravelingGal]

Well, after finding out today that they don't help wipe in preschool (I don't know why I didn't think of the fact that they wouldn't touch kiddie genitals, duh), I am finding I have to teach my daughter to wipe better. She has problems with wiping. The frontal approach just causes her to pat her front and drop the TP in the toilet. The rear approach isn't possible at this age. Practice makes perfect, so I have to guide her through it better...I've been pretty much doing the wiping myself for her.

Anyway, thought you would find this amusing...found it on the web. Who knew there could even be a debate on which way to approach wiping for women? I never knew!

http://www.thingamababy.com/baby/2008/05/potty.html

 

[vespergirl]

Hi everyone, I need some SERIOUS potty training HELP!!!

Andrew will be 4 next month, and has been regressing - he stopped pooing on the potty 6 months ago & won't start again.

Here's his history - he's been peeing on the potty since he was 2, and was completely pee-trained by 3. At 3 and a half, he was totally poo-trained. Never had any accidents, always peed & pooed on the potty. He was even dry through the night, and continues to have no accidents at night.

Then, I had Connor. Literally as soon as the baby came into the house, Andrew quit pooing on the potty (after a month of being completely trained). He starting pooing in his underwear, and then demanded Pull-Ups to poo in (he would wear underwear all the time except for the 5 minutes a day he needed to poo). I gave in, because I was taking care of a newborn by myself, and couldn't deal with washing poopy underwear every day.

I called the pediatrician, and she said it was normal for kids to regress when a new baby came home, so we should just not talk about it for a month (let him use the Pull-ups) and then try training him again. We tried when Connor was 1 month old, and then at 3, 5 & 5 months old, no dice.

Now that Connor is turning 6 months old, we have finally have had enough. We had an intensive training session this weekend, threw the Pull-ups in the trash, and he hasn't pooed since Friday - he's witholding, but DH is insisting that we don't give him Pull-ups. If we put underwear on him in the house, he hides & tries to poo in them, so we sit him on the toilet, and then he witholds & says he doesn't have to go, so we just keep him naked in the house (he has never had an accident or pooed outside our house).

The problem is that we never trained him when he originally was poo-trained at 3 and a half. One day he just walked over to the toilet, pooed in it, and then came and told me. He just decided to do it on his own. All the techniques & bribes we had used before that never worked - he just did it when he decided to. So, we have no technique to use that worked before - I think that we just have to wait for him to decide to do it again.

However, my DH is adamant that this regression has gone on long enough (6 months!!!) and he is insisting that I don't give in & give Andrew Pull-ups. My brother also says that from his experience with his son, if we don't give in & don't give him a Pull-up he will eventually go on the toilet. But it's been 3 days!

Does anyone have any advice for me? The positive reinforcement & rewards haven't worked for our son. Do we get into punishment like taking away privileges & time outs? We have tried everything else. I am at the end of my rope - please help me!

 

[TravelingGal]

Vesper, I would imagine that your brother is right...but boy, that doesn't sound healthy to put a kid through...3 days!

I don't know anything about regressions, but thought maybe if this happened when Connor came into his life, perhaps what he would love is some 1 on 1 with mommy? Maybe you can tell him that if he goes poo, he can do X activity with mommy (or daddy), just the two of you with no baby.

I'm all for consequences generally, but I think that time outs or punishment for not pooping on the potty would make it more stressful and unhappy than it already is. Since you know he can poo on the potty, it seems to me that the key would be finding the right incentive to jump start him back to the loo again.

If you truly can't find an incentive, then maybe consequence based parenting would work, instead of a time out. Just let him poo in his underwear. Show disappointment just by telling him poo poo goes into the potty. Then just change him and move on. The next thing he wants you to do, just calmly say no, I'm sorry, but there will be no X today because mommy wanted him to poo poo on the potty and he poo'd in his underwear. Perhaps next time he can poo poo in the potty, and then he can do/get X.

But I'd totally try everything to find the incentive first!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I would not punish but I would not give him a pull-up. He will either go in the toilet or have an accident in his underwear. Hopefully he won't like how that feels on his own w/o you shaming or guilting him. Tell him pull-ups don't come in his size but I would empathize with his w/o giving in. "Sorry buddy, I know you really like pull-ups but now that you are x years old, they don't make them anymore. I am sure you will figure out how to solve this." Give him confidence and compassion.

 

[fieryred33143]

Just curious-how did you ladies know it was time to potty train? Was it an age or certain behaviors?

 

[vespergirl]

Everyone, thanks for your replies!

Tgal, my brother's kid waited 7 DAYS before finally giving in and pooing. My sister in law was about to cave and give him the Pullup, but their ped said that he would eventuall go, and he did, and was totally potty trained from that day on. Still, though, I can't imagine waiting that long, because Andrew has been complaining that his stomach hurts since last night ...

That's a good idea about 1 on 1 time with me - we will try that. Right now we've been using going to the driving range with DH (which he loves), and DH didn't take him this weekend because he didn't go. He also didn't get to play any Wii this weekend (which he usually does with DH). We were matter of fact about it, saying that we were sorry he wasn't allowed to do those things, but he had to poo in the potty first. He is disappointed, but then he says, no, that's OK, he still doesn't want to poo in the potty.

The incentives have gotten to crazy spoiling bribery stage. When he was first trained, we told him that the Poo Fairy would bring him a bowling set (he really wanted one) when he pooed. So, the first time he did, we celebrated, he got the bowling set, everything was great.

After a week of him going in his pants when the baby came home, DH took away the bowling set & said the poo fairy would bring it back when he pooed in the potty. At this point, we also told him that the poo fairy would take him to the bowling alley AND bring him a bike (both of which he wants despreately), but none of the incentives are working anymore. He hates candy & doesn't really like to eat, so food incentives don't work for him, and he wasn't thrilled with the sticker chart.

I really don't spend much one-on-one time with him though (we always have the baby with us) so maybe that will do the trick. I will offer that incentive today and see if he goes for it ...

Tacori, that's a great idea to say that they don't make Pullups in his size anymore - I will try that too.

FIery, I just started putting Andrew on the potty to pee when he was 2, and he took to it right away. He wouldn't even think about pooing on the potty until he was 3 and a half, though, so we just waited until he said he was ready. Now I'm wishing that we had started that sooner ...

 

[TravelingGal]

Just curious-how did you ladies know it was time to potty train? Was it an age or certain behaviors?

Fiery, I really didn't know, which I think I mentioned in my report. But I knew I wanted to potty train her at a younger age vs an older age. But not too young. Ha, I'm being a help, aren't I?

I just figured older = more able to rationalize and be stubborn. Younger meant that communication might not be as easy. I felt around 2.5 was a good age, and as that was the age that we came back from our vacation, it seemed a good a time as any to ramp up and try it. The motor skills for Amelia were there as well. At 2.5, Amelia is also still very much into pleasing mommy, which I figured would help.

Amelia wasn't interested in sitting on the potty. But as I said, she WAS interested in underwear. I really liked the approach we took...her choice on whether she wanted to wear them, but if she wore them, she had to keep them dry. And I also liked that we trained on pee and poo at the same time. The one thing I knew that I wanted (although I wasn't sure if I was going to get it) is that I really wanted to be short and not drag out, therefore I definitely wanted to train for both at the same time.

Honestly, I think we just got a little lucky that she managed to learn how to do #1 and #2 in the short time period. I have heard many kids being trained for one, but refusing to do the other for several months.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Fiery,
Jas12 posted a good website with hints the child may be ready. I was pretty much opposite TGal. I did NOT want to push it. I think more harm comes than good to push anyone to do something before they are ready. Her teacher was the one who really pushed me. She was mostly potty trained at school so it was silly for her to be in diapers at home. Once I got on board she was trained really quickly. She still wears diapers at night though. She just cannot hold it for 11 hours yet. We have to put underwear on over though b/c it upsets her to wear a diaper now. She goes both 1 and 2 in the potty and I think it is luck that she will go 2! Some of her friends refuse.

 

[TravelingGal]

Fiery,
Jas12 posted a good website with hints the child may be ready. I was pretty much opposite TGal. I did NOT want to push it. I think more harm comes than good to push anyone to do something before they are ready. Her teacher was the one who really pushed me. She was mostly potty trained at school so it was silly for her to be in diapers at home. Once I got on board she was trained really quickly. She still wears diapers at night though. She just cannot hold it for 11 hours yet. We have to put underwear on over though b/c it upsets her to wear a diaper now. She goes both 1 and 2 in the potty and I think it is luck that she will go 2! Some of her friends refuse.

Huh? I thought the point I was trying to make was that I don't believe in pushing it? I wasn't interested in potty training her since diapers were fine by me. She asked if she could wear panties and I let her, provided she could keep them dry. I am NOT a believer in pushing a kid to train!

ETA, I should add that I do think 2.5 is a nice age to give it a crack (answering fiery's question) so that's why we were gearing up to try, but I would have been OK waiting. Amelia didn't seem ready, but she wanted to wear panties, so we rolled with it.

 

[softly softly]

Vesper, first of all I want to send you a big hug because I know how stressful toilet training issues can be, especially when you are also caring for a baby.

I went through a similar, but more severe issue with my son when he was younger. Like your son, he also started withholding his poo when his sister was born, but as he was only 18 months at the time and not toilet trained we were never sure if it was a conscious choice or merely the result of constipation, so there was little more we could do other than try and increase his fibre and fluid intake. As time wore on and we started toilet training just before he turned 3 it became clear that his reluctance to poo was as much an emotional issue as it was a physical one. Toilet training, which was almost instant for wee really only exacerbated his issue with bowel movements as he started holding it in for ever increasing periods of time, eventually only releasing it in his sleep. Like your son he was impervious to any form of incentive (it got to the point were I would have gladly signed over all our assets to him in order to get him to go) and I still have bad memories of both my husband and myself BEGGING him to go while he continued to steadfastly refuse despite the awful discomfort caused by holding it in.

It was awful watching how much pain he put himself through and it was even worse not being able to do anything about it. We went to the doctor several times (in Australia paediatricians require a referral from a G.P and where I live can often be hard to access.), I spoke to a psychologist, but nothing seemed to help because my son was determined that he did not want to poo and nothing we said or did could convince him otherwise. Thankfully 18 months ago when he was 4.5 he did a complete 180 and decided to start pooing on the toilet and has been fine ever since. I couldn't say for sure what caused his turnaround, but I definitely think that the fact his sister was toilet training at the time helped because he started to see that the positive attention gained by going to the toilet was more satisfying than the attention he was getting by holding it in. Going to preschool and seeing other children using the toilet to poo, and his growing awareness of what was normal and expected behaviour probably also helped.

For what it is worth, my advice would be to not get into a stand off with your son over this. I realise that it is frustrating to have him regress, but trust me you really don't want him to get into a pattern of holding it in because not only is it unhealthy, it can also be self-perpetuating as it may cause him to see the process as being painful. My guess would be that it is about control for him - there are so few things that toddlers and small children can control and this is one thing that definitely commands parental attention. He has already proven that he is willing to go above and beyond to hold his ground so I don't really see how punishing him or withholding treats is going to work as I suspect that in his mind the pay off from holding his poo and the attention he receives as a result is greater than any reward you could offer or privilege you could take away.

I think the suggestion of some one on one time is great if you are able to do it, who knows he may even open up and talk to you about why he has decided he doesn't want to poop on the toilet any more. Also I found with my son that exposure to his peer group was far more effective in altering his attitude towards using the toilet. I think the thought that his friends were able to poop on the toilet, as was his sister really struck home in a way that our cajoling and threatening just wasn't and couldn't because he had reached an age where the desire to be like his friends was greater than the benefit he got (extra attention and maintenance of control) from resisting.

I don't know how much help any of his has been Vesper, but most of all I just want to say hang in there! As with all things toddler, this too shall pass (no pun intended).

 

[fieryred33143]

Thanks ladies!

I asked because S has been announcing when she is about to poop and then running off to a corner to go poop then letting us know when she's done. My mom thinks we should start PTing but IMO it's way too early. She does have a potty in the bathroom and I take her in with me but she doesn't have any interest in doing anything in the potty besides throw stuff inside

 

[Tacori E-ring]

opps, I misread TGal! Sorry. I thought I read you said younger was better and I believe older is better but then realized I just misread it all together.

 

[TravelingGal]

opps, I misread TGal! Sorry. I thought I read you said younger was better and I believe older is better but then realized I just misread it all together.

No problem...I was confused as I thought we were on the same page! And yes, I prefer a little older, but how much older, who's to say. I think when their communication is good, it's easier.

 

[lili]

Fiery--
Just a thought, you could try one of those potty that goes over the toilet.
She may be more inclined to sit on it after seeing you go.

 

[vespergirl]

Softly, thanks so much for your detailed reply. It really made me feel much better to know I'm not the only one who is going through these issues. I'm afraid that the peer pressure thing hasn't worked yet, because he's in preschool & all his friends are completely trained, and when I told him that, he said, "Well, then this will be our secret, right Mommy?"

I talked to him about the two of us having a special date (without the baby or DH) when he poos in the potty, and he seems to be unmoved ...

I also know that it's not a constipation issue, because when I was giving him Pullups, he would just tell me it was time to poo & would get a Pullup, put it on, and two minutes later he was asking me to change him. He regularly goes twice a day, so the fact that it's been so many days has me really worried. He's been wearing underwear, but he won't go in them now either. He hasn't asked for a Pullup, he just says that he's afraid to go now ...

Now he hasn't pooed since Saturday, and I want to give him a Pullup tomorrow, because he's miserable. I'm also afraid that now that he's held it for so many days, it will be painful if he goes on the potty, and I don't want it to be traumatic when he finally does go. DH is upset that I want to give him a Pullup, so I'm going to call the ped tomorrow & see what she suggests.

He just keeps refusing to go, and I know he's in pain, so I don't know if I give in it just shows him that he wins (what DH thinks) but I'm also so concerned that he could actually get sick if he doesn't go ...

Aargh! I am anxious to see what the pediatrician says tomorrow ...

 

[TravelingGal]

Softly, thanks so much for your detailed reply. It really made me feel much better to know I'm not the only one who is going through these issues. I'm afraid that the peer pressure thing hasn't worked yet, because he's in preschool & all his friends are completely trained, and when I told him that, he said, "Well, then this will be our secret, right Mommy?"

I talked to him about the two of us having a special date (without the baby or DH) when he poos in the potty, and he seems to be unmoved ...

I also know that it's not a constipation issue, because when I was giving him Pullups, he would just tell me it was time to poo & would get a Pullup, put it on, and two minutes later he was asking me to change him. He regularly goes twice a day, so the fact that it's been so many days has me really worried. He's been wearing underwear, but he won't go in them now either. He hasn't asked for a Pullup, he just says that he's afraid to go now ...

Now he hasn't pooed since Saturday, and I want to give him a Pullup tomorrow, because he's miserable. I'm also afraid that now that he's held it for so many days, it will be painful if he goes on the potty, and I don't want it to be traumatic when he finally does go. DH is upset that I want to give him a Pullup, so I'm going to call the ped tomorrow & see what she suggests.

He just keeps refusing to go, and I know he's in pain, so I don't know if I give in it just shows him that he wins (what DH thinks) but I'm also so concerned that he could actually get sick if he doesn't go ...

Aargh! I am anxious to see what the pediatrician says tomorrow ...

Vesper, keep us posted. I hope he goes soon, poor thing. I bet you will never be so glad to see poo in your life.....